by Wilder, L.
“I’m willing to take that chance, besides … the damage is already done. I want her, brother. Nothing I won’t do to have her.”
“Suit yourself,” he said, then his expression grew fierce. “But you fuck this up—you hurt her or Harper, and you’ll have to deal with me.”
I looked him directly in the eye as I replied, “Understood.”
“I’ve always thought a lot of you. You’re like a son to me, Gunner. Don’t fuck that up.”
“I won’t. You have my word.”
“Good.” He motioned his hand in August’s direction. “Now, it looks like you have some business to tend to. Wouldn’t want Hawk thinking she was free for the taking.”
“Yeah, I have every intention of setting him straight.”
When he saw Samantha walk out of the bar and head down the hall towards her room, he downed his shot, then stood up. “I’ve got some business to tend to myself.”
CHAPTER 12
August
I’d been in the bar for just under an hour, and Hawk had been talking to me the entire time. He was a nice enough guy, charming and handsome. He was tall with pretty green eyes and blond hair. I had no doubt that plenty of women would love his undivided attention, but there was only one person I wanted to spend my time with. Unfortunately, he was at the bar with Gus and the others, and he hadn’t even seemed to have noticed that I was in the room. I wanted to think that it was because he was just busy helping his brothers find a way to save my life, but something told me it was more than that. He’d been distant since the moment Gus and the others showed up at the Sinners’ clubhouse, and the fact that he hadn’t said a word to me since breakfast had me wondering if there was something more going on. I would’ve tried asking him about it, but between him talking with Gus, and Hawk hovering over me, I hadn’t gotten the chance. I glanced over in Cade’s direction, and when I found him staring at me, I couldn’t help but smile. Sadly, that was all that became of our little interaction because Hawk started talking again.
“Since you live here in the city, we should get together some time. I could take you out for a ride on my Harley.”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty busy with work and Harper.”
“Surely, you can slip away for a couple of hours,” he pushed. “Have you ever even been on a motorcycle?”
“No. Can’t say that I have,” I admitted.
“Then, you gotta let me take ya. I know you’ll love it.”
I didn’t want to be rude, especially considering the fact that he and his brothers were helping with the situation with David, but the guy just wasn’t taking the hint. I feigned a smile and replied, “You’re very sweet to offer, but like I said earlier, I’m really busy.”
“It’s just a ride, August.”
I hadn’t realized that Cade had come up behind us until I heard him say, “She gave you her answer, brother.”
“You got a problem with me asking the lady to take a ride?” Hawk asked.
“As a matter of fact, I do.” Cade’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Hawk and said, “The lady is taken.”
“That’s funny.” Hawk glared back at Cade as he snarled, “I don’t see a fucking ring on her finger or a patch on her back.”
“Look, brother. I don’t want a problem, but you keep going with this and we’re gonna have one.”
Hawk took a step towards him with a menacing look and asked, “Is that right?”
“Yeah, that’s right.” Even though Hawk was bigger than him, Cade didn’t back down. He didn’t look away or seem frightened in the least. Instead, he looked like he was ready to rip Hawk in two. “Trust me when I say, you don’t wanna go there with me.”
“Okay, boys. You can stop this right now ’cause I’m not impressed with this whole ‘who’s the bigger badass’ thing you two have going on.” I was tired and in no mood to watch these two fight over me like I was some stupid prize. “In fact, I find this whole thing ridiculous. I’m going to bed.”
Leaving them both dumbfounded, I turned and walked out of the bar. Even though I wasn’t sure why, I was practically fuming as I headed down the hall. It didn’t make any sense. I liked Cade. I liked him a lot. In fact, over the past few days, I’d actually started to fall for him, which is something I never expected to happen. After my tumultuous relationship with David, I’d decided that I couldn’t go through that again and had sworn off men. Sure, there were moments when I had my doubts, especially when I was around couples or when I was lying in bed alone—night after night. But I didn’t have to worry about being lied to or mistreated. I figured if I ever considered dating again, it would be with a super sweet guy that worked in an office, like an accountant or engineer. The guy wouldn’t be all that handsome, just an average Joe, but he would be good to me and Harper. I never once dreamed I would fall for a hot biker who took down mobsters and God knows what else. It was at that moment when I realized how little I actually knew about what went on in that motorcycle club. I was busy thinking about what I’d add to the list of different things I needed to discuss with Cade when I finally made it to my door. As I was about to step inside, I heard Gus’s voice coming from my mother’s room and he didn’t sound happy. In fact, he sounded downright pissed.
Curious, I stepped closer to her door and heard him shout, “Why didn’t you just have the decency to tell me that I wasn’t who you wanted?”
“I did want you, Gus. I wanted you more than anything in this world,” Mom cried. “You just don’t understand. You’ll never know how hard it was for me to walk away.”
“Then, why don’t you explain it to me, because that note you left on my pillow twenty-five years ago didn’t tell me a damn thing!” he roared. “I went to bed thinking we had a good thing. Woke up to you gone, and I never even knew why. You got any idea what that does to a man, Samantha? When you rip their heart out and don’t even tell them why?”
“I didn’t have a choice, Gus. I knew if I stayed and told you what was going on, you would’ve tried to convince me to stay. You would’ve tried to work it out, but there was no way that could’ve happened. My mother would’ve ruined you, and you would’ve ended up hating me. I couldn’t let that happen,” she tried to explain.
“Your mother? What the hell does she have to do with you leaving?”
“It’s a long story,” Mom clipped.
“Under the circumstances, I think I deserve to hear it, don’t you?” Gus pushed.
“Fine. I’ll tell you, but you aren’t going to like what I have to say.” She paused for a moment, then started, “You might remember that my father was campaigning for governor when we were seeing each other. He’d made a lot of sacrifices to get to that point in his career. We all had. The media was watching his every move, and not just his. They were watching us all, so when my mother found out that we were together, she was furious with me. She thought it would hurt my father’s reputation if his daughter was seeing a biker. I tried to explain to her that you were a good man and I loved you, but she wouldn’t listen. I know it sounds ridiculous, but she was adamant that I end things and was furious when I refused.”
“You never told me that she felt that way.”
“I didn’t think it mattered. I loved you and wanted to be with you. I didn’t care what she thought or what the media thought.” My heart ached for them both as I heard Mom say, “I thought, in time, she would learn to accept our relationship, but that didn’t happen. Instead, she found a way to make sure we could never be together.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“She had someone watching you.” The room fell silent for a moment, and then Mom continued, “It was a long time ago. I’m not sure if you remember, but you were having some troubles with the club. You wouldn’t tell me what those problems were, but I knew they were bad. I just didn’t know how bad.”
“You’re gonna have to give me more than that, Samantha.”
“The guy … he had a video of you and the guys at some warehouse. I have to admit, I was sur
prised by what I saw on that video. You never shared that part of your life with me.” She inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It was hard to see everything, but there was a lot of gunfire. It showed you shooting a man. And not only you. Moose, T-Bone … were all involved in the shooting. Together, you killed six men, but you didn’t stop there. You also burned down the warehouse to cover your tracks. It’s all on that video. Mom threatened to take that video to police if I didn’t stop seeing you.”
“Fuck.”
“I knew if I told you about it, you’d say you didn’t care … that we’d find a way to work it out. But I knew my mother, Gus. She’d made up her mind that she didn’t want us together, and with her and my father’s connections, she would’ve made it impossible for us to keep seeing one another.” My mother’s voice was filled with anguish as she said, “You would’ve ended up in jail. You and your brothers. You would’ve lost everything you worked so hard to build, and they would’ve blamed you for it. They would’ve known that your connection to me cost them their freedom and everything they cared about. I couldn’t let that happen. I loved you too much.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“What difference would it have made? The end result would’ve been the same,” she replied. “At least, this way you were able to have your life. Your club. Your brothers.”
“But I didn’t have you … and I didn’t have my daughter!”
“You know about August?”
“Her birthday … her name. Yeah, it didn’t take much to connect the dots. The fucked-up part of all this? I would have never known I even had a daughter if Harper hadn’t been in danger.”
“I think that’s one of the reasons I sent her to you … I was hoping that you would find out. That the truth would finally come out.”
“That’s one hell of a way for the truth to come out. Not only do I find out that I have daughter, but also a granddaughter, and that she was missing. You got any idea what that did to me?” I couldn’t believe my ears. I was such an idiot. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t figured it out sooner. All the clues were there. They were like a huge flashing sign saying that I was Gus’s daughter, and I totally missed it. Now I understood why he freaked out that day I showed up at the clubhouse. I couldn’t imagine what he must’ve thought—what he was still thinking. It was too much to comprehend. I could hear his footsteps as he paced back and forth across the room. “Twenty-four years I’ve missed with her. Three years without my granddaughter. That’s time I will never get back!”
“Gus … you have to understand. I did what I thought was best for all of us. I was trying to protect you, and when I found out I was pregnant, my parents pushed me to marry Denis. He knew I didn’t love him, but because he thought so much of my father, he went along with my mother’s wishes … pretended that August was his own.” Her voice grew soft as she told him, “We had a good life, but he always knew my heart belonged to another. That never changed, and when my parents died, his commitment to me died along with them.”
“And yet … you still didn’t come to me. You kept your secrets all to yourself. You didn’t even tell August the truth. Made her think that piece of shit Denis Rayburn was her father. You’ve lied to her all these years just like you did to me!”
“I know. I know all of this, Gus. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I lied to her, and I kept you both apart for so long,” Mom cried. “I just didn’t know what to do. By the time my parents died, too much time had gone by. I didn’t know how I was supposed to tell you. It was easier just to pretend that the lie was real.”
“Easier for who? You? Me … August? Exactly, who was it easier for, because where I stand, you were the one who had it easy.”
“You might think that, but you’re wrong. None of this was easy for me. Every time I looked at August, all I could see was you. Your eyes. Your smile. Your hair. Even your stubborn spirit. These little pieces of you were a constant reminder of what I’d left behind, and I had to see them every day of my life.”
“But you still had her. You got to be there … to be a part of her life. Do you got any idea what I would’ve given to be there? To see how beautiful you looked carrying our child. To watch her grow in your belly. To see her the day she was born?” His voice was filled with heartache and anger, and I could feel the tears streaming down my face as I listened to him say, “I would’ve given the world to see that girl grow up, to be a part of her life, but you took that from me. You say you did what you thought was best for all of us, but you were wrong, Samantha. I should’ve been there. August should’ve had a father who loved her, not just some fucking fill-in your mother chose.”
“And how were you going to be that kind of father to her if you were behind bars? That would’ve been no kind of life for you or for her. You can blame me all you want, but the truth remains … My mother would’ve made sure you and your brothers spent your life in prison if I didn’t walk away. Don’t you get that!”
I was furious with my mother for lying to me and for lying to Gus. She’d robbed us both of a real relationship, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to truly forgive her for that. But at the same time, I understood why she’d done it. While I’d always cared about her, I knew how my grandmother could be. She expected nothing but the best from my mother and others around her, and there would be hell to pay if she didn’t get it. She was demanding and often cruel, always going for the jugular whenever she didn’t get her way. I had no doubt that she would’ve used that video to put Gus and his brothers behind bars, especially if it meant getting my mother away from Gus. I remember those nights when I heard my mother crying herself to sleep, but I never understood why she was so upset. Now I knew the truth.
My heart ached for Gus when he said, “Maybe, but at least then I would’ve known the truth. I would’ve known why you’d left … why you’d kept my child from me. I wouldn’t have spent the last twenty-five years thinking that I wasn’t what you wanted, that you didn’t love me the way I loved you.”
“I loved you with all my heart and soul, Gus. I loved you more than I thought was humanly possible, that’s why I did what I did! I sacrificed everything … my happiness, my chance at love, the life I wanted, so you could have those things. I loved you that much!” She started to sob as she said, “If you want to tear me down and make me pay for the choices I’ve made, you can rest easy because I’ve suffered plenty. I spent my entire life loving a man I couldn’t have.”
“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Samantha.”
“I don’t want you to say anything, Gus. I just want you to understand why I did what I did. I made my mistakes. I know I did. I know there is so much wrong with this whole situation, but I gave up everything for you. I never loved another. Never had more children because I couldn’t bear the thought of carrying another man’s child. I only wanted you, and I had to spend every day and night knowing that I’d lost you. It was hell, Gus. It still is. I’ve never stopped loving you. Even now, I still have all those same feelings for you, and I don’t know what to do with that. In my mind, I know I can’t change what I’ve done, that we can never go back, but my heart still longs for you.”
“Dammit, Samantha.” There was a moment of silence and I thought Gus was about to waver, but then he said, “I can’t do this. I just can’t.”
He started storming towards the door, and before I had a chance to slip back into my room, he appeared in the hall. His eyes locked on mine, and I had no doubt that he could tell that I was crying. Knowing that I’d overheard his conversation with my mother, he stepped towards me and was about to say something when I held up my hand, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m sorry, Gus, but I can’t talk about this right now. It’s all too much. I need some time to wrap my head around it.”
He nodded. “I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
With that, he turned to leave. I was left sobbing in the hallway alone, heartbroken and utterly confused, and to make matters worse, I could hear my mo
ther crying in her room. We were both a mess, and as much as I wanted to go and console her, I just couldn’t do it. I was too mixed up in the head to take on her grief with mine. I started for my door but stopped when I remembered that Harper was sleeping soundly in my bed. Knowing she’d sense that I was upset, I knew I had to collect myself before I went inside. I was wiping the tears from my eyes when I heard Cade say, “August … are you okay?”
“No,” I admitted. “I’m not okay.”
“Is this about earlier in the bar?”
“No. This has nothing to do with that.” I turned and looked at him. “I mean, we should probably talk about that. Just not right now. Right now, I can’t even think straight.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Oh, nothing much … I just overheard Gus talking to my mother. If you could call it that. There was more shouting than actual talking, but basically, I just found out that my whole life was a lie.”
“I’m not sure I’m following.”
“I just found out that Gus is my father.”
Without responding, he took my hand and led me into his room. After he closed the door, he wrapped his arms around me and just held me. Nothing more. Nothing less. It was exactly what I needed.
CHAPTER 13
Gunner
As usual, Gus’s gut was right. He knew from the start that August was his daughter. He just needed to confirm his suspicions with Samantha. I hated that August had to find out the way she did, but I was glad the truth was finally out. I knew it would take some time, but August was strong. I had no doubt that she’d find a way to get through this, and I would be there to make sure that she did. As she sobbed against my chest, I didn’t speak. I just held her, gave her the time she needed to collect herself, and after several moments, she looked up at me and said, “I can’t believe my mother never told me.”
“I’m sure she had her reasons.”
“Oh, yeah, she definitely had her reasons.”