“No meds,” Zachary said eventually. “I’m feeling a little... anxious.”
Kenzie rubbed her eyes. She was going to suggest that it would be okay for him to take one of his anti-anxiety pills when she suddenly realized. When he said no meds, he meant no meds. Raven had confiscated everything and put it into the safe. Whoever had broken into the safe had taken the meds, hiding or disposing of them, and leaving people like Zachary and Raven who depended on them to get through the day with nothing. They had both kept a dose of night meds and of morning meds, and had expected to be able to have more dispensed the next day as they needed them. But the day had come and gone, and they were left with nothing.
Kenzie sat up, swearing as the realization hit. She pushed off the cozy blankets and rubbed Zachary’s back and shoulders. “I didn’t even think about that. I’m so sorry! What can I do?”
“Nothing. I’m just going to have to... take a med holiday. I’ve done that before. No big deal.”
But she knew it was a big deal. It was always a big deal. And several of the meds he was on were not supposed to be discontinued cold turkey. He was supposed to cut down on them under a doctor’s supervision, not just to stop taking them. She rubbed his neck, trying to loosen the knots of the muscles he was holding so tightly.
“What about... what other things would help? Dr. B. has given you relaxation exercises before. Meditation, progressive relaxation...? How about that?”
“I’ve been trying to relax.”
“With her exercises?”
His head ticked to the side. Not quite a nod or a head-shake. Sort of a diagonal. Which Kenzie interpreted as I tried.
“How about... a soak in the hot tub.” Kenzie suggested it before thinking it through, then laughed at herself. “Except with no heat, it is more like one of those polar bear dips. Sorry. What about exercise? Or a drink?”
“Yeah.” A definite nod this time. Zachary usually avoided alcohol because of the contraindications with several of his meds. But if he had no way to take the meds, there was no reason he couldn’t have a drink or two to help him to relax.
“Yeah? Why don’t we both have a drink? Go relax by the heater and toast our feet for a while.” Kenzie’s feet were cold, even with the blankets and socks on. It wasn’t quite like staring into a crackling fire, but the heater would keep them cozy and warm. Burknall had replaced the propane tank before bedding down for the night. Always thinking about his guests and their needs. Kenzie shook her head over thinking that he was too gruff and bad-tempered the first day there. No matter how crusty his exterior was, he was just the right man for the job of keeping things up and making sure the guests were comfortable and happy.
Zachary nodded his head. “That sounds really good.”
“Okay, come on. Quickly, because I don’t want my feet to freeze between here and there.”
She grabbed Zachary by the hand and they skittered like a couple of squirrels over the cold floors to the rug in front of the fireplace where it was nice and toasty. Kenzie threw cushions and blankets on the floor so they could make a nest for themselves, and Zachary went over to the liquor cabinet.
Kenzie wrapped herself up, getting comfortable.
“What do you want?” Zachary asked, shining a pen light into the cabinet.
“I’m not really picky. I’ll have a glass of whatever is in there.”
She heard bottles clinking and liquid sloshing.
“Kenz?”
Kenzie looked over at him, detecting worry in his voice. “What is it?”
“Did you have something already? I mean, since we got here?”
“No.” It was sort of a strange question. Kenzie propped herself up on her elbow, looking over at him. The pen light cast just enough light for her to see the outline of his face. “Why?”
“Because... I looked when we got here. Just to see what there was. And... more than one of the bottles are lower than they were when we got here.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
Zachary fingered the bottles. “If I didn’t have any, and you didn’t have any...” He turned his head toward the bedroom where Tyrrell slept with the children.
Tyrrell. Recovering alcoholic. Snowbound and in close quarters with the children, stressed out trying to handle a wild eight-year-old twenty-four hours a day. One who had disappeared completely for a while.
Kenzie shook her head. “Tyrrell? You don’t think so, do you? He wouldn’t.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but... it must be pretty stressful.”
“Yeah. I was just thinking that.”
“Raven was here. She might have had a drink.”
“Yeah. For sure. She was drinking like everyone else when we were up at the house together,” Kenzie agreed. “And what about Pat and Lorne? They might have had something while they were here.”
“Mr. Peterson doesn’t really drink very much,” Zachary said doubtfully. “Just on special occasions, a glass now and then.”
“And it was a special occasion. It was Thanksgiving with his family. There isn’t a lot missing, is there?”
Zachary considered. “No,” he said finally. “Not a lot. Maybe a couple of drinks each, Raven, and Pat, and Lorne. Maybe.” The bottles clinked again.
“Well, there’s no point in worrying about it tonight. Pour us each a drink, and we’ll see if we can relax for a bit.”
Drinking wasn’t really going to help relax him if he was worried that his alcoholic brother was hitting the bottle again. But maybe the suggestion that the others had helped themselves to moderate portions would help. He could deny that Tyrrell had had anything to drink, at least for a while, until they had to confront him about it.
Zachary didn’t say anything. He poured a couple of glasses and brought one over to Kenzie. She sipped hers. A red wine. Something pleasant. She was no connoisseur. Didn’t have a clue what the vintage was. But it went down easily.
“Come cuddle with me.” She held up a blanket for Zachary to slide under. “I’ll see if there’s any way I can help you to relax...”
Zachary got comfortable next to her, but she could still feel his tension. Kenzie had another sip of her wine and set it to the side. She couldn’t see much in the dark and was afraid she was going to knock it over if they moved too much.
“I can’t see you.”
Zachary took his pen light out of his pocket again and turned it on. He pointed it at his face, at hers, and then eventually set it on the couch behind them so that it shone toward them and shed its dim glow on both of their faces. The battery wouldn’t last long if they left it on, but Kenzie wanted to be able to see Zachary’s face. She needed to be able to see his eyes and read any changes in mood.
“Much better.”
60
Kenzie leaned over to kiss Zachary gently.
He was distracted to begin with. Thinking about Tyrrell and the liquor cabinet. Thinking about having to go the next night and maybe a couple more days without any chemical assistance. Thinking about what had gone on up at the house and their agreement to see whether they could make any headway on it again in the morning. But after a few minutes of kissing and teasing, he started to focus on her, his body losing some of the tension and his face smoothing over. He still looked cadaverous in the strange lighting from the pen light, but the deeper ridges disappeared.
“This is what we needed,” Kenzie told him. “Some time just to get away and get to know each other again.”
“Mmm-hm.”
Kenzie smiled, feeling the planes of her face against his shifting in the darkness. “We haven’t had much time alone.”
He broke away from her for a moment to speak. “You’re the one who invited other people along.”
“Well... I suppose I did. I didn’t expect us to get stranded together. I thought a day or two with everybody, and then some alone time for you and me...”
“Uh-huh.” He kissed her again. She could feel his fingers exploring under the blanket. Tentative, but inter
ested. His body hadn’t released all the tension, but she could work on that. She pulled him closer and just held him for a few minutes, glad for their shared warmth and the blankets and heater, but mostly for his eagerness. For a long time, they had been dealing with his dissociation during intimate moments, and with meds that, while they took the edge off of his worst anxieties and compulsions, also reduced his drive. The combination of the two was brutal, but couples therapy was helping, and they were finding more moments together without Zachary dissociating or withdrawing.
Kenzie tried to focus one hundred percent of her attention on him, pushing all the other concerns and worries away, for just a few minutes.
“Do you mind if I turn the light off?”
Kenzie shifted, opening her eyes a bare slit to remind herself where she was. In the cabin with Zachary. Enjoying some couples time in front of the heater. She was glad that Tyrrell had eventually been able to get Mason to sleep for the night.
“Yes,” she whispered back to Zachary. “Go ahead.”
He switched off the pen light and put it back down. Neither of them had made any move to get dressed again, so Zachary didn’t have a pocket to put it into. Kenzie was barely even awake. She ran her fingertips along Zachary’s arm. “Nice.”
“It was,” he agreed.
Maybe there was something to be said for a med holiday, or at least a reduction. If Zachary could make do with less medication, maybe they could have a drink together and some other recreation more often.
“You feeling better?”
He shifted, snuggling her body closer to his. Not that they could get much closer. His muscles were much more relaxed than they had been. “Yeah. better.”
“We’ll have to add it to your relaxation tools.”
He chuckled, his breath giving her goosebumps for a moment. Kenzie rubbed her arms and laughed. She felt like everything that had happened on the holiday had been leading up to this. It had all turned out better than she had expected.
She closed her eyes again, breathing in the smell of Zachary’s body against hers.
When she awoke again, everything was wrong. Zachary was moving around frantically, muttering and sobbing, searching through the blankets for something. Kenzie reached out her hand to him and tried to quiet him.
“It’s just a dream, Zach. It’s okay.”
“No, no, no! It’s not a dream. Look! Look for yourself!”
Kenzie tried again to press him down and calm him. “You had a dream. It’s okay. Let’s cuddle some more.” She rubbed her eyes. “Do you want to go back to the bed? Maybe you’d be able to settle down better there.”
“No!” He said it firmly, almost angrily. “You’re the one who needs to wake up.” He shook her arm roughly. “Look!”
Kenzie blinked and rubbed her eyes again. She squinted at him, trying to see what it was she wanted him to look at. Sometimes his dreams were very real and it would be several minutes after waking up before he was able to get his head out of the dream and realize where he was. Being at the cabin had probably disoriented him. Waking up in a living room instead of a bedroom might have been a trigger for a dream or a bad feeling.
Zachary pulled on a shirt. He tossed clothing at Kenzie, and she tried to feel its shape and sort out what part of her body to put it on. “Zachary?”
“Look!” He tugged on her arm, trying to get her to her feet. Kenzie tried to keep one of the blankets wrapped around her. He positioned her in front of the living room window, looking out, up toward the farmhouse on the hill.
It was lit up. Kenzie closed her eyes and opened them again. Why would it be lit up? It was too late for dinner. Everybody had finished and gone back to their cabins.
Was the power back on? Was that what Zachary was so excited about? If it were, they could finally call for help. See when the county was going to send someone to check on them and take the bodies back to the county medical examiner’s office.
Kenzie realized with growing horror that it wasn’t electric lights that had lit up the farmhouse.
It was a fire.
Kenzie swore. A fire. And not just the flicker of candlelight in the windows.
Blazing light in nearly every window that was visible from the cabin.
61
Zachary had his boots on. He kicked his way through the cushions and blankets scattered on the floor and strode to Tyrrell’s room.
“T!” he shouted, voice already hoarse, “T! There’s a fire! T, you have to get up! There’s a fire!”
It wasn’t just a flashback. It wasn’t just a nightmare. It was the worst possible thing for Zachary to face. A house fire. Trying to save his brother and the children from the fire. It didn’t matter that it was actually up the hill at the big house. For Zachary, it was right there; he was living through it all over again.
She could hear Tyrrell’s voice through the door. Tired, trying to reassure Zachary that everything was all right. Trying, as Kenzie had, to convince him it was just a dream and he should go back to sleep.
“Tyrrell,” Kenzie shouted, taking a few steps toward the door as she tried to sort out her clothes and pull them on. “Tyrrell, there is a fire. Get up.”
“Kenzie?”
In a few moments, Tyrrell was at the bedroom door, opening it slowly, breathing hard. Probably confronting his own memories of the fire. He and the other children had been trapped in their rooms, unable to get out because of the heat and smoke, trapped and terrified until the firefighters had gotten there, broken the windows, and rescued them.
“Kenzie, what’s going on?”
“It’s up at the farmhouse. A big fire. You need to stay awake, reassure the kids if they wake up. Make sure that... if it spreads to the woods, you get out of the house.”
She could barely make out his face in the moonlight that made its way in through the windows. Three dark holes. Two eye sockets and a mouth open in horror. Kenzie squeeze his arm.
“It’s okay. You’re safe here for now. It’s all right.”
Tyrrell’s head turned to look at Zachary. “Zachy?”
Zachary sniffled. “I have to go. Take care of the others.”
He turned away, heading for the front door of the cabin. Kenzie hurried after him. “Zachary? What are you doing? Where are you going?”
He already had his boots and coat on. He pulled a hat on over his head and patted his pockets for the gloves. “We have to get help.”
Kenzie shook her head, not understanding. “There’s no way to reach anyone. There’s nowhere to go for help.”
He opened the door and stepped out. Kenzie hurriedly pushed her feet into her boots and pulled on her coat. She raced after him. He moved the opposite direction from the farmhouse, yelling and banging on doors. “Get up! Get up! We need help! Come out!”
Flashlights and candles went on, people came to their doors, bleary-eyed and confused. Kenzie pointed to the farmhouse. She didn’t know what to do. It was in full blaze. There was no fire department. No way to reach any help. Zachary ran down to the barn, leaving Kenzie behind. He would get Burknall. Burknall would have some idea what to do. Maybe he had a pump in there. Something that would help them get water onto the blaze.
Kenzie turned around and led the group up the hill.
“What are we going to do?” Brittany demanded, running to catch up with Kenzie. She had her coat pulled on over a thin white nightgown.
“I don’t know. Make sure there’s no one inside.”
“What happened?” Redd was trying to get his gloves on. Kenzie didn’t even know whether she had hers. She felt her pockets, but couldn’t find the flaps to open them.
“We don’t know. Zachary saw it first. He went to the barn.” Kenzie looked back, over her shoulder. She couldn’t see Zachary or Burknall. “Maybe Mr. Burknall has a hose. Or a well. I don’t know. I don’t know how anything works up here.”
“An ember must have fallen out of the fireplace,” Redd suggested. “Or a candle got knocked over.”
“M
aybe a chimney fire,” Brittany said, breathing hard as they climbed the hill
“Maybe.” Kenzie shrugged. Did it really matter how the fire had started? There was a fire, and that was what they had to deal with. Make sure that no one was in danger. Mrs. Hubbard and Samantha both slept in the house, didn’t they? They must have been woken up by the fire. The smoke detectors would have awakened them. They could still operate on battery power, even if the main power were out.
If they hadn’t woken up... Kenzie wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She could see fire in every window. Not just the main floor, but upstairs too. If anyone was still in there...
She ignored the other questions, from both the others and her own brain, as they hurried toward the fire. Nothing mattered except making sure that no one was caught inside the blaze and that it didn’t spread to the woods.
It felt like a dream, climbing and climbing and climbing the hill and never getting to the top. But finally, they were there, and Kenzie stood staring at the house, trying to comprehend what was going on. There was no one in front of it, standing clear and watching it burn. Did that mean that they were inside?
“I’m going around back,” Kenzie told Brittany, though she didn’t know why she felt the need to tell anyone what she was doing. Brittany wasn’t her boss. She wasn’t someone that Kenzie had to report to.
Brittany nodded. Kenzie hurried around the side. She was yards away from the house and could feel the heat of the flames. It was like walking into a sauna. A dry sauna, obviously, not a steam bath. Kenzie hurried around the side, trying to see into the windows. Hoping to see something other than just flames inside. Some sign of people, or that the whole house wasn’t going to burn to the ground. They would be able to save something. To salvage the structure or their valuables. She couldn’t believe that the whole thing would burn like that.
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