“You totally sound like Sir Mix-A-Lot.” I laugh, her beat and energy are contagious. I find myself moving my hips and shaking my ass.
Mata walks into the family room. “Nice. This is my kind of jive,” she says, moving her arms in a wave motion. Both Sierra and I stop dancing. “Oh, don’t stop on my account,” she says. Suddenly, Quinn starts crying.
“Just sing and dance, Nils,” Sierra urges me, doing some rolling thing with her hand and shaking her fine ass. Quinn eats it up. “She loves it. Aren’t you a cute baby? You’re so cute,” Sierra chimes, using a baby voice while dancing in front of Quinn.
“Thanks, you guys.” Sloane walks into the family room and wipes away the wisps of hair sticking to her face. “Now I know who to call when I need a babysitter.” She pauses, and her finger comes up to her lips. “Wait a sec. Were you just singing ‘Baby Got Back’ to my baby?”
Sierra and I both freeze.
“They were,” Mata answers.
Thanks, lady.
I think Sloane is about to go off on Sierra and me when she bursts into laughter. “Keep it up. I have more things to take care of in the kitchen,” she says, and I release a lungful of air.
Sierra shrugs and starts up her song and dance again.
I never introduced myself to her last night so I figure now is as good a time as any. “Hello. I’m Nils, Oli’s friend,” I say to Sloane’s mom. Oli gave me the lowdown about her transformation from Carol to Mata.
“Nice to meet you.” She nods. Dave and Kelsey walk in with their three kids, who are all under the age of six.
“Hey, man. That’s a nice look on you.” Dave winks.
“I agree.” Sierra laughs. “I can see it now. Lots of little Karlssons running around.”
Sierra is joking, but suddenly Dave looks between me and her and gets an odd look on his face. He doesn’t know about our fake relationship. I feel bad not including him but too many people know as it is.
Kelsey comes up to me and kisses my cheek. “Don’t listen to him,” she says, ushering her kids toward the toys. She gives Sierra a hug.
Myles and Flynn show up next with their twins.
“Oh, man. I said find a girlfriend, not make a family overnight.” Myles chuckles.
“Ha ha. You’re too damn funny,” I say. I glance over at Sierra. The apples of her cheeks are bright red.
“Damn is a curse word,” Flynn whispers to me, and I wince. “The other day, I was on the phone and said ‘shit' accidentally,” she whispers. “Kev and Patty started a competition of who could say shit more. Then I had to drop them off at pre-school. Who knows what they said there?” She rolls her eyes.
I laugh. I’m about to say, “Shit, that sucks,” but think twice.
“Hey, any of you ladies want to take Quinn?” I ask, looking between Kelsey, Flynn, and Sierra. They look to each other and answer ‘no’ in unison. “Thought so.”
“Aw, come on. You look totally adorable. And little Quinny looks happy,” Kelsey says.
“I can’t argue on both counts.” I chuckle. I turn to Dave. “Hey, Dave!” I shout. “Your wife just told me I’m adorable.”
He checks to see who is looking at him and then, deciding the coast is clear, he gives me his middle finger. Fuck. I love these guys.
The doorbell rings again. I blow out a breath. My hands are tired from holding Quinn, which is weird, but I guess I’m using muscles I don’t normally use.
“I’ll get it,” Kelsey offers.
I take a seat. Quinn sits in my lap and Dave kneels in front of me, making goo-goo faces and singing some song he must know from his own kids.
“Got to admit I didn’t see you as a guy who likes to hang with kids,” Sierra says.
“Isn’t he sweet?” Kelsey asks. “Quinny is loving attention from Nils.”
“Ah, here it is,” Mata says, pulling a joint out of her purse. She waves it up in the air. “I’ll step out back. Anyone want to join me?”
Sloane’s dad, Pastor Carmichael, walks into the family room. “Put that thing away, Carol. This is a room full of kids,” he chides her like you would a young child.
Carol—I mean, Mata, stands from the couch and digs into her purse. She pulls out a lighter. “Last call . . . who’s in?” She holds the joint up. Sloane’s mom is something else.
“We’re good,” Dave says, as if he’s speaking for everyone.
“Alright then.” She saunters barefoot through the kitchen and out the back door.
“I can’t believe she’s so liberal about it.” Flynn says.
“What was that woman holding, Mommy?” Patty asks.
“Um . . .” Flynn’s blue eyes turn wide as saucers and she glances around the room with a dear-in—headlights look on her face.
“She needs that to make her head okay,” Myles explains.
Flynn gives him a look that I think says, ‘you’re dead.’ “Really?”
He lifts his hands in the air. “What did you want me to say?”
Flynn clearly doesn’t have an answer.
Myles shouts, “Who wants a piggyback ride?”
All the kids cheer that they do, but of course, Myles chooses Patty. He’s clearly trying to make everyone forget about the joint.
Sloane comes out of the kitchen with a smile. She looks exhausted. “Dinner is ready. Let’s go to the dining room.”
“Ah . . . guys, how do I stand up now?” I ask. I’m still holding Quinn. Sierra hears my call for help, and I swear it looks like she’s thinking twice about helping me out. I cuss in my head.
“Please.” It comes out as a whimper.
“Oh, fine.” She walks over to me with open arms. She leans forward, showing me the slightest bit of cleavage down her tank top.
“Thank you.” I stand, shaking out my stiff arms.
“Here you go.” She passes her back to me. Quinn looks up to me and smiles. Why does she have to be so cute?
“Come, little one.” I open my arms to her, and she leans forward like she actually wants to come to me. It feels nice to be wanted.
“Well, look at that.” Sierra giggles and makes all kind of silly faces to Quinn. The baby giggles.
Mata walks back into the room. Her eyes are bloodshot. “Oh, hi.” She looks to Sierra.
“Hi, Mata.” Sierra waves awkwardly, then she shifts on her feet. There’s something about Sierra that is just so perfect.
“You look nice,” Mata says, eyeing Sierra up and down.
“Thank you.” Sierra follows her gaze then crosses her arms in front of her chest.
“We better get to the table,” I say to both ladies.
When we enter the dining room, Sloane takes Quinn from my arms and places her in a high chair. Sierra and I get seated between Mata and Pastor Carmichael.
Mata looks at me, then bursts into giggles.
From across the table, Sloane’s eyes turn wide. “You’ve puffed the magic dragon already? I can’t believe you couldn’t wait until later.” Her tone is incredulous, bleeding the hurt she must be feeling. It makes me think of all the times my own mother didn’t think of me and my feelings when she made decisions.
“Where is the magic dragon?” Dave’s son, Kayden, asks. Oh shit. That can’t be good. What do you explain to a kid?
Dave looks to Kelsey and Kelsey shrugs.
“That’s just a saying; it doesn’t mean anything,” he says to his son.
“Mom, I want a magic dragon,” Kev says to Flynn.
Sloane sits in her chair and holds her temples.
“Everything is fine,” Oli whispers to his future wife.
“Let’s start with grace,” Sloane’s father says, and then he goes on to lead us in prayer.
From there, the brisket gets passed around. The mashed potatoes are the next thing I put on my plate.
“Everything is delicious,” I tell Sloane. Oli agrees and so does everyone else.
We all eat a hearty meal, and after dinner, we all pitch in to help Sloane clean up. Oli tells her
that since she cooked, she should go relax. The ladies leave to the other room with her, and then it’s me and the guys in the kitchen.
“How are things going?” Myles asks me, as I wrap some leftover food.
“Good as they can be,” I say.
“You guys make a cute couple,” Dave says.
“Ah thanks, man,” I answer, the guilt about lying to my friend rises inside me like indigestion.
“Oh, just tell him, Karlsson,” Oli says.
“Fine.” I give Dave the rundown on my fake relationship.
“But you two seriously have chemistry,” Dave says.
“I second that,” Oli shrugs.
“I third that,” Myles says.
“It would never work. Trust me. She hates me. If I wasn’t paying her, she wouldn’t want to spend a minute with me,” I admit, the words burn as they exit my lips.
Dave snickers. “I’m calling it that you and her are going to be a thing by the end of the month.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. She and I are like black and white. Saint and devil. Good and bad,” I say, running out of analogies.
“Fuck. I get it, man. But, hey, you can clean up your act. We all did. It isn’t beneath you,” Myles says, clapping me on the back.
“Hear, hear,” Oli agrees.
“Thanks, guys. I do appreciate the vote of confidence. My therapist doesn’t think I’m a lost cause either, which gives me hope,” I say.
“Man, I went through emotional abuse—not physical—but honestly, being with Flynn has mellowed me out. She gives me equilibrium,” Myles says.
“It would be nice to feel like my life was stable, but I’m in a fake relationship. I just need to clean my name up and all will be good. I need is hockey and good friends,” I say.
“To good friends,” Oli says, placing a row of shot glasses and whiskey on the counter.
I pass, because I’m not drinking right now, but the three guys take a shot.
We help Oli set up dessert and call the women and kids, along with Sloane’s parents, back to the dining room.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” Mata turns and walks out the back door with her purse slung on her shoulder.
Sloane fingers grip her scalp and she tugs on her hair.
Sierra walks over to her friend and drapes an arm around her shoulder. “She is who she is. She’s an adult. What can you do?”
“I guess you’re right,” Sloane says solemnly. “It’s just that this is my special weekend. Can’t she think of my wants and needs for once?” Sloane’s eyes fill with tears.
“My mom walked out the door when I was in eighth grade and never looked back. I don’t understand why some people act the way they do. I just try to focus on myself and what makes me happy. You have Oli and Quinn, you are an amazing mother. Focus on all the good you have. Stressing over her is a lost cause.”
Sloane hugs Sierra and mumbles something.
Her words hit me in the center of my chest. I know all about self-centered moms. Something about Sierra’s longing and pain for an absent mother makes me want to hold her in my arms. Soothe her and tell her everything will be okay.
Dave and Myles set more fruit platters and pastries on the table.
“Babe, you did such a nice job,” Oli says, laying a juicy one on Sloane. Sloane swats at him and then looks at her dad, who has his head bowed.
“Thank you,” Sloane mouths to Oli quietly. Her sadness has vanished and her eyes gleam. The way they look at each other, all gooey-eyed. I’ve never felt like that about anyone or had them look that way at me.
I pull my attention away from the loving couple and my gaze connects with Sierra’s. I swallow hard as warmth floods my heart. Her chest rises and falls fast. Is she feeling something, too?
Feeling overwhelmed, I pull my stare and focus on the large dessert selection.
Sloane says she’s heading up to put Quinn in her crib, since the baby has her eyes closed in her high chair. Flynn takes Kev and Patty to bed upstairs, too. Kelsey leaves the room to get her kids situated on the couches in the family room.
It leaves me and the guys with Sierra and Sloane’s parents at the table. Since Mata walked back into the house, her eyes are small and pupils are dilated and she’s smiling to herself. Her ex-husband keeps tugging on the collar of his shirt like he’s trying to loosen it and his cheeks are flushed. The guys are just chilling.
“What should we talk about?” Mata asks, looking around the table and breaking the silence.
No one answers.
“Well, how about we discuss ways of causing titillating orgasms without penetration?” Mata says.
I swallow the piece of watermelon I was eating wrong. I cough, and curses ring around the table.
Sloane’s father stands. “Carol, what is wrong with you?” His eyes are wide and his tone is chiding.
“Nothing, relax. Maybe you can learn something.” She shrugs.
“I’m going to bed.” He throws his napkin on the table. “Thank you for hosting a lovely dinner, Oli. Tell my daughter I love her. See you in the morning.”
Oli clears his throat. “Sure thing, Pastor Carmichael.”
“Good, now that he’s gone, we can get to the good stuff.” Mata rubs her hands together.
“Nils, why don’t we start with you. Your uh . . . penis has been circulating the internet, so we all know what you’re packing but it doesn’t mean you know how to hit it home,” she says.
My jaw drops, and I stare at this woman like she’s grown two heads. Beside me, Sierra curses under her breath.
Oli groans loudly and rubs his eyes. I look to him for help. It’s his fucking mother-in-law-to-be, but he appears to be stunned into silence.
“Ah, Mata, this is probably not the right setting for this type of conversation.” Sierra comes to my rescue.
“I think you’re wrong, dear. These men have young, passionate wives. It’s my duty to make sure they are doing things right. I took an oath.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Quinn is asleep. What is going on here?” Sloane walks into the room and stares at us with confusion on her face. I turn to look at the guys and I burst into laughter. Hardcore, tears-spilling-down-my-face laughter.
Oli follows suit and so do Myles and Dave. We are all laughing like idiots and Sloane is smiling, trying to maybe figure out if Mata slipped some of her weed in our food.
Oli stands from the table. “Let’s head into the family room.” He walks over to his fiancée, drapes an arm over her shoulders, and kisses her on the lips. She sinks into him.
We all follow them into the family room. No one mentions Mata’s crazy suggestions. I’m still reeling that she has seen my dick, but what can I do? The damage has been done. Kelsey and Dave get their kids ready to leave, and Myles and Flynn decide to spend the night since their kids are asleep upstairs. It leaves me and Sierra on the couch.
“We should get going,” I say, to Sierra. Her head is perched on the arm of the couch.
“Yes, I’m exhausted.” She stands and stretcher her arms above her head her back arching like a feline. What would she look like arching off a bed as I make her come? Nope. Don’t think it.
I turn my attention to Oli and Sloane, “You two have a busy weekend ahead.”
“They sure do,” Mata cuts in. I pray the woman will keep that trap of hers shut.
We each hug Sloane and Oli and say our goodbyes. Mata leaves at the same time as us.
“Mom, where is your ride?” Sloane asks.
“Oh!” The woman stares in front of her like she was expecting a horse-drawn carriage to materialize.
“I can give her a ride,” I offer. So much for getting Sierra alone. Wait. Why do I want her alone?
“Thanks, man.” Oli pats my shoulder, looking relieved to get rid of his future mother-in-law.
We all leave the house together. If I’m not mistaken, Sierra looks terrified, and the truth is, so am I.
Eleven
Sierra
&n
bsp; We reach the stop sign at the end of Oli and Sloane’s street. Nils raises his chin and looks in his rear-view mirror, then he glances at me.
“She’s fast asleep. I don’t know where to take her,” he says.
I turn to check on her. “That can’t be right. We literally just left Oli and Sloane’s,” I say. But Mata is clearly asleep. Her head hanging on her shoulders, her breaths slow and easy.
“I’ll call Oli,” he says, and he pulls Oli’s number up and presses the talk button. A loud ringing noise vibrates through the car.
“Don’t use Bluetooth,” I whisper.
He gives me a quizzical look.
“It’s better she stays asleep. We don’t want to poke the beast.” I say, leaning into his ear. He smells fresh and clean, like a rain shower in spring.
“You’re right,” he says. He transfers the call to his phone and a moment later, he is asking Oli what hotel to drop Mata off at. He ends the call with Oli and plugs a name into his GPS.
I turn around again to make sure Mata is, in fact, sleeping. She still has her head hanging off to the side and her eyes are closed.
“It’s good she’s out. I was seriously scared what she would come up with here in the car,” he says.
“Yeah.” I agree. I don’t add that I was freaking the hell out. The woman knows I’ve never orgasmed. She clearly doesn’t have a filter. “We shouldn’t talk. I don’t want to be rude but it’s probably safer she stays asleep.”
He runs fingers through his hair. “Good idea.”
The car is silent for the next twenty minutes as we head back into the city. We pull up to Mata’s hotel, which is not too far away from my apartment.
“What do we do now?” Nils asks, looking at me. Mata is dead asleep, hunched over in his back seat.
“Um . . .” I turn to the back seat. “Mata, we’re at your hotel.” I raise my voice a little.
“You need to be louder,” Nils says, watching me with a smirk on those full lips of his.
Right. Okay.
“Mata, wake up. We’re here,” I say even louder.
She doesn’t move. A light snore escapes her.
Dirty Swedish Player: A Big Stick Novel Page 9