“Hey, man. Merry Christmas.” Oli gives me a bro hug.
“Merry Christmas,” I say. I pass him a bunch of gift bags.
“All for me? You shouldn’t have,” he jokes.
“Fuck you,” I whisper, knowing not to swear loudly in case the kids are nearby.
I walk deeper into the house and I’m greeted by the usual crew, who stand up to hug me.
Matt is here tonight along with Dave’s sister, Kierran, whom I’ve met a couple times before. I shake Matt’s hand and give Kierran a wave. That’s when I spot Sierra sitting on the couch. Beside her is some guy I don’t know.
My blood turns hot and my muscles tense. Did she bring a fucking date? He sure as hell looks her type—bookish, smart. Their glasses practically match. I will myself to maintain control and not have a fit. I go over the steps Fisher taught me in my head.
First, I ask myself why I’m so angry. I don’t have a right to be. We aren’t together. It doesn’t fucking mean my feelings for her just stopped. Seeing her is like a knife to the heart.
“Hi, Nils,” she says from her spot on the couch. “This is Klause.”
I’ve heard that name before. I think the douchebag is in her classes.
“Nice to meet you,” I say. I’m actually picturing punching the guy out, which I know is really fucked up. I won’t do it. I won’t ruin everyone’s Christmas.
“Yeah, you, too,” he says, giving me a friendly smile.
“Okay, everyone come sit down,” Sloane says.
We all head over to the large dining table and take our usual seats. The wait staff she hired comes around to offer champagne and set water pitchers on the table. Sloane tells Kierran to sit beside me and Matt on her other side. It leaves two seats open on the right side of me. Fucking hell. Sierra sits next to me and Klause next to her.
Sloane says grace and some of the kids sing Christmas songs, then we dig into our meal.
“Everything is really good,” Flynn says.
“Thanks, schnookums. I used a caterer. Things have just been so crazy busy. The publisher I’m working with is giving me the tightest deadlines,” Sloane rolls her eyes.
“Everything is amazing,” Flynn says.
“Catering is awesome,” Myles says.
Dave and Kelsey are busy helping their kids eat, and Oli and Sloane are focusing on feeding Quinn. Matt and Kierran have struck up a conversation next to me.
“You look so familiar,” she says to Matt.
“Yeah, well, you’ve probably seen him on TV,” Dave jokes.
“Ha ha.” She mock laughs. “Seriously, though. Do you have a brother or father working for one of the teams?” Kierran asks, her brows furrowing together.
Matt’s jaw tenses. His eyes move from side to side quickly. I wonder why he looks like a cornered mouse.
Kierran redirects her attention on Matt. “Sorry, did you say something? My brother tends to be annoying most of the time.” She laughs.
Truth is, I’m surprised Sloane is cool with having Kierran over, knowing her and Oli hooked up in the past. Sloane had caught Kierran coming on to Oli when they were together, and it led to a big blowout. Apparently, Kierran was drunk and getting over a breakup but still, that’s got to sting. Just like it fucking hurts me now seeing Sierra with a date. I throw back some wine, knowing it isn’t the best choice given the situation, but old habits sometimes die hard.
“Matt, what’s up with you?” Dave asks.
Matt drops his fork on his plate. “Nothing, man. I never told you guys, but Daniel Sears is my half-brother,” he says, and the table falls silent. I look at the guys and we’re all pretty much sporting the same dropped jaw.
“So what?” Sloane says, breaking the silence.
“Sears is one of the top players in the NHL,” Matt explains. Matt was only recently called up from the minors. “I don’t make it public knowledge that we’re related,” he explains, his cheeks looking a healthy pink.
“Okay, well no big deal,” Sloane says.
It is kind of a big deal. We just played him a few weeks ago. Sears was being a big asshole. He was riding the puck hard to get through the net and Matt blocked his every advance.
“I dated Daniel.” Kierran drops her head.
Dave hisses something under his breath that sounds profane even from where I’m sitting. “Are you kidding me?”
“Look, it doesn’t matter who your half-brother is,” Sloane says looking at Matt.
Kelsey rubs Dave’s shoulder and whispers something in his ear.
“Or who you dated,” Sloane says, looking to Kierran. “Let’s focus on happy things, like who is coming to the shelter to deliver all this food?”
The rest of the gang chimes in that they’re in too. I don’t hear a word come from Sierra’s mouth until she says, “Can you please pass the stuffing?”
It’s sitting to the left of me, so it would make sense I pass it to her. It takes me a moment to make a move. I lift the large platter and hold it out for her.
She shifts in her seat and our thighs rub. Electricity zaps through my body. She’s wearing one of those plaid miniskirts she likes to wear. It’s green and red. Her dark stockings are incredibly sexy, since she has the best legs. I remember what it felt like having those legs wrapped around my waist.
Fuck, I miss her. Wait! What?
“Thank you.” She smiles uneasily, and then turns to Klause. “Can I pass you some?”
The smile she gives him is way brighter than the smile I got. It pisses me off.
“Sure, thanks,” he says with a heavy German accent.
When they are done putting stuffing on their plates, I ask if anyone else wants any. The platter gets passed around.
Klause fills up Sierra’s glass with wine, and I tense. She drove here. Is she going to let him drive her car? She better not. How long have they been together? Why didn’t Sloane mention any of this to me?
We finish dinner and move on to dessert.
“I’m stuffed,” I say, leaning back in my seat. I do a minor side glance to see Kierran and Matt are in deep conversation with their heads close together. I’m not sure what that’s about. I look to my right, and Sierra is standing up and leaning over the table. She’s wearing a cropped red sweater that reveals less than an inch of her creamy skin, and my fingers ache to touch her in that small spot. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The waitstaff clears the table and then sets up dessert. Sierra and Klause laugh beside me at some story he’s telling her, and I feel like the odd one out.
“How is everything going, Nils?” Sloane asks innocently, even though something tells me the woman can read my distress. Did she set this up? She better not have.
“All is good. Everything was great. Thanks so much for having me,” I say. No way am I calling her out now. Besides, I really do appreciate being included in their holidays.
After dessert, the waitstaff packs up the abundance of leftovers.
We all sit in the family room, waiting. Sierra is holding Quinn. She coos at her and makes funny faces. I can’t stop watching her.
Klause reaches over and whispers something in her ear. My anger kicks up a notch. I don’t want him anywhere near her. My mind spins, wondering if he’s touched her, been inside her. Has he made her come?
She nods and then passes Quinn over to Flynn. Sierra stands from the couch and he follows her. He thanks Sloane and Oli for being such hospitable hosts. And then he heads for the door. But Sierra didn’t say goodbye, so I’m sure she isn’t leaving.
Just then, the doorbell rings. Sloane stands and heads to answer it.
“Is there more company coming?” I ask Flynn.
“Babysitters for the kids. It’s too late to take them out now,” she explains.
Matt and Kierran walk into the room and take a seat in the spot just vacated by Sierra and Klause. I’m itching to go to the door and ask her if she has feelings for him. That would be fucking crazy though. She made up her mind.
“Guys
, we are going outside.” Oli stands.
“It’s freezing. Are you crazy?” Myles snaps.
Oli eyes him weirdly and he relents.
“Think this has something to do with you, Karlsson.” Dave jabs me in the ribs.
“You come too,” Oli says to Matt.
We follow him out to the second-level deck. He turns on two heaters, but they aren’t warm yet, so it’s freezing.
“Have a seat, boys,” Oli says. There are only four Adirondack chairs and five of us.
“I’ll stand,” I offer.
“You sit,” he says demandingly. “I’ll stand.”
“Fucking hell, man.” I shake my head, laughing. “You think you’ve become a shrink now because you’ve got the perfect family,” I chide him. When I first met this guy, he was a fucking mess, holding on to all kinds of baggage concerning an accident that involved his parents.
“Don’t start, Karlsson. I know you well enough to see that you were about to lose your shit in there,” he calls me out, and I can’t argue.
“So what?” I say.
“You fucking want her? Then claim her,” he says.
I grit my jaw. “She’s with that guy. He’s fucking perfect for her. I guarantee he wasn’t thinking of smashing my face in like I was his. I’m messed up.”
“We are all fucking messed up,” Dave says. “Just ’cause we’re making millions every year doesn’t change who we are or where we’ve come from. Did you see that Williams was arrested last week? There is always someone in the league getting themselves into trouble. We are exceptional at a sport. Doesn’t mean we’ve had an easy life. Also doesn’t mean we don’t deserve better,” he finishes, and fuck, he’s got me there.
“What is this about?” Matt asks.
“Karlsson and Sierra,” Myles explains.
“Look, Karlsson. I know you think I’m some goody two-shoes with a perfect life, but that’s just a story I’ve been selling. It’s fucking crazy but it turns out that Kierran is a physical therapist. She’s worked with my brother and dated him. That’s how she caught onto the resemblance,” Matt explains.
“First of all, I never said you were a goody two-shoes. All I said was that you have your shit together. If you don’t, that’s cool too. You’ve been bringing it on the ice. That’s what counts,” I say.
“Your stats are down. You did way better when you were with her, Karlsson,” Myles says and then raises his brows.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I ask.
“What do you want to do?” Myles asks in challenge.
“I obviously want her, okay? My life has been crap without her. Should I grovel? Tell her to break up with the guy?”
“He’s just a friend. Had nowhere to go for the holiday,” Oli explains. His words ease something inside my chest.
Sloane opens the door. “Kids are settled. We are good to go.”
Oli shuts off the heaters and we all head inside and pack up Myles and Oli’s cars with the food. Sierra and I ride with Oli and Sloane. Kierran, Matt, Flynn, and Myles ride with Kelsey and Dave, since Kelsey drives one of those mom-mobiles.
Oli plays music. He and Sloane don’t say much. Sierra and I sit on opposite sides of the back seat. I want to reach out and touch her thigh, but I have no right. Tension crackles between us—or maybe it’s just me feeling the tension. When we arrive, I turn to look at her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, but I’m still not sure I can be the man she needs.
Thirty-One
Sierra
When Klause said he was leaving, I got nervous. He knows that Nils and I broke up. I’m pretty sure all the Blackhawks fans followed Nils’s dramatic tweets about how heartbroken he felt. A part of me wanted his feelings to be real but those words were posted for the sake of ending our fake relationship.
When the guys went outside, the girls told me to come upstairs with them while they got the kids settled and then they huddled around me. They said it looked like Nils was going to lose his cool over Klause. They totally think he has feelings for me, which is nuts. He never fought for us.
Sitting in the backseat of Oli’s SUV, I was beginning to think that all our friends were in on some master plan to get us back together. The air in the car is tense. This whole evening has been nerve-wracking. Maybe it’s because I’ve noticed Nils’s jaw ticking and red rising in his cheeks.
We arrive to the shelter. I gaze sideways before leaving the car and catch him staring at me, the same pulsing tension radiating from his jaw. I wish he’d say something. Anything. I wore a little mini number knowing he likes me in this kind of skirt. I can’t help but want to cause some kind of reaction from him. Maybe I did get a reaction, since I caught him staring.
Oli and Nils walk around the SUV to the trunk to get all the leftovers. Apparently, this is a ritual they do every year since Myles proposed to Flynn one Christmas Eve. Sloane and I carry some smaller parcels inside. The rest of the gang arrive about the same time.
The volunteers get all the food sorted and then we are handed aprons. We stand in a line to serve the food but there are too many of us so some of us are just standing around. Myles, Oli, Dave, Matt, and Nils are all serving.
“This is really amazing,” I say. “Before my mom left, we did Christmas. I mean, the dinner, and opening presents the next morning. When I moved to live with Aunt Becca, she wasn’t too big on the holiday, but she and her friends would get together and have a festive meal. They had no presents or tree.”
“Oli and I didn’t celebrate Christmas for years after our parents died,” Flynn says.
Kierran and Kelsey remain quiet.
“That’s why we make it extra special now,” Sloane says.
“Thanks so much for including me.” I hug her.
My cell rings. The screen says No Caller ID and I pick it up. “Hello.”
“Is this Sierra Cole?” A woman’s voice speaks through the phone, sounding very professional.
“I’m Nurse Kent calling you from Northwestern. Maria Karlsson was admitted to the trauma unit. She’s in a critical condition and has you down as next of kin.” A chill runs down my spine.
“Oh my, is she okay? I mean . . .” I mutter.
“It would be best if you could get here as soon as possible,” she replies.
“Okay . . . yeah . . . on my way,” I say.
“Thank you. Please come through the ER,” she says, and the call ends.
“What is it?” Sloane asks.
I palm my chest as tears begin to spill from my eyes. “There’s been an accident. Nils’s mom is in a critical condition. She’s here in Chicago. I don’t know what she’s doing here,” I whisper. He’s only standing a few feet away.
“Shit. Take our car,” Sloane offers as she digs into her purse. She pulls out the keys.
“Thanks,” I say in a daze. I haven’t spoken to Nils in months, but he needs to know.
I walk over to him, and my whole body is shaking. I place my hand on his shoulder and he turns to see who’s touching him. He gives me a wary look.
“I need to talk to you now. It’s important,” I say.
His lips turn down. “What’s going on?”
“I need you to come with me, please,” I say biting back tears.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” He pulls off the sanitary gloves he was wearing and whips off the apron, too. I grab his hand and pull him outside.
“Sierra, what the hell is wrong with you?” he says in a tone that tells me he thinks I’m crazy. We leave and the cold winter air hits me like a ton of bricks. I left my jacket inside the shelter.
“There was an accident, Nils. I’m not sure what happened, but your mom is in critical condition. I know she would want you to be there,” I say quickly. My heart is beating so fast, I fear it may explode.
He pulls his hand out of my grasp and runs his fingers through his hair.
“We need to go,” I say.
He stares at me blankly.
“Come with me, please.
Tell me you want to see her. This may be your only chance. Do you want to let it pass you by?”
Nils stands frozen. I’m not sure what he’s going to do. Then he says, “Okay.”
“Okay,” I repeat. “We need to take Oli’s SUV. I hope I can drive it,” I say. I’m used to driving my little Toyota, and Oli has a hulk of a car.
“Give me the keys. I’ll drive,” he says. We run to the SUV. “What hospital?”
“Northwestern,” I say.
“I thought you said she lives in New York,” he says.
“She does. I don’t know why she’s here,” I explain.
He presses the gas pedal hard.
I just hope we make it in time.
Thirty-Two
Nils
“She was walking across the street with a friend. A car ran her over,” the nurse explains. “She has internal bleeding. She’s been to the OR, but she has a brain bleed that hasn’t been contained yet.”
“Yet?” I ask.
“The neurosurgeon is on his way. It being Christmas Eve, he was off. We didn’t have another doctor to take his place,” she explains.
“Okay.” I use hand sanitizer and put a mask over my face. Sierra does the same and we head into the ICU.
My heart shatters when I see how banged up my mother is. Something inside me breaks. I walk over to her bed, and the smallest of whimpers escapes my lips.
She opens one eye, since the other is swollen shut.
“Nils,” she says, even though it looks like it hurts her to speak. She turns her head. It looks like she spots Sierra beside me. “You brought him.”
“We were at the same place,” she explains.
“Thank you,” she mutters. “I’m so sorry,” she says, and it looks like she’s trying not to cry, but even crying seems to cause her pain.
The hospital door opens, and a man walks in. I eye him. He isn’t dressed like a doctor.
Dirty Swedish Player: A Big Stick Novel Page 19