“Get off,” I tell her, not unkindly. “Ryker can look after you now.”
“Who’s going to look after you?” she whispers with the tiniest of meows.
I laugh. “I can look after myself just fine. Come on, get off me or I’ll have to make you.”
Finally, she climbs down and is welcomed by her fellow cats. One large female starts licking the kitten. She doesn’t smell like the little one’s mother, but I’m glad there’s someone taking care of the kitten. I realise I never even asked for her name. Oh well, I’m a cat, I’m not supposed to have social skills.
Ryker approaches me slowly and he stops a few feet away from me. His tail swings from side to side; he’s nervous.
“What happened?” he asks, his eyes on the kitten rather than me. He’s avoiding me. Is it the blood?
“Three wolves attacked her. Wolf shifters.”
“Shifters?” He finally looks at me. “From the Pack?”
I shake my head. Blood flakes rain to the ground. I want to lick them up. “No, they didn’t smell like the Pack. And…I think they were different. Remember the grunts at the blue house, the ones who didn’t want to die?”
He nods, a pained expression flicking over his face. “Hard to forget them.”
“They had a similar scent. And their blood tasted the same. Sweet. Like honey and milk.”
“You drank their blood?” he asks, once again avoiding my eyes. Something is off between us.
“I ripped out their throats, so it kind of happened by accident. It’s very hard not to get blood into your oesophagus when your jaws are clamped around a bleeding wound.”
He nods, but the atmosphere isn’t getting any more comfortable. I don’t like what he’s making me feel. Like I did something wrong.
“Tiny’s going to be fine,” the older cat interrupts. “I’m going to take her home.”
Tiny must be the kitten’s name. Very appropriate.
She gives me a little smile before walking away with the female. Some of the other cats follow them, but a few remain with Ryker and me. I wish they’d go. I don’t like having an audience.
I nod towards the wagon. "Are the others inside?"
"Only Lennox and some of the humans. The twins left when you weren't there, and Gryphon said he had to attend to some business."
His words are harsh. He blames me for running away, for not staying with them. How can I explain that I'm not ready to be that close to people? I'm a cat, I'm not made for relationships. Ryker of all should know that, but it seems he's more human than I am, even though he grew up as a cat. How ironic.
I sigh. "If you have something to say, do it. But let's have some privacy." I glare at the cats surrounding us. I recognise a few of them, but even so, I don't want them to listen to this.
"No, I don't have anything to say. But we should go and find out more about the wolves. If there are new predators nearby, I need to know about it." He turns to one of the male cats, a large tabby with a missing ear. "Greg, tell everyone to stay within the town. Nobody's to roam around until we know if there's more of them."
The tabby bows his head and runs off. The other cats follow him, finally leaving us alone.
"Ryker, I-"
"Maybe we should take Lennox with us," he interrupts. "In fact, shift and tell him what's happened. Then clean yourself up. We can follow your trail, we don't need you to come with us."
His words hurt more than the wound from earlier. The normal Kat would rise up, fight, argue, but I'm not feeling myself just now. I give off a light growl, just for the sake of it, and head towards the wagon. Dried blood still cakes my fur and I can't wait to get rid of it. Not because it makes me dirty. Because I want to lick it.
Chapter Four
Shifting got rid of most of the blood, but I take a shower nonetheless. The wagon's tiny bathroom makes me miss my old house with its massive shower and bathtub. Here, whenever I turn, I bump against the tiled walls. The water isn't very hot either. We really need to find ourselves a new home. I never realised how spoilt I'd become by having my own house. Back at the Pack, I slept in a dormitory and used a communal washroom. The wagon is a hundred times better than that. Still...once we've found all my sisters, I'll get us a new house. Luckily, we still have our bank accounts, and our little safe survived the fire, giving us enough cash to get by for a while.
I switch off the shower even though I don't feel completely clean yet. That's just a trick of my mind though, I know that. My body is clean; there isn't a drop of blood anywhere. It's all just in my head.
My stomach growls. It's time to check what was in the fridge.
Nothing. Well, two eggs and a sorry looking cabbage, but I'm on the hunt for meat. Or catnip, either would work.
"There's nothing in there, I already checked."
Benjamin stumbles into the kitchen, a scarf wound around his throat. He looks dreadfully pale.
"You alright?"
He shakes his head. "I think I've got a cold. Beth is off to the pharmacy to get some drugs. It turns out she's got a lot of poisons, but not much to heal people." He rolls his eyes. "I don't suppose you feel like going shopping?"
"I'm the leader of M.E.O.W. I don't go shopping. I have food delivered," I say haughtily.
Benjamin laughs weakly. "Then you better find a takeaway that delivers to wagons with no fixed address."
I stick out my tongue at him. Yeah, real classy, I know. And I don't care. Today I'm antisocial, and I'm not going to pretend that I like being around people.
But annoyingly, he's right. The only way to get food is to leave the wagon and in his state, even I can't ask Benjamin to do that. That would amount to torture and as much as I love a bit of torture, I don't like doing it to my employees. It would set a bad precedent.
Grumbling, I leave the wagon and head into town. The weather is great and the streets are full of people. Don't they all have better things to do than getting in my way and rubbing against me? I don't have the patience to go to my favourite butcher's shop today, so instead I enter the first one I pass. Gorgeous, succulent meat awaits me. I have to stop myself from drooling as I take in the food on offer. If that pesky butcher weren't looking at me, I'd climb over the counter and lie down on that mattress of steaks.
"What can I do for ya?" he asks with a friendly smile.
His smile wavers when I start listing everything I want.
"Having a party?" he asks weakly after I've finished my order with two pounds of black pudding. The bloody variant.
"Hungry guests," I retort, giving him a toothy grin.
His eyes widen and he quickly gets started on packing everything up. When he's done, I realise that I'm not going to be able to carry all of that. I'd need a cart to get it all home in one go. My grin widens as I have an idea. I don't need a cart. I have something much better.
I pay and take as many of the bags with me as I can, telling the butcher I'll be back for the rest shortly. In an alley just behind the shop, I set it all down and put two fingers in my mouth, whistling in a pitch too high for humans to hear.
Meow.
A dark ginger cat, so fluffy she almost looks overweight, jumps from a bin at the end of the alleyway and prances towards me.
"Pan," I greet her. "Haven't seen you in a while."
She inclines her head and rubs against my legs. She's one of Ryker's most trusted friends, which is very helpful, considering what I'm about to do. I wait until about a dozen cats have joined us - including Storm, James and tiny Nyx - before crouching on the ground to be closer to their eye level.
"I've got several bags of meat that need to be brought to the wagon we're staying at. I assume you all know where it is?"
Pan nods, her eyes glinting.
"Good. You take one bag each. If I find anything missing, I won't be happy." I glare at them, satisfied when the youngest cats shrink back a little. I haven't lost my touch. "You'll get a share once I'm back, but I warn you, don't take even the smallest bite. Or else. Understood?"
/>
As soon as I sense their assent, I get up and hand out bags of meat. It works out perfectly, I only have one left when they all have one, and Pan takes that one off me. She's big enough to carry two.
They run off, some a little slow because their bags are too big, but I'm sure they'll manage. Cats are ingenious if there's food as a reward. I snicker when I realise that the same applies to me in this very moment. Using cats as carriers. Brilliant. I'll never have to carry my shopping ever again. This is so much cheaper than having it delivered too.
I return to the butcher's and take the rest of the meat. He gives me a strange look but I ignore him. Next time, I'll go to my favourite butcher shop again, where I know the meat is organic and straight from the fields, so to speak. Before I start my walk home, I return to the alley and open one of the bags. Lamb shanks. Perfect. I wolf them down, moaning in contentment as my taste buds go in overdrive. I have to remind myself to chew because the predator in me wants to do nothing but rip and swallow. I'm human just now, though, and I'll end up with a stomach ache if I'm not careful.
The meat is fresh and bloody. I ram my teeth into the flesh and suck out the juice. Not as good as the wolves' blood earlier, but still satisfying. At this moment, I don't even care that this is not normal behaviour, not even for a shifter. All I can focus on is the meat, the blood, the scent of dead prey.
By the time I'm done, blood is smeared all over my face and hands. I clean myself up as best as I can, then start the journey home. I no longer mind being surrounded by humans. On the contrary. It's like I'm in the middle of a free supermarket, full of yummy, blood-filled prey. I'd only have to reach out and rip out someone's throats to-
I stop in my tracks. Someone bumps into me from behind, mutters something nasty, but I'm frozen in place. I just thought about killing humans. Not because I assassinate them as my job, but for food. A shiver runs down my back. Something is very, very wrong with me. I've never had that urge before, not even when shifted. Humans and cats are out of bounds. They're not food.
I grab my bags and start running, away from the tempting smells and sounds of the crowd. I need to get to safety before I kill someone.
Ryker and Lennox haven't returned yet, but Gryphon is back, sitting outside the wagon, his eyes closed, his legs outstretched. He's enjoying the sun. I wish I could do the same. I run inside and drop the bags of meat. Several others are already on the kitchen floor, watched over by Benjamin.
"I guess this is your doing?" he asks while pouring oil into a frying pan.
"Seemed like a good way to get all that food home." I shrug, forcing myself to appear calm, even though I want to quite literally jump out of my skin.
"What did you promise them in return?"
"A share of the meat, I wasn't very specific."
He throws two steaks into the pan. The sizzling sound almost makes me rip them out of there and eat them raw. Meat isn't supposed to be cooked. Is it? My head is starting to hurt. I need someone to tell me what's going on.
"I've already given Pan some of the meat as a reward," Benjamin says, unaware of the turmoil in my mind. "They've run off; it seemed to be enough. Ryker will be grateful, I think he's been having trouble finding enough food for all his cats, now that more and more have joined his family."
I wasn't aware of that. I should be, though. Ryker's a friend. More than a friend. I should know when he has a problem and I should be there to support him. Fuck. I feel even worse now.
I was going to go outside to talk to Gryphon, but I can't control myself anymore. I'm scared I might fall apart completely if I try and explain what I'm feeling. I run into my bedroom and close the door behind me before dropping onto the mattress, burying my face in my hands. I don't think I've ever felt this weak and afraid.
I curl up into a ball, pressing my face into the sheets. The bed smells of the guys. Ryker, who I disappointed. Lennox, whose wolf bond I refused. Gryphon, who-
The door barges open and he strides in. I lift my head, knowing I should pretend I'm not about to cry, but then the floodgates open and there's no holding back. He's by my side in an instant, taking me into his arms. I fight him; I don't deserve to be comforted, but he holds me tight, pressing me against his chest. If I wanted to, I could easily escape his grip, but the weak, crying Kat who's taken over is craving the closeness. I let him stroke my hair, hating myself for the vulnerability I'm allowing him see. Tears keep streaming from my eyes and I'm unable to stop them. Yet another thing I don't have control over. That thought only makes me cry even more. I've lost control of my life, of everything, and it makes me fucking weak.
"Talk to me, Kat," Gryphon mutters. "I can't help if I don't know what's going on."
I can't. I don't even know myself what the problem is. I no longer feel like myself, but how can I explain that? I'm losing myself, I'm disappearing, and because I don't know what's happening, I can't fight it.
"Kat, tell me," he tries again. "Please."
That last word breaks my heart. He sounds so desperate. Just like I feel.
But there's no way I can open up. If he finds out that I'm craving blood and human flesh, he's going to turn away from me in disgust. He's going to leave me and will take the others with him. I startle at my own thoughts. When did I become so needy? I shouldn't be scared of him leaving me. I'm a cat, I thrive in my own company. I don't need people around me. I don't need friends. I can go back to it being just me against the world.
"I'm sorry I have to do this," he whispers, and before I realise what he's about to do, he starts to sing. His siren powers fill the room, crawl over my skin, enter my mind. His music is beautiful, out of this world. It hugs me, soothes me, warms me from the inside. I let it in, craving its touch.
It tells me not to struggle and I believe it. The music sinks through all the cracks in my walls, seeping into my broken soul. I close my eyes and let myself drift, dimly feeling Gryphon’s embrace, his warmth.
His song turns more intense as it takes hold of me. It whispers to me, but I can’t understand the words, not even their intentions. I don’t feel threatened, though. On the contrary, I know I’m safe. Really safe for the first time in ages. Nobody can touch me while I’m in Gryphon’s arms. He’s protecting me from the outside world. I don’t need to be strong. I can let go of my pain. Share it. Break it into pieces and give them to the people who care about me.
Slowly, the song changes. The words start to make sense. They’re a message and this time, I listen.
“I’m broken,” I tell the music. “Something’s wrong with me. Ever since I was captured by the Pack, I’ve been having strange cravings. New feelings. I think I’m changing.”
The words tumble from my lips. I talk about it all. The blood lust. The urge to be alone, to push everyone away. The new strength. The way I craved human flesh.
I let it all out, not holding anything back. I know this is a safe space. The music won’t judge me. Whenever I say something, she praises me, strokes my skin, soothes the pain. Talking about it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought. It actually makes me feel better. The hole in my chest is slowly closing.
“Thank you,” the music says. “We’ll figure it out. I promise. We’ll make you better.”
No, not the music. That’s Gryphon’s voice, surrounded by song. I don’t know how he does it, speaking while also making this beautiful music, but I don’t care.
I snuggle against him, content knowing that he’s not judging me. He said I’m going to get better. I’m not sure I believe him, but in this moment, I don’t care. Who knows, he might be right. His music is showing me how powerful he really is.
The song gets fainter until it drifts into the air, echoing in my ears but no longer seeping into my mind. I’m not being held by the music, but by Gryphon’s muscular body.
“Thank you,” he whispers and presses a tiny kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that on your own.”
“I’m sorry too.”
I open my eyes and sit up, start
led by the new voice.
Ryker and Lennox are standing by the door, looking at me with expressions I can’t read.
The warm feeling in my belly dissipates. Now they know.
Fuck.
Chapter Five
“Don’t run.” Ryker slowly approaches the mattress, his eyes locked with mine. “We need to talk about this.”
Gryphon’s hold on me tightens. “He’s right,” he mutters in my ear, while his hands stroke my back. “Let’s see if we can’t find a way to help you. Together. All of us.”
I groan. I’m the centre of attention now, but not in a good way.
Ryker sits on the bed and Lennox joins us on the other side, lying next to me so that his body touches mine. Ryker stretches out an arm and takes my hand. I let him. All three of them are touching me and it feels good. It’s not a sexual thing at all. Just closeness that strengthens the bond between us. The bond that I’ve been rejecting as hard as I could.
I should probably sit up properly and talk to them like a grown-up, but instead, I close my eyes again and snuggle into Gryphon’s hug. I’m still working on putting up my walls again. Right now I’m fragile and I need them to know that. If they’re not careful, they might break me. Be gentle with my little soul. Now I know what that old folk song is all about.
“We didn’t hear the beginning, but to summarise, you’re becoming more feral,” Ryker says after clearing his throat. It’s obvious he’s trying to keep his voice calm and soothing. I can almost hear him purr. “Like more of your panther is seeping into your human self while also becoming stronger when you’re shifted. And it’s all got something to do with what happened at the lab.”
“Take us through that again.” Lennox gently strokes my thigh. Again, I don’t think his intentions are sexual, even though he’s touching me in a place usually reserved for intimacy. “We know they starved you. Tortured you. I’m sorry to have to make you talk about it but we need every single detail.”
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