by Lynne Ewing
“I want you to take your gun back, Gus,” I said finally. “Wait here while I go get it.”
“How ’bout just hanging out with me?” Gus said. “Then afterward I’ll take the gun back.”
I thought for a second. “If you don’t do any tagging,” I said.
He nodded.
I did like to spend time with Gus. There was a time when I thought we’d be best friends for life.
“I’ll buy you a hamburger,” Gus said.
“You know a place open now?”
“Big Molly’s Diner,” Gus said. “Come on.”
“Are you sure it’s open?” I asked.
“Would you stop worrying so much?” Gus said. “If it’s closed, we’ll go someplace else.”
He started running down the alley. I tied Jimmy’s shoes tighter and ran after him.
Our footsteps echoed down the empty streets.
Every time I got close enough to run with him, he’d sprint ahead of me.
Finally he turned into the parking lot of Big Molly’s Diner.
I caught up to him. The diner was dark.
Gus looked at me, punched at my hand, and whispered, “Sorry.”
I turned.
There was Spider, tied to the bumper of the blue Oldsmobile.
Lamar and Ice Breaker Joe leaned against the car hood.
I still didn’t recognize the guy sitting in the driver’s seat, but it hit me now who the other guy had been, the one with the baseball cap and bandanna over his face like a bandit.
I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hated Gus right then.
Ice Breaker Joe untied Spider.
“We found your doggie,” Lamar said.
Spider ran to me. He jumped up, his stick legs poking me, and licked my face. Then he stopped and cringed next to my feet, whining.
I guess he sensed my fear.
15
“Just chill,” Lamar said. “Jimmy was our friend.”
“He wasn’t a gangbanger,” I said.
They laughed, even Gus.
“Jimmy was my ace man,” Lamar said. “He didn’t deserve what happened to him. Now people out looking for you. You need us to protect you so they won’t mess with you. You don’t want what happened to Jimmy to happen to you.”
“I can handle my own,” I said.
“Not against another gang,” Lamar said. “You need the protection of your own family.”
“I respect you,” I said. Jimmy told me all gang-banging was about getting respect. I hoped I was showing enough to Lamar. “But I have to support my mother and sister.”
They laughed again.
“How do you think Jimmy was supporting you all?” Lamar said. “Running drugs for me. That’s how he did it. You join up with me, I can give you a good life, too.”
“No, Jimmy wouldn’t,” I said.
“Jimmy did,” Lamar said. “There’s something Jimmy owed me that’s still missing. I want you to find it.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. What was I going to say, no? I didn’t want to get killed right there.
Lamar kept talking, and I kept giving Gus looks like death rays. I couldn’t believe a friend could do this to me.
I guess I was wrong.
He’s not my friend.
Gangbangers don’t really have friends, even though they call each other family.
I took a step back and saw the back of the car.
Red cloth, held with electrical tape, covered the taillight closest to me. I remembered the taillights the night Jimmy was shot. Different colors. One red, one orange. Blurring as the car disappeared into the night.
The truth hit me like a bullet. They had killed Jimmy. Not someone in the black Chevy like Gus and Lamar wanted me to believe. Why would they kill Jimmy if he was their ace man? Why did they want me to think a rival gang killed Jimmy? Did they want me to think it was the guys in the black Chevy, just so I’d join up with them? That was crazy. Except if what Jimmy had was really important and they needed me to find it for them. But what could Jimmy have had that I wouldn’t know about? I couldn’t stop staring at those taillights.
Lamar put his heavy hand on my neck and squeezed. “What you looking at?”
16
“I was thinking about Jimmy,” I said. “What did Jimmy owe you?”
His hand dropped away.
“Go home to your momma, baby boy,” Lamar said. “If you don’t know what Jimmy owed me, then you’re dumber than you look.”
He made some motion with his hand, and they all got into the car, Gus included.
Gus stepped around me like I wasn’t there anymore.
The car pulled away, and only then did I realize how scared I had been. My palms were wet and I could feel my heart beating in my head.
At home I took Spider into the house. Mina was asleep on the floor under my window. I carried her back to her bed.
Spider jumped up, circled twice, and curled next to Mina, resting his head against her.
I crawled into my bed, but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep.
They said they weren’t the ones who killed Jimmy. They lied to me, so how could I trust anything they said? Even Gus lied to me. Did Jimmy really sell drugs?
I didn’t think he could have. Jimmy told me it was hopeless if you joined a gang. Rivals did drive-by shootings at your house, and you always lived in fear.
The next day after school, I rode the Metro downtown with Mom. She was going to get Jimmy’s last paycheck. She went into the restaurant and came out with an odd look on her face.
“The man said Jimmy never worked here.”
“Maybe he forgot,” I said.
“I asked the other busboys,” she said. “No one knew him.”
“Maybe Jimmy did belong to a gang,” I said.
But she didn’t want to hear it.
“I went to the wrong restaurant,” Mom said. “I don’t know this city very well.”
“You’re right, Mom,” I said. “It’s probably another restaurant where Jimmy worked.”
I agreed with her even though I didn’t believe it anymore. I didn’t see why I should ruin Mom’s memory of Jimmy.
I leaned back and rested my head next to the window as the Metro banged over the rails. I’d have to figure out something on my own if my family was going to have any kind of future.
I thought about the gun again. There had to be another way. Lamar was right about one thing. I didn’t want to end up like Jimmy.
I opened my eyes and looked at Mom. She was staring straight ahead. She didn’t need another funeral either.
When we got home, Mom and Mrs. Washington cooked dinner. Mrs. Washington made a carrot salad, and Mom scrambled cheese into eggs and made hot biscuits filled with sliced bananas and topped with mayonnaise.
I ate too much and then got mad at myself for thinking about food when there was so much else going on.
I sat on my bed wearing Jimmy’s baseball glove and throwing his baseball into the pocket.
Maybe I could give those gangbangers exactly what they wanted.
I took my shower and got ready for bed. I didn’t want to fall asleep, but it was really hard not to.
I woke up hours later. I dressed, put on Jimmy’s shoes, and searched in the boxes for Jimmy’s flashlight. Then I went outside and climbed the fence into my old backyard.
Jimmy had told me about a crawl space under the house once.
I moved a board behind the pink hibiscus bush and shone the flashlight into the space under the house.
Spiderwebs and rusted pipes filled the gloom. There was room to move inside and crawl around.
I knew if Jimmy had hidden anything, this was the only place he could have hidden it from Mom. She was always vacuuming under beds and moving mattresses and cleaning our closets.
I crawled in. Spiderwebs covered my face. I held my breath and spit, then brushed the webs away. It smelled wet and gross under the house.
I crawled on my belly about three feet; then I heard a car pu
ll up outside.
Car doors opened.
I turned off the flashlight. It was pitch-black under the house.
I didn’t have enough time to go back to Mrs. Washington’s house. I stayed there and hoped the gangbangers, if they were gangbangers, didn’t know about the crawl space.
Soon I heard footsteps on the floor above me, then loud creaking noises as if they were prying wallboards away with crowbars. Maybe they thought Jimmy had hidden whatever it was in the walls.
I waited for what seemed like hours.
Finally footsteps pounded toward the front door. The house got quiet. Car doors opened and closed. A car pulled away. Silence followed.
I waited five minutes before I turned on my flashlight.
In the beam of light I saw a suitcase. I crawled over and opened it. Stacks of money filled the suitcase.
There was a note to me on top.
Tito,
Well little brother, if you’re reading this, I guess you’ve been to my funeral.
Probably my homies found out I was skimming cash and laid me down, but who knows? I didn’t lie when I told you gangsters are either dead or going to be.
Banging was fun at first when I was kicking back with my homies. But then it seemed like all we did was go to funerals and cause more. I thought if I could get enough money, I could take you and Mina and Mom someplace safe. Sorry I didn’t get you there.
But you can get there, Tito. Be strong. Use the money. Make your life sing.
Jimmy
I couldn’t help it. I started crying. I cried really hard for Jimmy.
I took the note and closed the suitcase.
I crawled back outside, feeling dusty and covered with spiders. I started to walk back to the house when I heard someone behind me.
Before I could turn, someone knocked me to the ground.
17
Zev was on top of me.
“Sorry, Tito,” Zev said. “I didn’t mean to knock you over. I tripped.”
“What are you doing here? Don’t you have rules about this kind of thing?” His mother had a rule about everything.
“I thought you might be in trouble.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“I can see from my bedroom window. I was watching all the time in case the gangbangers captured you. I was going to call 911. When you didn’t come out, I was afraid you were trapped.”
I looked at him and shook my head. The kid knew nothing about sneaking out at night. He still had his pajamas on. How was he going to explain grass stains on his pj’s to his mom?
“Thanks,” I said finally, and wrapped my arm over his shoulder.
“Zev,” I said, “am I your first friend since you’ve come to America?”
He laughed and it sounded fake. “I have a million friends,” he said.
“Good,” I said. “Because right now you don’t want to get caught hanging out with me.”
I climbed back over the fence and left him standing in the backyard. I figured he had enough sense to go home.
In my bedroom I took the gun from its hiding place and put it in my backpack between my science book and my English book.
Tomorrow was going to be a big day for me.
18
I got up early and left the house with the backpack over my shoulder.
I didn’t eat breakfast. Skipping a meal upsets Mom. That was nothing compared to what she was going to do when she found out I didn’t wait to walk Mina to school.
I couldn’t worry about eating or being in trouble with Mom with everything else that was going on.
A trash truck whined and coughed down the alley. I ran after it. When the men weren’t looking, I flung my backpack over the top into the bin. I stood next to the poinsettia and waited, hoping the gun wouldn’t fire.
Motors whined. The big truck began compressing the trash.
Then I ran to Big Molly’s Diner.
Lamar and Ice Breaker Joe stood outside, holding cartons filled with French fries. Steam rose from the chili covering the fries.
I walked up to them, pretending not to be afraid. They laughed at me, but I kept thinking what Mom always said about whoever laughs last, laughs best.
“I figure I know where Jimmy left the stuff he owes you if there ever was any stuff,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell them I had seen it.
“Look how tough he’s acting now,” Ice Breaker Joe said.
“Jimmy crawled under the house all the time saying he was fixing pipes,” I said.
They looked at each other. Something connected in their big dumb brains.
“There’s a board over the entrance to the crawl space behind the pink hibiscus plant. You’d never see it if you didn’t know it was there. But I wouldn’t go there,” I said.
“And why wouldn’t you go there?” Lamar asked, and stuffed a mess of French fries covered with chili and cheese in his mouth.
“Because cops have been watching the house day and night.”
“There’s no cops there unless they’re invisible,” Ice Breaker Joe said.
“Yeah, well, I guess they’re all undercover,” I said. “I see them all the time.”
“Then why don’t you go get the stuff?” Lamar said.
“Because I’m no gangbanger and neither was Jimmy.”
“Then why you telling us about under the house?” Lamar said.
“I did what you asked so all the gangbangers would stop coming around and breaking into the house. I told you. I warned you. Now we’re even.” I started walking away. I walked really slow even though my legs were hammering with nerves.
I walked into Big Molly’s Diner and took a seat.
Sonny came over. “Those boys at the car bothering you?”
I shook my head so Lamar and Ice Breaker Joe could see and know I wasn’t a squealer.
Sonny placed a menu on the counter and gave me a glass of water.
When I heard the car pull away, I went to the pay phone and punched in 911.
The only undercover cop who had been hanging around the house was me.
I told the voice on the line that Jimmy Cahill had hidden drug money he stole from his gang under the house at 1501 Logan Street, and that the gangbangers who killed him were going to get it now. Then I hung up.
I knew police would be buzzing around here and buzzing around the house, so I went up to Sonny.
“My mom gave me money for breakfast and I lost it,” I lied. I’d been telling too many lies. I promised myself this was my last. “I tried to call and no one’s home. Do you have any work I can do to earn money for breakfast?”
Sonny gave me a doubtful look. He didn’t know if I was gaming him or not.
“You want to clean the rest rooms?” he asked.
I nodded.
“I’ll give you breakfast every morning,” he said, “if you’ll clean out the rest rooms every day. I hate that job.”
“Can I bring my sister sometimes?”
“How old is she?”
“She just turned five,” I said. “She likes French fries.”
“All right.”
By the time I was rolling the bucket of suds into the bathroom, I heard sirens. I was glad to be hiding out in the bathroom with Clorox fumes in my nose. That way I had an excuse to mind my own business and I didn’t have to get in anyone’s way.
I finished and went back to Sonny.
He checked into the men’s rest room, then knocked on the women’s door and, when no one answered, ushered me inside.
“Good job, son,” he said when I finished. “You’ve got a job.”
He held out his hand for me to shake.
“Call me Sonny,” he said. “Everyone does.”
I shook his hand. He was a nice man. I wondered if he was married. He looked so skinny, I knew he could use Mom’s cooking.
“What do you want to eat?” he asked.
“Could I wait until lunch and come back with my sister? She’ll be really impressed if I can treat her to
some French fries.”
He chuckled, but his laugh felt good.
“You bet,” he said.
Gus didn’t show up at school.
I sat in my classroom all morning, really nervous. I wondered what had happened, but I knew not to ask anyone because that would be too suspicious. I had to wait and let the news come to me.
Mrs. Bilky busted me for losing my science book and my English book. She asked Lisa to share her books with me and said we should do our science and English together until I found my books.
At lunchtime, I picked up Mina from kindergarten and we walked home.
Yellow police tape was flapping all around the front yard of our old house. They had cut down the pink hibiscus bush in the side yard.
Mina and I went inside Mrs. Washington’s house.
Mom and Mrs. Washington stood at the window, looking outside. Mom wore her white uniform. Someone had gone to the hotel where she worked and brought her home.
“They caught Jimmy’s killers,” Mom said. “At least they think they have. Detective Howard said they have a gun that they think will match the bullets found in Jimmy.” Mom’s words choked then.
I just nodded.
“Why did you leave this morning without breakfast or Mina?” Mom asked. She fisted her hands on her hips. That meant she was serious.
I looked out the window.
“I had to finish some work for Jimmy. It’s what he would have wanted me to do.”
She took in air in a huge gasp and hugged me so tight, I couldn’t breathe.
“Mom,” I said.
“No more,” she said. “No more.”
She let me go then.
“I’m going to take Mina down to Big Molly’s Diner for French fries,” I said.
“How did you get money?” She looked scared.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” I said. “I scrubbed out the bathrooms. You can call Sonny and check. You don’t have to worry about me. Sonny gave me a job scrubbing out the bathrooms so Mina and I can have French fries every day.”