by Lisa Daily
Is He Cheating?
Crack the Cheat Code and find out right now if he is cheating or not, why he cheats, and what you need to do next.
By Lisa Daily
www.lisadaily.com
Copyright 2012 Lisa Daily
All rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
Some of the techniques and/or equipment may not be legal in all states, countries, and jurisdictions. While it is generally legal to search or record data from any property owned or jointly owned by you, such as computers, residences, or automobiles; before you proceed with using any of the methods or equipment detailed in this book, you should obtain qualified legal guidance on relevant laws in your area. The information entailed in this book is provided “as is” without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information included in this book is assumed by the user. In no event shall Lisa Daily or SKH Publishing be liable for any consequential, incidental, direct or indirect damages suffered in the course of using the information in this book. The information in this book is intended as an informative guide only. Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: He’d never do that. Would he?
Chapter 2: What is the Cheat Code?
Chapter 3: The types of men most likely to cheat
Chapter 4: Cheat Code & the Decode: Signs he’s cheating
Chapter 5: How to find out right now, for sure. Gathering evidence
Chapter 6: Is porn the same as cheating?
Chapter 7: The real reason why he’s cheating on you
Chapter 8: How to be a human lie detector
Chapter 9: The confrontation
Chapter 10: Can you reform a cheater? Should you stay or should you go?
Chapter 11: Letters from other women going through the same thing you are
Chapter 12: How to deal with your Fifteen Minutes of Shame
Chapter 1: He’d never do that. Would he?
Every woman on the planet has felt it at least once. The nagging feeling in your gut that something isn’t quite right, that what he’s saying feels a little off. And even though you might have no reason in the world to suspect something is going wrong, you do.
You might feel confused because he says one thing and does something else. You might feel like you’re going crazy. You might start to actually believe all the things he’s been telling you — that you’re neurotic, or sexless, or depressing, or too fat, or that you ask too many questions. Or the worst, that you’re just crazy and insecure and jealous — and that all of this is about what’s wrong with you, not anything that he might be doing.
And you might be afraid to learn the truth. After all, if your worst fears are correct and you at last learn what you really don’t want to know…what then? What happens to your life, your home, your family? You probably feel humiliated, you may be too ashamed to tell your girlfriends or your family or your minister. What does this say about you? How could he do this to you? Why would he do this? What does she have that you don’t? Why aren’t you enough for him?
The worry and fear you feel is keeping you up at night, making you doubt what’s real and what’s not, making you feel scared and humiliated and alone. The fact that you’re reading this book means your relationship is in trouble. And no matter what you learn when you discover the truth, you can’t continue on the path you’re on. If it hasn’t already, eventually the stress of this situation will spread like a cancer into every other area of your life – your job, your self-esteem, your other relationships, your children. You can’t go on this way.
And you don’t have to.
I want you to know that this is NOT your fault and you’re not alone in this. I’m here with you every step of the way. And the first step is figuring out whether your worst suspicions are true, or if this really is all in your head.
The truth will set you free.
Chapter 2: What is the Cheat Code?
Men are idiots when they cheat. Not just because they’re selfishly willing to sacrifice your happiness and stability for their own (although there is that), but because men everywhere follow the same tired, predictable patterns when they do it.
I call this The Cheat Code — basically, all the things men do, say, and think when they’re cheating. Or thinking about cheating.
Men are shockingly predictable when they cheat – from how they justify their behavior to themselves to what they tell the other woman to how they hide their trail of deception. There is no originality in infidelity.
All men, even smart men, behave in the same predictable way when it comes to cheating.
The good news is that cracking the Cheat Code makes them easy to catch if they are cheating, and easy to vindicate if they’re not. And that’s what you need to do if you’re ever going to put your mind at ease and get on with your life. It’s the waiting, suspecting, not knowing that kills you.
While you’re figuring this out, I want you to do three things:
1) Pretend like everything is normal. If he knows you’re suspicious, he’ll work harder to cover his tracks (which will, in turn, make him harder to catch.) Keep your chin up and your suspicions to yourself for now. We want to find out the truth quickly, and once and for all.
2) Start socking away a little money on your own. If you can, open a separate bank account that he doesn’t know about. (Or alternatively, you can purchase money orders in small amounts and keep them hidden.) This way, you’ll have some cash to either hire a private investigator if you need one, or you’ll have an emergency fund to start a new life. Just in case. If it turns out your suspicions are wrong, you can always use the cash for a nice vacation.
3) I want you to start keeping a journal or notebook to write down your suspicions, any evidence you collect, as well as documenting the critical things your partner says that don’t quite make sense.
So let’s get to it, rip off the band-aid, cut through your fears and the BS and figure out what’s really going on — once and for all.
Chapter 3: The Types of Men Most Likely to Cheat
Studies show that as many as 60% of women and 75% of men cheat on their partners.
There are certain traits and characteristics that make a man more likely to cheat on you. That said, even if a man has every single traits on the list, it does not mean he’s already cheated or is doomed to cheat on you — it only means that he has a higher likelihood of cheating than the general population.
How many of these common traits of cheaters does your man have?
He falls asleep immediately after sex
Some men like to snuggle and engage in a little pillow talk after sex, some men just roll over and pass out. A recent study from the University of Michigan found that men who snooze immediately after sex are more likely to suffer from insecure attachment, and are more likely to be unfaithful.
He’s pathologically afraid of getting close.
Insecure attachment, characterized by difficulty connecting to others and problems with managing their own emotions, makes men more likely to stray than men without. Men with insecure attachment tend to have low self-worth, a fear of getting close, inability to trust, and a need to be in control.
He’s had a brain injury, multiple concussions, or has a history of high contact sports
Was your guy a linebacker on the football team in high school? Men who have had multiple concussions are more likely to cheat than other men. Why? Multiple smack
s to the head damage the front lobe of the brain, the part that controls our inappropriate impulses.
He has a specific variation of DRD4, a dopamine receptor gene.
A Binghamton University study linked a specific genetic variation with infidelity. While everyone has the gene, the longer (7 repeat allele) version of the DRD4 reported 50% more likelihood of cheating. Scientists report that one in four people are born with the thrill-seeking, in-the-moment “cheating gene.” The gene affects the reward centers in the brain, flooding it with dopamine, which makes us feel pleasured and excited. Men with the “cheating gene” need more stimuli to feel excited than other men, and they take bigger risks. How do you know if your man has the cheating gene? A DNA test (usually under $100) can tell you for sure, but the five traits below are a tip-off.
He’s had a lot of one-night stands.
People with the longer DRD4 gene are more likely to have lots of one-night stands. If your guy has a long history of sleeping with strangers before you were together, he may have the cheater gene.
He loves horror movies
Men with the cheating gene are more likely to enjoy watching horror movies than other men. Men with the longer DRD4 are much more likely to be attracted to slasher movies than men with the shorter DRD4. Why? He needs more stimuli than regular men, so the usual car chases and romantic comedies just don’t do it for him.
He drinks a lot or is an alcoholic
Alcohol addiction and cheating go hand in hand. First, alcoholics are accustomed to hiding their behavior from friends, coworkers, and family, so cheating is practically second nature. Second, alcoholics have problems with impulse control. (They say “just one” and two hours later they’re face down in the gutter.) Men with the longer DRD4 gene are more likely to be compulsive drinkers.
He‘s a gambler
Here we go again with the impulse control issues. Thrill-seeking guys who have the longer DRD4 gene are also more likely to have gambling addictions. Yes, the same guy who ran up $7,000 on your credit card last month in Vegas probably slept with a showgirl or a hooker in the same weekend.
He’s an adrenaline junkie
Thrill-seeking men, the kind who jump out of airplanes or drive too fast, or are always looking for a big rush need more stimulation to feel alive than other men, and are more likely to engage in cheating.
He’s tall
A study reported in Psychology Today reported that tall men are more likely to cheat. Experts aren’t sure if its related to testosterone, (which may influence not only height but also infidelity) or something else, but it certainly puts a damper on tall, dark and handsome.
He’s wealthy
The more money he has, the more affairs he’s likely to have. Not only do wealthy men feel more entitled to cheat, they have the means to afford to cover it up.
One of his parents cheated
When one of his parents betrays the other, it affects him in a profound way: namely, his ability to trust is severed at the most basic level. Fast forward twenty or thirty or forty years, and he’s highly likely to repeat the pattern, even if he despises his parent who cheated.
He believes that he’s not getting enough sex
This is a tough one, because what man hasn’t complained about not getting enough sex? That said, men are more likely to feel justified when they cheat if they are not getting as much sex at home as they’d like.
Your relationship is on the rocks
Many men actually feel justified in cheating if they are unhappy in their current relationships. While it makes sense that a relationship on the rocks would be more susceptible to one of the partners having an affair, it is a surprise to many women that their partners feel they deserve to have an affair if they are unhappy at home. (Even when they have neglected to mention this to you.)
He isn’t religious
Men who aren’t religious are about 50% more likely to cheat on you than men with a strong faith and who regularly attend church. That said, we only need to look as far as prominent preachers and ministers Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, and Marcus Lamb to know that even those we imagine to be the most deeply religious are susceptible to affairs.
He’s easily sexually excited
Men who are more easily sexually excited, easily turned on, are more likely to cheat according to a study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.
He worries that he won’t orgasm or stay sexually aroused
Paradoxically, people who have a high level of worry or concern about their ability to either have an orgasm or just stay aroused cheat more often. (Women who worry about orgasm/arousal are 8% more likely to cheat; men with the same worry are 6% more likely.) You would think that those kinds of worries would keep a person from flashing their genitals in public, but you’d be wrong.
He’s not really concerned about the consequences of sex
If he doesn’t really worry about pregnancy, STDs or sending naked pictures of himself to complete strangers, he’s more likely to cheat.
He’s narcissistic
Yes, narcissists are more likely to cheat on their partners. It’s always all about him, right?
He’s an extrovert
Extroverts are more likely to be optimistic, talkative, thrill seeking, risk taking, and socially assertive. Extroverts are highly sexualized who are not only more likely to experiment sexually than their more introverted counterparts, they’re also more likely to have affairs.
He has impulse control issues
Does he call at all hours or hang up on you when he’s mad? Fly off the handle before he has all the facts? All are signs of a lack of impulse control, a classic characteristic of cheaters.
He proposed to you in February
Cheater matchmaking site Ashley Madison reported that that a whopping 57% of their male members proposed in February. And although December is traditionally the most popular month for engagements, men who proposed in February may have done so due to pressure from family, society, or the bride to be herself, rather than waiting until they’re actually ready. Or, it may be that old impulse control issue again — maybe he had no intention of proposing, but got swept up in the romance of Valentine’s Day, even though he was nowhere near ready to get married.
He’s a high school dropout
A study by the National Marriage Project found that high-school dropouts were more likely to cheat than high school graduates.
You make all the money.
Guys who are completely dependant on their wife or girlfriend’s income are five times more likely to cheat than men who earned as much as their partner. Men are least likely to cheat when their female partner earns approximately 75% of what they do. Sucky, but true.
He makes all the money.
Men who make significantly more money than their wives or girlfriends are more prone to cheating as well.
He’s employed
Who knew employment could be a drawback? Men who have jobs are more likely to cheat than men who don’t. Money plus a valid reason to leave the house every day equals higher levels of infidelity. That said, men who are unemployed are only slightly less likely to cheat.
Speaking of employment and cheating
Studies show that 70% of affairs begin in at work. Ashley Madison, an Internet dating site for people actively looking to cheat on their spouses, studied their 1.9 million users and found the most common professions held by cheaters:
Men Who Cheated Were Most Likely to Be:
1. Physicians
2. Police Officers
3. Lawyers
4. Real Estate Agents
5. Engineers
Women Who Cheated Were Most Likely to Be:
1. Teachers
2. Stay-at-home Moms
3. Nurses
4. Administrative Assistants
5. Real Estate Agents
Other professions that are ripe for affairs?
Entertainers, politicians, speakers, consultants and sales reps (Any job that provides
a high salary, long work hours, and lots of travel plus an expense account means plenty of opportunities to cheat.) And this won’t come as a shocker, but 80-90% of male athletes cheated on their spouses, according to CNN. (No surprise here, they’re men, they’re wealthy, and they probably hit their heads a lot more than an accountant would.)
Is He Genetically Programmed To Cheat?
Is it just hard-wired into a guy to screw around? Sometimes the answer is yes. Does this excuse their behavior? Absolutely not. But it’s important to know that some guys have to work a lot harder than others to stay faithful. Some men have a genetic code makes them more prone to cheating. The only way to know for sure is a DNA test, but many of the “cheater” genes are linked to other behaviors as well.
He has a short vasopressin receptor gene