by Lisa M Airey
She awoke to soft, golden lamplight. It took her a moment to remember where she was and why she was there. Then, everything came sharply back into focus and she took a shaky breath. Gray was busy lighting candles, but he turned at the sound.
“Sleeping Beauty awakens,” he said brightly.
She looked at the stars through the picture window. “How long did I sleep?”
“Several hours.” He paused. “Hungry?”
“No.”
“Well, dinner is ready. You should try to eat something.”
She had packed a tangy short rib mole, and its fragrance filled the small cabin. Wine was poured into two glasses on the table. She got out of bed and he helped her to her chair.
“You’re still a little wobbly.”
“I’m sorry.”
He frowned. She’d been apologizing since Lync had accosted her. “There is nothing to be sorry about, Julie.”
“Of course, I’m sorry.” She took a sip of wine.
He scooped some beef onto her plate, served himself, then sat down.
“What did Lync say to you on the mountain?”
She took a forkful of food and looked out the window. What had he said?
Their dialogue played through her mind. Lync did not know that she didn’t know that Gray was a…
Gray ate, waiting for her response. When none seemed forthcoming, he tried to re-capture her attention. “Julie?”
She turned to look at him questioningly. “Did he hurt you?”
She took a sip of wine and frowned. Did he? She couldn’t remember. He had sniffed her. She shuddered. She took another bite of food. He had grabbed her wrist. She shuddered again.
Gray set his silverware down and folded his hands, resting his head upon them. She was very far away, in shock. Fear lodged cold and hard in his gut.
“Julie,” he tried again. “Would you like to hear about the house?”
She looked back at him and nodded mutely.
“I’m breaking ground next week.”
“That’s good,” she said. He was speaking, but she wasn’t listening. His voice was like background noise. Elevator music. There, but not there. It was a buzzing in her ears. She ate her meal.
“I’d like to walk the site with you tomorrow. Finalize the plans.”
She took another sip of wine and he refilled her glass. “I have to work tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is Sunday,” he reminded her.
“I think I have kennel duty.”
“Rose has kennel duty this weekend,” he said quietly.
She swallowed another sip of wine. “There is something I have to do. I just can’t remember what.”
He finished his meal and removed his plate.
“Listen,” she said, getting to her feet. “I would like to go home now. Would you take me home?”
“No,” he said, turning to face her.
She stepped back as if she’d been struck. “No?” Her voice was a dry and dusty croak. She folded her arms to still the little tremors that were beginning to shake through her. “What do you mean, no?”
He crossed the room to stand beside her. “Julie, if I let you go tonight, your fear will grow a thousand-fold. I’ll never get you back. I don’t want to lose you. Not to fear.”
She shuddered again and gripped herself even harder. “I need to go home, Gray.”
She pivoted toward the door, but he reached it before her and blocked her way. He could smell the fear on her now and his nostrils flared.
“Please let me leave.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye.
“No, Julie, no. I don’t want you to leave. Not like this. Not terrified of me.” She tried to move past him, but again, he moved between her and the door. She looked at the muscular arm blocking her escape then looked up at his face.
“Please,” he begged. His eyes were worried and fearful. “Please stay. You’re breaking my heart.” He said it as a whisper. She closed her eyes and took a ragged breath. “After everything, Julie, after everything, can’t you give me just one kernel of faith and trust?”
She lifted her head slowly and met his eyes. They stared at each other silently for a moment then she nodded and sat back down.
“Like always,” he said, ferreting a t-shirt out of the cedar chest and handing it to her.
She took the garment with a shaking hand. He nodded encouragement. “I’m going to do the dishes.”
She undressed slowly, then slipped the t-shirt over her head and folded her clothes neatly on top of the cedar chest. She moved mechanically, grabbing her guest toothbrush while moving to the water pump.
She heard the deadbolt slide in the door and she jumped, hitting her hip on the stone basin in the process. Lync. Lync was shocked to know that she didn’t know about Gray. She tried to rub the soreness out of her hip. Why was that such a surprise? No one in their right mind would admit to being a werewolf. She rinsed the toothpaste out of her mouth, dropped her toothbrush into a ceramic cup and stood staring at it for a while, lost in thought.
“Julie?” She jumped again. “You will get cold.”
She crossed the room slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He opened his arms for her and nodded. She slipped in and rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping the rest of her around his warm frame, as if on automatic-pilot. He gave her a little squeeze.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
She lay there for hours staring into the darkness. She listened to Gray’s breathing, deep and slow, then she focused on a strong but quiet, muffled sound. His heartbeat.
He sounded human. She thought of him and the baseball team. So many proud moments. She closed her eyes.
He’s a werewolf.
She thought of the Sioux gathering and how he seemed to grow a foot taller with her on his arm. She had never seen him smile so often as that weekend.
He’s part beast.
Her heart squeezed. He had saved her today and she had repaid him with mistrust, wolf or no. She swallowed hard. Here she was, snuggled up to him as usual. As always. And she was safe. So very safe.
As ferocious as he had been on the trail, he’d never shown her anything but tenderness, patience and respect. There were men, men like her stepfather, that behaved far more beastly than Gray did.
“Gray,” she whispered. He turned on his side to face her. “You’re still awake?”
He nodded.
“I’m glad you kept me tonight. It was the right thing to do.”
Suddenly, his dark eyes burned very bright and shiny. She found a hand and guided it to her ribcage. It was a show of trust and he knew it.
She leaned into him and kissed him gently on the lips. “You are going to explain all of this tomorrow, right?”
He nodded.
“All right, then,” and she fell asleep, snuggled up in his arms.
When she opened her eyes, she found him staring at her. He was thoughtful and watchful. Julie gave him a tentative smile and his lips quirked upwards briefly.
“How long have you been watching me sleep?”
“A while,” he murmured. He brushed her hair back with his fingers and traced the outline of her ear.
She glanced over at the window to see a brightness found only in late afternoon. “What time is it?”
“One,” he said, tickling her nose with a strand of her own hair.
“One!” Her stomach grumbled.
She tried to roll out of bed, but he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back. “Thank you for last night,” he said somberly. “I know you were upset.”
“I’m better now,” she said quietly. He bent to kiss her and paused, silently asking permission. She closed her eyes and lifted her lips up to him to complete the kiss. When they separated, they looked at each other for a moment.
“I have a lot of questions,” she said softly.
“Well, let me answer the most important one before you even ask it.” He paused. “I’m human, Julie. I hurt. I suffer.
I love. I feel. Although I can shape-shift into a wolf, I am not a beast. I’m a man.”
She nodded.
“I need you to know that.”
She nodded again.
“I am still Gray. But I am also Big Boy. The only thing that’s changed is that now you know that we are one and the same.”
“You are in wolf form often?”
“Yes. There is a female veterinarian in town that I guard on her Saturday hikes. She likes me a lot and she feels very safe when I am by her side.”
Julie swallowed and looked toward the window.
“Hey, there is a man in the moon, right?”
Julie nodded, and turned back to face him.
“There is a man in your wolf. He’s just hidden.”
“Life is not that simple.”
“Life is very simple, Julie. We’re the ones that complicate it up with our disbelief. There were those who doubted that man could fly. And look at us now. We’ve already touched the moon.”
She slid out of bed, reaching for her clothes. “I’m getting dressed now.”
“And I’m cooking,” he said, moving toward the kitchen area.
“I’m confused.”
“I know you are. And there’s a lot to tell you, but we should go slowly.”
When she was dressed, she reached for dishes and silverware to set the table. “Yesterday, I watched a man change into a wolf.” She held a plate cradled to her chest and leaned against the table watching his back as he prepared their breakfast. “How is that possible?”
“No one knows the mechanics of it,” he replied carefully. “But, it’s genetic. The ability to shape shift and the tales of those who possess the gift are ancient.”
“This is a Native American thing?”
“No, but Native Americans are more accepting of those who can change form. They honor us for our dual natures.” He mixed water into the boxed pancake mix and whipped up a batter.
“It’s genetic, you said. Meaning hereditary?”
“Passed on from father to son.”
“So, your father was a werewolf?”
He turned to face her. “Werewolves are fictitious creatures crafted in Hollywood. In reality, wolf-men are called lycanthropes.”
“In reality?”
He nodded slowly.
“Gray, you can change form at will?”
“Yes.”
“The full moon?”
“That does impact ourmoods, but no, I do not turn into a psychotic killer when the moon is full. Just the opposite. I ache to hold you at that time, Julie.”
“But doesn’t the full moon force you to shape shift?”
“Only on a movie set. In real life, we are not compelled.”
Julie measured out coffee into the old-fashioned percolator and set the coffee pot on the free burner. Gray turned on the flame. A quiet silence stretched between them.
“Does it hurt to change?” she asked at last.
“No. It’s just a little awkward.”
Gray stacked the pancakes onto a serving plate then pulled the maple syrup down from the shelf above him.
“Do all lycanthropes possess your strength?”
“Yes. We are extraordinarily strong and we feel little pain.” He watched her carefully as he spoke. “We can run for miles without breaking into a sweat. Our endurance is off the charts. Our vision is keen, so is our hearing and our sense of smell.”
“You are always smelling me.”
“That’s because you smell good,” he said, and gave her a smile. “The day of the blizzard, Julie?” His tone altered and her head snapped up in full attention. “I smelled you on the wind.” He locked eyes with hers. “That’s how I knew you were in the forest. That is how I found you that day.”
“I’ve always wondered about that.”
He extended a hand and she reached out to squeeze it. “I wasn’t stalking you,” he said. “But in the end, I did track you and find you. I couldn’t tell you this at the time, because I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“I was so afraid.”
“I know and I understand, but I don’t want you to be afraid now. No fear, Julie.” He pulled her to her feet, grabbed her around the waist and gave her a firm hug. “Don’t be afraid of me.”
She nodded stiffly and pulled away. Gray released her reluctantly then poured out another batch of pancakes on the griddle. He glanced back at her over his shoulder trying to gauge her feelings.
“How many lycanthropes are there?” she asked.
“In the world? I don’t know. Not many. There are only two of us within my tribe.”
“Yes,” she shuddered involuntarily, her thoughts flying to Lync. She remembered the look Lync had given her in the forest. His eyes had terrified her. She fetched the coffee and poured.
“How can you be such a nice lycanthrope and Lync be such a horror?” She saw Gray flinch at her words, but was too numb to feel regret.
“Nature and nurture,” he responded. “Just like with regular folk. What makes one man a serial killer and another a priest?”
She rubbed her hands over her eyes, pressing her palm against her forehead. “Did you grow up knowing you were different?”
“Yes. But I didn’t know how different. My father told me when I was an adolescent. He did his best to explain things.” Gray served her then took a stack of pancakes for himself. They began to eat. “By the way, you cannot change form until you reach adulthood. It’s Nature’s own safe-guard that we make it that far.”
“What do you mean?”
“Imagine a bunch of adolescent muscle-heads with more muscle than maturity? We’d kill each other off.”
“There is rivalry between you?”
“Absolutely,” he said gravely. “There can only be one alpha male in the pack.”
She was silent for moment and he let her digest things.
“Then Lync wasn’t really interested in me. He was actually challenging your authority.”
He hesitated, not wanting to overwhelm her with too much information at once. “He definitely meant you harm, Julie,” he said slowly. “That’s why I attacked.”
“You were going to kill him.”
He looked her directly in the eye. “I will do whatever needs doing to keep you from harm. I am not a killer, but if you were in danger, I would kill if I had to.”
He looked down, frowning. “I need you to understand,” he said, his voice heavy with the weight of his words. “My aggression was completely protective.” He looked up at her, willing her to believe him.
She nodded her head.
“Can you tell me what happened yesterday, what he said to you?”
“He made an off-hand comment about me dating a wolf and then laughed at the confusion on my face. He was surprised, stunned really, that I didn’t know you were a lycanthrope. I think he found that very funny, in a malicious kind of way. He kept saying, ‘You don’t know. You don’t know’ like I was some kind of idiot.”
“You are not an idiot.”
“Thanks. But, why would he assume that I knew?”
Gray shrugged.
“I mean why would he assume that? It’s not something that just pops up in casual conversation. ‘Oh, by the way, I’m a wolf-man’.”
Gray was silent. She fell silent too. They looked at each other for a long moment.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“Not until I had to.”
She was going to ask him why, but after her behavior yesterday, she knew the answer to that one already.
“Who else knows?”
“The tribal council and most of the elders.”
She was thoughtful for a moment. “I thought they had treated you with deference when we were at the Making Relatives ceremony.”
“A cautious respect is more like it,” he said simply.
“Are you dangerous, Gray?”
“Have you ever felt threatened around me?”
She had been terrified of him in the
beginning. But threatened? No. She paused. “I was a little overwhelmed last evening, especially when you wouldn’t let me leave.”
He looked her in the eye. “I would never harm you as man or wolf. I needed to show that to you. I was desperate to make you understand.”
She heard the strength and truth in his words. She took a sip of coffee. She was silent again. “Are you sorry that you are a lycanthrope?”
“There are times when I view it more as a curse, like last night when I saw the terror in your eyes, but nothing has changed.”
“Gray, everything has changed. It’s going to take me a little time to adjust. Werewolves were make-believe for me until now.”
“Werewolves are make-believe, Julie,” he said forcefully. “Fictional monsters. I’m not a monster. I’m a lycanthrope.”
“Okay,” she said. “Okay.” She looked up at him. “What are we going to do about Lync?”
Gray gave her a silent and steady stare. “I’m not sure.”
“What about the police?”
“If you go to the police, how are you going to explain what happened on the mountain?” he asked softly.
She sighed heavily. “I could stick to the truth of the matter. I could tell them that Lync accosted me and that your efforts to protect me ended up in a fight. No one would need to know that you two fought as wolves.”
Gray shook his head. “There is not a mark or bruise on my body to corroborate your story.”
“What do you mean?
“I don’t have any battle scars.”
“Your chest?”
He unbuttoned his shirt to show a smooth, unmarred chest. “I healed over-night. Lync would have also.”
“So what do we say?”
“We say that when I arrived, Lync stopped harassing you.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. Think about it, Julie. What man in his right mind would want to tangle with me?”
“Lync.”
“But, Lync is not in his right mind. The police will believe you.”
Julie was silent for a while, replaying his words in her head. The logic of his evaluation of the situation was solid, but the problem was unsolved.
“But what about Lync?”
He frowned. “I will keep you safe, Julie.” He pressed a key into her hand. “This is to my apartment in town. In case you just want to come over, in case you don’t want to go home alone. I don’t want you to worry.”