by CJ Embers
Eldrik tossed her body away and met me head on. Pure rage was screaming against my skull and I lashed out at the man. Red descended upon my vision and I could do nothing but attack him again and again and again.
Eldrik was unable to withstand my fury and ended up on the ground with my fingers around his throat. I was pressing down hard and snarling like a wild animal.
The sound of footsteps broke me from my anger and I growled, “I will come back to kill you. You must pay for the innocent life you took!”
I let go of Eldrik and he coughed and sputtered as he tried to regain breath. Mazi’s body had stilled, and I grabbed my bag and gently scooped her up before taking off.
As I ran through the forest, I could barely breathe. It felt like a boulder was sitting on my chest, and my throat was tight. Legs weak, I sank to the grass and sobbed, clutching Mazi to my chest.
“I’m s-so sorry,” I choked out, pressing her face to my own.
The grief and guilt were unbearable and I barely had the strength to get up when the sound of pursuing guards reached me. I stumbled through the dark forest, barely knowing where I was going. Sometime later, I realized I could no longer hear the guards chasing after me, and I slowed.
After getting my bearings again, I set off in the direction of my home. By the time I got there, Mazi’s body had become stiff a long time ago. I had wrapped her tightly in the bag to ensure bugs would stay away.
I was exhausted physically and mentally and wanted to collapse in my bed, but I couldn’t go to sleep just yet. I gently lay my cat on the table while I went inside to deposit my extra supplies and grab my shovel.
Outside, I found a place nearby and began digging. The work was arduous, but eventually I was done. I had dug down deep enough so it wouldn’t attract any wild animals. After retrieving Mazi, I desperately wanted to have one last look at her, but I couldn’t bring myself to open the bag. I knew there was a high chance the decomposition process had already started, and I didn’t want that to be the last thing I saw of her. Keeping the bag closed, I gently lowered her into the hole.
Kneeling beside her grave, fresh tears welled in my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice cracking. “This was all my fault… If I hadn’t been selfish about being alone, you’d still be alive. May we be together in the afterlife…”
Body trembling, I scooped the loose dirt back in, filling up the hole until it came to the top. I made a marker and stuck it in the ground at the head of the grave. When I was done, I barely had the energy to drag myself to my shelter and fell onto the furs, passing out instantly.
I slept throughout the day and halfway through the next night. When I woke, my first thoughts were of Mazi. The guilt was immeasurable and I tried desperately to keep my emotions in control, but eventually I surrendered and cried until there was nothing left.
* * *
I had just come back from hunting, clutching a dead rabbit, when I took a moment to take in the sight of my home. Although shoddy in comparison to Shekri, it was… homely. Outside, there was my campfire and cooking spit, tanning rack, and a rickety table with a small log for a chair. The dirt of Mazi’s grave was already starting to regrow greens, and I went there often to grieve.
I deposited my kill on the table and went inside my hut to retrieve the knife Oren had given me. Inside, I stepped around the furs on the floor to grab the weapon. It was small inside, but with it being just me, I didn’t see a point to making it bigger any time soon.
The inside of the shelter was pretty boring and poorly lit, so I spent most of my time outside. There was only my sleeping area off to the side and my tools resting against a wall. Although I wanted a window, I didn’t know how to make one that would also keep bugs out.
While I was gutting and skinning the rabbit outside, I let my mind wander. Every day, I daydreamed of getting revenge on Shekri, the Tehji, and Eldrik. Although I was doing fine without the village, that still didn’t change the fact that I resented them for what they did to me.
Some might have argued that I started it, but I didn’t see it that way. Sure, I stole the Trial from Eldrik, but that was led up to by years of being considered lesser just because of my gender.
I reached up to move a strand of hair away from my face and the back of my hand brushed against my branding mark. It had healed well enough that I pretty much forgot about unless I saw my reflection in the river, which I was thankful for; having such a wound get infected would have most likely been deadly.
Sometime during the night, I awoke, and immediately I was on edge. Surely I had been woken up for a reason? My suspicions were confirmed when I heard the howl of a wolf. Based on how loud it was, it was no doubt close by, and fear crackled along my body. I had been living in the wilderness for months and hadn’t experienced a predator… until now.
Quietly sitting up, I had no idea whether it would be smarter to just stay silent and hope the wolf wouldn’t come to my camp, or to try to make a fire in hopes it would ward the beast away even though the noise might attract it before I could get one started.
Knowing the smell of the rabbit I had butchered earlier would still be lingering, I figured it would be smart to try making a fire. The wolf would be drawn here either way, and I doubted the weak walls of my shelter would withstand an assault; at least a fire would give me an extra line of defense.
Grabbing my spear and my knife, I silently propped the door open and slipped through. The night air was chilly against my bare arms.
Leaving my weapons beside me, I quickly got to work starting a fire. To my dismay, I found it harder than normal, as the cool air had caused the moss to be soaked in dew.
Come on… Please start…
When a tiny whorl of smoke appeared, I worked even harder. Another howl pierced the air, sounding even closer now. When a growl reached me, I froze. Slowly lifting my head, my eyes met those of the wolf. Fear skittered up my spine, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
The beast was skinny and his grey fur was dull and lifeless, and I knew that meant I had an even bigger issue on my hands. A wolf that hungry would be a lot harder to deter.
Another growl rumbled through the air, and it was all I could do to not turn into a pathetic heap of fear. Slowly reaching down for my spear was the wrong move. The animal lunged at me and was on top of me before I could react. Its teeth scraped at my throat as I fought to push it away.
I tried to weigh my opinions while I tried to keep the beast at bay, but the mixture of fear, adrenaline, and fight for survival meant I could hardly think about anything.
My arms weakened for a just a moment, and a burst of pain flooded my body as the wolf sunk its razor-sharp teeth into my shoulder. I cried out and punched at the wolf, but it thrashed, ripping farther into my flesh.
Reaching for my knife, I felt the handle with the tip of my fingers and tried to grab it. The wolf had an iron lock on my shoulder, and the pain was unbearable.
I managed to close my fingers around the handle of the knife and took no time in sinking the blade in the beast’s side. The wolf immediately let go with a sharp whine and I waved the weapon at it.
“Get away!” I yelled with as much fierceness as I could muster.
With a whimper, the animal turned and limped away. The bite on my shoulder burned harshly, but I couldn’t help but feel horrible for the wolf. It was hungry, and I left it with a deep wound that would probably fester and lead to a slow death.
I sighed, went to my small store of water, and cleaned the wound as best as I could. After, I decided to use some of the antiseptic cream Oren had given me, since animal bites could easily become infected. Once I had covered the wound with a few leaves and wrapped it with some larger strips of hide, I went back to sleep.
In the morning, I could barely move my arm without it being excruciating. When I took a look at the wolf bite, the skin around the wound was quite inflamed, contrasting with the blue glow of the Adeptus mark. Worry fluttered in my belly at the sight of it.
I spent the entire day trying to take it easy. Without proper use of my arm, there was no way I could do anything anyway. I decided that as soon as I was able, I would get started on making a fence.
It most likely wouldn’t be built well enough to keep out predators, but it would at least be a deterrent— or at the very least give me more time to get a fire started.
The next day, my arm was even worse, and I could see the beginnings of infection starting. The container of cream Oren had given me was small, and when I put more on in the hopes that it would kill the infection, that was the last of it.
I had gathered and dried a store of herbs in my time of being here, but none were ones for infection, and I figured I should try to find some since I was now out of cream.
As I searched, my mind was filled with thoughts of me dying, and I couldn’t help but think searching for plants was a waste of time when I wouldn’t make it anyway.
By the time I got back with a few herbs, I was exhausted and my arm ached beyond belief. After laying the plants down on my small table to dry, I went into my shelter and fell into a deep sleep.
When I awoke, I didn’t know how long I had been out for. The weak light filtering through the cracks by my door told me it was either sunrise or sunset.
A rustling noise reached me, followed by whispering.
I tried to sit up, but a wave of nausea and dizziness swept through me and I fell back. My body was incredibly weak and a clammy sweat coated my skin like I was feverish. I knew I couldn’t defend myself against whoever was out there if they were here for nefarious reasons.
The door to my shack opened and someone peeked in, but I couldn’t make out their face through the dim light and my blurry vision.
“She’s in here,” a male voice said.
The man crawled farther into my shelter, and I tried speaking, but nothing came out. When the man grabbed me by the legs and started pulling me outside, panic coursed through me. I tried squirming away, but I was too weak.
Outside, the light showed around a dozen men. When they noticed I wasn’t moving, one asked what was wrong with me.
“I don’t know,” another replied. “Makes this easy for us, though.”
I was dragged away from my camp, and my body was battered as I slid over sticks and stones. I must’ve blacked out, because when I came to, it was darker and someone was leaning over me, telling me to wake up. It was still light enough for me to see, and I recognized the man’s face. It was the one whose chance I stole at Ascending, and the one who killed Mazi.
“What’s wrong, Kena?” Eldrik sneered. “Too weak to survive out here? You seemed to have no issues surviving the Trial. You know, the thing you stole from me?”
I tried to speak, but my throat was parched.
“What was that?” he asked. “Speak up.”
When I couldn’t, he chuckled with a shake of his head. “Pathetic. You may be an Adeptus, but you’re dying tonight.” Eldrik stood and stepped back.
The group of men looked upon me with contempt. I was nearing falling unconscious again when something hard and heavy hit me, sending a wave of pain reeling throughout my body.
As the men started in on beating me with their weapons, I could do nothing but try to cover my head with my arms. My body refused to move more than that, not allowing me to stand or fight back.
I knew now that I wouldn’t die from the infection. I would be beaten to death before the wolf bite ever had a chance to kill me. Every hit made me want to scream and beg for them to stop, but nothing came out.
The earth shuddered, and the beating stopped. Screams of fear and pain ripped through the air. The sound of a sword slicing through flesh assaulted my ears.
I willed my arms to move enough that I could see. A black shape was moving too fast for me to make out. Sprays of blood misted the air. When the screams were silenced, I was confused, but also felt some sense of relief.
Someone stopped in front of me.
Onyx armour…
A jagged black sword was thrust into the ground, and the person knelt. An ebony aura surrounded us, cloaking the fading sunlight.
With a trembling arm, I weakly reached up and touched his metal-clad hand.
Helis… Thank you…
* * *
The familiar ceiling of dirt and stone above me greeted me. I blinked a few times, unsure what was going on. My body felt normal aside from my shoulder. When I looked at it, it was still quite angry looking, but the infection seemed to be receding. My skin was still slicked with sweat, and I thought back to what had happened.
It had seemed so real, but being back at my home with no bodily injuries from being beaten, it appeared to have just been a figment of my imagination. It was certainly plausible that the infection caused such an intense dream.
I was strong enough to move about, so I left my shelter. Outside, nothing appeared to have been touched, solidifying the idea that it hadn’t been real.
Grabbing a drink from my supply, I sat down at the table and sighed. “I have no idea why I keep thinking and dreaming of you, Helis.” I laughed a bit. “Well, maybe I just have a thing for powerful men.”
The sunlight and breeze dried my sweat, and I felt sticky and gross. I decided to go bathe in the river, making sure to keep my shoulder wound above water.
On the way back, I checked on one of my traps, which was a small hole dug over a rabbit trail and filled with sharp sticks. To my happiness, I had caught something.
Back at the shelter, I got started butchering it. The rustle of some leaves made me look up, but I saw nothing. Figuring it was just the breeze, I continued working until I heard it again. When I looked over once more, I saw the same wolf peeking through a bush.
I tensed. I had my knife, but I knew I couldn’t risk another bite. Thinking quickly, I quietly and slowly turned to fully face the animal, knife and rabbit still in hand.
The wolf bared its teeth, but it kept glancing between my face and the piece of prey in my hands. As gently as I could, I swung the rabbit towards the wolf.
The predator’s eyes locked on the rabbit. After a quick sniff of the air, the wolf darted out— clearly favouring the side of the knife wound— and snatched the rabbit up. To my dismay, the animal looked even skinnier than when I had first seen it. As the wolf dashed back into the trees, I comforted myself with the fact that at least the wound didn’t seem to be affecting him too much.
I sighed. Yeah, I feel good for not killing it, until it comes back and attacks me again. And next time, he’ll be expecting food again now that I fed him once.
I tried to get started on the fence surrounding my abode, but my wounded arm was still too tender to help much, and I gave up a while later after not making much progress. I would just have to hope that if the wolf came back before I was healed, I could keep him at bay.
About a week passed, and I had gotten into the habit of hunting for two. Although I knew feeding the wolf and getting him to depend on me was a bad idea that would probably eventually backfire, it was the only thing I could do while the bite continued to heal.
Seeing him getting stronger as the days went on gave me a semblance of happiness, even though I knew it meant more risk to me; if he attacked me again, it would be even harder to fend him off.
The fence was slowly coming along, but it would probably take another week or two to finish. I tried to make it as strong and sturdy as I could, but there was only so much I could do when it was just myself.
Occasionally, I would have nightmares of the dream I had, waking up in a cold sweat with a racing heart every time. To my irritation, thinking of Helis always seemed to calm me down. Not only did I still not know why I kept thinking of the Trial deity, but I also hated the fact that the thought of a man comforted me, even if he was a god.
Tonight, I had managed to catch a fish with my bare hands while bathin
g, and I was roasting it over the fire when I saw the wolf return.
The expression in his eyes looked more curious than threatening. I had prepared, and threw the animal a couple of squirrels.
To my surprise, the wolf took them to the edge of my camp and started eating his dinner there instead of taking off into the forest like he usually did.
As we stole glances at each other, I took a deep breath and quietly continued to make my own food. His eyes followed my every movement as he munched on the rodents.
The worry of him attacking me lessened as the minutes ticked by. I was still on guard, but the wolf was giving no impression that he planned on lunging at me. Truth be told, I found it comforting to have someone else here with me, even if it was an animal and not a human being.
Another week passed, and my fortifications of my home were coming along well; the fence was about three quarters done. The wolf continued getting more comfortable being around me, eating his meals closer and closer to me. He was putting on weight and the wound I gave him never got infected from what I could tell.
Eventually, it got to the point where I knew he was strong enough to take care of himself, but I was selfish. Having company was a big comfort, and I couldn’t bring myself to scare him off.
Every time his eyes met mine, I couldn’t help but see Mazi in their depths. In some way, it almost seemed like maybe my girl had been reincarnated in this wolf, and it gave me unmeasurable comfort.
One morning, I woke to find the wolf sleeping right outside my door, and I froze. He lifted his head to look at me, and I awkwardly said good morning.
“I need to get outside… and I’d prefer if you wouldn’t chomp me.”
The wolf stayed where he was, so I stepped back from the doorway and sealed myself inside to wait him out. When I peeked a couple of hours later, he was still there, and I needed to relieve myself badly.
With a sigh, I opened the door and cautiously stepped through. The wolf eyed me but didn’t move. My skin prickled as I thought about how dangerous it was to be this close to the wolf, but I didn’t really have a choice.