by CJ Embers
“I-I’m s-so sorry,” I stuttered through the sobs.
They were crying heavily and crumpled to the ground beside me.
Now that I had a moment to gather my bearings, I fully realized just how few survivors there were. Of all three or so dozen, there were only two women huddled beside me. Realizing that, my grief poured out with even more force.
One of them put a shaky hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were red-rimmed from grief. “It’s n-not your fault. You tried to save us.”
I gripped her hand and struggled to breathe past the lump in my throat. My chest felt like it was on fire, like flames were charring me from the inside.
I was exhausted, but I knew we would be followed sooner or later and needed to get out of the open. Shakily getting to my feet, I said, “Come on. We— We need to get going. Let’s first check the bodies. If there is anyone still alive, we need to help them. Check for pulses if you don’t see movement.”
As the women got to work, I looked around for the horse. He had stopped nearby, head hanging low. Sweat soaked his fur, frothing in some places.
I went to retrieve him. Grasping the reins, I pulled them over his head. “I’m sorry…” I said, resting my forehead against his neck for a moment.
The horrors of the past five minutes clawed at my throat, making it hard to breathe. Swallowing thickly, I said, “We will be able to rest when we get to a safer spot, okay?”
I led the horse back to the battlefield and dropped the reins to ground tie him while I went to help the women search the bodies. Each one I checked, there was no movement and no pulse. I was overcome with grief, but I had zero energy left to cry.
“Kena!”
I looked up and saw one of the women was waving me over.
“There’s someone alive here!”
I rushed over. The injured woman was stuck under a pile of bodies. When I saw a piece of fabric wrapped around her head, my heart leapt.
“Nala?”
The other women pulled at the bodies while I wrapped my arms under Nala’s and heaved. She slid out from under the dead and I fell back.
Gently moving Nala off me, I checked for signs of consciousness, but there was nothing. Checking her pulse, my jaw clenched when I felt how weak it was.
“Keep looking for others,” I told the women.
While they did so, I checked over my former cellmate for other injuries. There was a large gash in her leg that was still leaking.
I had no bandages, so I went over to the dead. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as I tore fabric from their clothes. Going back to Nala, I wrapped her leg as best I could, then went back to the others and helped look.
A strange noise reached my ears a few minutes later, and I tracked its source to a pile of bodies. Realizing it was someone weakly calling for help and sobbing, I began pulling away the corpses as quickly as I could.
I uncovered an arm first. “You’re okay,” I said, struggling for breath as I worked even harder.
One more body was moved, unveiling the person’s face. When I saw it was Maia, sheer relief flooded me, followed by grief all over again. Tears spilling down my cheeks, I helped her out of the pile of the dead and pulled her into my arms.
Maia whimpered in pain at the movement, and I pulled away. Inspecting her showed some nasty gashes— the two biggest ones across her side and back.
“You’ll be okay,” I said, my voice coming out as only a whisper as I grasped the back of her neck and rested my forehead against hers.
Her entire body was trembling. “I-I’m a coward,” she managed to get out.
I looked up at her. “How could you possibly be a coward?” I questioned gently.
“When I got attacked the second time, receiving the wound on my back, I played dead.” The tears in her eyes spilled over. “I played dead instead of continuing to try fighting.”
I shook my head vehemently. “There is nothing wrong or cowardly with living to fight another day, Maia. You have no training in fighting; do not blame yourself for using what abilities you have to stay alive.”
The teen nodded and wiped her cheeks.
Moving hurt too much for her to help, so I sent her off to wait by the horse after helping bind her wounds.
All in all, we found only two more women who were still alive, making the total of survivors six. My heart hurt beyond belief and anger pumped through my veins like thick sludge when I looked upon the valley of blood.
The three who were severely injured were unconscious, so we put the two who were in the worst condition on the back of the horse. There wasn’t enough room to wedge the remaining woman beside them, so I resigned myself to carrying her.
Maia’s face was in a constant grimace of pain, but there was no other option but for her to walk. When she saw my expression of concern, she waved me off.
Swallowing a sigh, I told the women to head for the forest, then grabbed the injured woman and heaved her up onto my shoulders.
The weight was substantial to my weakened body and my legs threatened to buckle. Taking a deep breath, I gripped a leg and arm to prevent her from falling off, then started off with Kain following at my side.
The longer I walked, the farther the distance between me and the others became. My legs felt like they were on the constant verge of giving out and my chest was on fire.
When the other survivors made it to the forest some hours later, I was only halfway there. The sun was below the horizon, and I knew it would be even harder to do this when I couldn’t see where I was stepping.
Like the universe heard me, my foot landed on a large stone. My own fatigue mixed with the extra weight made me twist my ankle and we went down heavy.
The sheer exhaustion and frustration made me burst into tears and I crawled to the woman to make sure she hadn’t gotten hurt even more from the fall.
After looking her over, I sat back and pulled my knees up to my chest, letting the tears flow. “I can’t do this,” I cried. “I can’t.”
The hopelessness was overwhelming and my body trembled violently. The sound of hooves reached me, and I looked up. To my horror, I realized it wasn’t coming from the direction of the forest, but from the direction of Marnori.
For a split second, the thought of giving up and surrendering flitted through my mind. I was exhausted and had no energy left to spend.
Wiping the tears from my face, I hauled the woman up again and brought her away from the main trail of footsteps left by the others. Setting her down, I crouched beside her with Kain nearby and grabbed my sword. Even if I was cut down immediately, I’d rather go out fighting. Otherwise, this would have all been for nothing.
The noise got closer and closer, and my heart hammered against my chest. When lanternlight came into view, I froze. Any movement could spell my death.
Barely breathing, I put my hand on my wolf, hoping he would get the hint to stay silent. The group came closer, and I saw it was five riders. One was leading in front, tracking the group’s prints, and the others were keeping an eye out.
They got much too close for comfort, and I silently begged for them to not notice me.
“Hold,” the leader said.
Everyone stopped, and the tracker inspected the ground. When he pressed his heels into the sides of his horse, the animal began moving in my direction.
My stomach dropped. I should have known that by moving off the trail, it would be obvious. Uncertainty trickled through my veins; I would not have the energy to fight five men. Would this be where I died, so close to freedom?
Kain raised his hackles at the sight of the men coming closer and closer. Even with his help, we most likely wouldn’t win.
When an idea popped into my head, I nearly backed away from it. I had already put Kain at risk many times, and my training with him hadn’t involved this particular idea very often, so I had no idea how it would go when it’d be for real.
Not having any other choice, as I couldn’t take on the men myself, I whispered in my wolf’s ear, “K
ain, stealth,” and pointed at the men.
Immediately, he took off. At first, Kain went to the side, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he was leaving. But I did know better. He was getting around the light of the lanterns while also getting in behind the group.
When he was in a good position, he dashed forward. In one huge leap, he soared towards one of the men and tore him from the horse. The others yelled in panic, but by the time they got their swords out, Kain had already submerged back into the shadows.
The men’s horses were spooked now, and hearing Kain snarling in the darkness only made it worse. The men pulled on the reins, fighting to keep their steeds from bolting.
My wolf ran back into the light again and snapped at a horse’s legs. The animal reared up in a panic and lashed out, but Kain was gone once again.
One more snarl was all it took for one of the horses to bolt, and when one did, the rest followed. Nearly crying in relief, I let out a sharp, short whistle.
When my wolf returned, I rubbed his neck. “Good boy. I’m sure they will be back when the sun returns, so we need to be gone by then.”
My muscles were begging for a break, but there was no time. Heaving the injured woman back up across my shoulders, I set off again.
I was finally nearly to the forest when I heard the sound of hooves again. My heart jumped before I realized it was coming from in front of me.
Sure enough, when the sound got close enough, I could see a lone rider silhouetted against the moonlight filtering through the trees.
It was one of the women, and I weakly called her over. When she saw me barely able to keep myself upright under the weight and exhaustion, she pushed the horse faster.
Jumping to the ground, she helped me put the injured woman on the back, then told me to get on. I waved her off, but she insisted. Too tired to argue any more than that, I let her help me up.
As she walked in front, she asked about Oren.
Figuring the other women would ask as well, and not having the energy to explain more than once, I told her I would explain when we got to the others.
I asked her name, and she said, “Sida. Come on, this way. We’re a few miles into the bush.”
I turned the horse to follow her and we walked silently for the rest of the time. Light eventually came into view, then quiet voices. A short while later, I saw the rest of the women sitting around a small fire, talking and tending to the wounded. They were cautious at the sound of us coming closer and immediately relaxed when we came into view.
I jumped down and helped carry the remaining woman, setting her down next to the others who were in dire condition. Seeing how battered and tired everyone looked, hopelessness and grief washed over me.
After we were done, I went up to Maia. “How are your wounds?”
“Painful,” she answered.
Frustration scraped at me, knowing there was no way I could close her two biggest wounds. I had no tools, no water, and no time. Taking off all day to go looking for a bone to whittle down into a needle was not a day we could all afford when we were fugitives.
I relayed my thoughts to the teen and told her to keep her wounds as clean as she could. “You’re young and you look healthy, so you should be okay.”
Sida came up to offer us a handful of berries, which we graciously accepted. Kain went off, presumably to hunt, and I settled by the fire to munch on the fruit.
As expected, the women asked about my former second in command. Taking a deep breath, I summoned the energy to explain. When they heard he betrayed me and chose to stay in the city despite knowing the horrors the Tehji committed, anger flashed across their faces. The air became thick with it, and the women muttered to each other about traitors. It was a while before the mood lightened.
Staring at the crackling flames, I was now finally able to relax. But with nothing to keep my mind occupied anymore, horrible thoughts scratched their way to the surface.
As tears pricked my eyes, I excused myself, saying I was tired. I walked off into the forest and found a spot to settle down that was close enough to the others that I could be there quickly if need be, but far enough away that I could have privacy.
My throat tightened as I thought about all the women who didn’t make it. The plan would have worked fine if I hadn’t gone back to get Oren and Kain. But how could I have left my wolf, and my second, thinking he was still on my side?
Thinking of Oren, a sob escaped my lips. His betrayal had crushed me, made a fool of me, and left a gaping hole in my chest. I had put my trust in him, and he had shattered it, going back to the very people whose ideals I had been trying so hard to fight against. The agony of his betrayal burned like a white-hot blade stuck in my lungs. Tears poured down my face and I struggled to breathe.
The trees shuddered, causing a rain of leaves, and I looked up. A vortex of black mist shot down from above, striking the ground in front of me. When it dissipated, Helis stood before me.
His eyes blazed red from behind his horned helmet, and he silently knelt beside me. Seeing him made the floodgates crumble completely, and I crawled to my knees and flung my arms around his neck. The dark god’s armour scraped at my skin, but I held on tightly, sobbing into the metal.
His arms wrapped around my body, his cold hands pressing gently into my back.
Helis’ embrace helped soothe my wounded heart. We stayed like that for a long while, until the tears slowed and I could breathe. When I eventually pulled away, I kept my gaze low, suddenly feeling ashamed of how far I let myself break down. I settled back against the tree and wiped at my cheeks.
The Trial deity reached forward to tilt my head up with a hand under my chin, and I looked into his fiery eyes.
“You chose well,” he said, voice rumbling. “Do not blame yourself for the actions of others.”
His words made the valley of bodies flash into my mind, and my eyes burned with fresh tears again. “All those women are dead because of me.”
“They are dead because of the Marnori guards, not you.”
I shook my head and took his hand, no longer able to meet his gaze. The metal of his armour was cold, but the chilly feeling it left upon my skin had become a source of comfort.
As I ran my fingers down the ebony metal, my mind drifted back to how snarky and cold Helis had been when I had met him and near the beginning of when he had put me under his protection.
A noise caught my attention, and I looked over to see someone coming from the direction of the small camp. The woman was looking down to watch her steps, and when she finally looked up, shock crossed her face at the sight of the dark god kneeling in front of me. She stuttered out something about wanting to make sure I was okay, then dipped her head in respect and rushed back to the others.
I turned back to Helis and settled back against the tree. The last wisps of energy in my body had evaporated, and I leaned my head back against the rough bark. I wanted to thank him for being here for me, but the only thing I managed was a whisper of his name. The last thing I felt before drifting off was his thumb gently tracing my cheekbone.
Chapter 18
W hen I woke, the sun was shining strongly through the leaves and I was lying on the ground beside the tree. I tried sitting up and my muscles protested. They were incredibly stiff, and so sore.
Grimacing at the pain of movement, I brushed dirt and bits of leaf matter from my face. As my hand brushed over my cheek, my mind flashed back to last night. I had been so tired I was basically delirious. Had I imagined the dark god’s caress right before I fell asleep?
Burying my feelings of the Trial deity, I got to my feet and groaned. I tried to gently stretch a little bit, but my muscles cried in response.
I shuffled to the camp, silently loathing the idea of having to continue travelling in my condition. At the camp, the other women were already awake. They said good morning, and I grunted in reply.
Sida gave me more berries, which I gratefully took. I was incredibly hungry, and I knew
we would need more sustenance if we were to make it wherever we were going.
A woman spoke up and apologized for interrupting me and Helis last night.
“It’s okay,” I said, popping another berry in my mouth. “We were just talking.”
Was that really ‘just talking’?
She nodded and gave me a small smile.
“What’s your name?” I asked. We had been through so much together, yet I still only knew two of their names.
The woman introduced herself as Ary, then gestured at Sida and Maia. “You know Maia, and that’s Sida.”
I nodded. “Sida introduced herself last night when she came to retrieve me. What about the injured?”
She answered, “The black-haired woman you carried is Avani, the one with brown hair is Zaila, and of course you know Nala.”
“It’s nice to finally know your names. How are they doing?” I asked of the three who were unconscious.
“They’re doing okay,” she said, nibbling on a berry as her gaze rested upon the women. “They’re not getting worse, I don’t think, so that’s good. We just need to ensure their wounds don’t become infected.”
I nodded and looked around the small camp. Realizing it was missing one, my heart jumped. “Has anyone seen Kain, my wolf?”
Ary shook her head. “Not since we got here last night.”
Worry immediately flooded me. That meant he had gone off to hunt and hadn’t been seen since.
“I’m sure he will return soon,” Sida said.
I gave her a smile, but my stomach was in turmoil. What if he had been caught by more guards, or had gotten injured?
Despite the worry, I didn’t voice my concerns. The others didn’t need anything else to think about, and he was not their responsibility anyway.
I was silent for a while, quietly hoping Kain would appear any second.
“So where are we going to go from here? We should be setting off soon,” Sida mentioned.
Realizing everyone was looking at me, I blinked in surprise. “I… hadn’t really thought that far,” I admitted.