Joel nodded toward the door he’d stepped out of. “I hope you don’t mind me using your mom’s old sewing room as a bedroom. I moved in while you were in the grove this morning. Mamm said I’d only be staying for a couple of weeks, at the most.”
Stuck in his own misery, Leviticus struggled to maintain coherent thought. “Staying?”
“Mamm said Verity needed a chaperone until the wedding, and since I’m still on walkabout, I got picked.” A half grin played on Joel’s face, revealing his boyish, playful side. “You know how mamms are. Always protecting their kinner.”
Leviticus ignored Joel’s reference to the wedding that would never happen. Instead, he thought about his mother’s smiling face. “Enjoy your mamm while you can, soh. They’re precious and don’t live forever.”
“Ya, I know.” Joel scratched his shoulder and stepped away. “I guess I should get out to the grove and help the men gather up as much of the rotting fruit as we can before nightfall.” Joel patted Leviticus’s upper arm in a brotherly fashion and said, “Don’t worry too much. Albert’s in gut hands.”
Leviticus nodded his agreement. “Solomon’s already home from the hospital?”
“He came in a few minutes ago and stayed just long enough to tell Clara their home repairs were almost complete and that they’d be moving back sooner than he’d thought. You want me to give him a message when I see him?”
Leviticus faked a smile. “That’s okay. I’ll catch up with him in a bit.”
Joel lifted his hand in a friendly goodbye. “Gut meeting you. I’ll tell your bruder you asked after him. You’ll be coming out to help in a bit? Solomon’s going to need every hand he can get.”
“Ya,” Leviticus answered, but wasn’t sure if he’d go to the grove today. His mind was a mess and his head still pounded with a growing migraine. “Hey, thanks for coming over and giving us a hand. I know Solomon appreciates the help.”
Joel smiled. “I’m glad to do what I can.” His deep voice cracked as only a teenager’s could, and then he walked away.
Leviticus slumped against the doorjamb, tired in spirit and mind. I should go work in the fields, contribute something more than drama. He puffed out a fatigued breath. Today or tomorrow, he had to deal with Solomon’s remaining fury sometime. He needed to settle things between them before another encounter caused their father’s death, and not just a debilitating stroke. Give me time, Lord. And the right words.
He opened his bedroom door and the years fell away. The room had become a time capsule, everything the same as when he’d left. He fingered the wooden truck his brother, Solomon, had hand-whittled out of wood when he’d been only nine. They’d been close back then, done everything together like bruders should. But then he’d met the Englischer teens. They’d become his only friends just before eighth grade. He began to long for the things they bragged about. The big screen TVs and music videos. His rebellious attitude had eventually separated him from his bruder, who wanted nothing more than to be a good Amish bu.
Leviticus dropped his head, remembering how he’d become a disobedient loudmouth by the time he’d finished eighth grade and left school. He managed to make everyone around him miserable, especially Solomon. But Verity had fallen in love with him regardless.
Back then, Leviticus hadn’t been sure he wanted to be Amish; he certainly hadn’t wanted to obey the rules put in place for his own safekeeping. But his mother’s sudden death shook him to his foundation, turned him against his father and his community and sealed his fate. He left broken and went to learn about the Englischer world. Like a fool, he’d gladly fought the Englischers’ war, and ended up almost dying on their battlefield. Now he had to live with his messed-up head, the memories that made him want to throw up every time one of them flickered through his mind. For a time, it felt like death followed him around.
He pulled off his damp, soiled socks and lay back on his bed, his eyes closing, his head pressing into the softness of the pillow. Images of his father in the hospital bed followed him into his restless sleep, tormenting his mind.
* * *
Verity struggled to absorb the happenings of the day and failed miserably. She worked mechanically around the kitchen, wanting to keep herself busy so she wouldn’t have time to think too deeply about what was going on around her.
White powdery puffs of flour rose to tickle her nose as she dusted cut-up chicken after dipping each piece in egg batter. She worked blindly, not really seeing anything but Albert’s expression as the doctor spoke of his possible demise. She knew him well. He’d tried to hide his shock from all of them, but she’d seen it.
Minutes later, she washed glops of flour and egg off her hands as her mamm carefully dropped the coated chicken into hot grease. “You think anyone’s going to want to eat?”
Verity’s mother moved Faith away to keep the chicken from popping hot fat on her. “People don’t stop eating just because they’re tired and their hearts are troubled. Solomon’s been working in the field most of the day. Leviticus joined him a few hours ago. They’ll both be tired and looking for a good hearty dinner.”
Verity finished cleaning her hands and then dried them with a dishcloth. She smiled at her daughter coloring at the table and then turned back to her mother. Her attempt at a genuine smile felt feeble, at best.
“We’re all grieving Albert’s diagnosis. You’re not the only one who loves him.” Her mother put a generous dab of butter into a pot of fresh, steaming green beans.
Verity nodded. “I know.” She’d always had a good relationship with her mamm, even when she’d been a teen and as rebellious and mouthy as they came. When Leviticus had left her high and dry and her heart felt broken, it was her mother who soothed her, got her back on track, helped her find Mark, the one man who had truly loved her.
Memories of Mark, his dark hair, the way he showed his love for life when he smiled, moved her to tears. He’d been a gut husband and she couldn’t even remember the sound of his voice anymore. She longed to hear him say he loved her just one more time.
She stared at her mamm’s back as the older woman took plates down from the cupboard. She couldn’t imagine the pain that would come with losing one of her parents. She brushed away tears and stirred the creamed corn, her thoughts dark and broody from the day’s events.
She could tell Leviticus had been devastated by the doctor’s news. There was hope, but having so many sudden strokes could take him in a week or a year from now.
Leviticus had returned after a long spell away to be close to his daed. Stepping in his shoes for a moment, her heart became pained, as if a mule had kicked her in the chest. She could only imagine what he was going through, and she’d done so little to make things easier for him.
In a fog of regret, she mindlessly cut potatoes into wedges, placed them on a flat roasting pan, drizzled them with oil, salt and pepper, and put them in the hot oven to bake. “Otto wants me to marry Leviticus.” Her words slipped out in a whisper so that Faith wouldn’t hear.
“I know.” Her mamm’s head bobbed as she placed a bowl on the counter and then pulled Verity into the privacy of the food pantry. “Your daed and I talked about the arrangement last night and can see wisdom in Otto’s plan. Leviticus needs the love of a gut woman, someone to teach him how to be Amish again. You’ve been alone far too long and lonely. I see it in your eyes.” She caught her daughter’s hand. “You’ve become headstrong and bitter. Set in your ways.” She glanced into the kitchen where Faith continued her coloring. “You have Faith’s needs to consider, too.”
Her mamm continued talking in the semidarkness, unaware that Verity stood transfixed like a wooden statue, her mouth open like a baby bird seeking food from its mother’s beak.
“Faith needs a schweschder or bruder, and since Leviticus already has a kind of his own, your sweet kind won’t have to wait long for that schweschder she keeps asking for. Gott will bless you and
Leviticus with kinner of your own eventually.” Releasing her hand, her mamm picked up a jar of pickles and one of olives, her mouth stretched into a full smile that quickly ebbed away as she turned and noticed Verity’s disturbed expression.
“Am I the only one who doesn’t get a vote on whom I marry?” Verity shoved her hands into her apron pockets.
“Don’t be so dramatic, dochder. Naturally, you get a say in the matter, but we knew what you’d say if we asked you. You’d have said nee, even though Leviticus was your first love, the mann you picked to be your husband when you were young and impressionable. Anyone with eyes can see you’re still mooning over him now that he’s back...changed or not.”
Verity’s hands fisted, her short nails pressing into her palms. “Have you or any of the others looked at Leviticus since he’s returned? I mean really looked at him? He’s an Englischer, from his long hair down to his Wrangler jeans. The mann’s no more Amish than I am Englisch, and yet you expect me to marry him, let him be Faith’s daed?”
Her mamm straightened to her full height, which was little more than an inch taller than Verity. Her brows lowered, disapproval in her expression. “When did you become so hard, dochder? Ya, Leviticus left you and the community behind, abandoned his familye, but he has seen the error of his ways and returned to his roots, to the faith he was meant to embrace. He had not joined the church before he left, but Otto tells me Leviticus has asked for forgiveness and now seeks redemption from Gott in membership and baptism. What more do you require to forgive? Are your wants and needs more important than Gott’s will for your life?”
Her countenance softening, her mamm took Verity’s hand again and whispered, “What would Mark think of this judgmental attitude you carry round like a yoke on your neck? The faithful have voted. Otto’s given his approval. Leviticus will be allowed to join the church come Sunday service, and will get baptized that afternoon, as all good Amish men do once they come to a spiritual understanding with Gott. Are you so high and mighty that you see yourself as better than Leviticus? Is there no way that he can prove himself worthy of your love? Did I raise a woman who is proud, or are you hiding behind bruised feelings?”
Her mamm’s words cut into her soul and condemned her. Was she too proud to accept the bishop’s plan? Was she being prideful, arrogant and haughty? She was repulsed by the thought. She had become hochmut.
She’d sought after the demut and gelassenheit all her adult life, and longed to be full of humility, composure and placidity. Did self-will hold her back, or was she resisting the arranged marriage because, deep down, it was what she really wanted? Could it be possible she was ashamed that she still had feelings left for Leviticus Hilty after he abandoned her?
“I’ll consider your words and pray on this, Mamm. It’s the best I can do. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you.”
“Be more concerned how Gott feels about your expressions of distaste for one of His own kinner, Verity. Gott loves us all, both good and bad. He has a plan and we all must seek His will and be satisfied.”
Verity accepted a warm hug from her mamm and wiped at the tears dampening her eyes.
“I wouldn’t ask something of you that wouldn’t benefit you, my liebling. I know the real you would gladly follow Gott’s direction, and our community’s Ordnung. I believe this arrangement is Gott’s will for your life. Embrace it. Seek Gott’s face before you reject Leviticus, this marriage of convenience. Don’t make a fool of yourself and go your own way. That’s what Leviticus did. There’s evil in this world and danger in that kind of thinking.”
Verity drew in a deep breath. “I’m willing to ask Gott for His will in my life.” But can I? Could she dedicate her whole life to the man who’d walked away from her? Was this sacrifice too much to ask of her, or was she being stiff-necked and hardheaded?
“I know you love me and believe this marriage to Leviticus will bring Faith and me happiness.” Only time will tell if Mamm is right. “Leviticus left for the grove hours ago, but first chance I get, I’ll talk to him. But only after I pray.”
Chapter Nine
Thick pork chops sizzled in the big frying pan and a cheesy casserole bubbled in the oven, ready for the noon meal. At the counter, Verity prepared fresh vegetables for a garden salad. Her eyes intermittently checked on the girls as they played across the room with a pile of pots and pans.
Shy when she’d first come to the grove, there was no holding Naomi back now, and with Faith’s encouragement, the toddler was able to express herself with sentences of gibberish and lots of toothy grins.
Leviticus walked in the back door, his hand at his back as he squatted to greet his daughter first and then Faith. “So what kind of morning have you two had? I got to play in the mud all day. You would have loved the mess, Faith.”
Faith took the time to hug Leviticus’s neck, but was quickly back to “making dinner” with Naomi, who was busy sucking on a pot lid. “My mamm doesn’t let me play in mud. She gets angry. Were you allowed to play in the mud when you were little?”
Verity sucked in her breath and held it, waiting for Leviticus to reply. He didn’t like talking about his mother with her, or anyone else as far as she knew. In fact, she hadn’t heard him mention his mother once since he’d been home.
“You can be certain-sure my mamm got mad, but she got over it quick enough. Kind of like your mamm does.” He glanced up at Verity and smiled a tired smile, his lip barely inching up. They hadn’t spoken more than a half-dozen words since they’d talked about a marriage of convenience. Naomi crawled over to her father and used handfuls of his shirt for support as she lifted herself on bowed legs and took tentative tiptoe steps around him. “Dat, dat, dat,” she chimed, her grin wide, expressing her love for the man covered in dry sandy loam.
“That’s right. I’m your dat.” Leviticus’s face beamed. He lifted his gaze from his dochder and then centered it on Verity as he said, “She’ll be walking soon. Ain’t so?”
Verity placed the cooked chops on a platter and covered the golden-brown meat with foil. The cheesy casserole needed a bit more browning and then they’d be able to sit down for lunch. She found herself grinning like a silly fool, her pride in Naomi’s accomplishments overwhelming her. “I’m already finding her walking around the couch and anything else she can pull up on.” She patted sweat from her forehead on the sleeve of her dress and went back to dicing carrots.
“I’m filthy and ruining your clean floors. Do I have time for a quick shower?” Leviticus chucked first Faith and then Naomi under the chin and had them giggling in no time.
Verity nodded, avoiding looking at him as he left the room. She hid the flush on her face that had nothing to do with the heat of the kitchen. She couldn’t help but notice how much of a familye they were becoming, each of them settling in their role as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. This is what it would have been like if Leviticus had stayed, and we’d married all those years ago. Hard work, kinner and love, but the love was missing from this familye unit, save the kinner’s affection for them both. If they married, would the love ever return? Could she love him again the way she had as a girl, with all her heart and soul? “I’ll get the kinner’s food.”
Once she had Naomi in her high chair and Faith in her chair, the girls paused for prayer and began to eat without protest. It had been a long time since breakfast and they’d played hard all morning.
Verity prepared a warmed plate for Leviticus while keeping an eye on Naomi as the toddler made fast work of her bowl of cubed, cooked carrots. Verity had just set his plate on the table when Leviticus walked back in the kitchen, his hair damp and ruffled.
In his haste, he’d left his suspenders hanging at his sides like he used to do as a bu. Memories rushed in. Leviticus had told her he hated suspenders back then, and she wondered if he was any fonder of them now. Some things never changed. Just their love.
She took in a d
eep breath and pretended they had no past, that her heart hadn’t been broken beyond repair by the man pulling out a chair and joining her for their noon meal.
Verity sat between the girls as she usually did, directly across from Leviticus. Together they bowed their heads in silent prayer. Leviticus lifted his head a moment later, his gaze catching hers. There was a look in his eyes, something unreadable, but she dared a guess he was thinking about the grove, all the work still left to do. She took a bite of pork and chewed, appreciating the tangy flavor of ginger. “Mmm, this pork is tender.”
Leviticus nodded, even though he hadn’t taken a bite of food. Much like Faith did when she wasn’t hungry, he pushed his food around with his fork.
“I caught a butterfly today.” Faith poked a chunk of meat in her mouth and spoke around it. “Mamm said it was the prettiest she ever saw.”
Leviticus looked up. “I’m sure it was pretty, sweet girl.” He smiled. “When I was a bu I used to catch butterflies and put them in a jar, but my mamm would find them in my bedroom and make me let them go. She said I was being mean by keeping them from their families in her rose garden.”
Faith swallowed her meat and speared another piece. “Can your mamm come visit us sometime? She sounds nice.”
Leviticus shoved his plate away and rose from the table. “Nee, liebling. My mamm went to live with Jesus a long time ago. Long before you were born.”
“I’m sorry,” Faith murmured, her eyes wide. “I’d miss my mamm if she went away.”
“I’d miss your mamm, too,” Leviticus answered, and moved toward the door. “I’m going back out to the grove. There’s a lot of work to be done.”
“Ya, sure.” Verity looked down at Leviticus’s abandoned plate as the back door slammed. He hadn’t eaten a thing. He needed nourishment for all the hard work he was doing, but he ate less than Albert did on a good day.
Their Convenient Amish Marriage Page 8