Again, she was pulled out of her reverie by Sarah, who was busy working circles around her. “Your potato salad looks good. Mose is sure to eat more than his share of yours.”
They laughed together, and Verity sighed. No one seemed to notice her up-and-down moods. Maybe they expected her to be happier than usual. She was a new fraa. It was only natural for her to be happy. She’d have to work harder at keeping her dark thoughts at bay and smile more.
“Congratulations on your marriage.”
Verity placed a delicious-looking pineapple upside-down cake on the dessert table. “Danki.” She smiled at Sarah, who was just beginning to show with yet another blessing from Gott. She wanted to confide in Sarah about the truth of her new marriage but ignored the urge. No need to spoil Sarah’s good mood that washed her in a warm glow.
Verity accepted her friend’s congratulations as if she were the happiest woman in Pinecraft. Truth be told, she was confused by her moments of joy while living a lie. Leviticus didn’t love her, but she was trying to make do for Albert’s sake. Perhaps Leviticus was going through the same states of confusion.
Time slipped past. The men started filing in, one by one. The faithful of Pinecraft seemed to be accepting her union with Leviticus as nothing more than a marriage brought on by renewed love.
But gossip was a staple in a town full of women in kapps. She’d heard snippets of conversation regarding Leviticus’s sudden church membership, whispers about their quickie marriage while the women filed out of the church earlier. Most of the faithful, the important ones, seemed willing enough to accept Leviticus was home for good, and that was all that mattered. Albert was healing, and the girls had a familye, not just single parents. Their joy counted for something.
She wiped down the edge of the sink for the hundredth time as men continued to come inside in waves, eat and then slip back out to the yard, where they talked about needed repairs in the community. As she waited to eat with the other ladies, her mind roamed over the unusual circumstances of the last few days. Leviticus seemed to be trying hard to obey Ordnung rules, be the man his father wanted him to be since he had taken another turn for the better.
She was genuinely glad Leviticus had been allowed to re-embrace his Amish destiny, but what about Solomon’s resentment toward Leviticus? And surely there were memories Leviticus brought home with him from the Englisch world he’d have to forget. Did he miss the Englischer way of doing things? Was he going to be content as an Amish man for the rest of his life?
Thankfully, the gentle part of him she’d grown to love as a girl was still there just under the surface. She’d seen glimpses of it and longed for a complete return of the old Leviticus.
Just as she’d collected the last of the men’s dishes and added fresh bowls of food for the ladies, he sauntered in mud-streaked and sweaty, like the rest of the men who’d gone with him out into the grove to look at the damage.
She’d smiled at him as he stepped past, watched his face as he took the plate of food she’d made him and grinned back when he flashed his dimple at her. Had the smile been forced? He seemed tense, like something was bothering him. Was it the condition of the grove?
While she served food to several ladies already seated, he lurked in the corner of the kitchen and then disappeared like a puff of smoke when she looked back. She dropped her gaze and silently prayed, Help me to trust the future. Give Leviticus what he needs to be a Plain man.
Ten minutes later, a silent prayer said by Theda Fischer, Otto’s wife, ended the ladies’ meal. Her head still bowed, she glanced over and witnessed Leviticus walking in through the back door. He looked across the kitchen, found her gaze and held it. She motioned for him to take the chair next to her.
Leviticus shook his head, grabbed a half sandwich off a plate stacked high, took a bite and threw it in the trash as he turned away from her.
“Ach,” she muttered to herself. Often, she had to encourage him to eat. This morning, after hearing Leviticus’s report about what the doctors had said about Albert’s improvement, she’d gained hope that Albert’s hard battle for life had been won. And Leviticus had seemed to believe it, as well. He’d relaxed. They’d had a good time walking to church, Faith on his shoulders and Naomi asleep in her arms. To her, they’d been the typical Amish family, but what had Leviticus thought? And there’d been no additional news about his father this afternoon, no reason to affirm her and Leviticus’s continued hope.
She continued to study Leviticus when he wasn’t aware, saw a haunted look on his face. At times, she noticed he clung to Naomi like a lifeline, as if his tiny daughter’s love could save him from his own inner misery.
The kitchen still humming with the last of the women finishing their meals, Leviticus appeared, speaking to Mose, who hovered near his wife with a toddler in his arms. Leviticus again excused himself and shouldered his way out the back door once more. Was he going out to talk to the other men milling around, slapping each other on the back and laughing at things only men could understand? Or was he going to his mother’s grave, or out to the garage to tinker with his old truck?
In this restless mood he seemed to be in, she didn’t know. She prayed once more for Albert’s healing and for the man who was now her husband. Encouraging herself, she went through her litany of reminders. He’s changed since he’s returned. Obeys community rules. Acts more mature.
But as she washed plastic forks and spoons, she wondered, would Leviticus ever grow to love her? Only God knew the answer to that question. She knew her angry feelings toward him were still hanging between them. She cared about the man’s concerns for his father, but it was pity she felt for him, wasn’t it? That and nothing more?
Right? It had to be.
Chapter Fourteen
The last of the men headed out the back door with their wives in tow, leaving a capable handful of women to clean up the last of the mess in the kitchen. Verity plunged platters into the big kitchen sink filled with hot sudsy water, silent, her thoughts roaming.
Leviticus’s sudden mood swings unnerved Verity when they came, but he’d never been mean-spirited to her or the girls. While he was silent and withdrawn, he seemed jumpier and more depressed than angry. But wasn’t that to be expected? His father was ill. He felt guilty he’d stayed away so long. Albert might make it, but the hospital staff still offered no promises. She clung to each positive report from the doctors as a sign from Gott. He had heard her prayers. Albert would live.
Deep in thought as she scrubbed another big dish, curiosity got the better of her. What had happened to Leviticus during his life in the Englisch world?
She turned her head, watching again through the kitchen window as Leviticus slowly made his way down the hill toward the shed. Faith and Naomi seemed to be the only ones who could reach him whenever he was silent like this, so deep in thought.
On impulse, she turned Faith over to her younger sister’s care and straddled Naomi on her hip as she followed where her new husband had gone, out the door and down the grassy slope. But she hesitated just feet away from the porch steps as Otto began to sing the words to Albert’s favorite hymn. She stayed, singing the words to “In the Garden,” one of the songs she’d often sung with Albert, their voices blending well in harmony.
Otto’s eyes lifted, speaking to the people of the community lingering around the back steps. “Gott is all knowing. In His wisdom, He may see fit to take Albert home or leave him here fit and back to health. Who here can question His motives?”
The old bishop fingered his gray beard, his head lowering in respect for the man he called his friend. “We rejoice in the majesty of the Lord and carry on as we always do, as any loved one prepares to go home.” A tear glistened in the old bishop’s eye and was quickly blinked away, but to Verity they revealed his true level of pain. “Now, let’s be on our way to our homes and return tomorrow to work this grove back into shape. It’s been a long day
of worship and food. Clara and Verity both look ready to drop with fatigue.”
Her knitting bag in hand, Theda sidled up to Verity. She nodded toward Naomi, who squirmed in Verity’s arms. “That boppli is growing so fast. It won’t be long before she’s starting school, like Faith. You wait and see. Time has a way of flying past. Enjoy her young years while you can.”
Naomi smiled a toothless grin and reached out her arms to Theda. Verity handed her over.
“This one is an added blessing to your family. She already has joy in her eyes. You are a blessed woman, Verity. Not everyone gets a second chance with first love.”
Verity smiled at the older woman. Leviticus had come home nothing like the boy she’d known, but she didn’t have to tell Theda that. He’d come home an Englischer in actions and dress, but day by day she was seeing subtle changes in him, and all for the better. Would the changes last? He would never be the Amish mann she’d fallen hard for as a teen, but he was a good man now. “Naomi is my dochder, too. I love her with all my heart, just as I love Faith.”
Squirming to get away from Theda, Naomi stretched out her chubby arms and spoke a new word Verity’s way. “Mamm, mamm.”
The look of love in the child’s eyes and her words pushed back the last of the protective walls she had built around her heart. “I am your mudder, little one. I always will be.”
Theda studied Verity’s face. “And Leviticus? What of him, child?” The older, wiser woman reached for her hand and patted it. “He is your husband now. Is he in your heart to stay? Will you let him be the husband you longed for all those years ago?”
Verity had to be honest. She couldn’t be a Plain woman of faith and continually lie. “I’m ashamed to say my heart is still closed to him, even in this time of stress.”
“It makes me to wonder if Albert’s regained health and time won’t heal the problems you two are dealing with. Leviticus’s past life is over, sweet one. It’s time to move on. You both have kinner depending on you. Find your way back to each other. There is much to be done on the grove. Leviticus will need your support and affection to make it through these hard times.”
Verity lowered her head, condemned. She meant it when she promised, “I will pray for Gott to put a strong love in my heart for Leviticus. I promise.”
“You know we’re all praying Gott’s will for Albert.” She released Verity’s hand. “Accept His will, child. What will be, will be...no matter how much you want otherwise.” Theda’s smile deepened. “Now, get some rest and make sure you keep an eye on Clara. She’s walking like she’s ready to drop that boppli any moment.”
“I will.” She took Naomi from Theda’s arms and snuggled her close as she walked back to the house, leaving Leviticus to his own devices. Her head on Verity’s shoulder, Naomi took a long, deep breath and closed her eyes, whispering, “Mamm.”
“Ya, boppli. I am your mamm. Gott has brought us together. We are a familye.”
* * *
The last of family and friends said their goodbyes, leaving Verity alone in the house with Clara and the children. She didn’t have a clue where Leviticus was at that moment. She knew he was upset about something. She silently prayed for him, asking Gott to bring peace to his mind.
Ten minutes later, Verity eased into a kitchen chair, her fingers reaching into her hair and pulling out the pins securely holding her prayer covering in place. It had been a long, grueling day. She needed a moment to herself. Time to think about what Theda had said.
Smiling, Clara placed her hand on the small of her back as she leaned against the kitchen’s worn porcelain sink. “The girls drift off?”
“Ya. Finally.” Verity observed her sister-in-law, looking for signs of labor. Seeing none, she eased back in her chair and took in a calming breath. “Faith wanted to stay up and wait for her new daed’s return, but I persuaded her tomorrow morning would be soon enough.” She stretched out her legs, wishing she was in a nice hot bath full of scented bubbles, one of her secret indulgences. “That child’s so excited to have Leviticus in her life. She loves having him as her new daed.”
Her hand still pressed to her back, Clara’s brow crinkled into a heavy frown. “Makes me wonder where he could be. Ain’t so? It’s coming on dark. Why isn’t he home with his familye?” She finished drying her hands on the tea towel as she spoke and then placed the cloth by the sink.
Verity didn’t want to admit it, but she knew Clara was right. Where had Leviticus gone? He did have a family who needed him home. “His leaving like this happens too often. He becomes so quiet and distant at times, especially since Albert fell ill, and now that Albert is showing remarkable signs of improvement he’s still too quiet.” She smiled over at Clara. “Oh, I know he has a lot on his mind, but I’m concerned whatever is troubling him is more than just rebuilding the grove.”
“He didn’t take the truck or any of his things, did he?” Clara pulled out a chair across from Verity and eased down into it. She slipped off her shoes, arched her swollen feet and splayed out her toes in relief. With gusto, she fanned her face with her apron, the movement causing damp wisps of hair around her face to dance.
Verity struggled to keep her composure. They’d had such a gut morning. What could have happened? “Nee, I checked a moment ago.” Her finger traced the shape of a rose imprinted on the tablecloth. “The vehicle is where he left it last night, his clothes in the drawers.” Images of Leviticus walking away from his Amish life minutes after the dirt was shoveled on his mother’s simple casket snaked through her again. What if Albert dies? Will he run again? Faith will be devastated. And how would she feel? “Only Gott knows where he is.” Verity managed to hold the threatening tears in check.
Clara sucked in her breath and paused a moment before pushing in the kitchen chair she’d been sitting in. Its legs scraping against the wood floor brought Verity back to the present.
Clara sighed and put her arm around Verity’s shoulders. “I’ll be praying for you, my dearest friend.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “But I really must go. Now that we’re moving back into our own home, Solomon expects me to be there, waiting for him to finish arranging furniture back into its place. A half hour ago, I told him I was only coming back into the haus to collect my dishes.” Her gentle smile turned into laugher. She slipped her swollen feet back into her church shoes and touched Verity once more on the shoulder. “You’re sure you are all right?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Verity rose.
“Gut. Now try to get some rest. You look worse than I do and I’m nine months gone.” Clara chuckled, lines mapping her forehead. “Those circles under your eyes get darker every time I see you. You mustn’t let the children run you ragged. You know I’m only a phone call away.”
Verity wanted to blurt out it wasn’t the children keeping her awake and overwrought at night. It was Leviticus, too, their sudden arranged marriage...her growing feelings for him. But she kept silent. Tonight would be soon enough to cry into her pillow if Leviticus didn’t return. “God’s will be done, ya?”
Clara nodded with a smile, lifting her basket containing ovenware. A second in time and she was slumped over, the basket dropped back on the counter with a clatter.
Verity hurried over. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”
A smile danced on Clara’s lips. “I think my labor’s finally started. I’ve been feeling nagging little twinges all day. They’re getting stronger and more painful.”
“This is one of your pranks, isn’t it? You’re just saying that to get my mind off Leviticus.”
Clara sucked in her breath. “Nee, these pains are no joke. This is the real thing.”
“And you said nothing to me? Does Solomon know?” Verity led Clara over to the chair she’d just vacated and eased her down.
“Nee, I didn’t tell him. He was needed at Chicken John’s and I let him go. This is our first kind. There’s plenty of time to
fetch him.” Clara sucked in a breath and grimaced, her pains renewed.
Verity glanced at the clock, prepared to time the next onset of birthing pains. She hovered, unsure what to do, but knowing she had better get in touch with Solomon, and fast. She didn’t want to scare Clara, but if her pains had been coming regularly all day, she might well need to reach the midwife urgently. “He’d want to know you might be in labor.”
“I thought there was plenty of time and Chicken John really needed his help. They’re growing old, he and Ulla.” Clara flashed a quick smile at Verity that fast turned into a painful scowl. Clara didn’t have a chance to comment further. Her head dropped, a groan emanating from her dry lips. She bent forward, her arms encircling her middle in misery.
“Does Solomon have his work phone with him?”
Clara’s head bobbed. Her back rose slightly as she took in a long, deep cleansing breath as the pain receded. “I saw him slip it in his trouser pocket this morning.”
Verity searched for the grove’s business phone in the kitchen drawer. “Stay calm. I’m calling him and then the midwife.” Thinking back to Faith’s birth, Verity remembered how her precious boppli arrived with little fanfare.
“Please let him answer,” she prayed aloud as she dialed on the small black cell phone kept for emergencies.
* * *
A light in the kitchen told Leviticus that Verity was still up. He slowed his steps, considered what kind of mood she might be in since he’d walked off hours ago. He’d needed time to himself, time to pray and confess his hidden sins.
Ready to face whatever she had waiting for him, he sprang up the steps, opened the back door, only to stop midstep. Verity had her arms around Clara, assisting her across the kitchen floor.
“What’s happened? Is she okay?” He took off his sweaty straw hat and tossed it on the kitchen table.
Their Convenient Amish Marriage Page 13