There was no live jazz at the pizza place that night, but it was still buzzing. The exact same waitress who served me and Ben greeted us, and gave me a knowing smile when I walked in with Caleb, like I was some sort of modern-day Casanova.
“Table for two, please,” Caleb said.
“We have vouchers,” I added.
“No problem, lads,” the waitress said. She led us over to a table in the corner, turning to me as we approached it. “Your other friend is here too.”
She cocked her head towards the other wall, where Ben was sitting with Bella, a large wine bottle with a big candle stuck in it sitting in the centre of their table. Ben was leaning forward, staring really intently at Bella as she spoke, which means I’m ninety-nine per cent certain he’d already seen me with Caleb, and was now doing his best to ignore the situation. The waitress nodded at me, to make sure I’d clocked him, like she was an accessory to my two-timing antics with the teenage boys of Newsands.
Caleb raised an eyebrow. “Aha! The game is afoot. And sooner than I’d thought.”
“Should we go somewhere else?”
“Definitely not,” Caleb said, sitting down, then noticing the little tea light we had on our table. He smiled at the waitress. “May we have a big candle in a wine bottle too?” he said.
“Sure.” The waitress shrugged.
I took a deep breath. I could see what Caleb was doing. He was doing exactly what Efia had advised. He was trying to make Ben jealous. Surely he knew such a plan would end in tragedy?
“Actually, make that two,” Caleb said.
The waitress looked at him. “You want two candles in wine bottles?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Okaaay,” she said, reaching out to take the tea light away.
Caleb stopped her. “We’ll have that as well,” he said. “I like candles.”
She nodded, like he was weird. “Some drinks?”
“Champagne!” Caleb said, loudly.
The waitress rolled her eyes.
“No, but can I have cider?”
“No, you cannot,” she said, patiently.
“Damn. OK, just a glass of milk then,” Caleb said. “What? I like milk!” he said, in response to the waitress’s disbelieving look, and mine, which would have been one of disgust because I’m not a fan of milk just by itself.
The waitress made a note, then looked at me. “And not a lemonade, right?”
My eyes went wide.
“Why not a lemonade?” Caleb asked.
“He hates the stuff,” the waitress chuckled.
“Ha!” I said. “Water’s fine. Thank you!”
The waitress went. I ran my tongue over my lips and tentatively glanced back at Caleb, who had his arms folded across his chest, staring at me. “I’m waiting,” he said.
“She’s got me mixed up with someone else,” I said. “Must be. Because I love lemonade.”
“Good.” Caleb nodded, like it would be a personal affront if I didn’t. He glanced over my shoulder to where Ben and Bella were sitting. “Huh,” he said.
It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t see them, but maybe that was for the best. “What is it?”
“They are sharing dough balls. Well, two can play at that game.”
The waitress came back over with two candles in wine bottles, which she placed on the table.
“We’ll have the charcuterie platter,” Caleb told her. “To share.”
She made a note and headed off again. Caleb winked at me. “We’re gonna out-romance them.”
“It’ll never work.”
“FYI, he has seen the candles and now he’s feeding her dough balls.”
“I think we should admit defeat.”
“We will retaliate. I’m gonna feed you prosciutto. We are not gonna lose this thing.”
“Do you think we should just go over and say hi?” I said. “This is kind of ridiculous.”
Caleb shrugged. “Be my guest.”
I glanced over my shoulder, just in time to see Bella feed Ben a dough ball dripping in garlic butter. They both giggled as the butter dripped down his chin. I turned back to Caleb. “Well, I don’t want to interrupt anything,” I muttered.
“Ben has cute dimples, right?”
“Can’t say I’ve noticed.”
Caleb hooted with laughter, then his face dropped. “Ugh. Don’t look, but they’re sharing a milkshake. One glass, two straws. Such a cliché.”
“Well, that’s very romantic,” I muttered. Half of me wanted to go home and be sad with a mug of hot chocolate and a Radiohead album, but the other half was echoing with Maggie’s words of wisdom: you make your own luck. Maybe I did need to be a bit proactive? Maybe I needed to fight for Ben! The waitress arrived with the charcuterie platter and I glanced over the selection of different cured meats, along with various pickles and some olives. “OK.” I nodded. “Pork me up.”
The waitress looked mildly amused. I gave her an awkward smile. I’d only been in there twice and I already had a reputation.
Caleb dangled a slice of Parma ham from his fingers. “Open wide,” he said.
I leaned forward, and Caleb popped it in my mouth. “Oh, mmmmm!” I said, as loudly as I dared. “Oh, yes!”
Caleb laughed and flicked his eyes over my shoulder and back again. “Yeah, he saw that.”
“Do it again!” I hissed.
“Try my salami!” Caleb said, also quite loudly, folding a slice in half and pressing it into my mouth as I cracked up with laughter. “Caleb!” I snorted. “This is a family restaurant!”
The waitress came over. “Boys, just to remind you, this is a family restaurant?”
We both nodded solemnly, then collapsed in giggles. “Do you want to sample my little cucumber?!” I gasped, holding up a gherkin. I was totally creasing up, I think maybe because I was slightly hysterical about the whole situation, rather than any of this actually being amusing, although as Kendra often says, guys never really grow out of fart jokes or willy gags, and I think on that one point, she might be right. I had full-on tears rolling down my cheeks about all this anyway, so it took me a few moments to realize that Caleb wasn’t laughing any more, but was sort of looking serious and sitting more upright on his chair. So I followed his gaze, and Ben was standing by our table.
I immediately stopped laughing and sat up. “Hey!” I said.
“Having fun?” Ben said.
I nodded.
“All lit up, I see,” he said, indicating all the candles.
“Who are you here with?” I asked, trying to play it innocent.
Ben gave me a mildly unimpressed look and folded his arms. “Bella. How was the swimming lesson?”
“Cool.” I nodded. “Yeah, it went OK.”
Ben looked between me and Caleb. “Bella and I were going to go to the fair on the pier after pizza, do you want to join us?”
“Yes!” Caleb said, before I could reply.
“R-really?” I said. “The pier though? The rival pier?”
Ben nodded. “Undercover research mission. Always need to keep tabs on your competition. We won’t mention it to Maggie, obviously. She’ll go ape on us. Wanna come?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“OK, then,” Ben said. He seemed wary. Cautious. Like he was trying to work us out. “Have a nice pizza.”
“Have a nice pizza,” I replied.
I watched him go back to his table, then turned to Caleb. “How did it go?”
“Fine. He came to you. We broke him.”
I flinched. “I don’t want to break him!”
“But he’s chasing you, so that’s good.”
“The other interpretation is that he just saw us and is being friendly.”
“Let’s go with my interpretation,” Caleb said. “I like that one better.”
“So do I,” I agreed.
Legitimate spying mission or not, I still had reservations about our trip to the pier – not least because if Maggie got to hear about it, I wasn’t sure
she would ever forgive us. But this whole feud between Wonderland and the pier was stupid anyway. The pier (and its fair) were in direct competition with Wonderland only in as much as they were both cheesy. Yes, you could win massive stuffed toys at the various sideshows, but all of the pier games were manned individually, and were the sort where you had to shoot a pellet gun, or aim an arrow, and we didn’t have that type of thing anyway. And other than that, there were dodgems, a big wheel, various waltzers and a ghost train that was about as bad as our Museum of Curiosities used to be. Point was, you wanted rides, you went to the pier, you wanted arcade games, you went to Wonderland. Two different markets, in my humble opinion, but hey, who was I to be the voice of reason?
“How’s the lemonade trade this year?” Ben asked Caleb as we passed the fibreglass lemon, swung a left and headed straight into enemy territory.
“So so.” Caleb shrugged.
“Gonna look for something different next year?” Ben said.
“Gonna have to,” Caleb replied. “They’re closing it at the end of the season.”
My ears pricked up. The lemon was closing?! That was devastating news. The lemon might be a total joke, but it was part of the town. It was part of my childhood. “How come?” I said.
“You know it’s owned by the people who run the Bellevue Café?”
I nodded.
“Well, they’re selling up, and the lemon goes with it.”
“Selling up? To someone else, though?” I said. “Someone else will run it instead?”
Caleb shook his head. “Nah, I asked about that, in case I could work for the new people instead, but they’re closing it all down and getting out. They had an unexpected offer on the premises apparently, so they’re taking the cash and retiring. This place is changing, man. All sorts going on. We’ve just had sourdough pizza, I mean, come on!”
Oh my god, someone was probably going to change the Bellevue into an Avocado Den or something similarly hipster-y. They couldn’t. I had so many memories tied up with that old café, grim and tired as it may be. It’s where I first met Will … or, more accurately, accidentally squirted him with a gummed-up bottle of ketchup I was applying too much pressure to. But then, I hadn’t seen or heard from Will since that day in the chemist’s at the start of summer. I thought me and him were going to be mates for ever, but we’re not. Things had changed. We had changed. And so perhaps it’s normal if the things around you change too. Especially when you’re also part of that change. Like Caleb said, we’d just had sourdough pizza. Maybe that made us complicit.
Ben was eyeing up the stall on our left. “I really want to win one of the stuffed elephants.”
“Ben. We’re here undercover,” I reminded him.
“I want an elephant though. Knock down the cans – it looks easy.”
“It won’t be.”
“Just one go. For research,” he grinned.
He’d already fished the pound coins out of his pocket and was handing them over, so it was happening anyway. He narrowed his eyes at the set-up of tin cans that you had to knock down with balls. Three balls, six cans – knock all six cans off the shelf and you win the big prize, with some consolation prizes for fewer cans.
I tugged at Ben’s shirt.
“What’s up?” he said.
“Don’t bother with the bottom cans,” I whispered. “They usually weigh them down, so it’s almost impossible to knock them over. Just aim high, go for the smaller prize.”
“But then I won’t win the elephant.”
I shrugged. “Maybe the cuddly ferret will do?”
“I think that’s meant to be a meerkat. And no, it won’t.”
I blew out a breath. It was his choice. I’d said my piece.
Ben set his focus on the cans, then hurled his first ball at the bottom row, slamming it right into the middle can, sending it clean off the shelf, with the three cans on the next two tiers exploding off the shelf too, like he’d just put a bullet between them.
My mouth fell open. Oh wow. Wow. This was the hottest thing ever.
There were just two cans left. Ben tossed the second ball in his hand a few times, winked at me, then shot it at the left-hand can. THWACK! Right off the shelf.
Everyone applauded.
It’s well documented how certain people are drawn to strong, powerful partners who can provide for them – you know, it’s basic survival and evolution. That’s what this was! If we were cavemen, Ben would be killing bears and dragging them back to the cave to eat, and lighting fires and stuff. It was only because it was the twenty-first century that it was tat from a funfair instead, but the principle definitely still applied.
“Come on, Ben,” Caleb said. “Final ball!”
“Go, Ben!” Bella shouted.
I couldn’t speak, I just wanted him to win so badly.
He fired his last ball at the final can, and we all held our breath as it clipped the edge of the far right can, wobbled … wobbled … and fell on to its side and…
ROLLED OFF THE GODDAM SHELF, OH YES IT DID!
I can’t remember exactly what I did, but there was a lot of screaming, and I was jumping up and down and I threw my arms around Ben and I think I kissed him on the cheek and called him a “god”.
I was definitely a bit overexcited, but you must understand I’m incredibly easily pleased. I get excited by a fortune telling fish in a Christmas cracker, so this whole thing was a pretty big deal.
The lad running the stall grabbed one of the big elephants and handed it to Ben. “Nice one, mate.”
Ben was grinning. He was totally pleased with himself.
And I was so proud of him. “That’s so cool!” I told him, giving the elephant a squeeze. “Look at his cute ears!”
He looked at Bella, who smiled and sort of rolled her eyes at him, and then he turned to me and…
I’m almost choking up telling you this. He handed me the big elephant.
My mouth was just hanging open.
“Have it,” Ben said.
This was the best day ever. “Ben,” I managed to say. “Really?”
Ben laughed.
Bella smiled.
Caleb said, “Aww, man!”
“I mean, if you like elephants so much.” Ben shrugged.
“It’s lovely, thank you,” I said.
I held it close to me. I would call the elephant Ben.
“Dodgems?” Caleb suggested.
OK, it was meant to be a research mission, but I was having a good time, so I didn’t really care. We decided to get a car each (because who really wants to be the passenger in a bumper car, and besides, I had a passenger now, and it was Ben the Elephant). The siren sounded, and we were off. My usual strategy for bumper cars is really just to have a nice drive around, carefully avoiding any conflict. But Ben’s was apparently to pursue me whilst giggling, and continually ploughing into me at any and every opportunity.
“Oh my GOD!” I squealed, ricocheting in my seat as Ben hurtled into me again. “Be careful of Ben!”
“What?” Ben said.
“Nothing. Who?” I replied.
Ben grinned and swung his car around in a big circle as I tried to steer away from the side of the arena, which is always hard when the damn things won’t actually reverse. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his car looming about ten metres away, and then, like in those films where a car suddenly turns its headlights on and massively accelerates towards a victim, he started coming at me like a bloody bullet.
The impact catapulted me forward. Ben’s eyes were ablaze with mischief as he came around and slammed into me again.
OK. OK, two can play at that game.
I finally steered my car away from the wall and zipped away just as he swept in for another smash, then did a hard right and came back at him, careering into the side of his car and knocking him sideways. Breathless, I steered immediately away, sweeping around in a three-sixty loop, giving him another good smack, and then zooming off to the other side of the arena, ca
ckling like some sort of lunatic, before he could retaliate in any way.
And then there we were, at opposing sides, suddenly facing one another, the huge expanse of space between us. Our eyes locked across the abyss. This was it. All or nothing.
I floored the pedal.
He did the same.
Fast and furious we were shooting towards one another, distance shortening, still accelerating, impact imminent, faster, closer—
The siren sounded and the cars went dead as the power was cut. We ground to a halt about half a metre apart, both of us breathless, shaking with adrenaline, and laughing.
We both struggled out of our cars, then he walked up to me.
“You’re a dangerous driver!” I gasped.
Ben laughed. “You’re a bad driver!”
I snorted, because he wasn’t wrong.
Ben lifted Ben out of the car and handed him to me. “So, how was swimming with Caleb?” he said.
I shrugged. “It was OK, I guess. The leisure centre pool, on the other hand…”
“Grim?”
“Grim.”
Ben nodded, like he knew it only too well. “You should learn somewhere else. Not that old cesspit.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. Like … I could teach you, if you wanted? And we’d go somewhere different.” He looked down at his shoes, kind of shy.
“That’d be great,” I said.
He looked up and nodded. “OK then.”
I nodded back.
“Are you seeing Caleb?” he asked.
I looked him right in the eyes. “We’re just mates.”
Ben swallowed and nodded again.
“We’re getting candyfloss, do you want candyfloss?!” Bella called over from the side of the arena.
“Err – yes?” Ben smiled. He gave me another nod, then walked off towards Bella.
Bella.
His girlfriend.
And I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure, but he’d just asked me out on something that sounded a lot like a date.
Bella did not deserve to be cheated on. I couldn’t let that happen.
But Ben…
And yet, Bella…
I hurried off the arena, trying to work out whether I needed to not go swimming with Ben, or find out what was happening with Bella first, or just speak to her myself and admit all my feelings. And as if things couldn’t get any more anxiety-inducing, I then saw Carl Hudson grinning at me from over by the entrance to the ghost train, and putting his finger to his lips in a “Ssssh! Secret!” kind of way, and then it felt like I was cheating on Maggie as well.
Alex in Wonderland Page 20