The chill-out area was festooned with huge beanbags and cushions, and surrounded by billowing drapes that sectioned it off from the rest of the party, and did make it feel like a sort of haven. The music here was some Ibiza sunset type stuff, all gentle and relaxed – would have been better if it was some heavy, dark break-up music. A couple of girls were lying across a mound of cushions and whispering to each other, but other than them, we had the place to ourselves.
We didn’t sit.
“You said you wished I thought as much of you as you did of me…”
My eyes met his.
“I do, Alex,” Ben said, taking my hands. “I think so much of you it hurts, sometimes. I think so much of you I often don’t think of anything else. I think so much of you that if I really told you how much you’d probably think I was weird and obsessed and I’d be doing that ‘too keen’ thing you’re always worried about.”
“So why didn’t you trust me? How could you think I’d be involved in any of this?”
Ben swallowed, loosening his grip on my hands. “Because I’m a screw-up. Because I didn’t believe, and I don’t believe, something as good as you could happen … to me. And I think…” He swallowed and tried to steady his breathing. “I think I was expecting it to go wrong, to be taken away from me, so I was looking for it. Waiting for the inevitable.”
“You can’t spend your life waiting for the crash, Ben! Waiting for disaster to strike! You miss all the good. And I know the world can be a shitty place, and I know it can feel like it’s full of bad people, and bad, horrible, unfair things happen to the good guys, and they’ve happened to you, but in amongst all that, there is still good.”
“I know. You’re right. “
“Took me a while to find it too,” I said. “But you came along in the end.”
His lip was wobbling. “Same.”
“Now you’re crying,” I said.
“It’s just one tear.” He quickly wiped it away. “That’s not crying.” He wiped away another one. “OK, I’m crying.”
“Ben…”
“I’m just so sorry,” Ben said. “I’m sorry. And Alex, I wasn’t sure what to think when Efia found that document, but I didn’t—”
“But you did,” I said. “And I … I really, I liiiiiike you so much, I honestly can’t even.”
He looked like a chastised little boy, full of remorse, desperate to make it better. He gave me a tiny, hopeful, smile. “I liiiiike you too, Alex.”
I sighed and went in for a hug, because … well, because I liked him, and he was sorry, and everyone messes up sometimes. And everyone deserves another chance. If I’d screwed up, I’d want them to forgive me. Of course I would. These people were my friends. I loved them. And like Maggie told me once, no one behaves perfectly. I’m not sure perfect even exists, outside of movies and possibly a Starbucks gingerbread latte. And that’s the truth of it. None of us are ever going to measure up to an over-sugared hot beverage you can only buy for three months of the year. No one is exactly how you’d like them to be, all of the time. Of course they aren’t. Being human means being flawed, imperfect, messy. But you can’t beat yourself up for that. And I don’t think you can beat other people up for it either.
My attention was drawn by the curtains moving at the entrance. Efia appeared. “I’m sorry, I got it all wrong, I’m an idiot, I made assumptions, I would be a crap police detective, I should never have thought that of you, Alex, you’re one of the sweetest, nicest guys I know, I mean, I’m getting down on my knees here—”
“Efia, no, please don’t—”
“I’m down, I’m … ow! Netball injury from year eight, but look, I’m—”
I darted over to her and pulled her back up to her feet. “It’s OK.”
“It’s so not OK. I really am sorry.”
“I know. And I … accept that.” I extended my arms.
She looked at me like she didn’t believe me, so I nodded, and she came in for a hug. It felt so good to have them back, I didn’t have room to be angry.
Caleb and Kem pushed through the curtains, looking slightly sheepish and loaded up with a selection of treats.
“Tacos, hot dogs, there’s a burger…” Efia said, following my gaze. “And there’s churros, a crepe, and a bag of fudge, slightly randomly.”
“The churros are excellent,” Kem said.
I was, it has to be said, starving. And the food looked great.
“All for you,” Caleb told me. “Although, can I just say, I literally had nothing to do with Efia and Ben going crazy on you. If I’d have been there, I would have been much more reasonable.” He grinned.
“Same,” chimed in Kem.
“Anyway, we’re helping with the massive backtracking!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Is there dipping chocolate for the churros?”
“Ta-da!” said Kem, producing a small bowl of molten chocolate.
“It’s good chocolate, man!” Caleb said, dipping his little finger in the bowl, then licking it off.
I caught Efia smiling at him, fondly, when Efia’s style would normally be to tell him off for being gross. And then Caleb put his arm around her.
“Ohhh,” I said. “Are you two … you’re not … are you?”
For the first time ever, Efia actually dropped her eyes and looked a bit shy.
Caleb gave me a sparkling grin and a thumbs up.
“Well, that’s a nice surprise,” I said.
“Not as surprising as…” Efia glanced at Kem.
Kem shifted about on the spot, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, so,” he said. “I mean, I thought I’d made this clear, but apparently I hadn’t, and who knew that after a couple of drinks these things could just be like ‘BOOM! HERE WE ARE! BIG REVEAL TIME!’ Ha! Ha!” He looked at me. “Right?”
“Kem, I literally have no idea.”
“The girl I like? The one I’ve been trying to impress all the time you’ve known me?”
I nodded.
“It’s Eve,” he said.
My eyed widened and nearly popped out.
Kem shook his head. “Ever since I first saw her in Wonderland, man. She has this allure. Maybe it’s the astral plane she’s on, but there is something about her. Something … cosmic…” He trailed off, seemingly lost amidst her mystical beauty.
“Turns out Kem doesn’t have a big gambling addiction after all,” Ben said. “Just an Eve addiction. “And maybe a small gambling addiction.”
I nodded. “Wasn’t Eve meant to be here tonight?”
“Yes,” Efia said. “She was, until Kem, fuelled by a vodka and Coke—”
“Two vodka and Cokes,” Kem corrected her. “I’m not that much of lightweight.”
“Until Kem told her all this, in a … brave and misguided attempt at honesty,” Efia said. “Apparently the tarot did not foretell Kem’s arrival, and as such Eve is now having some sort of existential crisis.”
“My bad,” Kem said. He looked at Efia. “Should I send flowers?”
Efia shook her head.
“Well,” I said. “Seems I’ve missed all the drama.”
I gave Ben a little smile, and had just started tucking into the tacos when Bella appeared with a tray of drinks for us all. And after two cocktails, plus some shots that Kem procured from a guy at the main bar who wanted some tips on beating the odds at a Las Vegas casino he was going on honeymoon to, I was feeling a bit more perky.
Who am I kidding? I was halfway wrecked.
“I think we should rejoin the main party,” I declared.
“Um – you don’t have swim shorts,” Efia said.
“I am hooched up and ready to go!”
Efia looked to the boys. “Don’t let him swim in his pants.”
“I am going to SWIM IN MY PANTS!” I said. “Swimming shorts are for losers.”
I started pulling my clothes off.
“Is anyone going to stop him, or not?” Efia said.
“Don’t need no special kit to swim in,�
�� I was saying. “Swim in normal things.” I stood before them, in just my boxers, and held my hands out, like I’d just completed a magic trick, the big reveal of which was making a teenage boy in his pants appear. “Ta-da! Let’s swim, baby!”
“Future note to everyone,” Efia said. “Alex gets drunk incredibly easily and quickly. We already knew this. Why have we failed yet again?”
Caleb pulled his T-shirt off. “Let’s do this!”
“Hell yeah!” I said.
“Alex, are you sure you’re OK to swim?” Efia said.
“Buzzing!” I replied.
“That’s what I feared.” Efia shook her head. “Ben? Kem? Get in too. After everything, we cannot let him drown.”
“Sexy swim time with my boys!” I sort of sang. Let me be clear – I’m fully embarrassed about all this, I’m just telling it like it was. Or like I remember it, anyway, which in the circumstances may not be entirely accurate. I glanced at Ben, and saw he still had his T-shirt on. “You!” I pointed at him. “I am not seeing your abs!”
I’m pretty sure he blushed a bit, then he smiled and pulled his T-shirt off.
“I have abs,” Caleb said, patting them.
“I have abs coming,” Kem added.
“All the boys want some attention, Alex. Don’t leave them out now, they’ll get jealous and start fighting,” Efia said, rolling her eyes.
“You are all beautiful,” I told them. Then I turned to Efia and Bella. “You both are too.”
“You’re an idiot,” Efia said. “But a lovely idiot. And a very generous one. Come here.” And she kissed me on the cheek. “Now go and swim.”
So that’s how I ended up in the main pool at the pool party, in just my boxers. I am well aware that is not advisable to swim whilst intoxicated, by the way, but as it turned out, there wasn’t much swimming. The water was shallow, and we splashed about, gave each other piggybacks, laughed and, when no one was looking, I squeezed Ben’s hand under the water. I didn’t mean to start anything by it, it was just a way of saying maybe not everything’s ruined. I could see he was still beating himself up about everything – I knew that feeling well, I could easily recognize it in others. I wanted to give him some hope. Because maybe, once the dust had settled a bit, maybe there was some hope.
It was a little after midnight, although I can’t be sure how long. I know because the DJ told everyone, and then changed the music to “something a little more mellow”. Without such a heavy thud of bass, it was easier to hear – a single siren at first, and then, not long after, several more. Lots of sirens, blaring through the night. That’s an unusual thing in Newsands, because it’s quite a small town, so you don’t often hear police or ambulances, or whatever. Something was going down, although at that point, I don’t think anyone was too bothered. The drinks were still flowing and the mood was gently simmering down from electric to something a bit more warm and chilled, and everyone was in a good place.
And then I noticed people whispering.
People pulling other people aside. Hushed conversations. Gossip spreading.
And there was a palpable shift in the mood.
People were getting out of the pool.
Others were grabbing phones and checking social media.
There was a mean-spirited cheer, like something bad was happening, but they were enjoying it.
Groups pulled on clothes and rushed towards the exit.
And then the word got to us too.
Wonderland was on fire.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
We didn’t bother to dry off. I tugged my chinos on over my wet legs and boxers, threw on my T-shirt and ran with the others out of Splash Down! and along the promenade towards Wonderland. Blue flashing lights flickered across our faces, the air thick with the stench of burning. A crowd had gathered at the police tape that was cordoning off the entire width of the road and pavement, but we pushed our way through to the front.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting what I saw.
I didn’t expect it to be … so bad.
All the windows on the ground floor were glowing a fierce orange. On the first floor, flames licked out of every single one of the six windows, and despite the fire crew currently doing their best to douse it with water from the top of their crane, half the roof was completely ablaze. Billy stood by himself on the edge of the crowd, the cocky swagger all gone, now just vulnerable, defeated somehow. Drake was over the other side, mouth open, restless. I spotted Eve, just staring into the flames, and then towards the back, Carl Hudson. I caught his eye, and he gave me a sympathetic nod.
But one person was missing.
I grabbed hold of Ben’s arm. “Maggie wouldn’t be inside?”
“It closes at eight, why would she?”
My mouth was dry. “Yeah, but, I dunno, what if she was doing paperwork late or—”
I felt cold to my core. Frozen.
BOOM! We were jolted back to reality by one of the ground floor windows blowing out. There was a smash of shattering glass, someone screamed, the firemen backed away, which was fair enough, but I still wanted to scream PLEASE JUST DO SOMETHING GET IN THERE – MAGGIE MIGHT BE INSIDE! The panic was rising from my stomach, because I could see which way this was heading. It was out of control. For whatever reason, they’d got there too late, the fire had taken hold, and now it was unstoppable. And if anyone was inside … no way were they getting out easily. I couldn’t breathe. My chest, so tight, my throat, so tight, my heart fluttering and racing, and I wanted to cry and scream because THIS WAS HOME! THIS WAS MAGGIE! This was everything.
Ben’s hand found mine. He squeezed. He muttered, “It’ll be OK.”
But I knew it wouldn’t be.
And then my heart relaxed just a little bit, because she was suddenly standing beside me. Maggie. She stared towards Wonderland, letting out a strange, strangled gasp as her hands flew to her mouth. She had tears in her eyes. I reached for her hand, and Efia and Kem put their arms around her as Eve, Drake and Billy all found their way to stand with us, all helpless, all united in horror and shock and grief. To the other bystanders, this was exciting. An event. A piece of morbid theatre they couldn’t tear themselves away from. For all of us, it wasn’t just Wonderland that was burning down. It was our little corner of the world. The place where we all felt safe. The place where we’d found one another. The place we loved. And for Maggie, her life’s work, the place she’d built from nothing, in memory of her only son.
A deep, painful creaking noise.
Something splintered.
I started shaking as I saw the firemen start to urgently pull the platform crane away from the building, and just as they did—
The whole roof collapsed.
Crash!
Imploding in on itself.
A shower of sparks, flames leaping up, feeding on the new fuel.
And the only thing I remember next was something Billy muttered:
“I haven’t got anywhere else to go.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“Alex? Are you OK?”
I focus back on DI Griffin, clear my throat and rub my eyes. “Sorry,” I mutter. It was only a few days ago; reliving it all so soon, it’s too much. Too raw. It still frightens me. “Anyway,” I say. “That’s basically everything. Just like you asked.” I sit back in my chair a little and have a sip of my Lucozade. Dad pats me on the leg, which I assume means “good job”, but knowing Dad could also mean “OK, so there’s some stuff we need to talk about later, mister.” I’m not surprised. I knew there would be.
“Thank you, Alex,” DI Griffin says.
I have a little more Lucozade. “Was it helpful?”
DI Griffin has a little smile playing on his lips. “Well, I certainly know more than I anticipated about the love lives of the town’s teenagers.”
“Oh. I didn’t know if—”
“No, no,” DI Griffin says. “I asked you for everything, and you certainly gave me that.” He sighs and leans
towards me. “Everything you’ve said tallies with everything we already know, and everything your friends and your—Is he your boyfriend, I’m not clear?”
I shrug and look wistfully into the middle distance. “Nor am I.” Things were left hanging that night, and we haven’t spoken about it since. We’d arranged to go to Comic Con, of course, except we never did. It’s not that I forgot, I just didn’t mention it to him, and he didn’t to me. Maybe the ball’s in my court – he’s giving me some space, which is exactly what I needed.
DI Griffin nods. “Well, anyway, everything about the threatening notes, the ‘accidents’ that may not have been accidents, Ben told us about that too. As did Efia.”
I nod. I suppose that’s good. Stories that match up are always a good thing in police dramas on TV. And I’m glad, because I know damn well what the rumours circulating say. I know they haven’t yet established the cause of the fire, and I know there’s speculation about whether we fireproofed the drapes in the fortune telling booth, or if the lights in the Roswell Experience were PAT tested properly – and I’m pretty sure the answer to both of those questions is a resounding no. There’s a chance, a high chance, that we got carried away with all our ideas for the relaunch, and something we did caused all this. That we’re the guilty ones. I can’t even bring myself to think about it too much. How would Maggie ever forgive us?
“The problem we’ve got, Alex,” DI Griffin says, “is whether this was a genuine accident, or whether this fire was deliberate. All the mysterious things you’ve described might point to it being deliberate. But then we have the thorny question of the identity of that person or persons. And their motive. Drake, for example, has an alibi for the night of the fire.”
“What about whatever trouble he was in?” I ask.
DI Griffin rolls his eyes. “Drake borrowed money from a loan shark to buy his car. And yes, he’s been cautioned about possessing cannabis, but we can’t find anything else to implicate him. You were right about Tyler Phillips though.”
Alex in Wonderland Page 25