by Coralee June
The sky was a hazy shade of pink as the sun dipped behind the mountains, casting a glow on the sand on both sides of the highway. I clutched the steering wheel of my rental car as I followed my GPS onto a sandy road lined with cacti and Joshua trees. The moment I left Gavriel Moretti’s home, I took a taxi to the airport and got on the first flight to LA. I landed four hours ago and drove here.
I was exhausted and burnt out. I was afraid that if I didn’t chase this opportunity now, it would slip from my fingers. I had this ridiculous, chronic fear of Hunter escaping me again.
As I drove through town, I couldn’t help but wonder what drew Hunter here. Was it the seclusion? The pink sky as the sun set behind the mountains? The air was dry and a bit chilled, but nothing like Denver. I barely had any cell service out here. It seemed like the type of place you’d escape to if you wanted to forget your responsibilities and sense of time.
Or if you wanted your responsibilities to forget you.
I accelerated, traveling down more winding roads as the night sky shrouded me in darkness. The sunset was swift and beautiful, and once the sun had completely disappeared, my headlights could barely make out what was in front of me.
I felt a crazy sort of courage. A terrifying sort of tenderness. The further I drove, the more my heart panged. It’s like I could feel his nearness. My GPS pinged that I was at my destination, then off in the distance, I noticed a small silver airstream parked alone in the desert.
Fuck. This was it.
The RV was so quintessentially Hunter. Lonely. Picturesque. Mysterious. It felt like him. Not to mention, we were so far out from civilization that no one could hear you scream. Gavriel said he’d quit, but I couldn’t help but wonder how many bodies were burned and buried out here.
I got out of the car and slammed the door. My sneakers kicked up sand as I walked. I probably looked like a mess. After sleeping at the airport and traveling all day, my long hair was a tangled clusterfuck, and my wrinkled clothes smelled like airplane food. I quickly thought about the last time he saw me. My hips were wider now. My hair longer. My mind clearer.
I was obsessed now, too.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I walked up to the airstream with my heart pounding in my chest. I could have poked a hole through my lip with how intently I was gnawing on it. A million questions circled my mind:
Why did you leave?
Where have you been?
Do you remember me?
Do you still care?
Now that I was close, I didn’t know what I would even say. The entire trip here, I was so busy thinking about finally finding him that I didn’t practice the words I’d use once seeing him.
I tried to come up with something to say as my steps slowed.
Hello, Hunter. Miss me?
Hey, fucker. Why’d you leave?
Hunter Hammond, you are going to fucking talk to me.
At the door, I didn’t hesitate. I knocked the moment my knuckles were close enough, pounding my fist against the metal with all the anger I could muster.
I waited for an answer while listening for movement in the camper.
Nothing.
I knocked again.
Nothing.
I circled the camper while looking for a car, still using my cell phone flashlight so I could inspect the area. Fresh tracks in the sand showed that someone drove here often, but my confidence was slipping. What if Hunter didn’t live here? What if Gavriel had it wrong? What if I drove all the way out here just to find out that Hunter Hammond was one step ahead of me. What if he left?
It made sense. I had a feeling it was the sort of thing he would do.
I stared at my rental car, debating on driving back to the first major city I could find and booking a hotel room for the night. But I didn’t want to wait there.
A coyote howled, and a shiver traveled up my spine. Spotting a lawn chair by the airstream, I walked over to it in defeat. Hunter wasn’t here. I wasn’t even sure if he ever was. Maybe it was time to give up? I thought while plopping down in the chair.
Cold tears streamed down my cheeks, and I wiped at them in anger. Why was I being like this? Why was I so desperate to find him? I should have just let him go. I just didn’t understand why I’d developed such an obsession with someone that didn’t want me back.
I closed my eyes and let the night air wrap me up in a hug. It was dark and creepy, my loneliness amplified by the still desert. But above me, the stars were the brightest I’d ever seen. They sparkled with hope and infinite possibilities.
As I stared, I whispered into the wind, hoping the mountains would carry my plea to wherever Hunter was.
“Where are you?”
A truck driving up the road woke me. I didn’t know what time it was, but the moon was high in the sky and there was a hint of light kissing the outline of the mountains in the distance. I licked my dry lips and sat up straighter in my seat, not sure what to do or who this was. I still didn’t know if this was Hunter’s place. It was probably really dangerous to stay here. Luckily, I was hidden completely in darkness when the truck pulled to a stop and turned off.
A sense of awareness flooded me. I’d always known Hunter to drive a Jeep, but the truck felt like him. It was hard to see in the dark, but the headlights illuminated it just enough to see the electric blue paint, the same as his Jeep. It was rustic and lifted. I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back a smile. It was him. I knew it was him. I uncrossed my legs, nervously prepared to stand and say hello, but my elation plummeted when I heard a feminine giggle as two bodies got out of the truck.
I could barely see them, but I heard her voice clear as a bell.
“Fuck me against your truck, Hunter,” she slurred.
I knew what I’d heard, but it took a long, staggering moment for it to sink in. I had to clutch my chest to stop the pain from making me cry out. I was a foolish girl. Of course he was seeing someone now. I probably looked like a crazy ex, sitting outside his house in the middle of the night. What the fuck was I thinking?
“I just had the truck washed. I don’t want your ass prints all over it,” Hunter replied in a low tone.
Tears fell from my eyes, and I nearly bit off my tongue to keep from whimpering from the pain. I was foolish, and Gavriel was an asshole. Maybe I was sent here to see firsthand that Hunter was over me. Maybe he wanted to teach the stupid girl knocking on his door a painful lesson.
“Then let’s go inside,” she purred.
I kept still as a statue, forcing myself not to move and draw attention to myself. “Or you could put that mouth to use and drop to your knees out here?” Hunter offered, his voice smug. I prayed to every god in existence that she didn’t take him up on that offer. I couldn’t imagine suffering through the slurping sounds of her mouth and his moans.
“Are you a voyeur, Hunter?” she asked.
“Ain’t nobody around here for miles,” he replied. His voice was littered with a playfulness I’d never had the pleasure of enjoying before. With me, he was always so serious. There was no room for flirtatious banter. Our fucks were hard and harsh, an explosion of bad decisions and regret. We cut each other with emotions and words. We didn’t play.
“Oh really?” she asked. “Then whose car is that?”
Fuck. I’d completely forgotten about my car.
There was a split second of silence, probably him inspecting what she’d pointed out. Then, all hell broke loose. “Get in the truck,” he growled. He was protective of her; I could hear it in his tone. I clenched my teeth as she squealed. I heard the door slam, and I knew there was no way I’d escape without him seeing me. I debated on hiding in the dark or running to my car, and then I heard a familiar click of a gun. I knew if I didn’t speak up soon, the skilled assassin would shoot me between the eyes without question.
I swallowed. “It’s me, Hunter. It’s Roe. If you just give me a second, I’ll leave, okay?” My throat was as dry as the desert we stood in, and embarrassment made bile rise up my throat.
I watched the dark outline of his tall, bulky body. Hunter went completely still at my greeting. I didn’t hear his footsteps move. The only sound I could hear was my thudding heartbeat. It was like he was in shock.
“Roe?” he asked. My name sounded like heartbreak on his lips.
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out. “I shouldn’t have come.”
In a flash, I stood up from my seat and started sprinting toward my rental car. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible. Why did I come here? What could I possibly want to gain from tracking him down? If it was closure I wanted, I sure as fuck got it. He was with someone else now. He was happy.
For the last five years, I’d been obsessing over a man that had moved on.
I was no better than his mother. Affection and love made people crazy.
I unlocked my car and threw myself in the front seat. I pressed the push start and threw it in drive, my headlights illuminating his truck. The masochist in me hoped for just a glimpse of Hunter. I wanted to just see him once. But he wasn’t there. With tears streaming down my cheeks and a pain so palpable in my chest that I had to force my lungs to expand, I put the car in drive and pressed on the accelerator.
And then he appeared. Standing in the middle of the road leading back to the highway, Hunter glared at me. My headlights illuminated his face. Hunter had a beard now. His hair was wilder. His shoulders were broader. It was like he spent the last five years working out nonstop. He stood strong and tall, and his face showed no emotion; but I was used to the stoic way he locked up his feelings.
He wore jeans and a button-up plaid shirt, and the only slip in his blank expression could be seen in his gaze. His eyes were furious and stormy.
I slammed on my brakes at his feet and whimpered when his hand beat the hood of my car. Fuck fuck fuck. I couldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t see him after what I’d heard. I shouldn’t have come.
He circled my car, heading toward the driver’s side with his fist clenched. I was hyperventilating, stuck between wanting to see him and wanting to flee.
His harsh knocks on the window made me flinch. “Open the door, Roe,” he said. My heart fell when he didn’t call me Pretty Debt. The nickname I once loathed was a thing of the past. There was no familiarity between us now. Instead of opening the door, I locked it.
He closed his eyes in impatience, then opened them again. I cracked the window a smidge, just enough to speak to him.
“Get the fuck out of this car right now,” he growled. He looked at me like I was the enemy—like I was the villain in his story.
“I-I can’t—” I stuttered while keeping my gaze fixed forward on the road. I knew if I turned to look at him, I’d lose my strength. I’d pray for his anger, because at least it was something.
“Open the fucking door,” he demanded again.
“Hunter, who is that?” the woman’s voice called.
“No one. Get in the fucking truck, Roxanne.”
No one.
No one.
No one.
I really was no one to Hunter Hammond. He’d become my obsession, and I became nothing.
I braced myself for another round of searing pain slicing through my chest, then turned to face him. His eyes were sharp and cruel, boring into mine. He looked older. Harsher. Tan from the desert sun and bulky from working out. I could smell the pot on his clothes through the crack in the window.
“Goodbye, Hunter,” I said with a half-smile, though tears were streaming down my cheeks.
I pressed on the accelerator and fled the scene. Every mile between us made my heart die. I willed my feelings into hibernation. I swallowed my pride and accepted the closure. Even if this wasn’t how I wanted things to end, I was happy it did. Hunter was in love with someone else, and it was time I let him go.
I let the words “she’s no one” become my anthem. Maybe if I said it enough, I’d really disappear. Words were the greatest magic, after all.
ROE
I couldn’t stomach the food in front of me, though I was getting weak from the hunger pangs. Every time I lifted my spoon to my mouth, I heard that woman’s voice with Hunter.
Who is it?
I felt insane. I shouldn’t be bothered by a man that had moved on. Five years had passed, and it was ridiculous to expect him to spend all that time mourning the loss of me. Hell, I slept with a few guys over the years. Nothing crazy, but I didn’t stay celibate. I suppose it was the climax of it all that bothered me. For five years, I dreamed of seeing him again, of feeling those butterflies again. For five years, I craved closure and understanding. For five years, I craved him.
So when I finally saw the person who had been occupying my mind with someone else, it stung.
Well, it more than stung.
I took another sip of coffee and debated ordering another cup. I’d need the caffeine if I was going to survive the trip home. I wasn’t looking forward to going back. Everywhere I went reminded me of Hunter and what happened between us. Nicole, Joel, and Mack would want to discuss my little disappearing act. They were concerned, and I didn’t know how to explain to them that I felt out of control. I didn’t have a choice. I had to do this, or I would lose it. I had six missed calls from her and Mack. I really needed to call them back.
I didn’t know where I belonged anymore or what my purpose was. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with my life. What kind of person tracked down their ex-stalker?
“Is this seat taken?” a low voice asked. I closed my eyes and breathed in before opening again.
He didn’t bother waiting for my answer. Hunter pulled out the seat across from me and sat down. A part of me was hoping he would find me. I ended up sleeping in a motel forty-five minutes away so I could cry and rest in peace. Thankfully, I’d showered and brushed my hair. At least I didn’t look as crazed as I felt last night.
I slowly lifted my eyes to meet his heavy gaze. Blue pools of heat greeted me, and I felt my entire body clench. He was real. He was here...here. In the stark reality of daylight, Hunter looked dashing. He wore a tight black shirt, his usual, and jeans. His scruffy beard was a change. I liked the messiness of it all. It was like he’d grown a little bit wilder out here in the desert air.
“Hello,” I croaked.
“Hello, Roe,” he replied. No nickname. No playfulness to his tone. I felt like an acquaintance. There was something raw in the lack of familiarity.
“You live in a cute place,” I began while scraping my spoon across my bowl. “The weather is lovely this time of year—”
“You show up at my camper after five years and want to talk about the weather?” he asked, eyebrows raised in beautiful challenge.
“You never were good at small talk, Hunter,” I replied with a dark chuckle before reaching for my coffee and taking a sip. He stared at my neck as I gulped the hot liquid down.
“Why are you here?”
“I was in the area,” I lied. “I thought I’d say hello.”
“Bullshit. You live in an apartment with Nicole in Denver.”
It was both exciting and painful to hear that he knew where I was. Was he still keeping tabs? Was he watching me? “How do you know where I live?”
He clenched his teeth like he was pissed at himself for revealing that bit of info. “Don’t be stupid, Roe. I’m still friends with Mack. He bitches about how much he misses you from time to time,” Hunter explained with a wave of his hand.
I should have been surprised, but I guess it’s nothing new. All this time, I was dying to know what he was up to, and he didn’t have to suffer the same way.
“How’d you even find me?” he asked. I knew my answer would probably piss him off, but I didn’t care.
“I had a nice chat with Gavriel Moretti. His wife made us dinner,” I breezed triumphantly. At the mention of Gavriel, Hunter’s face turned red with anger.
“You did what?” he asked incredulously. “Why the fuck would you talk to one of the most dangerous men in the country, R
oe. Why are you here?”
“I mean, I fucked an assassin, Hunter. Dinner with a gang banger isn’t that big of a deal.” Hunter blanched, and I reveled in catching him off guard.
“I’m not going to ask you again, Roe. Why are you here?” He punctuated every syllable with gritty animosity. I stared at his white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table. I’d forgotten how quick to anger he was. I’d forgotten how much I loved it.
“I wanted to see you,” I replied with a shrug. It was the simplest explanation but wasn’t the full truth, either. Telling Hunter I’d been obsessed with seeing his face again felt hollow. I’d been thinking of him ever since that night—the night he left my naked body on the ground with cum seeping out of me. It was such a brutal goodbye, and I still hadn’t come to terms with it. Maybe obsessing over him was my way of coping with the trauma.
“Why?”
I scoffed. “You can’t demand answers from me. I owe you nothing. I was here. I wanted to see you. I’ve seen you. So now I can leave.”
I wiped my hands on the napkin and waved the waitress back over. If I stayed much longer, my cool facade would fade, and all that would be left is a crying girl in the middle of a restaurant, asking why everyone always left.
“Are you going back to Denver?” he asked.
“Probably,” I murmured while staring over his head. I wasn’t strong enough to look him in the eye and see nothing in his gaze. “I might just drive around for a bit. My boss probably fired me for just leaving, and I’m not looking forward to Nicole and Joel hosting an intervention.” At the mention of Joel, Hunter’s lip twitched.
“Typical,” Hunter growled. “Running away when you can’t accept reality.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” I gritted in response. “You drugged me and ran with your tail between your legs when shit got real. Does your girlfriend know you’ve killed people, Hunter?” I hated how jealous I sounded but figured I already sounded like a crazy bitch, I might as well commit to it.