“I don’t know,” Steel murmured, torn.
Ryder stepped up to him, squeezed his shoulder, and said, “Brother, I think she’ll wanna know.”
Steel met the man’s eyes. After a moment, he nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. We’ll figure out a story.”
“We got shit handled here,” Hunter announced, toeing the dead man at his feet. “At least this cleanup will be easier than when Frankie hit a home run using Taz’s head. Now that was a fucking cleanup.”
“But oh so fuckin’ worth it,” Ryder said, turning away from Steel.
Steel took one last look at the man who would never bother Kat again and then turned on his heels and walked out of the dingy rural Indiana motel room.
If Kat ever came back to this state, he’d be surprised.
Hours. And hours. And more fucking hours.
It took hours at the hospital to find out McGill had not done what they feared.
It took hours for them to get her back to Shadow Valley.
It took hours for Steel to bring her home to his condo, lock the door and set the alarm. Finally giving himself a chance to breathe easy.
Kat had purple half-moons under her eyes. They were dull, her hair out of order, her face drawn and pale.
She no longer wore Brick’s jacket but was now wearing what she had been when she'd been snagged by McGill. Steel was sure that she wanted to rid herself of those clothes and that memory.
But the woman was tough. Not a tear was shed once she came to. Not a tear was shed in the ER. Or during the exam with the rape kit, through which he stood sentry outside her room until it was over. Not a tear was shed in the excruciating long ride back to his place.
But then, not much was said, either.
Ryder was right. Kat had wanted to know. Now she knew.
Now they all did.
Their relief was undermined by exhaustion. For all of them.
Between the flight from Las Vegas to Pittsburgh and then the chase from Pittsburgh to Indiana, they were all dead on their feet. Barely running on vapors and a constant stream of black coffee.
Steel had wanted to hold Kat on the trip back from Indiana. But once she was conscious and upright, she kept to her side of Mercy’s RPV, keeping a distance between him and her.
It was only a couple feet but to Steel it felt like miles.
Even so, he gave her that space. He respected her need for it.
She didn’t ask once about McGill.
She didn’t need to. She knew.
How could she not?
The fact was she was now safe, free from her stalker, and that was all that mattered.
She was whole and unharmed, and he hoped what happened wouldn’t have any long-term effects.
She was strong. And had more grit than any woman he knew.
She’d be fine.
He’d help make it so.
He realized he’d do anything for her. Anything.
And the intensity of that instinct bothered him more than he wanted to admit.
He could ignore it, or he could accept it.
He wasn’t sure which direction he’d take yet.
He had time to decide. They had time.
He hoped to fuck they had time.
He had really wanted to carry her from his Jeep into his condo, but he knew she’d never allow it.
Instead, he just made sure she made it up the stairs without stumbling and got inside safely.
Her only words uttered were about how filthy she was and how she needed a shower. He needed to wash away the last thirty-six or so hours, too.
He led her into his master bedroom and left her perched on the edge of his bed while he started it. When he came back out of the bathroom, she was slowly stripping off her spats. Her sneakers, T-shirt and sports bra already discarded in a pile on the floor.
She did nothing to hide her nakedness as she slogged past him like her feet were mired in quicksand. He followed her, pausing in the doorway to watch her enter the shower stall, then he stood there undecided.
After seeing her unmoving under the stream of water through the frosted glass, he kicked off his boots, stripped off his socks and dropped his cargo pants, leaving them where they landed. He opened the stall door and stepped inside, still wearing his tank top and boxer briefs.
This shower wasn’t for him. It was for her.
She needed to wash away the day, too. Grabbing his body wash and a washcloth, he began to swipe it over her neck, her arms, her back and the rest of her. He took his time, the water beating down on both of them, the steam filling the room and fogging up the glass.
After running the sudsy washcloth over her legs and feet, he stood just in time as she began to crumble, every bone in her body disintegrating before his eyes.
Catching her with an arm under her breasts, he held her up and against him, the warm water still sliding over them both, soaking his hair and clothes, washing away any soap still clinging to her skin.
Her head dropped forward and he felt, rather than heard, the first sob wrack her body, then the next and he continued to hold her until they were all gone, even though they seemed endless. And once they stopped, he turned her in his arms, wrapped her arms around his neck, hoping she’d take hold. When she finally did, he grabbed her face and pinned their foreheads together.
He breathed, “Fuck, Kitty Kat.”
Spikey dark wet lashes separated, and tired, empty amber eyes met his.
“Fuck,” he whispered once more. Not sure how to help her besides simply being there for her. “It’s over. You’re safe. It’s all fucking over. He won’t fuck with you again.”
When she tried to pull out of his arms, he held on tighter, tipping her chin with his thumb so she’d meet his gaze. But her eyes slid to the side to avoid it.
“I don’t ever cry,” she said flatly.
Her words, her confession and her raw voice twisted his gut. Never, ever had he cared about anyone as much as he did the woman in his arms.
It was foreign to him. This need to protect and help her, not because she was a job, because she was so much more.
He reached behind her and shut off the cooling water, but kept them there, in the shower, in their cocoon. “Baby, you’re so strong, but you’re exhausted. Let yourself have a moment of weakness. We all have them. It’s what makes us human.”
His weakness was her. He knew that now.
There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.
But this was not a discussion to be had at this point.
They needed sleep and clear heads. She needed to reset. So did he.
And he also wasn’t sure what he’d do with these unfamiliar feelings. Or how she’d react to them. He had no idea how she felt about him. If anything.
Her distance might be proof of her feeling nothing for him. And if that was true, he’d have no choice but to accept it.
He wasn’t McGill.
After he helped her from the shower and they both dried off, he guided her back into the bedroom where he dug out a pair of old Silkies he had, giving her those and one of his tanks to wear. He yanked on a dry tank and a pair of boxer briefs himself.
He urged her to lie on the bed and he followed her, pulling the covers over them both, then tucked her face into his neck, holding her close.
She hadn’t resisted and curled into him willingly. But she said nothing.
He stroked her back mindlessly, and the motion soothed them both. Now was not the time to replay everything that happened in his mind. How things should’ve been done so McGill couldn’t have gotten her.
No one was to blame but a man with a mental issue. It wasn’t Kat’s fault and it certainly wasn’t Slade’s. The DAMC member had been tricked and disabled the same way Kat was.
Steel knew Slade would’ve done whatever he could to protect Kat. He hadn’t taken that responsibility lightly.
If anyone was to blame in that situation, it was Steel. For leaving Kat in Shadow Valley to find McGill. He should’ve sta
yed behind and let the others go without him. But it was against his nature. He wanted to personally solve the issue with McGill.
Steel wanted to be the one to bring it to an end.
And he did.
But at what cost?
Kat’s words came back to haunt him. There’s always a cost to end something.
His fingers continued on the path along her spine from her neck to the small of her back and eventually her muscles relaxed and he heard her breathing steady. Signs indicating she had fallen asleep.
He only hoped she stayed that way and could rest peacefully. Because unlike her, he wouldn’t sleep anytime soon.
Even though he shouldn’t keep reliving the past couple days in his mind, he couldn’t stop. He analyzed everything and analyzed it again.
He could have lost her.
What he had told Kat was true. McGill’s goal wasn’t sex, it was control. McGill wanted to crawl inside her and own her soul. But the biggest risk was McGill could have completely snapped and decided to kill her.
And, for fuck’s sake, Steel wasn’t sure he would’ve survived that.
Just that thought made his chest ache, his gut burn and his fingers go still in her short, damp hair.
He didn’t know if he could live without the woman whose warm breath swept across this throat, whose palm was pressed over his dog tags and whose thigh was thrown over his.
And, fuck him, that was also a feeling he didn’t recognize.
That need so strong for a single person, you worry you’d die if you didn’t have them.
Kat had become his oxygen.
And he couldn’t live without breathing.
Chapter Nineteen
Sometime during the early morning, he had fallen into a coma-like sleep. Most likely from pure exhaustion. But what he didn’t like was waking up with the spot next to him empty.
This wasn’t the first time, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last.
Kat was independent. It was one thing he loved about her.
Yeah, that. Love.
Fuck me.
He stared at the ceiling and sucked in a breath as he snaked a hand under the sheet to adjust his morning wood and give his nuts a quick scratch and tug.
He should probably tell her. But again, with all the shit that happened, now was not the time.
And again, he hoped they had time to figure things out.
Because things would definitely need figured out. Like how he was going to convince Kat to move to Shadow Valley.
He was not in the mood for that fight this morning.
But that’s what he wanted. Her to move in with him. Or if she wasn’t ready for that, at least move into Nash’s empty house in the compound until she was ready to wake up in his bed every morning.
However, he pretty much figured the Valley wouldn’t be her choice of places to land. He might have to call in the cavalry to help him in that regard. The DAMC sisterhood was a fucking force to be reckoned with, and Kat may cave to them after some strong convincing. And possibly a lot of wine and cupcakes.
Fuck, he hoped so. Because there was no way he was leaving his team, who was his only family, and a job that was perfect for him. There was also no way he was moving out to LA. It might not be the last spot on Earth he’d want to live but it was pretty fucking close.
Kat could be based anywhere, and the Pittsburgh airport was close, so she could easily fly to fights. Plus, with Slade and Diamond running Shadow Valley Fitness, she had a place to continue training. And, hell, Steel would even be willing to build her her own training center.
Look at that. He had their future all fucking planned out already.
All she had to do was agree.
“Fuck,” he muttered to the ceiling.
Again, that was not a fight he was willing to have this morning. He needed to make sure Kat was okay. That was priority. Then he could test the waters.
If they were still murky, he’d give it time to settle.
Though, his patience was thin because he didn’t like shit being up in the air. And now that he knew how he felt about Kat, her not knowing felt as though something important was hanging between them.
He blew out a loud breath and groaned when he rolled out of bed. Being on a plane, then in a car for hours sucked.
The barely two hours of sleep he managed to get had not helped.
Ignoring the cargo pants he’d left on the floor last night, he grabbed a pair of old jeans that were clean and yanked them up his legs before hoofing it out of his bedroom and into his living room where he spotted Kat wrapped up in a blanket sitting in one of his shitty folding chairs outside on his small balcony.
From what he could see, her head was down but he had no idea what she was looking at. If anything, maybe she had dozed off. He figured she’d need a couple days to recover her energy after her ordeal, especially with the ketamine most likely lingering in her system.
He opened one slider and stepped out into the brisk late October air. He should’ve put on some fucking shoes. And something besides a tank top, possibly something smart like a hoodie.
The first thing he noticed was his tablet in her lap, which reminded him that he should’ve password protected it and hadn’t. Since it was his new non-work tablet, he’d figured there wasn’t any important info on it for anyone to steal.
Or he hoped not.
Fuck.
He should’ve known better. Walker would be riding his ass about it, if he knew.
Speaking of... “Walker’s going to clean your electronics.”
She tipped her pixie-like face up to him. She still looked tired, but he was relieved to see her eyes had more life in them. “Was that how he kept finding me?”
The urge to hold her was so fucking strong, he had to press his palms to his thighs to prevent him from just grabbing her and hauling her out of the chair. “We think so. When he broke into your place in Vegas, he had access to your computer and tablet, didn’t he?”
She nodded, then turned to stare through the balcony’s metal railing. What she was looking at, he didn’t know since his condo only faced another building. That was one reason why he was renting and hadn’t bought it. He didn’t love his place, but it had four walls and a roof.
“Walker will confirm it this morning,” he said, stepping closer. When he was at her side, he leaned over to press a light kiss to her forehead and when she didn’t resist, he tipped her face up to him and slid his lips briefly over hers.
She didn’t kiss him back, but she also didn’t pull away.
His gaze fell to the tablet’s screen and he immediately recognized the popular travel website.
A sick feeling turned his stomach as he took a step back and his eyes narrowed on her. “What are you doing?”
“Booking a flight.”
His heart skipped a couple beats and he asked a question he already knew the answer to, but, fuck him, he needed to hear it come from her lips. “To where?”
“Back home to LA.”
Again, he stated the obvious. “You’re leaving.” That fight he wanted to avoid this morning might be unavoidable.
“Job’s over, Steel. As I heard Mercy say on the phone to your boss, the threat has been neutralized. I’ll make sure you get paid, don’t worry. And that’s all I am to you, right? A job. Nothing more.”
What the fuck was she talking about? “You’re not just a job.”
“No? Isn’t that what you told your fellow Shadows?”
He tilted his head and jammed his hands on his hips. He wasn’t sure if it was anger or bile bubbling up from his gut. “You’re going to hold what I said to a table full of men against me?”
“Men you value as your brothers. I can’t imagine you would lie to them.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
She glanced up from the tablet, her expression giving him nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. “I haven’t been back to my condo for months. I’m sure my plants are dead.”
“Your plants a
re dead,” he repeated flatly. Her fucking plants were more important to her than him?
She studied his face, her eyes as narrowed as his. “Is something wrong?”
“What the fuck could be wrong?”
“That’s what I’m asking you.”
“You’re just going to get on a plane and walk out of—” He blew out a breath and scraped a hand through his hair.
“Well, fly, but—”
He unlocked his set jaws. “Are you fucking serious?”
“I—”
“Kat,” he growled.
“Steel. I need to get back. I have a career I love. A career I worked hard to build. A career where I earned respect in the industry. My manager and trainer is back in LA. Everything I know is in LA.”
“I’m not.”
“I...”
He watched her chest rise and fall as she inhaled deeply. Then she pulled the blanket tighter around her. She stared at her bare toes which were peeking out from the bottom of the blanket for a long moment before looking back up at him. And what he saw on her face, he did not like.
There would be no fight.
They wouldn’t be going ten rounds.
Not even one.
She’d made up her mind already.
“You’re right. You’re not. I’ve always said I’d never give up my dreams or goals for a man. I watched my mother do that. When she married my father, he became the center of her world. She revolved around his axis. If she had dreams and goals, I have no idea what they were.”
“Maybe it was to become a wife and mother.”
“Maybe. But she lost her voice as an individual. I’m not going to give up the years I’ve invested in getting where I am, creating who I am, for what? To abandon it all when a man comes along?”
“A man.” He was reduced to simply being “a man.” Nothing more, nothing less. “I’m not asking you to abandon anything—”
“Not once in this conversation have you said, ‘I’ll come out to LA with you, Kat.’ I don’t hear you willing to make any sacrifices, but you want me to make them for you.”
“You could stay in Shadow Valley and still compete.”
“Are you asking me to stay? Because you haven’t. I can see it in your face that it was something you assumed.”
Steel Page 24