by Kaylee, Katy
I turned my attention back to my coach. “Sir, I want to play.”
“Play this afternoon. Right now, get your business and head straight.”
Reluctantly, I nodded and strode over to Katie. As I did, I wondered why she was here. She made her decision about me. So maybe she had news about the baby. Concern that something was wrong grew. Katie may not believe in me, but I was certain she would keep me involved with the baby.
“Everything okay with the baby?” I asked when I reached her.
Her eyes narrowed as if the question confused her. Then she nodded and patted her belly. “Yes. I… ah… I have a picture.” She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.
I opened it and pulled out what looked like an x-ray film. I studied it and realized it was the baby. My heart swelled in my chest. This was my child. I drew a finger over the outline of a tiny body.
“I heard the heartbeat too.”
Emotion welled until I could barely contain it. But I forced myself to remain impassive. I didn’t need fans and sports reporters knowing about this business yet. Until I could get my game and life in order, my relationship with Katie and the baby needed to be kept under wraps.
I looked up at her. “Why wasn’t I invited to the doctor’s visit?” I wasn’t successful at keeping the hurt from my voice and hated that she’d know how much she’d broken me.
She looked down as if she couldn’t look in me in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Ryder, that was wrong.” She lifted her head. “I’ve done everything wrong.”
“So, you’ll let me know about the next appointment?”
“Yes, it’s next month. I’ll text you the date and address of the doctor’s office.”
I wondered if I’d be around for it. We’d be in the preseason by then, which often involved travel. I’d also need to be ready for the world to know that I’d gotten Katie pregnant. While I wasn’t keen on having that news out, nothing was going to keep me from being there for my child. Even if it meant getting photographed with her at an obstetrician’s office.
“Good. Thanks.” I handed the picture back to her.
“You keep it.”
I put it back in the envelope and would put it in my room once I finished with Katie. “Thank you.”
We stood staring at each other, until I was squirming. “Well, I’ve got to get—”
“That’s not why I’m here.”
Irritation flared. “I’m not hiring you back, Katie.”
Her eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights. “I’m not here for that either.”
“Then why are you here? It’s not a good time for me.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” She looked beyond me to the field where my fellow teammates scrimmaged. I had to hope to hell that Johnny Allison, the second string quarterback, wasn’t outplaying me and preparing to take my spot.
She turned her pretty gray eyes back to me. “I’m sorry.”
I lifted a brow.
“I mean, I’m sorry for not believing in you.”
I shrugged like it was nothing. “I knew you didn’t.”
“No.” She reached out and put both her hands on my arm. “Please don’t say that.”
“Come on, Katie. We had some good times, but when they weren’t good it was usually because you believed some bullshit about me.”
“That’s not entirely true. You’re a—” She stopped whatever she was going to say. Shaking her head, she took a breath. “When it mattered most, I let you down. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to know that I’m sorry. That I regret what happened.” She bit her lip and tears welled in her eyes. It took every bit of willpower I had to lock up the need to comfort her. “I want to make it up to you. To show you how much I care for you.”
I stepped away from her. “That time has come and gone, don’t you think?” If she thought I was going to open my heart again for her, she was going to be disappointed.
“I hope not.” She wiped a tear that fell. “I do believe you, Ryder.”
I scoffed. “You said that before, but when push came to shove, you didn’t.” I leaned closer. “Tell me, would you be here now if Phoebe hadn’t told Danny the truth?”
She jerked back.
“I thought so. You didn’t believe me when I told you that whole thing with Phoebe was a lie. Only when she confessed do you believe me.” I shook my head. “I know I’m a difficult man. I’m not perfect. But I deserve better than that.”
She nodded. “Yes, you do.” She looked down, and it appeared all the life evaporated from her body. “I’m sorry.”
“This doesn’t change things about the baby. I will be there. If you or the baby need anything, just let Ray know. We’ll work through him.”
She hiccupped, and bit her lip again as if she was trying to keep from crying. Fuck, don’t cry Katie. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay strong against tears.
“There’s one more thing I’d like to tell you.”
I was ready to be done with this conversation, mostly because I couldn’t trust myself to not give in. “Okay.”
She lifted her gaze to mine, her gray eyes showing a rawness I hadn’t seen before. “I love you, Ryder.”
One part of my heart sang with joy, but I shut it up fast and instead let the anger come. “You have some fucking nerve, Katie.”
She jerked back but then nodded. “I know. But it’s true. It’s been true for some time, but I was too afraid to say anything.”
“Was it true when you thought I could your nephew’s father?”
She shook her head. “That was a momentary lapse—”
My heart was cracking and I couldn’t take it anymore. “Don’t fuck with me, Katie. I can’t take it. Whatever you felt for me, it wasn’t love because if it was, you’d have stood by me. You would have believed me when I told you that whole story with Phoebe was a lie.”
She started to cry, and I used both hands to hold on to my helmet so I didn’t reach out to comfort her.
She sucked in a steadying breath. “So, I’ve killed your feelings for me? There’s no hope?”
I studied her. “Did you think you’d show me a picture of the baby, say you’re sorry, and we’d be back together?”
“I’d hoped maybe you’d let me make it up to you.”
“I’m sorry, Katie. I can’t. You…” I couldn’t find the right words to tell her what her lack of faith in me had done. “I just can’t.”
She started to cry again. I watched her, at first feeling bad, followed by resentment for feeling guilty for hurting her. Why did it always turn out I was the bad guy? All this was her fault.
“I’ve gotta go. Thanks for the picture.” I turned and strode to the locker room. With each step, my legs felt heavier and my heart more torn, but I gritted my teeth until I was alone, wondering how the hell I was going to raise a child with her and still protect my heart when it clearly still loved her.
Katie
I wasn’t surprised he’d didn’t accept my apology or want me back, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt that he’d sent me packing. My heart was heavy and I could barely breathe as I sat in my car and cried. The crying started when it was clear Ryder didn’t love me and got worse when he walked away. Not wanting to embarrass myself by crying in public, I made it to my car, but my heartbreak was so severe I couldn’t drive. So, I cried and cried, wondering if the pain would ever stop.
I’d ruined everything for me and my baby. Yes, he’d be a part of the child’s life, but we wouldn’t be a family. I should have just taken him up on his offer to elope to Vegas, although I’m not sure he wouldn’t be starting annulment proceedings now if I had.
I finally drove back to L.A. and went straight home and to bed.
“It didn’t go well?” Danny asked later that evening as he sat on the edge of my bed. He’d been there for some time, but had given me space to grieve. Now it was even
ing, and he brought me a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of milk.
I shook my head. “No. He wants to have our communications about the baby go through his manager, Ray.”
“Give him time, Katie. He’ll come around.”
“He was so hurt, Danny. He can’t forgive me and I can’t blame him.”
“Over time he’ll see you’re sorry and realize how great you are. I know it.” He took my hand and squeezed.
“You’re quite a romantic considering your track record.”
He shrugged. “You and Ryder aren’t like me and Phoebe. Ryder is just full of pride right now. Once he’s done being mad, he’ll change his mind.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not his pride. His childhood trauma was more severe than he let on, and I think he doesn’t trust easily. When people he trusts betray him, I think it wounds him to the core. Taps into someplace inside him that feels inadequate.”
“Then he needs therapy to heal himself and church to learn to forgive.”
I put my hand over my brother’s. “Thank you for being here.”
“I have nowhere else to be. I’m thinking maybe of getting a job. I could stick around and help with the baby.”
“I love that you want to do that, but you have a life at home. And DJ. Whether you made him or not, he’s your son.”
He nodded. “You’re right. I miss him.”
“Then you should go home.”
“I’m not leaving you. Not like this.”
“I’ll be okay.” I wasn’t sure how or even if that was true, but I didn’t want my brother to stop his life because of my mistakes. “Why don’t you bring me your business plan and I’ll finish going through it.”
“No. You’re going to eat and get some rest.” He said it with authority, not giving me a chance to argue. So I did as he said, eating half of the sandwich and then falling asleep. Ryder haunted my dreams, as he did every night. Lately in my dreams, he was out of reach and I woke with a pain in my chest. This time in my dream, he made love to me, and when I woke, I felt even worse because I knew it would never happen again.
The next day at work, I locked myself in my office and plunged into my work. The more I focused on work, the less time I’d have to miss Ryder and regret how I’d hurt him. Even when my phone and computer beeped with news notifications, and my phone rang, I ignored them, instead, I crafted press releases and contacted event coordinators about appearances for my clients. The only thing I couldn’t ignore was when the secretary popped her head into my office and told me my boss wanted to talk to me.
I huffed out an annoyed breath, not wanting to lose my momentum, but when the boss called, I had to go.
I made my way through the office, noting that a few of my colleagues were staring at me. What did they know that I didn’t? I looked over at Alan’s desk knowing he wouldn’t miss a chance to clue me in, but he wasn’t there.
When I entered my boss’ office, he wasn’t the only one there. His boss was standing in the corner. Neither of them looked happy, so I could guess I wasn’t getting a raise or a promotion.
“You wanted to see me?”
“Have a seat, Katie.” His features were grim, and I felt certain I was about to be fired.
“I suppose you know why we’ve called you here?” His boss, Mr. Parks, an older gentleman with silver hair and fading blue eyes said. He’d been a fairly well-known actor in the 1980s, but when his star dimmed, he partnered with his agent and few other men to start this firm.
“Actually, no.”
They looked at each other and then to me. Finally, my boss turned his computer screen toward me. I leaned forward to see better. It was a news feature on TMZ. I read the headline.
Bad Boy Ryder Malloy’s Baby Mama
Oh God. I scanned underneath the headline and saw a series of pictures, one where I gave Ryder the sonogram picture and one with him turned away, leaving me crying.
I started to read the article, and it portrayed him as the asshole they always did; a man who got me pregnant, but didn’t care. It made it seem like he was abandoning me.
“Is this true?” my boss asked.
“No.”
“So you’re not pregnant with Ryder Malloy’s child?”
For a moment, I wondered if I should have a lawyer. Was it really any of my boss’ business? Then again, Ryder had been a client.
Deciding it didn’t matter if I lost my job or not, I nodded. “I am pregnant and Ryder is the father. What’s not true is this depiction of Ryder. He has every intention of helping me with the baby.”
“Are you a couple?” Mr. Parks asked.
“Not anymore.” I worked to keep the lump in my throat down and my tears at bay. I was at work and needed to be professional.
“It isn’t good for the firm for our staff to be sleeping with the clients. I know these men have reputations, but Katie I thought—”
“Ryder and I grew up together.” I wasn’t sure that would make a difference. “We had a relationship before.”
“Regardless.” My boss didn’t care about my history with Ryder.
I looked down at my fingers that there fumbling with nerves. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“His manager called and is threatening litigation against us for leaking this,” Mr. Parks said.
I jerked my gaze to Mr. Parks and then my boss. “I didn’t leak it and I can’t imagine anyone here would.”
“Ryder will need to prove that, and I’m feeling confident that we weren’t a part of this story, but it doesn’t change the fact that it looks bad.” My boss turned the screen back toward him.
I swallowed, waiting for the next shoe to drop and be fired.
“You’re a good publicist Katie, and I don’t want to lose you, but I’m not sure it’s good for the company to keep you,” Mr. Parker said.
Even though I prepared to be fired, my heart stuttered in my chest as the inevitability of it hung in the air. “I understand.”
“We’re going to talk to the partners about this, but I wanted to give you a heads up.”
It turned out my career would come down to a vote among the partners.
I looked up at them. “Thank you for letting me know.” I stood and after being dismissed, I headed straight to my office, ignoring the inquiring looks from my colleagues.
I closed my door and went to my computer to pull the article. I re-read it, noting how unfair it was to Ryder. Granted, he didn’t do much to help his reputation, but he didn’t deserve to have everyone assume the worst. I knew I’d have to make a public statement to clear this situation up, which would probably push my bosses over the edge and have to fire me, but oh well.
I went through my media Rolodex looking for the most prestigious media outlets with the highest readerships and viewerships. I finally settled on a daily evening national television show, Entertainment Now.
After that call, I checked my notifications and messages. All of them were about Ryder and his baby mama, and all of them depicted him as a complete jerk for walking off while I was in tears. I could now understand why Ryder dismissed my work. He was right; the truth didn’t matter. People believing a lie affected him more than anyone else. Why would he put his faith in the media to get it right when those closest to him hadn’t believed him?
I may not win him back, but I would correct the record. Chances were, he wouldn’t like me going on TV to talk about him, but I would not let the world think Ryder didn’t care about me or my child. He didn’t love me and we didn’t have a romantic future, but I knew that if I needed help, he’d be there, even if it was just for the baby.
I left my office by a back door and headed to the Entertainment Now studio, where they ushered me into a makeup chair and then into the green room. The show was recorded, but I had to wait until my interviewer, Kallie Pierce was ready to see me.
While I waited, I checked my phone to see if Ryder had texted. Should I tell him I didn’t out him? That I was going to try to fix it? I decided he’d either
not believe me or tell me to not bother. He’d given up on the media long ago.
Finally, I was ushered onto the set where I was mic’ed and Kallie joined me. I’d talked to her before, just not as a subject of her interview. Usually I was trying to get her to interview one of my clients.
“Ryder won’t be joining us?” she asked.
“He’s at training camp.”
She gave me a look that suggested he was being derelict in his duties, which made me want to shake her. No wonder Ryder was so negative. Even when I was trying to make things right, people assumed the worst of him.
“I have to say, Katie, I’m surprised. You don’t seem Ryder’s type.”
I frowned. “You mean overweight?”
“No, of course not.” She sputtered. “You’re smart professional woman. He’s usually seen with—”
“The media have gotten Ryder all wrong. I hope I’ll be able to prove that.” God, I hoped this worked. He deserved to be seen as the wonderfully gentle and caring man he was.
“So, are you two together?” Kallie asked.
“Shouldn’t we save the questions for the interview?”
“Yes, of course.” She motioned for me to sit in one of the two chairs. There was a large screen behind us where I was sure they’d show photos of Ryder.
Several minutes later, we were filming, and I hoped to hell that even if couldn’t change the country’s opinion of Ryder, they’d at least know he wasn’t a man to abandon a woman and her child.
The first questions were fairly benign, asking about how I knew Ryder. I admitted to growing up with him and may have embellished our relationship from before. The world didn’t need to know that it was a weekend tryst. Had the whole Phoebe thing gone differently, maybe we’d have been together longer. Who knew, perhaps we’d still be together.
I did leave out the part where we had a falling out because of Phoebe. The world didn’t need another misunderstood situation to muddy the message I was trying to share about Ryder.