by L. A. Witt
My own words rattled me to the core. Not the insubordination, not the fact that I was speaking like this to a general. I was in love with Connor. I’d known it, but now that I’d said it, my composure wavered. God, what had I done?
Still glaring at me, Bradshaw didn’t move or speak.
I squared my shoulders. “I’m in love with him, sir. You can send me off to some remote island. Whatever you have to do. But the only one who’s going to keep me away is Connor.”
His eyes started to narrow again, and I could feel his tirade coming like a storm rolling in.
Before he could speak, though, I continued. “Quite honestly, you might not even have to worry about him dating me. I screwed up. I ended it. I was afraid of what you might do to my career, and I was afraid of what might happen to him, so I…I ended it. And it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” I set my shoulders back, pretending my stomach wasn’t an even bigger ball of nerves than it had been when I’d arrived. “So he might not even want to speak to me, let alone see me, but…he needs to know how I feel, and if he’ll have me, I…” I gritted my teeth, refusing to let this man see me lose control. “I love him, and if he’ll have me, I want him back. Regardless of what you decide to do to me.”
Bradshaw still didn’t speak. He regarded me silently for a long moment, the hostility in his expression faltering just slightly in favor of…of something else. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and as unreadable as his expression. “He’s twenty, Ensign.” Bradshaw shook his head. “As far as I know, he’s never even had a boyfriend. How in the—”
“So what?”
“So…” The general sighed. “I…” Then he paused. “Connor.”
I furrowed my brow, unsure why he’d just said his son’s name.
After a moment, I realized he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking past me.
Slowly, I turned around, and my breath caught as I realized Connor was standing in the doorway. Arms folded tight across his Metallica T-shirt, he leaned against the frame and watched us, his expression unreadable.
My heart jumped into my throat. How much had he heard?
For a long moment, no one moved. No one spoke.
Without a word, Connor shouldered himself off the doorframe. My knees shook as he crossed the room.
He stopped an arm’s length away. No one made a sound. No one moved.
Connor searched my eyes. I swore I could hear his thoughts as he did, and hoped to God he could hear mine.
Did you mean what you said?
Every word.
Then he took another step forward and threw his arms around me. I released my breath as I hugged him back, closing my eyes and burying my face against his neck. Just catching his familiar scent was enough to make my eyes sting. He was really here. He hadn’t shoved me away, hadn’t told me to go fuck myself. We weren’t back on solid ground, not yet, but this was a damned good start.
“God, Connor, I am so sorry for—”
“I love you.”
I held him tighter. “I love you too.” I wanted to kiss him, to taste him and make sure he was real, but I couldn’t let go of him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t.” He stroked my hair. “Just don’t.” He loosened his embrace, and as I drew back, I touched my forehead to his.
“I didn’t realize you were here.” I ran my fingertips down his cheek. “Your car wasn’t outside, so I—”
“I sold it.”
Something in his voice gave me pause. “Connor…”
Eyes still down, he whispered, “I’m leaving Okinawa.”
My heart dropped into my feet. “Leaving?”
“Yeah.” He looked at me again. “I’ve already started the paperwork and transfer screenings.” He chewed his lip. Barely whispering, he added, “I fly out in two weeks.”
If my heart could’ve dropped any farther, it would’ve.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I…I just couldn’t stay here. I’m applying to transfer to some stateside colleges and staying with some relatives until I get everything together.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Aiden. I—”
“It’s nothing to apologize for.” I wrapped my arms around him again. “And we can still make it work. If you want to do this, we can. There are flights from here all the time.”
Connor still held on to me, but his embrace loosened a little, and his shoulders sank slightly. I swore I could feel him slipping away.
We can make this work, Connor. Please don’t give up on me.
A gruff cough startled me and reminded me we weren’t alone. My blood turned cold, and I straightened, certain Bradshaw was about to lose his shit. Connor and I released each other, inching apart as if that would somehow negate anything.
But Bradshaw looked at his son, and in a gentler tone than I’d ever heard from him, he said, “It’s not too late, Connor.”
Connor shifted his weight. “But all the paperwork has started and—”
“I can make some calls.” The general’s eyes flicked toward me, then back to his son. “If this is what you want, then…”
Connor looked up at me.
I touched his face. “It’s up to you.”
“Do you want me to stay?” he asked so softly I barely heard him.
“Absolutely.” I ran my thumb along his cheekbone. “But if you need to go, I’ll understand. We can…we can still—”
“I want to stay.” Connor turned to his father. “It’s really not too late?”
“No. I can make some calls.” Bradshaw glanced back and forth between us. “Is this what you want, Connor?”
Connor’s gaze darted toward me, then back to his father. “What about all the fraternization stuff? I thought—”
Bradshaw let out a long breath, his shoulders sinking, and I swore he seemed to age ten years in a few seconds. “It’s still a risk. For both of us. But now that I’ve seen that you’re willing to leave the island over this, and after Ensign Lange was willing to confront me, I…” He shook his head. “I can’t keep you from something that makes you both happy.” He looked me right in the eye, then looked at Connor. “Is this what you want, son?”
Nodding, Connor laced his fingers between mine. “Yes.”
Bradshaw stared at our joined hands. I wanted so badly to rub my thumb along the side of Connor’s, but I was afraid even the slightest movement would turn the general from this weirdly subdued version back to the volatile asshole who didn’t want me anywhere near his son.
“All right.” Bradshaw gave a single nod and shifted his weight. “I’ll make the calls tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Connor let go of my hand, and embraced his father tightly.
“I’m sorry, son,” General Bradshaw said quietly. “You know I only—”
“I know. It’s okay.”
Bradshaw let him go, and then he turned to me. After a moment, the general extended his hand. “Ensign.”
“General.” I shook his hand.
Without releasing his grip, he set his jaw and held my gaze. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that it’s best if things are discreet around the office.”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Good. Good.” He released my hand and glanced at Connor. “I’ll, uh, leave you two alone, then.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Connor said.
Bradshaw looked at Connor, then at me, and then stepped out of the room. As soon as he was gone, I exhaled and leaned against the back of the couch.
Connor laughed. “My dad doesn’t make you nervous, does he?”
“Uh, well, he definitely did when I was on my way over here.”
Connor’s expression turned more serious, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry it took so long,” I whispered, sliding an arm around his waist. “I’ve almost come over here a few times, I was just…scared.”
He laughed again, but halfheartedly. “My dad’s a scary dude when he wants to
be.”
“No, it wasn’t because of him.” I ran my fingers through Connor’s hair. “It was because of you.”
Connor tensed. “What?”
“I hurt you,” I said. “You had every right to be pissed at me, and I was scared to death you’d turn me away.” I leaned in and kissed his forehead. “God, I am so sorry, Connor.”
“You’re back now.” He met my eyes. “That’s all I care about. You’re back.”
“I am.” I cradled his face in both hands. “And I love you.”
He smiled. “I love you too.”
I held his gaze for a long moment, just drinking in the fact that we’d found our way back to each other. Then I leaned in slowly, and as I tilted my head, he lifted his chin, and when our lips met, I damn near had to push him up against the wall just to keep from melting to the floor.
When we broke the kiss, I was shaking.
“So what do we do now?” He smirked. “Can’t really…with my parents home…”
I laughed. “No, I guess we can’t.” Nodding toward the door, I added, “I’m parked outside. Do you want to, um, go grab a bite to eat?” I paused, heart thundering. “I mean, if you’re not studying or anything.”
“Not really hungry right now.” Connor reached for my face. “But I can think of someplace else we could go.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Connor
Even sliding into the passenger seat of Aiden’s car was a relief. Like things were finally back to normal. Half an hour ago, I’d never wanted to see him again, but then I’d heard his voice downstairs. I’d listened in, and he’d said all those things, and I’d believed him. Every word. Because he’d said them when he didn’t think I was listening. He’d poured it all out to my father, knowing full well there could be unpleasant consequences and thinking all along I wouldn’t hear it, never mind take him back if I did.
But here we were, and the world felt like it was spinning the right way again.
As he started the engine, I touched his leg. “That took some balls, coming at him like that. I can’t even stand up to him the way you did.”
Aiden laughed, his cheeks coloring a little. “Now you know why it took me so long to do it.”
I laughed too and took his hand. “I’m glad you did.”
“Me too.” He slipped his fingers between mine. “Were you really leaving in two weeks?”
“Probably sooner.” I watched his thumb rub the side of my hand. “I was going to take a Space-A flight out next week. Once we had everything sorted out.”
Aiden exhaled. “Wow. And you were leaving because of…”
Nodding, I avoided his eyes. “I know it sounds stupid to up and leave over this, but it was just going to happen again. With any other guy I met. And…” I made myself meet his gaze again. “I didn’t want to meet any other guys. I wanted you.”
Aiden touched my face. “I am so sorry. I—”
“Stop apologizing,” I whispered. “I know why you did it. I understand.” Smiling, I ran my fingers through his hair. “And you’re back, and I’m not going anywhere now. I don’t care about anything else.”
“Thank God.” He leaned across the console to kiss me. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” I held the side of his neck and kissed him again, pushing his lips apart with my tongue. A low groan vibrated against my hand, and the kiss deepened as we pulled each other closer.
It was Aiden who finally broke away and said, “Maybe we should find someplace a little more private.”
“Good idea.” I raised an eyebrow. “I can think of one place.”
He held my gaze.
Then he grinned. So did I.
And he put the car in Reverse.
~*~
Somehow we made it all the way to Aiden’s apartment and all the way up the stairs without giving in, but about the time we made it to his floor, we went from almost there to fuck it, close enough. I pushed him up against the railing and kissed him hard, and he didn’t fight me, didn’t tell me to just be patient for a few more steps. Oh God, no. He grabbed on and kissed me like his life depended on it.
We stumbled a little, and before I knew it, my back was against the wall, Aiden pinning me there with his body, both hands cupping my neck as he kissed me hard. I gripped his shirt, his hair, his neck—anything I could grab hold of—and when he pressed his hips into mine, I pushed back, rubbing and grinding against him and wishing like hell the friction would just melt our clothes away and leave nothing between us but skin.
I didn’t even care that we were outside, exposed and in the open. I desperately wanted to get him naked and relieve this hard-on that was about to drive me insane. More than that, though, just holding on to him and tasting his kiss again was an even bigger relief than any orgasm would be. I’d given up on ever touching him again, on him ever wanting me again, but here he was and here I was. Part of me even wanted to break down in tears because I realized even more than before how much it had hurt to be away from him, and how much of a relief it was to have him and to know he loved me.
I slid my hands under his shirt, sighing when my palms met his hot skin, but we didn’t move and didn’t break this long, frantic kiss. His erection ground against mine, and my fingers dug into his back, and we were going to wind up fucking right then and there if—
Aiden suddenly broke away, touching his forehead to mine and panting hard against my lips. “We should get inside.”
“I don’t want to move.”
“Neither do I.” He kissed me again, briefly this time. “But there’s lube in there.”
Our eyes met, and we separated abruptly. He picked his keys up off the concrete—I hadn’t even heard them fall. His hands shook as he tried to unlock the door, and even though I really wanted to touch him, I didn’t, because that would’ve just distracted him that much more.
We stumbled through the front door, tangled up and tripping over each other on the way down the short hall to the bedroom. We’d almost always been slow and gentle, but not this time. How we made it into the bedroom without just dropping to the floor and fucking, I’d never know.
But we did, and, gripping the front of my shirt, Aiden dragged me down onto the bed on top of him. My collar dug into the back of my neck, but I didn’t care. It was hard to care about anything when Aiden was under me and kissing me like that.
He held me tighter and then rolled me onto my back. As he kissed my neck, he said, “I want to fuck you.”
Just thinking about him inside me brought a moan out of me. “Please.”
“On your back.” He kissed me once more before getting up. “So I can see you.”
“My favorite.”
We exchanged grins, and while he pulled the lube out of the nightstand drawer, I put a pillow under my hips. He teased me with his fingers until I’d relaxed a little, but he didn’t draw it out this time.
As Aiden’s cock slid into me and my vision turned white, I gripped his arms. He slid his arms under me and hooked his fingers over my shoulders. The leverage, the angle—Jesus, it felt amazing.
As desperate as we both were, Aiden moved slowly inside me, and I couldn’t bring myself to beg him for more. I still couldn’t quite believe this was happening, that we’d found our way back to each other like this, and I was sure if I made a sound I’d wake up and it would all be a fantasy.
“You feel so good,” he whispered, his whole body trembling as if his slow, smooth motions took every bit of exertion he could muster.
“So do you.” I dragged my fingers down his back, feeling his muscles moving beneath his skin as he moved in me. “God, Aiden…”
He whimpered softly in my ear and shuddered against me, shoulders quivering as his breath rushed past my neck. “Fuck, I can’t…”
“Come,” I whispered, rocking my hips to encourage his. “I want you to—”
He shuddered, and then he was all the way inside me, shaking and moaning, and, Jesus, he was gorgeous like that.
Then he collapsed, arms trembling under him as he tried to hold himself up. “Holy. Shit.”
“My thoughts exactly.” I pulled him all the way down and kissed him.
After a moment, Aiden pulled out and lifted himself up. I started to get up too, but he pushed me back down.
“Where do you think you’re going? We’re not done yet.” Eyes locked on mine, he held himself up on one arm and reached between us with the other. “We’re not done until you come.”
His fingers closed around my dick. I knew it was coming but gasped anyway and thrust into his hand.
“Like that?” he asked and squeezed a little harder.
“Yeah. Fuck. Oh my God…” I tried to kiss him, but his hand slid over the head of my cock, and I forgot how. I fell back to the bed, murmuring curses.
“You look amazing.” Aiden bit his lip and stroked me a little harder. “I love watching you like this.”
“You’re not…watching…” Fingers digging into his shoulders, I fucked his fist as he took me closer and closer. “You’re making me like this.”
“I know,” he whispered. “And I fucking love it.”
That was all it took. My eyes rolled back and my toes curled and I lost it. I called out something—his name? More curses? Fuck if I knew—and Aiden kept stroking me, kept whispering to me, until I came down. My cock was on the verge of being hypersensitive, and he stopped a second before I’d have asked him to.
We cleaned ourselves up and, as we usually did, climbed back into bed and wrapped up in each other under the sheet.
“It’s so good to have you back,” he said.
“Likewise.”
“I’m sorry. For walking away.” Aiden smoothed my hair, that gentle touch I loved so much. “I don’t know if it makes a difference, but doing that hurt like hell. I just got scared and didn’t see any other way, but I never wanted—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “I know.”
“I have no idea what’s going to happen.” He kissed my forehead. “This could flame out in a few months, or it could last. I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.” He kissed me again, on the mouth this time. “But I can’t… I just—”