by Dee Florence
“But—”
“No buts, Ella. I made my crappy bed and now I have to lie in it.”
She huffs. Clearly not agreeing, but she lets it drop.
“Well, I’ll see you on Wednesday for Christmas Lunch? No backing out okay? I can’t see our family without you, Blake.”
“I’ll be there. I wouldn’t skip out on you. I never have. Never will.”
“Just checking. I’ve got to go now, but love you.”
“Love you too, kid. See you in a couple of days.”
She ends the call.
I submit all the parts of the scholarship submission. It’s not due for 24 hours but with work tomorrow, and potential server issues if there are a lot of submissions, I decide to get it out of the way now.
The hay is in the barn, as they say. Nothing more I can do but wait.
I take myself to bed and vow that I’ll try to be more chipper tomorrow. No one needs a grump at Christmas.
We finish up the year on Tuesday at lunchtime with a Christmas Lunch put on by the boss. I only stay as long as is polite and then excuse myself.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I would hang out with the team and have the few drinks provided with lunch and then make our way to the pub, minus our cars, to enjoy Christmas Eve.
Christmas comes and goes without much to report. I miss Cate and wonder what she’s doing. I curse myself when I find the gift I bought for her from one of those shops she loved in the Hills.
I had doubled back when she was in the next shop, claiming I’d forgotten something and I bought the necklace she loved but couldn’t afford. She’d splurged on the matching earrings instead.
I consider for half a second leaving it at her door or giving it to Ella to pass on. But I’m respecting her wishes for space and doing that borders on creepy. I toss it back into the cupboard to deal with another day.
Ella insists on coming over most afternoons in the lazy week between Christmas and New Year, where Australia seems to grind almost to a halt.
It’s usually a blissful time when kids play with their new toys. Families go on their annual camping trips. Most workplaces close or are on skeleton staff. It’s like the world slows down enough that we can savour it.
We sit in deck chairs in my small backyard and chat about everything and nothing.
She tells me her plans for New Year’s Eve. That there’s someone—no doubt unworthy—that she’s got her eye on. That I should come along. That it will be fun.
I’ve never missed a New Year’s Eve. It used to be my favourite night out. What’s not to love about dancing, women and free flowing booze? The old Blake wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Not this year though. Not when that life backfired on me.
I’m starting my resolutions early: be a man that’s worthy of her.
Even if she never takes me back. I can’t see this change as a bad thing. I’ll be 30 in March.
Time to grow the fuck up.
FORTY
BLAKE
When Ella leaves to have a nap and get ready to dance the night away, I take myself to the supermarket.
It closes early tonight—so the staff can enjoy their evening too, I guess—it’s 5:30pm now and the store closes in half an hour.
I’m going through the aisles, grabbing my things as normal, when I deviate at my last aisle to get ice cream. With my sister coming around so often, it’s become a staple on my list.
I check my phone on the way into the aisle. It’s just Ella asking if I’ll reconsider.
I don’t reply, just shake my head.
I get a weird feeling when I pull my trolley up to where I need to get the ice cream and look up from my phone. There’s a woman, in a flowing, pale green, summer dress and a loose braid leaning down to take the last container.
She mutters to herself about the suckers that missed out.
I can’t help but laugh out loud at that.
She jumps and spins to face me, with blushing pink cheeks, that have always been just for me.
“Blake? W-what are you doing here?” Cate splutters.
“I’m one of the suckers that just missed out on the ice cream.” I point at the ice cream in her hand and wink at her.
Fuck, it’s good to see her.
“Oh. Er. I didn’t think anyone could hear me.” She’s trying hard not to smile. “Here. Take it. I’ll pick a different flavour.”
I peer over at the near-empty freezer. There’s been a heatwave this week and all that’s left is one battered container of plain vanilla, dairy-free ice cream.
“I think you’re out of luck, gorgeous. You keep it.” I look her over, because I can’t help it. “You look as stunning as ever, Cate. I hope you’re keeping well.”
She just nods and stares at me. She’s lost the power of speech again. Like the early days.
She seems reluctant to move. I don’t want to go but I don’t want to make this worse for her either.
I start to step away but she speaks. “Are... Are you going out tonight? This must be a big night for you, yeah?”
“Nah. That’s not really my scene anymore. Quiet one on the cards for me. ’Bout time really.” I shrug. “Is Lottie dragging you out tonight?”
“No. No. She’s away at some festival. It’s just me and the ice cream tonight.” She lifts it to remind us both why we’re standing here.
“Well... It was great to see you, Cate. I should leave you to your night. Better get these groceries home.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah. It was good to see you too.” She turns away to put the container in her basket, looking conflicted.
“And Cate…”
“Yeah?” She brightens for a second.
“My offer still stands. Just say the word.”
She looks stunned.
I let myself soak in her presence for one more moment and then I start to push my trolley away. It’s hard to leave her, but I’ve said all I can say.
I get halfway down the aisle when I get a text that I decide to stop and check.
Sweet Cheeks: Wait for me.
I look back at her. She’s shuffling down the aisle as fast as she can, in her loose gladiator sandals, and a grin starts to spread across my face as she draws near.
I turn towards her and she drops her basket by my trolley, trying not to wince as she drops it on her toes. She reaches up with both hands and pulls me in by the neck for a kiss. My arms snap around her waist and pull her to me.
I restrain myself as much as I can, because we’re in the supermarket, but she feels like home. Relief washes over me.
There’s my girl!
The announcer on the loud speaker reminds shoppers that they’re closing in 10 minutes.
She leans her forehead on mine with my cheeks in her hands, “Come home with me, Blake. Don’t make me go home alone.”
“Anything you want, sweet cheeks. Anything at all.”
She took the tram to the supermarket, so I load both our groceries in my ute and drive us the short drive back to her place.
She directs me into her parking space, that’s available because she doesn’t have a car of her own. It’s just as well, because the street is packed with cars tonight. Some for local parties, but I suspect that many will be taking the free trams into the city for the public celebrations.
I follow her up the stairs with all our groceries. Mine and hers. She insists on putting them all away in her kitchen. Like they were always meant to be there.
She bites her lip when she looks at me unpacking the groceries and handing them to her. She knows that she’s 100 percent in control and that I won’t make a move without her saying so. Her small smile is trouble and I can’t help the grin that’s growing on my face.
After the last item is packed away, Cate shuffles around the kitchen making a big bowl of ice cream. She’s torturing me by walking close to me and humming, but we haven’t said a word since we entered the apartment. It’s a standoff of sorts and I’m playing along.
She gr
abs the bowl and a dessert spoon and crooks her finger for me to follow her. She’s swaying her hips and looking back over her shoulder to check that I’m following.
Like the puppy I’ve always been around her, I trail along behind.
I’d follow her anywhere.
She flops down on the couch and pats the spot next to her. “Come sit beside me.” There’s no asking twice. I’m in her space.
She moves to put her legs over mine, so I grab them and make sure she’s as close as possible without actually sitting on my lap. I keep my hand resting on her knee.
She starts eating the ice cream, licking the spoon after each mouthful. That shy woman I once met has no place here. Only the vixen that came out of her shell.
She takes another scoop of ice cream with her spoon, but instead of eating it she puts it to my lips instead. I let her feed me. My eyes going dark with want for her.
She takes one more scoop for herself. So. Painfully. Slowly. I watch that spoon intently. As it pops out of her mouth she leans in and plants a chaste kiss on my lips.
I can’t help myself. I take the bowl and spoon and move them to the coffee table and her giggle solidifies what I need to do. I drag her on to my lap completely and I kiss my woman.
I start it chaste. Then I lick the seam of her mouth asking her to part it for me. She does and I kiss her like I’ve missed her for a lifetime. Like I need to tell her what she means to me.
Like this is the beginning, as well as the middle, of something worth keeping. She kisses me back with the same intensity.
I don’t want to rush it. We have a lifetime of nights ahead of us. But she whispers in my ear, “Take me to bed, Blake. I need you.”
I throw her over my shoulder in a firefighters carry and she squeals in delight.
Mine!
I slide her down my front and place her feet firmly on the floor and we undress each other. It’s like we’re rediscovering one another. She’s touching me like she can’t believe that I’m real and my hands just cannot get enough of her.
Instead of it being fast and furious, rushed and hungry, we take it slow. I kiss up her body, mapping it. Her body has changed over this month. I’m sad because I know it was from pain and I hate that I caused it. I give her extra kisses of my remorse.
I vow never to hurt her again.
I lavish her body with the attention that it deserves. Her face is bliss and I will do everything in my power to make her feel that way, more often than not.
As I reach her neck, she whispers, “My turn,” and pushes me to my back.
She starts at my neck and works her way down. She is whispering into my skin, but I can’t make out what she is saying. As she kisses the path of my happy trail, I grab her under her arms and pull her back up.
“Not right now, gorgeous. I have other plans.”
She pouts, but lets me roll her under me again.
I trail my hand between her legs.
“So wet for me,” I groan in her ear.
“Always.”
I reach for her nightstand to where the condoms were, hoping they’re still there. She grabs my arm gently and kisses the inside of my bicep.
“No. I’m on the pill and I’m clean. If you’re clean, let’s go without.”
My brain spins. She wants me bare?
“I’m clean and I’ve not been with anyone since you.”
“Same.” She bites her lip. “Make love to me, Blake. Please?”
I just nod and inch inside her. We stare into each other’s eyes. Slowly and deliberately, I make love to her.
It’s not fucking like we’ve done so many times before. It’s not even like that time when I wanted to cure her sadness. I’m hitting every spot and giving her all of me.
“More. More. Harder...Blake.”
“You were made for me…Mine…Always.”
She muffles her screams into my shoulder. She’s gripping me like she never has before. She comes and comes and I’m getting closer to the edge. My speed is picking up. I can’t help it.
Her whisper in my ear sends me over the edge, “No. You were made for me.”
I empty myself inside her and she holds me there, not wanting us to separate. I kiss her chest. Her neck. Her jaw. Finally her lips.
Eventually we part. She goes to the bathroom to clean up and comes back in a loose coverall.
“It’s nearly midnight! Want to watch the fireworks from my balcony?”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” I kiss her on the forehead and go clean myself up.
I meet her on her tiny balcony, in just the shorts I was wearing earlier. Her neighbours don’t need to see my boxer briefs tonight.
My phone buzzes with a text. It’s Ella.
Ella-Bella: Why are you a sad sack at home and not out enjoying the party with us?
Included with her text is a selfie of her flanked by two of her female friends all smiling for the camera.
Instead of replying with something witty right away, I switch to the camera app and snap a photo of me and Cate on her balcony. I’m holding her to my chest, kissing her temple and she’s got a sweet smile.
I send Ella the photo.
Blake: I found a better offer. *wink emoji*
I can almost hear Ella’s excited squeals from here. But I slip my phone back in my pocket and kiss my woman as the neighbourhood counts us into the New Year.
“Cate, I need to tell you something.”
She stiffens and steps back. “Go on.”
“I, um...I love you and I think I have for a lot longer than I was willing to admit to myself.” I pause for a second before I rush out, “Maybe even since you apologised to the chair on our first date.”
She softens, but rolls her eyes at the last part. “Well, I love you, you idiot. I probably have since you gave me the surprise with the gift card in it.”
I pull her in close. “Ha! That means I loved you a full hour before you loved me. I’m going to remember that.”
“All right, bear arms. You win. You loved me first.”
“YES! Winner!” I pump my fist in the air. I grin at her. She rolls her eyes again.
She grabs me by the arm and drags me back to bed and we fall into each other again.
Even after she’s drifted off to sleep, it’s glorious to have her here in my arms. Sleep comes easier than it has in a month.
Cate’s alarm blares at 5:25am and she sits up like it’s woken the dead.
“Why is your alarm set for now? It’s the best sleep-in day of the year.” I ask, groggy from lack of sleep.
“Shh! Get up. I have something to show you. Put some pants on.”
“So many cruel demands for someone up early on New Year’s Day.”
“I promise it will be worth it. We don’t have to go far. But I need my phone.”
I grumble as I get dressed, but do as I’m told.
“Hurry or we’ll miss it!” She hisses.
She walks out to her tiny balcony opening up the sliding door. It faces east and has a pretty good view of the Adelaide Hills when the sun is up.
I walk up behind her as she’s checking her phone for the time.
“What are we waiting for?”
“You’ll see.”
Within minutes, light starts to appear behind the Hills. It’s orange and pink and Cate starts taking photos.
We stand there for about 10 minutes in silence. Cate watching the sunrise. Me watching her.
“Happy first sunrise of the year!” She says in a low voice, as to not wake the neighbours. “It always gives me hope.”
“Happy New Year, sweet cheeks. I’m so glad I’m starting it with you.” I kiss her temple and she goes back to watching the sky brighten, until it’s a blue sky day.
She looks up at me with kind eyes. “Thank you for watching with me. It’s my tradition.”
“Anything for you, gorgeous.” I kiss her the top of her head. “Pancakes for breakfast now? Or do you want to sleep a little more and we can start the day agai
n later?”
“Mmmm.” She snuggles into my chest with her whole body and I can’t help but wrap my arms around her. “Sleep now. Pancakes later.”
“You got it, babe.”
I take her back to bed.
She’s not the first woman I’ve woken with on New Year’s Day. But I hope she’s my last.
FORTY-ONE
CATE
When I woke on December 31, I resigned myself to reading a steamy romance novel, eating ice cream and getting an early night.
I’ve done it before and it’s not bad, I just couldn’t help but feel the hole left by Blake’s absence. It took effort to even go to the supermarket, but I wasn’t missing out on ice cream.
That was a deal breaker.
What followed was better than any romance novel, because it actually happened.
He left halfway through New Year’s Day with a kiss to my forehead. I sat in a slump, wondering if it was all just a dream.
But there was a knock at my door not even 20 minutes later and he was back with a weekender bag filled with his stuff. Relief washed over me and I rushed into his arms like he’d been gone years and not less than half an hour.
Smooth, Cate! Smooth, as always!
I missed him so much in the month we were apart. If I have realised anything, it’s that I don’t want to walk away from whatever this is. We love each other and we want to see where it goes, and for now, that’s more than enough.
It’s three days later. He’s banished me to my bedroom for the last two hours.
He tells me it’s so I can get my reading and relaxing time in, but he’s singing along to a playlist and making a lot of furniture moving noises and the curiosity is almost killing me.
I shout through the door. “Blake! Can I come out now? I’m bored with reading. I want to know what you’re up to!”
“No! Read something else, sweet cheeks. That kindle has lots of books. I know you can find something.”
“But I miss you!” I whine.
He chuckles, “I’m worth the wait. 20 more minutes. Half an hour max. Have a shower if you need to? I need to get back to work.”