The Cost of Living

by Rachel Ward

  ‘I know. What with that and Gavin.’

  ‘What?’

  Anna lowered her voice. ‘Got turned down for promotion yesterday. Don’t tell anyone, but he’s a bit down about it.’

  ‘Oh shit. I just opened my mouth and put both feet in.’

  Bea told Anna about her exchange with Gavin. In spite of herself, Anna started to laugh.

  ‘God, only you, Bea!’

  ‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know, did I?’

  ‘I know. That’s what makes it funnier. Poor Gavin. Having a bit of a rough time of it. Don’t tell anyone, though. Mum’s the word.’

  The day dragged slowly by without Dot at the next checkout. A broken hip? She could be gone for ages. Bea sat with Eileen and Anna at lunchtime but Eileen was busy with her Sudoku and Anna had her nose in a book. Dean came in to make a mug of tea. She caught him looking at her and wilted inside as he strutted over towards her.

  ‘Get home all right last night, did you?’

  ‘Yes, thank you. How nice of you to ask.’

  ‘No trouble on the way?’

  Then she knew: he’d set up Ant’s brother and his stupid friends to ambush her. He’d armed them with eggs. She’d felt a little guilty about pointing Gav in his direction, but not any more. He deserved everything that was coming to him.

  She struggled through the afternoon. On her way out, she rang Queenie to let her know where she was going. Queenie was put out at the thought of a pizza from the freezer for tea, but she understood Bea’s reasons and asked her to send Dot her love.

  ‘I’ll see you later, Bea. You take care coming home.’

  Dot was sitting in a high-backed blue plastic chair by the side of her bed. Her face lit up when she saw Bea. Ant was sitting in another chair, with his head propped up in his hands. His face had a shiny, unwashed look about it and there were dark rings under his eyes.

  ‘Ant, you look knackered,’ said Bea. ‘Have you been here all day?’

  He didn’t answer.

  ‘Seriously,’ said Bea. ‘Go home. Get some sleep. It looks like you need it.’

  ‘Dot?’ Ant said.

  Dot smiled at him. ‘It’s fine, love. You’ve done so much today. Go home. See your mum. Get some sleep.’

  He dragged himself to his feet, then leaned down and kissed Dot on her cheek. She cupped his face with one hand. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, darlin’.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘If you’re sure.’

  ‘I’m sure I’m sure.’

  ‘See ya, Bea,’ he said, and trailed out of the ward, scuffing his toes as he went.

  ‘Blimey,’ said Bea. ‘He’s wrecked. I thought you were the one in the wars, but I’m not so sure now. Anyway, you’re up! I thought you’d be lying in bed with your leg in the air.’

  ‘Bea! Come here, darling!’ She held one arm out and gathered Bea in for a heartfelt hug. When she let go, Bea sat on the chair vacated by Ant.

  ‘They make you get out of bed really quickly,’ said Dot. ‘They’re sadists, Bea. I’m not joking.’

  ‘Does it hurt?’

  ‘Not as much as I thought, but I think I’m still dosed up to my gills.’

  The room was swelteringly hot. All the windows were shut.

  Bea took off her coat and put it over the metal end of the bed. She unwrapped her scarf and flapped the top of her blouse. ‘Warm in here. Can I have some of your water?’

  ‘Yeah, sure.’

  Bea took a clean cup from the stack on Dot’s table on wheels, and poured out some water from the plastic jug. She drank the whole lot quickly and poured out some more.

  ‘So,’ she said, ‘how on earth did you break your hip?’

  Dot looked at her steadily. ‘Silly me. I fell over in the middle of the night. Need to take more water with it or something.’

  ‘And what happened then? Did you have your phone on you? How did you get help?

  Silence for a beat, then, ‘Well, Ant was there, so he called an ambulance.’

  Bea narrowed her eyes. ‘Ant was there.’

  Dot started fiddling with the tape which kept the cannula on place on the back of her hand. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So that was handy,’ said Bea, casually. ‘Ant being there.’

  ‘Yeah. Don’t know what I would have done without him.’

  Bea couldn’t help seeing her list in her mind’s eye. The names of the men. Ant’s name. And he’d looked dreadful just now – tiredness? Maybe guilt too.

  She got up and walked round the bed and then back again drawing the floor-length curtain with her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ said Dot.

  Bea pulled her chair closer to Dot’s. She leaned forward and took hold of Dot’s hands in hers. She lowered her voice.

  ‘Dot, did he . . . did he hurt you?’

  Dot looked shocked.

  ‘No! No. He wouldn’t. He’s not like that.’

  ‘Dot, you can tell me if he did. You should tell someone.’

  ‘He didn’t hurt me, Bea, not intentionally.’

  ‘I’ve read it in my magazines, women always blame themselves.’ The image of Julie’s face flashed into Bea’s mind – her face and the weird, puckered skin around her wedding ring.

  ‘Stop it, Bea,’ Dot said, bringing Bea’s attention back to the hospital room. ‘You’re barking up the wrong tree, love. He would never hurt me.’

  Bea let go of Dot’s hands and picked up the cup again. She had a sip of water. ‘So?’

  Dot took a couple of deep breaths. ‘Okay, you mustn’t tell anyone, right?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  Another breath. Dot closed her eyes momentarily, almost as if she was praying. Bea had another sip. When Dot opened her eyes she said, ‘We fell off the bed.’

  Bea sprayed water out of her mouth in a perfect arc. It landed on the blanket on Dot’s knees in a shower of spitty rain. Bea grabbed a tissue and started dabbing at the wet patches. It gave her something to do while she tried to compose herself.

  When she finally looked up, Dot was squinting at her through half-closed eyes, shielding herself from Bea’s reaction.

  ‘You fell off the bed while you were at it?’ Bea hissed.

  Dot nodded and beckoned her closer.

  ‘It was the first time,’ she whispered. ‘We hadn’t even done it before. Just held hands and had a little snog. It was his mum that made it happen.’

  ‘His mum?’

  ‘He was so mad with her after she came into the store, he came round to see me and I was upset and he was comforting me and I was comforting him and, well, this happened.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘So I guess she was right, after all. Stupid for me to get involved with someone so young. I’m not cut out for it.’

  ‘Well, it was bloody bad luck for this to happen the first time.’

  Dot smiled ruefully. ‘Yeah. First and last, I reckon. I’m not going to be spreading these legs for some time.’ She winced as she shifted in her chair. Without her make-up, she looked every one of her fifty-eight years. Still lovely, to Bea’s eyes, but definitely a woman of a certain age.

  ‘You know your list? I know you put a line through Ant’s name, but I don’t think you crossed him off in your head, did you? ’Cos I was his alibi and we were, you know.’

  ‘Yeah. I’m sorry, but . . . ’

  ‘The thing is I’ve known you much longer than I’ve known him. You’re my friend, Bea, my proper friend. I like Ant, but he’s, you know, a boy. If it was a choice between you and him, it would be you every time. And so I wouldn’t lie to you. He was with me when Emma was attacked. God’s truth. You can take him off your list for real.’

  ‘Okay. I will.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Dot. Her face seemed to be getting greyer. ‘Have you made any progress?’

  ‘Yes! I wanted to report back to you two. Haven’t eliminated anyone yet but I’ve got some new info.’

  Dot shifted in her chair again and winced a little. ‘I think I need to get ba
ck into bed.’ She shut her eyes.

  ‘Shall I fetch someone?’ said Bea.

  ‘No, if you just help me get out of this dressing gown and shuffle across. Don’t need to bother the nurses, they’ve got enough to do.’

  ‘Okay, if you’re sure.’

  Bea helped Dot ease her arms out of her dressing gown in the chair. Then she supported her as she got onto her feet, taking as much weight from her as she could. Dot shrugged off her gown and took the couple of steps over to the bed.

  ‘Move those covers,’ she said.

  Bea held onto Dot with one hand and turned the sheets and blanket back with the other. Dot sat on the bed slowly.

  ‘Can you lift my feet up together and help me swivel round? Gently, though.’

  Before too long, she was safely tucked up. Bea adjusted the pillow behind her. Dot closed her eyes. The effort seemed to have exhausted her.

  ‘I should go,’ said Bea.

  Dot opened her eyes again. ‘No, it’s all right. I’m okay, just a bit tired that’s all. You wanted to tell me something. Report back.’

  ‘Yeah, but . . . ’

  Dot nodded. ‘If I close my eyes,’ she said, ‘I’m still listening. Carry on.’

  ‘Okay, so that Dave was in the store at the start of the evening. He was there with his whole family and he winked at me. They were right there, Dot. He’s disgusting.’

  ‘Scumbag.’

  ‘And something else. He was wearing a tracksuit.’

  ‘With a hood?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Put an asterisk by his name,’ said Dot. ‘Known sleazeball, opportunity, hoodie-wearer. He’s got to be in the frame.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘What else?’

  ‘Last night, I met Kevin the photographer on the way home. He walked along with me, gave me the right creeps. He gave me one of his cards, like the one Ginny had and I checked out his website. He likes taking photos of girls, young girls, Dot. He’s pretty sleazy.’

  ‘Well, you can tell that just by looking at him.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Does he wear a hoodie, though?’

  ‘He’s got a dark green anorak. That’s got a hood.’

  ‘Asterisk,’ said Dot.

  ‘Then really early this morning, someone put a note through my door. I’ve got it. Look.’

  She brought out the piece of paper and handed it to Dot.

  ‘Charming,’ Dot said.

  ‘Mind what business, though? Do you think it’s the killer?’

  ‘Who knows we’re investigating? Have you told anyone?’

  ‘No. Just us three. And my mum. She sends her love, by the way.’

  ‘Maybe it’s our friend Dean. Wants you to keep your nose out of his little scams.’

  ‘The whole town was covered with egg last night. Little shit had already shifted those eggs when I went back with Ant.’

  ‘Yeah, Ant said he floored him. But I’ve been wondering . . . ’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Someone ratted on me to Ant’s mum. It could only have been one of my neighbours or someone at the store. Could it be Dean taking revenge?’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it past him. I think he got some of his mates to try and frighten me on the way home. I wasn’t going to tell you.’

  ‘You were on your own?’ Dot rolled her eyes. ‘Sorry, that was ’cos of me, wasn’t it?’

  ‘No, it was my own silly fault. They were only kids anyway, including one of Ant’s brothers. I sorted them out.’

  ‘Someone needs to sort Dean out.’

  ‘I was going to tell Gav, but then maybe Eileen would be better. She’d give her baby boy what for, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Yeah. Unless she’s in on his little schemes.’ Dot’s face was grey. ‘The pain’s coming back,’ she said. Her hand groped around the covers.

  ‘What do you want?’ said Bea.

  ‘The buzzer that calls a nurse. I can’t find it.’

  There was a white plastic box on a cable trailing down the side of the bed. Bea reached for it and held it up. ‘This it?’

  ‘Yeah. Thanks, doll. Can you press it for me?’

  Bea pressed the red button. It looked like the sort of thing that might start a nuclear war, but instead a nurse came along within a minute. She had purple-dyed dreadlocks tied back in a ponytail and a kind way about her.

  ‘Oh, you’re back in bed,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah. I’m just tired and I need some more painkillers.’

  The nurse checked the record sheet at the end of the bed. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ll get you something.’

  While they waited, Dot closed her eyes again. Bea wondered if she was asleep this time, but then she said, ‘Bea, whether it was Dean or whether it was someone else, that note, I don’t like it. Perhaps you should stop your detecting. Just look after yourself and Queenie.’

  ‘I’m not going to put myself in any danger.’

  ‘Aren’t you? Walking on your own?’

  ‘Yes, but that wasn’t because I was following a trail, it just happened.’

  ‘Well, it mustn’t. Not while all this is going on. Get your Tom to give you a lift, or get a taxi.’

  ‘Hmm, Tom always seems to be busy. He was my Plan A yesterday, but he stood me up. That reminds me, though. Gav offered me a lift.’

  Dot opened her eyes. ‘Did he?’

  ‘Yeah. When I said that I’d planned to walk home with you.’

  ‘Gavin,’ Dot said. ‘Gavin . . . there was something Anna said.’

  The nurse was back. She injected some clear liquid into the cannula attached to the back of Dot’s hand.

  ‘I’ll do your obs while I’m here,’ she said, and took Dot’s temperature and blood pressure. ‘Lovely,’ she said, writing the results down. ‘Is there anything else you need?’

  ‘No, ta. I’m fine now.’ And it was true. Bea could see that the grim tension had gone from Dot’s face. Her eyes kept closing and opening, then closing again.

  ‘There was something, Bea,’ she said. Her voice was quiet and drowsy. Bea leaned forward. ‘Something I wanted to tell you about Gav.’

  ‘Yeah? Anna said he’d got turned down for promotion. Was that it?’

  ‘I can’t ’member.’

  Her eyes were closed now. Her breathing was slow and regular.

  ‘Dot?’

  She was gone – eyes shut, mouth open, the hint of a snore as she breathed in and out.

  Bea gave Dot’s hand a little squeeze. ‘I’ll come back tomorrow,’ she said. She gathered up her things and walked out of the ward, down the long corridor towards the lift. She was so busy thinking about what Dot was trying to tell her that she didn’t see Bob-on-Meat until he was only a few feet away.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, half-hiding a bunch of tulips behind him, looking for all the world like he’d been caught in some shameful act. ‘I was just going to see Dot. If she’ll see me?’

  ‘She’s asleep, Bob. She’s just nodded off.’

  ‘Oh.’ He looked crestfallen.

  ‘She got really tired. Couldn’t keep her eyes open.’

  ‘Maybe I could just leave these.’ He brought the flowers out into full view.

  ‘I don’t think they’re allowed flowers in hospital any more. Something to do with infection.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘We could check with a nurse. I’ll walk back with you, shall I?’

  ‘No. No, it’s okay. If she’s asleep anyway. I’ll come back another time.’ He turned around and started walking towards the lift with Bea. ‘She probably wouldn’t even want me to visit. Seems to prefer the company of other people.’

  Bea winced inside, hoping it wasn’t showing on her face.

  Back on the ground floor, they walked past the atrium café.

  ‘Do you want a coffee, Bob?’

  He looked at her like it was a trick question and Bea realised that they had rarely, if ever, had a proper conversation before.

  ‘No, it’s okay,’
he said. ‘I’d better get back.’ As far as Bea knew, he lived on his own, in a flat on the outskirts of town. What did he have to get back to? ‘I can give you a lift, if you like. Save you waiting in the cold.’

  ‘Thanks, Bob.’ But as soon as the words were out of her mouth she realised their folly. What the hell was she doing getting a lift from a man on his own? One of the names on her list? Once she got in the car, that would be it, wouldn’t it? He could drive anywhere, stop anywhere. She couldn’t think of a polite way to get out of it, though. Oh shit, she thought, I’m going to have to go through with it. Okay, how to make it safer? Think, Bea, think.

  They were nearly at the car park now. She took out her phone.

  ‘I’ll just text Mum I’m on my way,’ she said. ‘Tell her you’re going to drop me back in K-town.’

  ‘How is she?’ said Bob, seemingly unruffled by this tactic. ‘Haven’t seen her for ages.’

  ‘She’s, um, she’s fine. Doesn’t go out much.’

  ‘Used to have a right laugh at the social club with her and your dad, and me and . . . well, before Moira left.’

  ‘Yes, she mentioned it the other day. Good times.’

  ‘Good times indeed. Here, this is me.’

  He took a bunch of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and clicked the locks open. He opened the boot and put the bunch of tulips inside. Bea pretended to send another text, while noting the registration number down as a memo on her phone, then she got in and buckled up.

  ‘Traffic shouldn’t be too bad. We’re going the other way to most people, aren’t we?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  He started the engine and moved smoothly out of the car park and along the feeder road towards the main gates. Ahead, Bea could see the bus stop where she should be right now. There were a lot of people waiting – the shelter was full and the queue was spilling along the pavement.

  ‘Looks like the buses are up the creek anyway. The queue shouldn’t be that long,’ she said. Then, ‘Wait! Stop! Can you pull over?’

  Bob checked his mirrors and pulled into the kerb just past the stop.

  ‘What is it?’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘It’s Ant,’ she said. ‘He’s in the queue. Must have been there ages. It’s okay to give him a lift too, isn’t it?’

  Bob groaned. ‘Him? Really?’

  ‘Yes. Thanks, Bob.’ She wound down the window. ‘Ant! Ant!’ He didn’t appear to have heard so she pinched her finger and thumb together and put them up to her mouth to give an almighty whistle.