by Roxie Ray
I focused on my friends and tried to go on with my night, but it was damn hard to ignore him at the bar, serving up drinks and talking to customers. My gaze flitted that way more times than I wanted it to, and I just couldn’t get into my drink again. I sipped the same rum and Coke until it was gone, then asked for water.
I still wanted to thank him for coming to my aid the other night, but the thought of talking to him after he’d been in there, doing that… No. Couldn’t do it.
I finally had to call it a night. “Ladies. It’s nearly two. I’ve been up since five. I gotta call it.” They nodded and agreed, all of us getting pretty damn sleepy. “Come on. I’m sober, I’ll drive you both home.” I hadn’t been able to drink after that bathroom scene. Ugh. I checked my watch. That was at least four hours ago. I was good.
Kaylee shook her head. “I can walk!”
She’d had more drinks than I’d been able to count. I hefted her up with one arm. “It’s just down the road, I can drive you that far.”
Again, I felt someone’s gaze at my back and turned to see Jace looking at me. His stare was so intense, like he was about to say something private and intimate. But he was across the bar, so if he’d spoken, I never would’ve been able to hear it. It gave me chills.
I hauled Kaylee to the car, and Bianca followed obediently. She’d drank far less than Kaylee but also had a lower tolerance. She was pretty soused.
“Can you get in?” I asked.
Bianca giggled. “Of course.” She climbed in the back seat while I attempted to get Kaylee in the car without taking her head off. Finally, I had her stuffed in and wondered if it would’ve been easier to walk her home and walk back than get her in this seat.
I turned to walk around the front of the car and nearly slammed right into Jace’s chest. He stood on the curb and I stood on the asphalt, so it made him seem a good four inches taller.
I looked up at him expectantly. “Hello.”
He held out his hand… with my phone in it. I groaned and took it. “Thank you so much. I’m not normally this forgetful. It’s been a long week.”
“You don’t seem to make very good decisions, so I can’t say I’m that surprised.” He arched an eyebrow and pursed his lips like some sort of judgmental granny.
Shock spread through me. I couldn't believe he’d said something so insulting to me. “Excuse me?” I whispered. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
Everything in me wanted to slap his face, but for one, I couldn’t reach it. And two, he’d saved me, possibly saved my life, the week before. His horrible insult didn’t negate that.
“You leaving your phone twice after being assaulted behind this very bar indicates that you’re not thinking very clearly. You really should be smarter.”
I gasped as his words sank in and I tried to process how far over the line he’d gone. I was normally level-headed and able to hold my temper, but his words got to me. “Well, I’d be more offended if I valued the opinions of a man who chooses to get blowjobs in public restrooms.”
He narrowed his eyes as I raked my gaze up and down his front and put a haughty look on my face. “You lack class.” I glared at him. “Maybe you shouldn’t be throwing stones when you live in a glass house?”
Pushing past him, I circled the front of the car and got in. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything or try to insult me again, just backed out of the spot, and pulled onto the main road. My anger bubbled, still reeling as I pulled into the deli parking lot to drop Kaylee off. Damn him! I’d thought he might’ve been a nice guy. And I could’ve gone past him getting a quickie in the bathroom, but his words to me in the parking lot were unforgivable. He was clearly an asshole, and I wanted nothing to do with that shit.
4
Jace
The clouds floated by. I sighed and watched them go, willing my discontent to go with them. I’d come to the clan’s sometimes shifting spot, where we’d gone before Anthony had expanded our options with the cliffs at his house and the beach by Skye’s house.
As the week had worn on, I’d begun to ache. By the time I got up this morning, my whole body was one giant cramp. I came to shift for a while and fly, but it had been incredibly painful to shift. It had never hurt before. Now that I was back in my skin, the ache seemed worse than it was before, earlier today.
My chest had begun to ache the night I saved Briana from her ex. It intensified dramatically the week before at the bar when I’d been such a dick to her.
I was pretty sure what I was feeling was the bond tearing. Damn, I hadn’t expected it to be this painful. Nobody ever talked about the refusal of a mating and I could see why. No one would be dumb enough to deal with this pain that literally felt like my soul shredding.
I’d tried to find a woman to take the edge off, and that had been the night Bri had interrupted us. It wasn’t lost on me that the woman I’d gravitated toward had looked a little like Bri.
But in the stall, as we made out, my dick would not cooperate. I’d never had a problem like that before in my damn life. But no matter how hard the girl—whose name I couldn’t remember no matter how hard I tried—or she tried to get me hard—my dick stayed as soft as a bed pillow.
When I finally gave up and apologized to the woman, Briana had walked into the bathroom. I didn’t think she heard the part where I apologized for not being able to perform, so it actually played into what I was trying to do, to push her away. If she thought I was getting BJs in the bathroom, that was a good thing, right?
Except for how rotten it had made me feel.
It served me right. I deserved to be in pain. I was a dick to that poor girl in the stall and to Briana. Even more so after when I took her phone out to her.
A shadow fell over me and I squinted my eyes to see Sammy shaking her head at me. She waved a hand over my body and some of the aches receded. I sighed in relief.
“I’m not taking it all away. I want you to feel every second of you being an idiot.”
“I’m not being an idiot. I’m doing what’s best for all of us.” I didn’t remind her what had happened the last time I’d tried to settle down and start a family.
I struggled to sit up and winced against the pain.
Sammy looked ready to explode. “I wish I could just tell you what I see, but it would be less fun to watch.” She narrowed her eyes.
“What are you talking about? Watch what?”
“Ah!” She waved her hands at me. “Your pain is only going to get worse until the tie to Briana is completely broken.”
I nodded. It was about what I’d expected.
“No, don’t act as if you understand.” Sammy crouched down and got in my face. “You’re going to feel like you’re dying. And then, once the bond is broken, you can’t get it back. And you’ll never be able to form it with another person. Your tattoo will disappear and even if you do choose a mate later in life, the bond won’t be there like it is for other dragons.”
I nodded. “I understand.” Maybe if Briana didn’t have a daughter, but the universe had made it perfectly clear I had no business being a father. I didn’t know why it was fucking with me now, tying me to a woman with a child, but I was in no shape to try to parent someone.
Sammy then handed me a bag. “Put the herbs in some tea, and it should help alleviate some of the pain.”
“Thank you,” I muttered and took the small burlap bag.
“Thank your alpha. He’s the only reason I’m helping you.”
And then she disappeared.
Groaning, I staggered to my feet. I hated feeling this awful, but I stood by my decision.
I wasn’t what Bri needed.
Staggering to my car, I headed home. Walking up the back stairs over the bar was torture. Every passing day made me ache more. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do besides cover more shifts at the bar to give me time to get through this.
I’d just gotten my tea made and was waiting for it to cool when my back door opened. I’d only made it as f
ar as the kitchen table, though I desperately wanted to be in my bed.
As soon as I saw who it was, I sat up straight and tried to seem like nothing was wrong. My mom stopped short in the doorway. “What’s wrong?”
She rushed in and pressed a hand to my forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”
I pulled back and gave her a sarcastic look. “Mom, I’m a dragon. What are you doing? You’ve never put your hand on my forehead in my life.”
She shrugged and put down the groceries she’d brought in. She still tried to make sure I had enough food, treating me like a teenager rather than a man in his early thirties. “Seemed like the right thing to do. You’re flushed.”
I sighed and leaned over. “I’m fine. I pushed myself too hard at the gym. I think I pulled something in my back and my body is taking longer than normal to heal. Probably a side effect of being in my thirties now.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You need to go see Doc. You shouldn’t take long to heal. That doesn’t start happening until you’re at least in your seventies.”
The satchel of herbs was still on the counter. I’d only used a little for my tea. I pointed to it. “I’ve got tea to help. It’s nothing.”
She nodded. “Sit. I’ll make you some dinner.”
I picked up my mug and staggered to my feet. “Normally, I’d shoo you out, but I’m feeling rough. Thanks, Mom.”
She beamed, probably happy that I wanted her help. “I’ll shoo you out, then. Go sit on the couch and drink that tea. I’ll have dinner in a jiffy.”
Lying to my mother made me feel even more like an asshole, but it had to be done. She knew what I’d been through, but she would’ve pushed me hard toward a fated mate and grandchildren for her. I was her only child and her only chance at any.
Too bad. I just couldn’t do it.
She didn’t leave until I cleaned my plate and promised to rest. Then I heard her doing the dishes before she yelled bye and the back door closed. I moaned and got up. I had to take a shower before my shift tonight. I was covering for a call-out.
Hiring a part-timer moved to top priority on my list but finding someone with bartending experience in a town as small as Bluewater was nearly impossible.
Before I went in at the bar, I walked across the street to the drugstore. Oh, how ironic. I could’ve counted on one hand the number of times I’d had to go in this store, and it was always for some foodstuff or another that they carried when I didn’t want to go down the street to the grocery store.
I found the aisle labeled pain relievers. I didn’t bother with the over-the-counter pills they sold for humans. Our metabolism was far too high for that to do any good. It was why we could consume copious amounts of beer without growing drunk. Our metabolisms were heightened, and we burned off medicines pretty fast. More than likely, Sammy had spelled the herbs to stay in my system, though if I was honest it didn’t seem like it was working.
I found what I was after, though. I’d googled and found recommendations for stick-on heat patches with capsaicin. I grabbed a couple of packages, as well as a couple with heat beads in them. I’d try them both, maybe layering them. My sore muscles would appreciate the heat.
I chuckled at the irony of needing processed heat to ease my pain as I turned to go to the front. Suddenly, a pain gripped my chest like a vice. I staggered into the products on the shelf, knocking several things to the floor as I sucked in a deep breath and tried to keep myself from hitting the floor.
The pain abated enough for me to catch my breath. I straightened up as Briana walked around the aisle with a box of tampons in hand. I steeled my spine and stood to my full height. The pain and aches disappeared entirely, leaving me to feel washed out and overwhelmed. The sudden release from the agony made me weak. It was difficult to keep from breathing hard.
She glared at me, throwing me right back to that night in the bar when I’d told her that her decisions hadn’t been smart.
I composed myself the best I could as she looked me over.
“You look like death.” Her voice cut like a dagger made of ice.
I nearly laughed, because I felt like death. Her disdain for me was apparent, and the pain in my chest reappeared, the momentary reprieve from being near her gone. The aches started up again and it became incredibly difficult to breathe.
Her aversion lightened and she stepped forward. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”
I shook my head. Damn it. I’d been as rude to her as I’d been able to muster, and it hadn’t been enough. Either that or she was just that good of a person.
“Hey, Jace.” Briana reached her hand out, but I jerked back. If she touched me, I just knew I’d break into a thousand pieces. I was ready to put myself out of my misery and give in to the mating call, but Briana recoiled as a child came around the corner.
“Hey, Mom, I found the cookies I wanted.”
The little girl was gorgeous, the spitting image of Briana. As soon as I saw her, the pain in my chest tightened again. But why? I was imprinted on Briana, not her little girl. Why was this child so close to bringing me to my knees?
“Hey, are you okay?” The little girl looked at me in concern. “Mommy, he doesn’t look so good.”
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
She put her hand on her hip, the hand not holding cookies, and cocked her head at me. Oh, damn. She was cute. “Mom says it’s not good to lie. Are you lying?”
I wanted to buy her a million packages of her cookies. Or anything else under the sun she wanted. And it was that thought that made me back away. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t get attached to a little girl. It caused too much pain. It never worked out.
“Jace, you look like you’re going to pass out,” Briana said.
She wasn’t lying. It looked like that because I was afraid I was going to. I staggered away to the register and dropped the heat patches on the counter. As soon as the clerk rang them up, I slapped a fifty down. “Keep the change,” I mumbled.
Moving as fast as I could, I made it across the street to my back steps. I couldn’t even remember if I’d looked both ways when I crossed the street.
Sinking down, I had to rest for a minute on the stairs before trying to go up. I was sweating so much my shirt was glued to my chest and the world swayed around me.
I was dying. It wasn’t as if I was dying, I was actually going to expire. I closed my eyes for just a moment, just a second to pull myself together.
I wasn’t sure when I passed out. I stayed awake for a few minutes, but at some point, I blacked out. When I woke up, I was upstairs on my couch and both Sammy and Anthony were in the living room with me.
“Damn it, Sammy.” She should’ve let me die.
“It couldn’t be ignored. You were radiating distress.”
I cursed again and realized the pain had receded some. I could breathe again. That much was a relief.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. But then I realized I did have a question. I looked at Sammy. “Why did it hurt so much more when the child showed up?”
Sammy sighed. “It’s because Briana and Hayden are a package deal. If you turn your back on your mate, you turn your back on her child. Are you sure this is what you want?”
I thought about the pain of losing a child. Then I nodded my head. “Yes. I’m sure.” I refused to enter a child’s life when I wasn’t sure that I wouldn’t be just like my father and take off anyway. “I’m doing what’s best.”
She shook her head. “You’re missing out on a future that would have fulfilled you in ways that you can’t even imagine.” She tossed a bottle at me. “Drink it. It’ll snap your connection with Bri.” She pointed at me. “It’s going to hurt like pure unadulterated hell. But at least it won’t be dragged out any further.” A loud crack filled the air and she disappeared.
“Shit,” I muttered. Looking down at the stoppered bottle, I thought about the day my dad left.
“I gotta ask one more time,” An
thony said. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“I remember how bad it hurt when my dad decided he couldn’t be a father. When he turned his back on us. I won’t do that to anyone else.”
Anthony paused. “I’m sorry, man, but it doesn’t feel like that’s all. Is it her? ‘Cause what she did to you, when we were young and stupid,” he said, refusing to say her name, as we’d promised each other over a decade ago, “Briana won’t do anything like that to you. Briana is the real thing. She’s meant to be.”
“It’s not in me to be a dad. I won’t break their hearts that way.” I pulled the cork on the bottle and downed it before he could say another word. I was ready for it to be over and for the pain to stop, both physical and emotional.
5
Bri
As Hayden ran off, I sat down on the bench beside Lisa, the mom of a girl in Hayden’s class. The girls had schemed and worn us down until we’d agreed to do a playdate.
As soon as I stepped foot onto the mulch that covered the playground area and spotted Lisa, my stomach had dropped to my knees. It was the woman from the bathroom stall.
“Well, this is awkward,” she said.
I pursed my lips sympathetically. “Not at all.” I stuck my hand out. “My name is Bri. It’s nice meeting you for the first time ever.”
She gave me a grateful smile. “I’m Lisa, and single parenting and trying to date is incredibly difficult.”
I burst out laughing. “That is the stone-cold truth.”
We watched the girls play for a while. “So, what you’re pretending you didn’t see the other night was the first date I’ve gone on in months. And it was an epic fail.” She sighed and shook her head. “We tried to have a little, uh… well, you saw.”
I nodded. “I did.”
“But he couldn’t get into it.”
I raised my eyebrows at her. “No, really?” This was interesting.
“Yes.” She leaned closer. “What you heard was him trying and failing.”