One Warm Winter

by Jamie Pope

  She was trembling by the time he removed her underwear. No coherent thought could form in her head. She was just a mass of feelings. Arousal, fear, love, desperation, heat.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized again.

  He didn’t remove his clothes, he just undid his shorts, wrapped her leg around his waist and pushed deep inside of her.

  The shock of feeling him there made her cry out. It was intense. She was so wet. His body was so hard, so hot. His mouth was dangerous, kissing her and kissing her, until she couldn’t make sense of anything.

  His rhythm was fast and rough and furious, but it was what she needed. She clung to him, digging her nails into his back. She had never been with a man like this before and now that she had, she didn’t think it would be possible to go back to regular life, to not feel this kind of passion again, to want any other man as much as she wanted him.

  Her orgasm was one that overtook her entire body, coming only seconds before his. He kissed her through it, her naked body loving the feeling of his clothes against her skin.

  He was finally still, no longer kissing her, but his lips pressed against hers, his body still inside her.

  She spoke first. “If you let go of me, I’m going to fall. I’m jelly.”

  A small smile spread across his lips and he scooped her into his arms, carrying her to his bedroom. He placed her beneath the covers and then stepped back to strip away the rest of his clothes. She wanted him to look happy, but instead the expression of guilt on his face was undeniable.

  “Why do you look so miserable?” she asked as he climbed into bed.

  “That was not how I planned it,” he said, reaching for her. “I wanted to go slow. I wanted it to last all night. I wanted you to be comfortable. But I lost control. I was too rough with you.”

  “I didn’t want it slow and all night. I wanted it fast and up against that wall. I wanted it with you. Stop treating me like I’m fragile.”

  “You’re not fragile. I’ve just thought about making love to you for a year.”

  “Have you?”

  “Yes. I used to wonder how you would respond if I leaned in to kiss your neck when I was helping you put on your coat.”

  “I would have died of shock.”

  “Would you?”

  “I had no idea. None. You were nothing but professional.”

  “My thoughts weren’t. I knew you were alone across the street at night. I used to think about coming over in the middle of the night and climbing into your bed. I thought about how I would seduce you. What it would take for you to be with me.”

  “A kiss,” she said, giving him one. “Or you could have just asked me.”

  “I could not be with you with then.”

  “But now?”

  “But now I can’t be without you.”

  Wyn’s heart flipped over. She thought she was in love with him before, but she had just fallen deeper in love. She touched his cheek, his skin no longer pale, his hair no longer efficiently short. and just looked at him. She wanted to cement this moment in her mind. She didn’t want to forget it. “I don’t want to leave here,” she whispered. No place, no other moment could compare to here.

  “Maeve said this place was perfect. That she’d never seen anything like it.”

  “Is she like you remembered?”

  “Yes and no. I remember a tiny girl. She’s a woman now. She looks just like my mum. Same hair, same eyes, same smile. It’s hard for me to look away from her. I had to keep reminding myself that Mum had passed.”

  “It’s bittersweet,” Wyn said with a nod.

  “Yes. It makes me realize how much I miss my mother. But Maeve still has the same personality. The same brightness. I’m glad my aunt took them away. It would have been impossible for them to keep that if they had stayed.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t get your brother. He was too far away and there wasn’t enough time.”

  “You’ve done enough for me.” His hand cupped her breast, his thumb absently stroking her nipple. She was relieved that their celibacy was over. They wouldn’t have to stop tonight. He wouldn’t have to hold back. He was relaxed. She felt the difference in him and she knew that this was special. That few people got to see him this way. “Have I said thank you?”

  “You’ve showed me.”

  “I didn’t hurt you?” He touched between her legs. There was a concerned expression on his face.

  “No. Stop worrying.”

  “There’s been no one since I’ve met you,” he said, stroking her. “I couldn’t control myself.”

  “I . . .” Her words drifted off because his fingers felt too good. “I can’t think when you’re doing that.”

  “Who wants you to think?” He pushed her flat on her back and rose above her. “You must be exhausted. You put in a lot of work today. Let me put the work in tonight.”

  He kissed the base of her throat. “You must be tired too.” She reached up and ran her fingers through his dark hair.

  “I’m not too tired for this.” His lips moved to her shoulder. “I want to go slow this time, but you turn me on so much. You can’t see how you look to me.”

  “I probably look a mess.”

  “No. You’re gorgeous.” He dropped more kisses on her body. “Your skin is dewy. Your lips are swollen from my kisses.” He picked up her wrist and kissed the inside of it, which was more arousing than she could ever imagine. “Your curls are wild and you have a little, sweet smile on your face that would make a man want to sell his soul just to see. You drive me crazy. In every way. I feel blessed to be here with you.”

  “Now,” she moaned.

  “What, love?”

  “I want you right now.”

  “But I’m not done. There are so many places my lips haven’t touched.”

  “Later.” She wrapped her legs around him. “Cullen, don’t make me wait.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He slid inside her. “I live to serve you.”

  Chapter 15

  Nearly everyone got a late start to the day. Cullen wasn’t one to lay around all day, but he had slept like the dead. It was a deep, dreamless sleep that his body needed. The emotion of the night before had left him spent. The sex had too. Great sex tended to have that effect on a person.

  He couldn’t stop himself from touching her last night. That’s why he was afraid to start this with her. He knew his need for her would only grow. He would never be satisfied. He would only want her more. When he woke up, he reached for her again, only to find the bed empty.

  It was almost noon, he realized, and they had company. He should have known Wyn wouldn’t have stayed in bed when there was a guest to be entertained. He found her at the community house, making another pot of coffee. Everyone was there. Jazz was sitting in the shallow end of the pool, a pair of shades covering her eyes. Jack was dozing in the hammock on the side of the patio. His sister was sitting at the island, with King and Darby surrounding her.

  It all seemed right to him as he walked up. Having all these important people in a place he loved.

  He greeted everyone and then walked up behind Wyn, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder. “Good morning, lass.”

  “Good morning.” She leaned into him. “Did you sleep well?”

  “I did. Why didn’t you wake me up when you got out of bed?”

  “I thought you might like to sleep in.”

  “I’d rather wake up with you.” He buried his nose in the crook between her neck and shoulder. He loved her smell. The soap. The product she used in her hair.

  She turned in his arms, went up on her tiptoes and spoke directly into his ear. “I think we both would know what would have happened if I woke you up this morning. Neither of us would be standing here right now.” It was true. Feeling her pressed against him now was doing things to his body. She turned back around and scooped some fruit salad into a bowl for him. “Do you want coffee this morning, Cullen? I can make you some tea as well.”

  “
I’ll get it myself, Wyn. You’ve done enough.”

  “Pouring you a cup won’t push me over the edge. I can handle a little domestic work.” She looked at Maeve. “Your brother is incredibly stubborn about letting people do things for him. Please, tell me that you do not share his annoying habit.”

  “We’re Irish, love. It’s against our nature to let people do things for us we can bloody well do ourselves, but you won’t find me complaining if a beautiful man wanted to be at my beck and call all day.”

  “Trust me, I’m not at his beck and call. He’s done so much for me. Getting him coffee seems like such a small thing.”

  “She’s thrown me my first-ever birthday party and brought my long-lost sister to me. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to match that.” He kissed the side of Wyn’s face and poured his own coffee.

  “Are you two getting married?” Maeve asked. Cullen paused at the question, not sure how to respond.

  “We told him he should,” Darby said. “I’ve never seen him like this before.”

  “Like what?” Cullen asked.

  “Happy. You’re happy now, aren’t you, son?”

  “Aye.”

  “If we’re going to get married, you’ll be the first to know,” Wyn said. “Now, what are you two going to do today?” she asked, changing the subject.

  He was glad she changed the subject, but at the same time he wasn’t. What were they? How would she classify what was going on between them? He couldn’t say that they were just sleeping together. They weren’t. It was deeper than that. On this island they could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Here they were equals. Stateside, they wouldn’t be. She would go back to being the daughter of a billionaire. He would go back to . . . To what? She was his last principal. He wouldn’t work for anyone else again. This little compound was his home. The rental business would turn into his full-time job.

  He couldn’t ask her to make her life here, to give up working, to just be his wife. Her life was too big for that. But he had no place in her world. The heaviness in his chest spread through him. He didn’t want to think about the future, because he didn’t want to think about the end of them. Especially since they had just begun.

  “You want to explore the island, love? There’s a nice place I can take you for lunch on the water. Or we can go to the beach?”

  “Exploring the island sounds like fun. Let me go back to the cottage and get ready. I’ll meet you back here.”

  Darby and King excused themselves so they could work on one of the cottages, leaving Cullen semi-alone with Wyn. “Are you coming with us?”

  “You should enjoy the day with your sister. You don’t need me tagging along.”

  “What if I want you tagging along?” He took her hand.

  “You should create memories just with your sister. Twenty years from now, I want you to be able to look back and think about this day. Take the opportunity now. Who knows what the future can bring?”

  “I still want you with me.”

  She hugged him close. “I’m staying here.” She kissed his chin. “I’m going to take a long nap. You didn’t let me sleep last night.”

  “You can lock me out of the room tonight.” He rubbed his hands down her back. “You’re going to have to lock me out, because I don’t think I can stay away from you.”

  “The door will not be locked. I don’t want you away from me.”

  “We can’t ever go back now,” he said seriously. “You know that, right?”

  She nodded. “If my life didn’t take this turn, do you think we would have ended up here?”

  “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “One too-long touch might have led to a kiss, which would have caused me to resign.”

  “I’m glad it happened this way, then.”

  He was still going to have to resign. He didn’t want to tell her that just yet. He wasn’t ready to think ahead. He wanted to live in right now forever. “Rest well today, love.” He gently kissed her lips. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  * * *

  Wyn did take the day to rest. She lounged by the pool with Jazz and when the sun finally sapped the rest of her remaining energy, she returned to the cottage she shared with Cullen and slept. But not as long as she wanted to. She had watched Cullen go off with his sister today. He had been happy, his life made a little fuller by Maeve’s presence. She was happy for him. Happier than she could ever be for anyone else, but she kept thinking about her own incomplete family. Her lack of answers.

  Her gut told her that the letters were real, the sordid details from the scandal were true, but a tiny part of her still wanted to hear from her father that it wasn’t. That everything she had heard about him was a lie.

  She had had a sister once. More than anything else, that was nagging at her. She tried to push the thoughts away, but it gnawed at her. What happened to her? What did she look like? Would they have been friends? She would never know the answer to these questions, because her sister was gone. Some mysterious circumstance took her away, just like they did her birth mother.

  This missing sister was almost a worse pain than an unknown birth mother. The child had been innocent. And Wyn had been loved by the woman who raised her. There was guilt there sometimes when she thought about wanting to know who her father’s mistress was.

  She was sure she had met her, but if she had the chance to meet her again, would she want to know her? Could they have built a relationship?

  All of these ever-flooding thoughts were making it clear to her that she needed to build her own family. To have her own babies. To be with a man who she loved with no secrets between them.

  She wanted that life with Cullen, but she had no idea what he wanted and the thought of asking him scared her. It was too soon, even though she had probably fallen in love with him long ago, even though his friends and family were asking them questions about it. She knew she couldn’t think in terms of forever with him. Not yet.

  There was a knock on her bedroom door a little after four that afternoon. Cullen peeked in.

  “Hi,” she said, feeling shy all of a sudden.

  “Hello, love,” he said as he walked into the room. “I thought you’d be sleeping.”

  “I can’t seem to shut my mind off,” she admitted.

  He climbed in bed beside her. “I understand.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I wish things were different. Easier.”

  She nodded, hating that all she could do was focus on herself here. It was why she threw herself into work. She could think about others. She could give to others. “How was your day with your sister?”

  “We had a nice time. I thought it would be different being out with her. Like when she was four and I would take her with me to do the shopping. She always treated everything as if it were an adventure. I thought she would lose some of that as an adult, but she hasn’t. You should have seen the smile she gave me when I bought her ice cream.”

  “You’re a good big brother.”

  “You helped me with that.” He looked down at her, his eyes searching her face. “I want you to move into my room with me. I don’t want to feel like we’re pretending anymore.”

  “Okay.”

  “Why do you seem so sad today, love?” He looked worried. “You’re not regretting this?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’m not sad. I just keep thinking the real world is waiting for me. My old life is paused in place, ready for me to push play.”

  “You miss how things were.”

  “Some things.” She lightly kissed his lips. “There are things that I’ve encountered here I never want to lose.”

  “I knew how you feel.” He pulled her closer, settling deeper into the mattress. She felt comfortable with him. Safe. This was the feeling she was searching for her entire life. She wanted to hold onto it, to believe she could always have it, but she wasn’t sure if that was possible. She was worried about how it would be when she didn’t have Cullen anymore. “Sleep with me. I’ve been to bed wit
h other women, but you’re the only person I want to go to sleep with.”

  Being in love was physical. She felt it through her entire body. He said things to her, things that made her feel like he more than just cared. Sometimes she felt like he loved her too. Was it a foolish thought? Maybe, but right now it felt too good to stop thinking it. “I’ll go to sleep with you if you promise me one thing?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Make love to me when we wake up.”

  “That’s one promise I’m eager to keep.”

  * * *

  It was good not having to pretend anymore, Cullen thought the next day, as he walked up to the community house with Wyn. There was a freedom in being able to express how he felt, in not holding back. His entire life he had to hold back, but now he no longer had to.

  The guilt never left him, though. The doubts didn’t either. He tried not to think about how things would be if he had never brought her here. If he never created this situation in the first place. It would do him no good.

  “I’m making breakfast this morning,” he announced when they arrived at the house. His sister was already there, wearing a pretty floral dress. He had never thought that two kids from Northern Ireland would be here together in a tropical paradise, but here they were and where they had been born seemed such a faraway memory that it could have been from another life.

  “You cook, brother?”

  “I can make a few things. Eggs being one of them. Wyn made way too much food for the party, so we’ve got a lot of leftovers I can put in them.”

  “I think some of that ham might be good in there,” Maeve agreed, with a nod. “I’ll help you.”

  “Thanks. Wyn, you are to sit down and not lift a finger today.”

  “I like to do those things. I don’t get to do them at home. I want to enjoy the opportunity while I can.”

  She wanted to go home. He could tell. She was a woman used to working. Used to helping people. She was growing bored on this island, not using her ability and intelligence. He wished he could find a way to keep her happy here. He knew he alone wasn’t enough. He would never be enough to satisfy her mind. It bothered him a small bit. In theory it sounded nice to be someone’s everything. But he knew himself. He knew he would find a woman like that annoying, suffocating. He wanted her to have everything she needed out of life.