by A. J. Moran
"Yeah, there is," I replied. So. What does my Dad care? He has never even mentioned dances in the past. And I did not want to talk to him about them now.
“So, Claire has said she would like to go shopping with you for your dress. I think it would be good for you to get to know her a little bit. I think you’ll like her.”
I laughed. Yeah, right. "Will that make you happy?" I tried for sarcasm, but it came out more like a whine. Ugh, I hated that tone in my voice.
"It would. All I have asked is that you try. For me. For us." He told me his hand resting on the counter. He hadn't moved closer as he talked like he usually would. It was almost like he was afraid of my rejection. Marcus's words from earlier flashed in my head. I really was making this worse. I couldn't blame it on anyone but myself.
I could feel myself relenting before the words left my mouth, “Okay. I will do it for you.” He gave me a bright smile and then came over and pulled me into a tight bear hug.
“That is great. I’m so happy you are going to give this a chance.” He told me as he pulled back. It was an awkward hug. He hadn't done much of that with me for a while. It was like he couldn't handle touching me.
Slightly embarrassed at his overreaction I felt myself redden, “Dad, it’s just shopping.”
◆◆◆
Claire held open the door to the dress shop as we approached it and she smiled when I walked past her into the store. "Thanks," I said absently. I walked over to a few dresses that caught my eye and fingered them. This was the second store we had been to, and we still hadn't talked, not really. Just the normal ‘oh that is a pretty one’ or ‘you’d look good in this color.' It was becoming painful. Maybe I could cut it short.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying, it was that I didn’t really trust her motivations. She was just too nice. No one is that nice. Except for my mom. My mom was that nice. I couldn’t get past it, no matter how much I tried.
"So" Claire started, "there is obviously an elephant in the room, let's talk about it."
I glanced sharply at her, and her eyes were focused on a dress in front of her. "Elephant?"
"Yeah, you know the saying. We both know it's there so let's just get it out of the way." She looked up at me, her hand still resting on a dress in front of her. A determined look on her pixie face, it reminded me of a warrior, getting ready for battle.
"Right. Okay. So start." I said as my shoulders became tense. I was ready for a fight. I knew the kind act was just an act with her, now my wanna be mom would show her claws. I pushed a dress absently to the side as I waited for her to start. The metal against metal dragging of the hanger across the bar is the only sound between us. It was like we both held our breath at the same time.
“I understand how you feel.” She said gently.
Her words surprised me. They were not what I expected. I just let my eyebrow rise as I looked at her. My head cocked slightly.
“You feel like I’m trying to replace your mom.” She looked at me to watch my reaction.
Bingo. Exactly. Ding, ding, ding, you win a million dollars.
“I’m not. I don’t want to be your mom.”
Ah, there were the claws.
"No one could ever replace that love or that relationship you had with her and losing her so suddenly and so painfully will take a long time to get over. It's different for you because you will never have another mom. For your dad, he can move on and find another person to love," like her. She didn’t say it but the words hung in the air.
I averted my eyes from her. She had gone straight for my heartstrings. I swallowed thickly and held back my tears. Talking about my mom still hurt. Even the tiniest mention of her brought back fresh memories as if they happened yesterday. Like last fall and shopping for dresses in this exact store. I blinked quickly and focused on the dress in my grasp.
"But I would like to be there for you if you need to talk. I lost my husband a little over a year ago; my boys lost their father. He was a good man. He was there for everything, the football games, the basketball games, the family dinners and then one night he just didn’t come home from work.”
I looked at her as she drew in a deep breath before continuing. My emotions were too close to the surface. I could only guess what she was going to add. I knew that if I tried to say anything I would become a sobbing mess on the floor.
“He never made it because of the weather, he should have just got a hotel room, but he wanted to make it home for Marcus's basketball game. Marcus had been so adamant that it was ‘the' game of the season. They were playing Asheville public, a big rivalry school for them at the time." She paused as she pulled her thoughts back in from that day and looked at me.
“So, I don’t completely understand what you are going through, but I did watch the guilt that Marcus lived with, that he still lives with over his father getting in that accident. I have watched as Wade has fought with his own demons over the loss of his father. I understand the pain it can cause to the child that has lost their parent. They are still dealing with the fallout. And the boys have had longer than you to do so. It takes time to deal with those emotions.”
I was surprised to feel the tears staining my face when she stopped talking. My throat was tight with emotion. She did get it. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing a parent suddenly. I had believed how my mom passed away was sudden, but I had months to say goodbye and to tell her how much I loved her. What if she had been gone in a blink of an eye with no way of telling her those things? I would have been devastated. It would have entirely destroyed me.
"Here," she held out a tissue to me, "I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted you to know that I understood and if you need someone to talk to, know you can talk to me. I'm not here to replace your mom, I'm here to add to her memory." I nodded in response, and she gave me a bright smile. "Okay, now that that is out of the way how about we find you a beautiful dress." Her eyes went to the dresses, and the conversation was over.
But my thoughts stayed on what she had said. I felt as though I had judged them too quickly, all of them. It made my heart feel heavy. The guilt was a sick weight on my heart.
Chapter 17
Marcus
"I'm going to do it," Wade told me as he pulled his jacket on. "I'm just going to go talk to her. She can't say no if I don't let her. Right? Take some time to learn the ways of Taylor. She hasn’t been that big of a bitch lately. I think she is hurting."
“I’m telling you, I’ve tried. The girl doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. She is cold.”
"But you have this crazy thing for her or something. I don't have that problem." He laughed at my dark look before adding, "she's hot, and I'll give you that but-"
"Don't finish that sentence," I warned and pushed him hard in the shoulder. I did not want to hear how hot he thought Taylor was. I knew how hot she was. I couldn't get her out of my head.
“Why do you care? You asked Erica to the freaking dance.” He grinned at me as he fell down onto the sofa and flipped the radio on with the controller. “And if I’m not blind or anything they are polar opposites. Erica is the nice girl you settle down with. Taylor is the not so nice girl you-“ His groan cut off his words as my pillow hit its intended mark.
"I'm telling you, shut up." One more word and I would beat his ass. Erica was the sweet girl. The girl I should be thinking about. It was the whole reason I asked her in the first place. I was sick of the random girls, and I needed something to stop me from thinking of the one girl I couldn't have. The one girl I couldn’t even get when there was money involved. It wasn't that I actually wanted a relationship. I did have other things to focus on, but I couldn't concentrate on them if I kept thinking about Taylor.
“I’m only saying-“
I grabbed him up and pushed him towards the door. "I'll meet you in 15, and we will leave for the party." I needed to cool down. He was really pressing all the buttons tonight.
“Alright.” His palms were up in surrender, a grin firmly i
n place. “See you in 15.”
I drew in a deep breath the moment he was out of the room. I really needed to cut this obsession. The party would help. I’d find a girl and just forget for the night. Again.
Chapter 18
Taylor
Since my dad and Claire were gone for the night, I decided to go to the party at Brandon Lake's house. It was the first one in a couple weeks I was going to, and I couldn't keep avoiding them all. My friends were starting to talk. So I was getting ready in my room. I still had about an hour before I had to be there, longer if I was going to arrive late. Arriving late was the plan. I caught Wade walking by out of the corner of my eye. Then he was in my doorway leaning against the doorframe, a cocksure smirk on his handsome face.
"Going somewhere?" He cocked an eyebrow at me. I knew he was also going to the party; the rumor mill at school hadn't been quiet. I had kept a distance with him even with how nice he had tried to be lately. And before I had gone shopping with his mom that was how I wanted to keep it. That was then. This was now.
I attempted a smile, and I said, "Yeah, I'm going to Lake's party." I informed him as I put on some eyeshadow followed by some eyeliner.
“You are?” He sounded shocked. He crossed his arms over his chest as he studied me. “Are you sure your dad would be okay with that?”
I snorted out a laugh. “You know as well as I do that my dad and your mom are gone for the night. They are probably going to get a room in the city after the play they are seeing. Dad doesn’t usually drive back from the city so late.” That and I did go to parties, just not lately.
“I’m impressed.” He smirked.
“With?”
“Oh nothing, you’re just talking to me. Like having a real conversation. I didn’t think that would happen.” He uncrossed his arms and then came into my room and sat on the side of my bed, as though I had invited him in. “You have been pretty cold since we moved in. An Ice Queen. A real bitch actually.”
"Well—" I looked at him in my mirror, "I've had some time to reflect. Sorry." That was the best I could do in the way of apology. I swallowed down a rebuttal to being called a bitch. I still wasn't thrilled with the situation, but it wasn't their fault any more than it was mine. We could try to make the best of it. Ironic that Marcus had tried to say the same thing before and I shot him down. Hindsight is 20/20 after all.
He laughed, like he really laughed. "Wow. That was some apology." He said through his laughter. His face was red, and he had tears in his eyes. When he finally caught his breath, his arms were resting on his thighs, and he raised his head to look at me. I felt a grin tug at my lips. His laughter was contagious, and I felt my own try to bubble up.
"I really am sorry," I told him with the first genuine smile I had given either brother.
“Me too.” He replied. The way he said those two words I knew he meant it. Maybe we could have some sort of friendship after all.
"What are you doing?" I heard Marcus say from outside my doorway. His too green eyes avoided looking at me and instead held his brother in his sights. I kept in a sigh. I guess I did ask for this. Not his fault I had a change of heart.
Wade looked over to the door and reclined on my bed. He gave his brother a grin and then shrugged as much as he could in his reclined position. “Learning the ways of Taylor.”
"Well, your ride is leaving." Marcus snapped before stalking away.
He laughed. “Guess that’s my cue. See you later, sis.” I cringed at his nickname. We would need to change that if we were going to try this friendship thing.
◆◆◆
I pulled my little car up behind Marcus's truck and put it in park. They had left for Brandon's party before I had so seeing Marcus's new vehicle, compliments of my dad didn't surprise me. I had picked up Vee, Samantha, and Brooke on my way. I wasn't really close to Brooke, she was one of Samantha's friends from the paper, and they were both queens at the gossip.
"Isn't that Marcus Frost's truck? I didn't know he was going to be here. Do you think his brother will be here?" Samantha said leaning forward in her seat. Her eyes glimmered with her excitement. I was a little shocked that she hadn't heard the rumors at the school since she was the gossip of our group. "Wade is really hot. I think he is much hotter than Marcus."
Personally, I thought they both were cute, but I preferred Marcus's shaggy hair and green eyes to Wade's buzzed hair and golden eyes. Not that I would admit that out loud. That would not be something I'd want to get back to either brother. I winced just thinking of it.
"Are you hot for either boy?" Vee asked with a wicked smile on her perfectly pouty lips. “You know you don’t have Derrick to worry about anymore. You could go for it.” She wagged her eyebrows.
“Uh—” I croaked. I did not want to be having this conversation about my housemates. And Derrick and I had just broken up. Not that we hadn’t been distant for a while before that.
“Veronica you know it’s a yes, I mean who wouldn’t. Well except for you, but you don’t swing that way so—” Brooke replied for me. She leaned back against her seat. She didn’t seem half as excited about the prospect of them being at the party as Samantha was. But it could be the weed she had just gotten finished smoking.
“So, which brother?” Samantha looked at me expectantly. “I think Marcus likes you.” She added when I didn’t answer. What in the world would give her that impression? We never even talked and when we did it was to snark at each other.
I laughed at her and then pressed the button to stop the engine and opened my door effectively silencing the music on the radio and my friends. “Come on guys, let’s just get in there.”
They trailed after me, and Samantha tried to continue the conversation, "I am just saying, when you aren't looking he looks at you. I've followed his eyes enough to know that it's not just a quink-e-dink. He gets a faraway look in his eyes, and he studies you. Then as soon as it looks like you ‘might' turn in his direction, he looks somewhere else. He does it even when other girls are hanging on him."
"Sam you should have told us you were drinking before the party." I laughed at her again and brushed off her words, even if they made me feel all warm and fuzzy and had my stomach doing some kind of weird twisty thing. Entertaining those thoughts was dangerous.
“Fine. You don’t have to believe me. But I am the one that can read people, how do you think I create my articles? I don’t pull them out of thin air.” She threw up her hands and then went past us into the mansion. Brooke gave me an apologetic look and then followed Samantha into the party.
"Well, it looks like it's just us tonight," I said with a smile at my best friend.
“Uh, actually, I am meeting Tasha here. I thought I told you.” Vee told me with a grimace. “I’ll find you after I find Tasha. Don’t go far.” She leaned down and gave me a quick hug.
It was official I had been abandoned. I watched Vee's retreating back and followed at a slower pace. I walked through the massive front room filled with bodies pressed together in some semblance of dancing. Pushing through the crowd and many grabby hands I found the kitchen that was set up with jello shots and other types of drinks. The kegs were outside in the backyard.
I could see a bunch of guys around one of them, and they were attempting keg stands. That was one way to get wasted. I opted to pour myself something a little lighter, no getting drunk for me tonight. Not sure I ever wanted to get drunk again after the last time. Still not over it and it had been a month.
Pushing open the door to the back deck I went outside into the fresh air. I scanned the crowd for any of my friends, but they had disappeared somewhere within the party. Oh well, it wasn't the first party I would fly solo at. At my second sweep of the crowd my eyes landed on Marcus, he was focused on me, he had a drink in his hand, and I could tell from this distance that he had tensed up. His eyes ran over me from head to toe before stalling and coming back up to meet my gaze. A slight buzz ran through my veins at the attention.
I lifted the drink I
had poured myself up in a silent cheer to him before taking a long drink. When I brought it back down, he was no longer standing where he had been. I looked around for him, but he was not in sight. I let out a sigh. This night really was not going the way I had envisioned. Letting loose alone was no fun, especially when it appeared I would be the only sober one here.
"HEEEEYYYY!!!" I heard Quentin call over the music that was playing. "TAYLOR! OVER HERE!!" He jumped up and down and some of the liquid in his solo cup sloshed over the sides. He swapped hands with his cup and started to lick the alcohol off of his hand as I made my way over to him.
“How long have you been here?” I asked him when I was close enough not to yell it.
“A while.” He replied. I could tell from his slurred words and hooded eyes that it had been at least an hour or two. “Did you spot Jacob anywhere? I was hoping he’d be here.”
“No, but I wasn’t looking.”
“Derrick was looking for you a little bit ago. I think he went inside.” Quentin said. He lifted his cup to his lips and then brought it back down again. “Empty. I need more. Liquid courage.” He laughed and then proceeded to trip over his own feet.
"Let me go with you," I said. I took Quentin's arm and then took him away from the alcohol. "Actually I think I just saw Jacob head this way," I told him pointing in the direction that was opposite of the drinks. He followed in the way only drunk people do.
"JAAACCCOOOBBBB!!!" Quentin yelled out. I groaned. He was a little more than buzzed. "You know, I know you didn’t love LOVE Derrick. It's okay though. I think you should find someone that makes you feel all hot and bothered. Like Jacob, not Jacob though, I like him. I think he likes me too." He told me as he gripped my shoulders and stared into my eyes like he was imparting some wisdom. Then he straightened back up as much as he could without falling over, his comments forgotten in a second. "JAAACCCOOOBBBB!!!" He started yelling again.