by E. C. Land
I slump down into the couch grabbing the bottle of tequila from Iz’s hand, needing to a refill. Thank god she keeps my favorite liquor here. No tequila is as good as 1800 Gold tequila. It’s the best, and it’s also my best friend when I need to get shitfaced. Well, best friend besides Izzy. They come hand in hand when it comes down to it.
“Are you fucking serious right now? That fine ass man took your v-card four years ago and you walked away from that!?” She’s practically yelling at me in astonishment.
Nodding I take a breath. “Yes, but you don’t understand why I had to leave. No one knows and I can’t tell Scotty. Shit, I can’t tell him, let alone tell my brother why. It will cause so many problems, and I’m scared of what will happen if they ever found out. Scotty already caught me off guard twice now and basically told me that we are going to be having a chat.” Jerod has always seen himself as my protector. If he found out about that night it would only destroy him.
It must be the stress of the day along with the tequila running through my veins that makes me pour everything out. I’m projectile word vomiting. I tell Izzy everything, and I mean everything. Everything about Scotty and me back then. How it was so perfect when we spent time together. How I hadn’t just fallen for him back then but had been entirely in love with him. Everything about the Dragons Fire MC being in my bedroom that night I left home. How I had to protect my brother from finding out, so he wouldn’t do anything stupid like retaliate. If I did and he chose to go after them, I could’ve lost him forever, and then I wouldn’t have anyone. I could never risk that, so I kept my mouth shut. Then I tell her what happened when I was taking my shower last night when Scotty caught me getting myself off moaning his name. And finally what happened at the bar with him, the way he told me I was his woman and that I’ve always been his woman.
Watching me as I tell her everything she just keeps the drinks coming and doesn’t say a word until I’m finished.
“Wait a minute. Why the hell haven’t you told me the full reason as to why you left home in the first place? I mean I would have listened at any point if you wanted to talk about it. I’m here for you no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you did. Look at all that’s happened. You were able to come here and open that bar, which kicks ass. But it’s time you tell someone what happened. You can’t keep everything bottled up the way you do. You can tell me. I’m here for you. Whatever it is you say will stay between us.”
Watching me as I tell her everything she just keeps the drinks coming and doesn’t say a word until I’m finished.
“Kenny, honey you know I love you but damn that’s some crazy ass shit.” Shaking her head, she stands up. “Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do. First, you’re going to get shit faced drunk the rest of the night. Pass out in the spare room, then tomorrow we will come up with a game plan about keeping the reason why you left from Horse and your brother. You are going to talk with that fine ass man one way or another. You need to see what the hell is going on with you both. You say that you can’t go there with him again now but why the hell not? If he feels the same as you, I don’t see why the hell you shouldn’t. At least fuck him a couple times. Get him out of your system if that’s what you need.” She all but laughs on that last part. Of course she would be the one giving me this type of advice. Little hussy.
“Seriously, Izzy! I can’t go there. It broke my heart to leave him, and that was only after a week. I’m not the same girl I was back then either. I’ve changed and so has he. He’s going to realize that I can’t be what he needs me to be. I’m dirty... Don’t you see? Those men had their hands on me. They might not have done much, but they did enough. Scotty isn’t going to want me. I’m covered in their filth. I can still feel Flame’s hands on my body even now...even after all this time.” Tears start to overflow down my cheeks.
“Oh, honey you’re not dirty. He will see that you’re not the same girl. That you became this amazing, strong, independent woman who takes care of her own shit.” I rise and wrap my arms around her, wiping the tears from my face.
“Okay, enough of the heavy shit for one night. Let’s get you shitfaced drunk and dance around like we don’t give a damn.” Clapping her hands, she gets out her stereo remote changing it to our favorite rock station. Giggling, I get up and start to dance with my best friend. God, I absolutely love her. She knows just what I need tonight.
I’ll just deal with everything tomorrow. I’m going to make tonight about me, ignore my phone and get shitfaced with my bestie. I’ll pass out in Izzy’s spare room when it’s time to crash just like she said. Fuck everything else until tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day for the mess that my life has turned into.
Tomorrow can fucking wait.
8
Kenny
I wake up to the sun streaming in through my window. Groaning, I roll to my back and pull the pillow over my head. Damn, why did I drink so much last night? Oh yeah. It had everything to do with Scotty and the way he makes me feel. The insufferable man is constantly under my skin, bringing up feelings that I thought I had buried in the back of my mind. Thankfully, I have a best friend that helped me get it out of my system. I honestly feel so much better this morning, even with this damn hangover.
I slide my hands under my body, feeling the firmness of the mattress and attempt to get out of bed. When I do I make my way to the bathroom to start my normal morning routine before I’m forced to face the day. Looking in the mirror I wince at my reflection, seeing that I have the worst case of bedhead in all of history. It will take more than just running my fingers through it to get it all straightened out. If this isn’t bad enough, I forgot to wash my face last night which has given me the biggest raccoon eyes. I get my face cleaned off as much as I can. I know that my hair is a lost. I simply tie it up in a messy bun for now.
The bar’s closed today but that doesn’t mean I’m off the hook and don’t have to work. I have to go in to prep for the upcoming week. The beauty of owning your own business without any help is that you never actually get any time off. I know I could ask the girls to help me. The problem is that I’m so used to handling everything on my own that it’s just easier for me to do it myself. I really do need to take Izzy’s advice and hire a manager so I can try to have a life outside of work. I know that I don’t have much of a work-life balance and it’s about high time that I start to do it. I need more time for myself or I’ll end up burning the candle at both ends of the stick. It’s not like I can’t afford to hire one. I know I can, especially now that Outlaw’s is out of the red finally after such a long time. I’ll have to talk to Cristy about it. She is definitely fit for the job, and someone who I can depend on, which isn’t easy to find.
I look at my phone and see that I’ve missed seven text messages already this morning. Damn. Only one of them is from Scotty. The other six are from one person and one person only, my dear brother. I knew he’d be pissed, and probably thinks I’m irresponsible for just leaving work last night without saying a word to him. I should have texted him last night but I was too worried he’d figure out what’s going on and guess exactly how well I knew Scotty...er... Horse. Jerod is entirely too perceptive. Ever since we were kids, he’s always been able to see right through me.
With it still being so early in the morning, I head out quietly, not wanting to bother Iz. I know she won’t be up until later considering it’s Sunday. The weekends are the only time she really lets loose and allows her hair to hang down and relax a bit. Monday through Friday she’s all work and no play. So, when it comes to the weekend, she’s all about having a good time and blowing off steam from a “week’s worth of hell” as she puts it.
Izzy has a banging job working in one of the local real estate offices. She’s one of the best property managers and real estate agents in the area. Honestly, I think she should just open her own office and get away from her boss. The man is a complete ass towards her when he’s not leering at her, making smartass comments about her body. There’s no way
to hide the fact that she’s fucking gorgeous. She can’t help that the only way to cover her beauty is to put her in a burlap sack and even that wouldn’t help much. She’s the girl that other women hate because she’s so naturally pretty. Hell, I even envy her.
I drive from Izzy’s back to my place and park my car. I make my way inside, heading straight for the one place I need to be - my coffeemaker. My caffeine fix is no joke. Once I have it set to brew, I head straight for the shower to wash away everything that had to do with last night. My mind is consumed with Scotty. I can still feel the touch of his lips on mine. I wish I knew what I was going to do with him. He’s causing me to feel so many emotions inside. It makes my stomach feel like it has butterflies fluttering around or like I want to throw up. It’s either one or the other, and the latter isn’t pleasant. Him being around all of a sudden makes me so damn nervous, but excites me at the exact same time.
I’m just glad that none of the guys were here when I got home. My brother had said in a text he sent me last night that they were going to crash here but would be leaving early in the morning to get shit done at the clubhouse so it would be ready for them tonight. This means that Scotty won’t be here tonight. It should make me feel better that I won’t have to see him as much. The only time that I’ll really be seeing him is when he’s at the bar with the rest of the guys It doesn’t make me feel better, though. I want to see him more.
God, I want to see him. I still love him so much. In fact, I don’t think that I ever stopped loving him. When I heard him declare that I’m his woman last night it made me feel completely uncertain about everything. That kiss sure as hell didn’t help things one bit. It only served to confuse me even more.
Once I get out of the shower I quickly get dressed in a pair of my favorite black yoga pants and a hot pink tank top. They pair together perfectly. I make my way back towards the kitchen and know I’m going to need more time to get ahold of my composure before I can accomplish anything today. There’s one thing I need to do first - get my thoughts of Scotty out of my damned head. I grab my coffee and go sit on my back porch, letting the cool air brush against my skin.
This is my absolute favorite thing about my house. It’s the main reason I bought this place. Back here I have the best view, especially in the evenings when you can watch the deer graze near the treeline. I can sit out here all day watching the wind blow through the leaves. It makes me wish that it was hunting season so that I could be out there in the woods with my bow. I absolutely love to bow hunt. I find it way more fun than using a rifle or shotgun. I mean I know how to use both thanks to Jerod teaching me when I was a kid, but I find using a bow to be more challenging. It kind of makes me feel like Katniss Everdeen too. I giggle to myself thinking of it. The best idea hits me, and I immediately perk up. I’ll do some target practice! That’ll help me clear my mind completely.
I bring my coffee cup up to my lips and gulp down the rest of it, heading inside to grab my iPod. I place my earbuds in and reach for my bow as I head out to my backyard and set up some targets for practice.
Now, this is precisely what I needed to let off some steam. Archery has always been a great stress reliever for me. Having to concentrate on what I’m doing keeps everything else blocked out. It’s not like when you’re shooting a gun. When that happens you just line up with your target and pull the trigger. With archery it’s much different. You have to take your time with it. Pulling the cable of my compound bow back I line up with the target and release the arrow, watching it fly towards its mark.
Bullseye, bitch!
I smile to myself and give myself a mental high five. Target practice is easy though compared to actual hunting. Hunting takes a significant portion of patience.
Spending a couple of hours outdoors is just what the doctor ordered. Looking at the time, I head inside to put my bow away and head out to the bar. As much as I would have loved to stay at home and relax, I still have to get all the paperwork done at the bar so I’m not stuck there all evening. Maybe Twister can come over for dinner this evening. I’ll have to talk to him.
No, I don’t have to talk to him.
I need to talk to him and do what I should have done years ago.
I hope that he won’t go ballistic and will understand why I left. I’m not going to be able to keep this to myself anymore. It’s going to be painful telling him, but I need to get it off my chest. The feeling that they’re going to find me and finish what they started still haunts my dreams every night. They’re the reason I barely ever sleep more than an hour or two at a time. I’m petrified and don’t even want to admit it to myself. It terrifies me to this day. I don’t want to ever have to face Flame again. The feel of his breath still lingers on my skin some days, and it sends me into a complete panic attack. No one has ever had to bear witness to me experiencing one and thank goodness for that. It’s not something I want anyone to see or talk about.
I make my decision and text my brother asking him if he wants to do dinner tonight. I don’t bother to wait for a response because I know he’ll be there. He loves my cooking. I guess that’s because he’s a single man and doesn’t like to cook himself. I can understand that since he was always a shit cook when I was growing up. I’m sure the only time he does get a good meal is when the club has a BBQ. I make a mental note to stop at the store on the way home and pick up some pork chops to fry along with potatoes. I smile, knowing that I’m going to cook him his favorite meal. He may be my big brother, but I still want to spoil him every once in a while.
Hopefully, this will butter him up to listen without his head completely exploding. I’ll have to make sure that he is outside when I tell him everything. They don’t call him Twister for nothing.
9
Horse
When I realized what Kenny did last night, I became fucking livid. Sneaking out off like a teenager, all to get out of having that chat I promised her. I knew I should have carted her ass out of there instead of waiting around like some fool, one who thought she’d be there to have that conversation with later that night. She should just wait until I get my hands on her ass. I told her she was on the back of my bike when she was ready to roll out. Fuck! Why does she have to be so damn difficult. I needed to feel her holding on to me as we rode back home. I miss the way she used to cling to me as I would speed down the road. Her hair flying in the wind while I was wearing a smirk that could kill. I wanted to take her on a ride down some back road where we could have our privacy, just being the two of us and really talk it out. I need to find out what is going on in that head of hers. Maybe if I’m lucky enough she’ll explain to me why she left me high and dry.
All the brothers ended up crashing at her house yet again, since our shit wouldn’t be here until today. Twister looked like he was about to blow a damn fuse with her pulling a Houdini on him and not responding to any of the text messages that he said he sent her. I don’t fucking blame him. The fact she didn’t come home has got me pissed off like no other. More so with myself feeling as if I pushed her too hard last night. But after the drama with that pansy-ass dick spewing shit about her, I had the need to feel her, kiss her, do anything I want with her. I keep wondering where the fuck she went. What she was doing and who was with her?
Damn, she has my dick in a vice and she's only been back in my life less than forty-eight hours. I need to get this shit straightened out between us, so that those long gorgeous fucking legs of hers can be wrapped around my waist as I fuck the hell out of her. The woman has me so worked up that even jacking off in the shower didn’t do shit for the hard on I’m packing for her. I need to get her under me soon or I’m going to beat the shit out of someone.
Dammit fucking hell. No way I’m taking another cold as fuck shower either.
That’s going to have to wait until later when I can catch up with her. The bar’s closed for the next two nights. That should work in my favor. I’ll finally be able to catch up with her, and when I do that ass of hers is mine. Until then I'm going to h
ave confess to her brother about the history she and I share. Hopefully, he won't decide to skin me alive for making a claim on Kenny. Last night he didn't seem to be pissed when I told him that we needed to talk about her. The look the fucker gave me told me he knew it was coming.
We've been at the club all day getting shit set up so that we can all settle into our rooms tonight. Burner and the rest of the brothers that didn’t come in yesterday showed up a few days early with all our shit and the club whores that came with them. I’ve already dodged the hands of Jazz and two other sluts. They would have my dick out and in their mouths quicker than I could snap my fingers if I let them.
With everyone working, shit’s been getting done. Club whores are cleaning the main room, and prospects are carrying shit to all the rooms. By tonight, everyone will be shitfaced and fucking all over the damn place. The club will definitely be in order by the time the first shipment is ready for pickup.
I walk around looking for Twister when I feel my phone going off in my pocket. Pulling it out I see that it's Stoney, my Pops. I wish I could ignore it, but I just don’t have the luxury of doing that. My Pops is the Prez for our national charter.
Stoney is a man you don’t want to fuck with. Not unless you want your face smashed into the ground. He is a force to be reckoned with if you piss him off. Hence his name. He's like a fucking stone wall you can't get shit past. Hell, he's been that way since I was a kid. Pops may have been tough as nails when raising me, but considering he and my bitch of a mom had me at fifteen, I look up to him. Even if he's a hardass, I know he loves me. Not wanting me to follow in his footsteps Pops gave me my first box of condoms when I was only thirteen. Making sure to tell me if I was gonna fuck some bitch to wrap my shit until I found the woman that was meant for me.