Phoenix Rising

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  Someone knocked on the door and I sighed, sitting up on the edge of my bed. Hell, I didn’t want to do this. I stood and flung the door open in anger. If I thought Rocco would be at all sympathetic to my feelings about this, I was wrong.

  “Let’s go.”

  He turned and walked away, so I followed. Morgan opened the door to her and Chance’s room and her face said it all. Chance was not happy this morning and she didn’t think we should do this.

  “We’re not waiting,” Rocco said sharply. He shoved past her and walked into the little sitting area in their room. When Chance walked out of the bathroom, he looked up in surprise.

  “Did I miss something? Are we training today?” Chance asked.

  “No, we’re here to talk about last night.”

  “What about it?”

  “How about the flashbacks you’ve been having?” Rocco asked. “How long have they been happening?”

  Chance didn’t say anything, just crossed his arms over his chest and stared us down.

  “Is that how this is going to be? You’re going to pretend like this shit isn’t happening?”

  “I’m well aware of what’s happening. Maybe you don’t remember, but I was the one that was gone for a fucking year.”

  “Rocco,” I started, but he cut me off with a glare. God forbid we give the man some fucking space.

  “What I saw last night was bad. You didn’t even know we were here, did you?”

  His eyes flickered for a moment, but he held his resolve.

  “Morgan,” Rocco asked her, “why don’t you tell Chance what you walked in on yesterday?”

  “I’m not-”

  “You went to them?” Chance accused. “So much for working through shit together,” he scoffed.

  “What choice did I have? I knew that it was bad. I could hear you through the door. I didn’t know what to do. Hell, I don’t know what to do for myself. I can’t do this on my own.”

  “So, you didn’t even fucking talk to me about it first? I fucking told you that I was fucked up. I told you that-” Chance growled and started pacing around the room like a caged animal. He probably felt that way. I felt that way and I wasn’t the one in the spotlight.

  “I saw the scars,” Rocco said quietly. “I’ve seen that shit before and I’ve seen how it fucks with someone. I can’t-”

  Chance flew over to Rocco, gripping him by the collar and shoving him against the wall. “I didn’t fucking ask you to get involved. I just got home and you’re ready to send me off with a straight jacket!”

  Rocco looked to me for help, but I had nothing to say. I actually agreed. I shrugged. “I happen to agree with him. Give him a chance to get his life back on track.”

  “Why the fuck did you even come along if you weren’t going to help?” Rocco barked at me.

  “Because you forced my hand. He looks fine right now. If he were on the floor in a fucking ball or had a gun in his hand, I might think differently.”

  Chance jerked Rocco free of his grasp and stepped back, running his hands through his hair. I could see that he was shaking and I knew that he was still fucked up, but I wasn’t about to tell the man he needed help when I sure as shit hadn’t dealt with my own. And that was three fucking years ago.

  “Just get the fuck out,” Chance grumbled before heading back into the bathroom and slamming the door. I heard the shower kick on and turned around. Rocco caught up to me outside in the hallway and grabbed my arm.

  “When I fucking asked you to be there, it was for backup, not for you to stand there and play devil’s advocate.”

  “I never said I would fucking get involved. I told you I didn’t want to. We all deal with shit in our own way and you’re asking me to tell him what he needs. I wasn’t fucking there and neither were you. Give him some fucking time to adjust.”

  “Do you really think that’s all it takes? Time to adjust? One look at him and I know you can see that he’s not okay. He’s putting on a good face, but he’s not fucking okay.”

  “What do you want me to do? You want me to drag him into Cap’s office like a misbehaving toddler and order him to open up? He already talked about as much as he was going to with us. We tried in Colorado. If he needs help, it sure as hell isn’t the type of help we can give.”

  “I thought you were one of us,” Rocco scoffed. “Maybe you’re new here and you don’t know jack shit about us, but we’re a family. I haven’t even been around that long, but I’ve been here long enough to know that we don’t ever walk away from someone that needs our help.”

  “I guess that’s where you’re wrong. I may have helped out, but I’m not one of you and I never will be. I’m on my own now and that’s the way it’s gonna stay.”

  “Then what the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Good question.”

  I turned and walked away. What the fuck was I doing here? Staying with them like I could one day work with them? I knew I wouldn’t do it. It was better if I just left.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Chance

  I had just taken a fucking shower and now here I was again. Rocco just had to bring up all that shit that I had just scrubbed out of my mind. Now I was freaking out inside again, trying to keep up the front that everything was okay. I didn’t need their pity or their worried looks. I needed my fucking space to figure this shit out.

  I heard Morgan open the door and gritted my teeth to keep from snapping at her. I thought she understood. I thought she was going to work through this with me. But then she went and got other people involved. I didn’t want everyone in my business. It had felt like Morgan and I had gone through something together and it was something I could handle sharing with her to an extent. Now, I just felt betrayed, like the one person I thought I could count on had made this huge decision about my life without me. It was more than I could take.

  I shut off the water before she could join me. I didn’t need a repeat of last night. When I turned around, Morgan looked shocked that I had just disregarded her help. I didn’t give a fuck right now.

  “Chance, I didn’t mean to-”

  I shoved past her and grabbed the towel. “Didn’t mean to what? Get everyone else involved in my shit? Didn’t mean to make people think I was weak? Because that’s what they’re thinking right now. I can goddamn tell you that Rocco’s gonna go to Cap and tell him that I shouldn’t be working. And that’s the one fucking thing I want to do right now. I want to get back to my life and just feel fucking normal. What the hell do you think Cap’s gonna do?”

  She didn’t answer. Just stared at me in fear, like she knew she had really fucked up and didn’t know how to fix it.

  “I’ll tell you what he’s gonna do. He’s gonna tell me to go to a shrink. He’s gonna tell me that I can’t start working until I’m cleared again.”

  “Maybe it’ll help,” she said quietly.

  “Yeah, do you think it’ll help you? Because I thought we were in this together. I thought we were working through this shit and talking it out with each other.”

  “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on. You’re not talking to me and you’re not talking to the guys,” she said defensively. “Besides, we both agreed we didn’t want to relive it.”

  I laughed at the irony of it all. “We don’t want to relive it, but now I’m going to be forced to go to a fucking shrink and relive it. Yeah, Morgan. You really did a bang up job of helping me out.”

  “Chance, you were on the floor, completely out of it. You weren’t talking to any of us. And I get it. I saw the scars on your back. You could have just told me some of the-”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I shouted. “If you want to help, get on the fucking bed and spread your legs. Then again, your mouth might still be useful for something.”

  Her eyes filled with tears and she turned, running from the room. I sank down on the bed and dropped my head in my hands. “Way to go, asshole.”