by Lindsey Iler
Once we’re alone again, Delaney’s gaze shifts around the room, watching the other customers. Her eyes are hollow, like a girl who hasn’t quite been herself in a while. A lost girl.
“There’s nothing out there,” I whisper.
At the intrusion to her silent thoughts, she spins to look at me. “What did you say?”
“Whatever it is you’re searching for, you won’t find it out there. There are no answers. There is no explanation for what happened to you.”
“Nothing happened to me, Breaker. I survived.”
“Then stop acting like you didn’t.”
The lids of her eyes flutter shut, cutting off my access to what’s going on in her mind. She’s like Palmer in that respect. One glance in their eyes, and it’s easy to see what they’re thinking. Their emotions are displayed for the world. It’s a beautiful but dangerous thing for them.
“And here you go.” Dotty slides plate after plate onto the table. The smell of sausage and bacon has my stomach growling. Dotty smiles at the sound. “No one feeding you, boy?”
“Evidently not.” I laugh, grabbing a fork before the final plate is in front of me.
“Enjoy, kids.” Dotty winks and walks away again.
I dive into the biscuits and gravy, shoveling a large piece into my mouth, and groan from the delicious flavors hitting my tongue.
“You better eat up, or else there won’t be any left for you.” I poke my licked-clean fork into Delaney’s untouched silverware.
“How do you do this?” A long sigh follows her question.
“Eat food?” I laugh. “I pick up my fork and bring it to my mouth. Do you need a lesson on chewing next?”
“Don’t be a smartass.” She nudges me, finally going for a bite of the sausage gravy. The fork touches her lips, and I’m suddenly jealous of a piece of metal. “What?” she screeches. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Sometimes I forget how sensual you can make the basic task appear.”
“Shut up.” She knocks her knee into mine. “Be serious for a second.”
“Trust me. You’ve never seen yourself eat before.” I nab some eggs.
“What I mean is, how do you make us being around each other seem so simple?”
“Being around you is the simplest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Even after everything? After how I’ve treated you?”
“No, because of everything. You’re the only person who’s seen the ugliest side of me, Delaney. Sorry for thinking that means something.”
“It does mean something.”
“Yeah, but not enough for you to ditch the rich prick.”
“You’re a rich prick.” She grins.
“You got me there.” Silence takes over for several minutes as we eat, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s how she sees me.
I’ve been called far worse. Her words, and her words alone, can wrap around my spine, digging into parts of me I don’t know exist until it’s too late, and she has a vise grip on me. My fork drops out of my hand and clatters against the plate.
“You know I’m kidding, right?” Her cup freezes, forcing the orange juice to slap against her perfect lips as she holds it to her mouth. She lowers it when I don’t respond. “Breaker, seriously?”
“I’m not perfect, Delaney, but I know I’m far better than that asshole.” I point at her, biting my tongue. Once I’m out of the booth, I take out my phone, and send a text. A hundred-dollar bill from my wallet is tossed on the table. “Enjoy your breakfast.”
“Breaker!” Her voice is full of despair and uncertainty. I fight myself from looking, but in the end, I do. She’s worrying her lip, as if she wants to say something, but when no words leave her mouth, I head to the door.
Dotty sidesteps me, blocking my exit. “Now, don’t tell me you’re leaving that pretty girl in the booth.”
“Give me a hug and let me go,” I demand.
She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tight, like a mother would. “Your aunt and sisters were in here the other day,” she whispers against my chest.
I gaze down at her white hair. “How are they?”
“They’d be better if their brother visited.”
“You know I can’t.” I shake my head and glance away, too afraid to see the truth on Dotty’s face.
“And why is that, boy?” She shifts to look at me, knowing damn well I’m full of shit.
“They have her eyes.” I admit the hard truth. Every time I look at them, I see her in parts of them.
“Look in the mirror, darling. So do you.” With her short stature, she has to stand on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “Don’t be a god damn stranger, you hear me? You can come in here without her, that way we can avoid this awkward running away.”
“She needs a hero.” I tip my chin towards Delaney.
“And let me guess, you don’t have it in you.”
“I’m nobody’s hero.”
“You can’t blame yourself for the tragic shit that happens in this life. You’re not responsible for the world’s happiness and wellbeing.” Dotty pats my cheek then walks away, leaving me with a bit of knowledge I’ve been told time and time again.
She’s right about one thing. I owe those two girls a visit.
Chapter Ten
Delaney
A girl with a golden crown of ribbons and thorns, wrapped around her angelic head, placed there to keep her in line.
I drop my pen and slam the cover of my journal shut, contemplating who they want me to be and who I truly am. I fling open to the page I’d abandoned and pick up the pen once again.
A girl with ice in her veins and a crown made of resilience. Everything she is is wrapped in a tornado of anger.
“There!” I say to myself. “That’s more like it.”
“What’s that?” The sound of Breaker’s voice startles me, and I jerk, chucking my journal across the room. The big problem is that it lands at his feet.
I roll over and spring from the bed. Breaker’s in my dorm room, wearing a pair of gray sweatpants that appear custom made by the way they hang low on his trim waist. The sleeves of his white hoodie are rolled to his elbows, and it’s the most delicious I’ve ever seen him. His hair is wet from a shower I assume he took after practice.
Our eyes shift from each other to the journal. We have the same idea and dive for it. He’s faster.
“What’s this?” He holds it above his head, toying with me.
“It’s none of your business. As usual, you seem to struggle with this concept.” I jump, attempting to grab every single one of my secrets, but he holds it out of reach.
“Does Delaney Chambers have a diary?” He grins.
“What are you doing here?” I lower myself and sit on my window seat. Maybe if I act like I don’t care about what’s inside those pages, he’ll leave it unread.
“I think I owe you an apology.”
“Let me guess, Palmer got on your ass about your bullshit, so now you’re here to try to fix some sort of problem we don’t even have?” Damn. Where’d that come from?
“Contrary to what you may believe, Princess Delaney, I am capable of understanding when I royally fuck things up.”
“We don’t have much to fuck up, so consider it forgiven.”
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong.” He tsks his tongue, approaching me.
My legs spin forward, giving him an opening. He nudges into me, tipping my chin to look into his green eyes. He thumbs my bottom lip.
“Breaker,” I whisper his name.
“One page.” He presents my journal. “Give me one page into who you are when no one’s looking, and I’ll leave.”
“For good, or for now?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“What that page says.”
“And what do I get if I give you one page?”
“I’ll leave.”
“Fine.”
“Any page, my choosing?” His need fo
r clarification is adorable. He’s flipping through it before I get the chance to answer him.
When he lands on the winning one, he settles onto the edge of my mattress. His face is unmoved as his eyes zigzag across the page. Whatever he is reading, he’s completely enthralled. At one point, his eyes lift, catching mine. I’m embarrassed, unsure of which words he’s devouring.
“Did you mean what you wrote?” He holds the journal out for me to take. A brief second of my eyes on the paper tells me what page he’s read. “Did you, Delaney?”
“What does it matter?” I challenge, hating the tremble in my voice.
“It matters because you matter.”
“You have to understand, I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I didn’t know if that was the exact moment that it happened to me. I don’t know if I could have recovered from it.” My words are rushed, full of uncertainty and fear of admitting how that night fundamentally changed me.
“Stand up, Delaney.”
“No, Breaker.”
His hand comes between us, demanding me to take it. “I’m not asking you, baby.”
I place mine in his, and I’m propelled into his arms. The feel of him opening the journal behind me has my body completely tense.
“Don’t,” I warn.
“My entire body is cold, frozen, unlike my thoughts. Those race like a heart in love. Fast and uncontrollable. There’s nothing to see through my blurry eyes, so I never saw him coming, never was able to prepare for what was to come next,” Breaker reads my private words out loud.
“Please stop,” I beg.
“And then he walked into the room, and I knew I would be okay.” Breaker’s voice cracks.
Too scared to have his eyes on me, I glance away, focusing on the frost edging the window.
“Look at me,” he whispers.
“I can’t.” I won’t.
“Again, I’m not asking.” His fingers softly wrap around my chin, bringing my eyes to him.
This is the Breaker I know, the one who swooped into that club VIP room and wrapped me in his arms and coat to make sure I knew I was safe. It’s his green eyes, like shards of glistening glass reflecting in the sun, with the ability to dig deep into my soul. He’s hard and soft within the same body. Cruel and kind. Devious and honest.
“Why doesn’t everyone get to see this side of you?” I ask.
“Because no one else on this earth matters.” His stare drops to my lips, and when it returns to my eyes, he shrugs. “You’re the only person on this earth I’ve wanted to introduce him to.”
“Then why did you walk out on our breakfast yesterday?” There’s the elephant in the room, ready to be explored and discovered.
“You want the truth?”
The jiggle of my doorknob stops him.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
“Delaney, open up!” Tripp yells, freezing me in place. “Come on. Let’s talk this out.”
“Want me to get rid of him?” Breaker asks, not so quietly.
“Who’s in there with you?” Tripp shouts. Another round of bangs on the door has my eyes watering.
“Delaney, I’m getting rid of him.” Breaker grabs my arms and shifts me over a bit to gain control of the situation.
“No, don’t.” I scurry to get in front of Breaker before he can unlock the door. “Kiss me.”
“What? Why?”
“Do you honestly need a reason?” I grin, knowing damn well he doesn’t.
His hands wrap tight around my hips, hoisting me up in his arms. He presses me into the door. The feel of his hard body against mine is intoxicating, and I relax into him. His confidence builds as his head tilts, inspecting me. What is he hoping to see? Does he see it?
“Don’t be a pussy, Breaker. Fucking kiss me.” I stick out my tongue and nibble on the tip.
Breaker’s lips appreciate mine like he’s drawn the map of them, knowing every move to make to drive me crazy. His tongue dancing with mine is a different part of heaven. With his strength, he supports me, releasing his hands to hold my face in place. He smiles, then his mouth is on mine again. We devour each other, completely ignoring the repeated pounding against my spine.
“Delaney, open up right now.” The pure annoyance and grumble in Tripp’s tone has Breaker growling.
“I’ll fucking kill him.” Breaker gives me one more quick kiss and allows me to slip to Earth. “What does this mean?”
“I like kissing you,” I admit, not giving him anything more than that.
“But you like him more.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to say the words for me to hear them loud and clear, Delaney.” He twists the deadbolt and slings the door wide open.
Tripp waltzes in like he owns the room, as usual. “What the hell’s going on here?”
“You’re a smart boy.” Breaker glowers at him. “I’m sure you can figure it out.”
“Delaney?” His voice is accusatory. Rightfully so.
I see Breaker right over his shoulder, so far away, yet so close.
“Breaker,” I say as he starts to leave.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” he announces.
“You’re right about that,” Tripp says. “But I’m glad you did. Gauntlet, tomorrow night, eleven P.M.”
“Seriously, Tripp! Aren’t you over this nonsense?” I yell, angered by the games they’re both playing.
“I won’t be done until he realizes you don’t belong to him.” Tripp points between Breaker and me, proving his argument when he notices my swollen lips and flushed skin. He knows.
“I’ll be there.” Breaker walks out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him.
I move to go after him, not liking how we keep leaving things. Opened and unsettled is not the best feeling when Breaker Davenport is on the other side of it.
“When are you going to realize he’s no good for you?” Tripp places his hand on my stomach, stopping me.
“Why are you here, Tripp?” I settle into the window seat, studying Tripp as he moves closer to me.
“I didn’t like how we left things,” he answers.
“You mean, how you chose to treat me like a child in my father’s home? Or how you basically said a relationship between us is merely a transaction?” I shake my head, frustrated I’m having to have this conversation. “Because that’s how things were left between us. Are you proud of that? Is a Stepford wife what you really want? I know that’s how things are typically done in our world, but that’s not going to work for me.”
“I can give you a good life, Laney.” Tripp draws me into a hug, and I shamefully melt into him. The familiarity in his embrace transports me to a time where I was afraid of the world.
I inhale the scent of his cologne, but it doesn’t smell like him. Girl’s perfume.
“What did you do after practice?” I ask, burying my face in his shoulder so he won’t see the truth on my face.
“I came right over here,” he says, taking his phone, wallet, and keys out of his pocket and dropping them on my dresser. Does he really think he’s staying?
I know it’s a lie, though. I’d spent the better part of Christmas vacation, every day, with him. When I spin out of his arms, he catches me before I can get too far away.
“What’s wrong?” Tripp bends to force us eye-to-eye.
“I’m exhausted.” I pretend to yawn.
“Do you want me to go?”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll probably lay down for the night.” I head towards the door, ready to open it for him to easily leave.
“I can stay with you.” The enthusiasm in his voice grates on my very last nerve.
“Not tonight, but I appreciate you stopping by, even if it was to call a gauntlet.” The smile on my face is as fake as they come.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll be out of your hair.” He walks into the bathroom and shuts the door.
The minute the lock clicks, I grab his phone off the table and key in th
e passcode I’ve seen him type numerous times. Flipping through his texts shows nothing out of the norm until I see a thread with someone named Green. The part of my mind that wants to believe in the best of everyone tells me it’s probably one of his teammates. The devil on my shoulder, the one who smelled the floral perfume, knows it’s not. I click on it and skim down their conversation. I pause on a picture of a girl wearing a short plaid skirt and her bra. She’s posed in front of a mirror with Tripp right behind her, his hand on her hip.
The sink comes on, and I close out of the app, placing his phone where he left it seconds before the bathroom door opens. Tripp saunters over to me and kisses me on the cheek.
“Get some rest, okay? I’ll pick you up tomorrow night.”
“Do I have to go?” I ask, knowing damn well he’ll give me no other choice.
I always have the choice, but lately, any time Tripp and I spend together, I feel less in control of my own decisions.
He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Trust me, you won’t want to miss this one.” He winks, behaving as if I’m enjoying a single second of this mess. “See you tomorrow, Laney, and think about calling your dad. He means well.”
Tripp is gone in a flash. A phone in his hand, full of his secrets, and me left behind like the doting girlfriend. The problem with that is I’m not his anything.
I put on my jacket, waiting a few minutes to make sure Tripp isn’t lingering around the dorms. When I’m sure he’s gone, I open the door enough to make sure the coast is clear, then tiptoe into the hallway.
As I lock the door, footsteps startle me, and I spin, screeching loud enough to wake up the entire floor.
“Fuck, Delaney. Chill out.” Reagan giggles. “Are you okay?”
It must be me clutching at my chest that gives away my unstable state of mind.
“Yeah, you scared the fuck out of me.” I exhale a lungful of air to help regulate my steadily increasing heartbeat.
“Yeah, clearly.” She swats at my arm. “What has you so damn jumpy?”
“I don’t know how to say this, but I think Tripp’s up to something.” Uttering those words brings a chill to my bones. So much so, I wrap my arms around myself as if that will shield me.
Reagan’s door opens, and Dixon is there, shirtless. I glance at Reagan, wiggling my eyebrows. Clearly, these two are doing much better than before. Dixon makes a show of holding the top of the doorway, stretching every muscle in his abdomen.