by Beck, J. L.
The closer we get to the address, the faster my heart is beating, because I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get my hands on her. I’m so fucking mad, so mad that I’m worried about actually hurting her this time.
“Where the hell is she?” Cam asks, breaking the silence in the car. I shrug, taking in our surroundings, which is nothing, but trees and a few houses scattered along the road here and there. “We’ll be there in five minutes.”
Even though I’m already going over the speed limit, I push down the gas pedal a little further. My chest aches now, all these emotions I don’t understand swirling around me. I try to concentrate on the most prominent one… anger, but it’s hard when there are a plethora of others looming right beneath the surface. Feelings I definitely don’t want to deal with.
“This is it,” Cam points at a driveway coming up, and I start to slow down. An old farmhouse comes into view, and immediately, a bad feeling settles in my stomach. It’s a rundown place that looks like a place someone either sells drugs out of or runs a brothel, or both.
“Looks like shit,” I point out the obvious as I drive down the bumpy driveway up to the piece of shit house. There is a car parked in front of the house. When we get closer, I can read the pink glittery bumper sticker clinging to the window, Night Shift.
“That’s an understatement. Who the fuck lives here, and why the hell is Stella here?”
“We’re about to find out, but according to that bumper sticker someone working at the strip club,” I tell him as I put the car in park and cut the engine.
We get out and speed walk across the front yard, and when we walk up to the porch, I catch movement inside the house. When I get closer to the window, I realize it is Katie who is pacing the room.
“Fucking Katie,” Cam hisses beside me.
Gritting my teeth, I waltz up to the front door, grab the brass knob and turn it. Of course, it’s fucking locked.
“Open the fucking door, Katie, or we’ll burn this house to the ground!” I bang my fist against the cracked wood so hard the whole door vibrates. A moment later, the door flies open, and Katie appears looking distraught and scared. Good, she should be afraid.
“I didn’t know!” She cries out before I can say a word. “I didn’t know he was going to hurt her…”
In a blink of an eye, my rage is flipped upside down and morphs into something entirely different… fear. It’s been a long time since I was scared, so long I don’t even remember when it was. All I know is that right now, this fear is so strong I feel like it’s about to swallow me whole. I don’t fear for myself, I’m scared for Stella, scared she is hurt, scared something happened to her, and we couldn’t protect her.
The thought of losing her has been swirling around in my head, leaving me on edge for days, but this is different. Losing her because she left us hurts, but losing her because someone took her from us is an almost unbearable thought.
“Who,” I growl, “who hurt her?” Katie starts shaking her head, tears falling down the side of her face, but I don’t feel the slightest amount of compassion for her. I want to wrap my hands around her neck and force her to tell me who the fuck put their hands on my girl.
“Where is she?” Cam cuts in, his voice frantic.
“Upstairs,” Katie whimpers as I push her out of the way and head for the stairs with Cam following close behind. As soon as we make it to the second floor, I hear it, a muffled scream coming from one of the bedrooms.
I’ve never moved so fast in my life. Not wanting to waste time to see if the door is unlocked, I decide to break it open. Using my body weight, I ram into the door shoulder first. The old wood giving away easily. A loud crack fills the air as the whole lock breaks out of the door frame.
Cam and I burst into the room, and we take in the scene before us. Time seems to slow down as I realize what we are seeing. A fucking horror movie.
I thought I was angry before, but nothing could have prepared me for the all-consuming fury inside of me now. I can feel every muscle in my body vibrating with pure rage.
Stella is on the bed, her hands and feet tied together, and her mouth taped shut. Half of her clothes are ripped off, and her chest is exposed. She is crying, frantically trying to get away from Paul, who is on top of her, straddling her slender body.
I’ve considered myself a violent person before, but the sick and twisted things running through my mind right now are a new level of fucked up. I want to hurt him, cut him, watch him bleed, and suffer. I want to skin him alive, hear him scream and beg for me to stop. I want to make him suffer beyond measure for putting his filthy hands on Stella.
It takes Paul a moment to realize what’s happening, but by the time he jumps up, Cam and I are already on him. With clenched fists, we start beating the living hell out of him. He staggers back, but Cam has a hold on his neck, yanking his face toward us so we can punch him over and over again until his face is bloodied and swollen.
A pained whimper draws me out of my haze, pulling me back to reality like a slingshot. My fist stops mid-air, and I look over my shoulder at Stella.
“Get her, I’ll take care of him,” Cam tells me, and before I can tell him he should be the one to stay, he is already dragging Paul out of the room.
Turning my attention back to Stella, I rush over to the bed. Now that I get a good look at her face, I can see that it’s swollen and red on one side, and her lip is split on the bottom, a small amount of blood trickling down her chin. Another wave of never-ending anger washes over me, but I rein it in, knowing that she needs me right now.
She is looking at me with an expression that has my chest aching. Her eyes hold an ocean of emotions, and I don’t know how I can hold my own at bay. Her whole body is shaking, and all I want to do is wrap her into my arms, tell her everything is going to be okay, and that I’ll never let her go again.
Before I can do that, I need to get this shit off of her and get her away from this place. I pinch the edge of the tape covering her mouth and pull it off carefully. As soon as she can, she starts talking.
“I-I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. Don’t hate me, please,” she says in between sobs. “I shouldn’t have left—”
“No one hates you,” I interrupt her rambling, undoing her restraints at the same time. “Don’t worry about anything right now.”
The moment she is free, she crawls onto my lap, buries her face into the crook of my neck, and her arms wrap around me so tightly, I don’t know if I could pry them off if I wanted to.
“Please don’t hate me,” she mutters against my skin.
“Stop saying that. No one hates you. I could never hate you. I…” The word is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to say it, even though I know it’s true. I love her.
For a long moment, I just hold her, wondering where Cam took Paul. The house is quiet now and I decide to take her out of here. Wrapping her up in the blanket from the bed, I cradle her against my chest and get up from the bed.
Gently, I carry her through the now empty house. When we get to the car, I realize that the other car is gone now, which means that Katie must have left. I somehow manage to open the door without putting her down. Placing her in the backseat, I’m still burning with rage. I really want to go and find him so I can inflict pain like I want to, but looking at Stella, I know I can’t leave her alone. She needs me right now, and knowing that she does is almost as satisfying as going after Paul.
Crawling into the car with her, I pull her shaking body onto my lap and wrap my arms around her. All my anger toward her dissipated when I saw her lying on that bed, completely helpless and mirroring defeat. Instantly, I knew I couldn’t deny my feelings for her any longer.
I can’t pretend that I don’t love her, because all along I knew things had changed between us. She’s no longer a person for us to keep quiet. She’s the person we share our hearts with.
“I’m-I’m sorry…” She cries, big, fat tears fall from her eyes and slip down her cheeks. “I’m
so sorry, I’ll be better. I promise.” She’s remorseful and ashamed, but the only person that should be sorry is Cam and I. Sorry that we pushed her to want to leave. Part of this is our fault, and I’m man enough to admit that.
She never gave us a reason to believe that she was lying, but we kept treating her like she did. We treated her like she was nothing more than our plaything, like she was a fucking prisoner in our home and all because we were too scared of losing her, of telling her how we really feel.
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry, and you definitely don’t have to be better. You are already perfect. We’ll be better. We should have been better all along.” My body is vibrating with anger for myself, for the situation we put her in. I want to break Paul’s fingers, one by one.
He touched her, broke her… and he deserves to die for that. As I’m thinking of all the way I want to hurt him, she’s shaking in my arms.
“It’s okay, baby,” I assure her. “Everything is going to be okay…” I trail off, forcing myself to sound calm when really, I’m ready to explode.
The driver’s side door opens, and Cam slips into the car. His fists are bloody, and when he looks at me over his shoulder, I can see the disconnect in his eyes.
Did he kill him? I would’ve.
“He’s still alive, but you don’t have to worry about him. He is going to jail for a really long time. Our parents are taking care of him. We got to go, they are already on the way here, and we don’t want to be here when they arrive.”
“What about Katie?” I ask.
There is a darkness in Cam’s eyes, and I know he said or did something to ensure that she doesn’t open her mouth, I just kind of wish it was me that got to deliver that message to her.
“She won’t open her mouth, not unless she wants to spend the rest of her days in prison. I can have James’ death pinned on her in a second flat.”
“Good, she stepped out of line once, and that got Stella hurt…” My jaw aches as I clench it.
“Relax, no one is going to hurt her ever again,” Cam reassures me. I look down at Stella, who has her eyes squeezed shut. Gently, I stroke her face, willing her to open her eyes. I need to see her, feel connected to her; otherwise, I’ll get out of this car and murder Paul for touching her.
“Stella, baby, I need you to look at me. I need to see your eyes, because right now I really want to go kill that fucker for touching you, for hurting you.” The irony of my words is not lost on me. I hurt her too, we hurt her.
In a flash, her eyes flutter open, and she grips onto my shirt so tightly her knuckles turn white. Her lips wobble as she speaks, “Please, please don’t. I-I…need you.”
“I love you,” I reply, shocking the hell out of both of us.
Cam must not have heard me because he doesn’t say anything and instead starts the car. Stella stares up at me with awe in her eyes, and I wish I had told her sooner. Wish I had let myself feel these emotions weeks ago because then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Stella is quiet the entire way back to the house, but she doesn’t let her gaze fall from my own. She stares at me, almost like she doesn’t believe what I’ve told her.
As soon as we arrive at the house, I carry her inside and start to strip off her dirty clothing, looking her over for any injuries. She has a few bruises along her throat and what looks to be a bruise forming on her cheek, but aside from that, she doesn’t seem to be injured at all.
“Did he…” I can’t even finish the thought. If he touched her there, I will get back in the car, go find him, and kill him. There won’t be anything to stop me from doing it either. Damn the consequences, nothing but Stella matters.
Stella sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and gently shakes her head. I sigh outwardly, feeling as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
“Hey, let me give her a shower, and then we can talk afterward about what happens going forward.” Cam places a hand on my shoulder, grounding me, and I know I need to get my wicked thoughts together. I knew I was obsessive over her, but I didn’t think it could ever feel like this. My heart thunders inside my chest, and I nod my head before running my fingers through my hair.
Breathe. I keep telling myself, but all I want to do is murder Paul. Ruin him, but instead, I force myself to sit on the edge of the bed and watch as Cam takes Stella into the bathroom.
The sound of the shower turning on fills my ears, but I’m still stuck inside my head. We can’t continue down this road. We can’t let her think she’s no one to us, that we’re just using her body. It’s time to become all or nothing.
When Stella comes walking out of the bathroom, a white towel wrapped around her, all I can do is stare in awe. She is ours, and we’re hers, and no matter what happened today, there isn’t any way I’m letting her walk out that door. Breaking from the trance, I turn and head to the dresser. I pull out a gray T-shirt and a pair of boxers and turn around and extend them out to her.
Her big gray eyes dart from them and up to my face.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to get dressed, you go help her, and then we can talk.” Cam announces as he walks out of the room, a towel slung around his waist.
I nod but don’t look away from Stella.
“I’m sorry, I let you down. I’m sorry, I left. I was just… I’m tired of living in the past, Easton. I know I shouldn’t want you guys, but I do. I want both of you. I’m falling…” She shakes her head, and strands of wet hair stick to her face. “I’m pretty sure I’m past falling. I love you both, and I don’t know how to go forward. I don’t know what will happen next.”
The pain in her voice, the fear in her eyes, it makes me weak in the knees.
“What happens next is whatever you want.”
“Whatever I want?” Her brows furrow in confusion. She doesn’t understand, and I get why. She’s not used to us letting her have a say, an opinion, or choice. But that changes now.
Cam walks back into the bedroom, fully dressed this time. His eyes dart between us, a question lingering there.
“What do you want, Stella?” Cam asks gently, and I’ve never been more glad to have him in my life than I am now. We might not be brothers by blood, but we’re in every sense of the word. Stella looks between us, her expression completely unreadable.
My heart thuds loudly in my chest. What do I do if she says she wants us to let her go? Looking at her, I don’t know how she could love us after all we’ve done.
“I want to be happy and free. I want you to trust me, to let me leave and go where I want, knowing that I’ll always come back to you.”
“So, you want to stay?” Cam asks, his voice tight.
Stella nibbles on her bottom lip with indecision, “I do, but only if I can be your equal. It will hurt to leave, but it hurts me more to know that all you see in me is a threat or someone that is less than you. Your secrets are my own now. I would never tell, and I didn’t, even when Katie and Paul tried to get me to talk.”
Guilt, sadness, and anger gnaw at my insides like a ravenous monster. I should’ve believed her when she said she wouldn’t tell the first million and one times, but I was so caught up in the need to ensure she stayed quiet, I didn’t care if I hurt her. I only cared about protecting Cam and me. This is going to change now, there will be one more person in our circle to protect.
Reaching out for her, needing to feel her body beneath my hands, I grab onto her shoulders and pull her into my body. The top of her head reaches the middle of my chest, and I look down at her, wishing I could save her from all the darkness in the world, save her from me.
“I can’t go back and change things, and I wouldn’t even if I could. What happened lead us to you, and I’ll never be able to regret that. I’m not a good person though, and I’m not even sure I could be kind but… I will never make you feel as if you’re unequal to us. I will never test your loyalty again. I’m sorry it took me until now to admit that, but I can’t let you go. I can’t.”
“Then do
n’t,” she whispers, and I don’t stop myself from kissing her then. I let my fingers weave through her damp hair and clamp onto the back of her neck as I kiss her deeper, letting the hunger deep in my veins fill her.
Cam causes the kiss to break sooner than I want, and I let a small growl escape, which he chuckles not so quietly about.
“We’re sharing her, asshole,” he grins and pulls her into his own arms, forcing me to release her. If I didn’t care about him so much, I would punch him in the face and run away with Stella, but there is no me without Cam. We’re a brotherhood of our own, and I could never break that kind of bond, not even if I tried.
“Will you both lay down with me?” Stella whispers, a smile tugging at her lips.
“Anything,” I answer wholeheartedly. After everything that has happened, I know I’ll need to prove myself to her, and I will every day from here on out.
“We’ll make this right, Stella. You’re more than our equal, you’re better than us, you’re the queen in our fucked up world.” Cam says as he starts to strip out of his clothing. I follow quickly behind, knowing he’s never said anything more true before.
She isn’t the pawn or bishop anymore. She’s the queen in our fucked up kingdom, and we’re the kings that were made to protect, cherish, and own her.
All three of us crawl into bed, Stella in the middle. Cam pulls her back to his front, molding their bodies together. I scoot closer, feeling so completely drawn to her, nothing could stop me from taking her into my arms right now. Reaching for me, she lays her hand on my chest, the touch so innocent, so normal, but so life-altering at the same time. I hold her close to my chest and press my lips to her temple. A soft sigh expels from her lips, and a calmness washes over me.
For the first time in months, it feels like all the demons and darkness inside of me have quieted. I place my hand over hers and close my eyes, the steady beat of our hearts mirror together. This is how we belong, the three of us together… always.