On the sticky note, it reads:
Dear Mr. Parrish,
Scott gave me a letter that I was to send to you for Holly on the first anniversary of his death. I was overseas on deployment and screwed the pooch on his one last request. And I’m so sorry about that. He asked for you to deliver it. He knew she’d be upset she didn’t get a letter like you had but he truly felt his words couldn’t be delivered until she had time to come to grips with her loss. Tell Holly I’m truly sorry for the tardiness. I hope this brings her peace.
Mark
I toss the rest of the mail aside and look at my watch, hoping to make it to her apartment in time. If he wants me to give it to her, I will—even if I have to drive to San Francisco to make it happen.
The movers have loaded the rest of my crap into the truck. Who knew in less than a year, I’d have collected so much junk? And since I’ve had all of a week to pack, I have decided it all goes with us.
Teagan is holding Scottie while I sign all the paperwork the movers need from me. She’s talking to my daughter, making her laugh. It’s music to my ears. My friend tries to pretend she’s all tough but I see little tears form in her eyes.
“You’re going to miss me, aren’t you, Teagan?”
She throws her free arm around me. “Ah, Holls—you two have become my family. What will I do with my spare time?”
Pulling her tight into me, I jest, “Maybe you can settle down and start a family of your own.”
Teagan’s gasp is loud and it startles the baby. “Ah, now you’re just being silly, little mama.”
I’m taking Scotland from my friend’s arms when she curses. Not that cursing isn’t a natural occurrence in Teagan but the way she does, with her eyes fixed on someone behind us, has me twirling around.
“Ah, shit,” I also say as Maguire comes almost running to me. “Sarge, I’m not in the mood for this.”
He pivots around me, giving Scottie a kiss on the forehead. “Teagan, can you take Scotland just for a couple minutes? I need to speak to Holland by herself.”
She looks around Maguire for my permission when I nod.
“Okay, little mama, I’ll get her fastened in her car seat.” Teagan leaves with Scottie as she cries for her grandpa.
“Can’t you just let me be? I can’t handle it anymore. Walking away from you is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, so let me go.”
Raking his hand through his hair, he lets out a large breath of air. “You know what, darlin’, I was going to do just that. I was going to let you go, for now. Hoping you’d come to your senses. But, I’m not here for me. I’m here for Scott.”
The sound of my husband’s name is a punch in the gut, especially after last night. “Really, you’re going to use his name to further your agenda?”
His eyes widen when he pulls out an envelope from his back pocket. Before I grab it, he holds it a little tighter.
“First off, I don’t have an agenda, I plan to have a future with you and second, this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Scott’s last wishes.”
He hands me the letter. “I’ll be over with Scottie and Teagan. Take your time.”
He turns around and leaves. The air dispels from my lungs and I can barely breathe as I take in Scott’s handwriting and my name.
I sit on the closest stairs leading to my old apartment, staring at it, as if it’ll speak to me. But the second I open this letter, it will. It’s Scott’s words. I should question where this letter has come from but there’s time for this later. For now, I have my husband’s final words, who I miss every single day, in my hands.
Gently opening the letter, I pull out the single piece of paper, folded three times. When I unfold it, I stop because I don’t know if I can take his words, not after what I’ve done. Yet, I owe him this much, reading what he waited over a year to give me.
Dear Holly,
If you have this in your hands, I’ve been gone a year. Or, maybe longer if Mark forgets to give this to my dad to deliver to you. You know the crazy son of a bitch known as my best friend is forgetful as hell. Anyway, if you’re reading this, I’m gone and you’ve been without me for a while.
I often debated writing you a letter like I had with my dad. But I didn’t think you were ready for my words just days after my death. But I hope you are now. Who knows what life has given you? It’s my hope you’re still near my father. I had asked him to take care of you because he’s the best man I know.
But, honestly, there’s more. It was meant to be a gift. The two of you together, I really thought could heal each other’s wounds. But then as I wrote my father his letter begging for him to care for you, I remembered how easy it was for me to fall in love with you. And boy, was I head over heels.
My dad and I are similar in many ways but so different, too. And it made me wonder if I was asking the impossible of him, taking care of you without falling for the wonder that you are. And in the end, I thought it wasn’t silly at all. But if my gut’s right, maybe there’s something there after a year of being thrust together.
Maybe I’m off base and this letter will serve as the needed reminder— you need to love again. Let someone have the honor of growing old with you. I didn’t get it, but someone should, because you deserve it.
And if it seems wrong because the man you love has the same last name as me, love my dad anyway. Hold on tight to him and never be ashamed of the love you’ve built with him.
Please be that comfort for one another—because you have my blessing.
More than anything, be happy, Holly, you deserve it and so much more.
I will always love you,
Scott
Every part of my body breaks out in goose bumps, my eyes stuck to the words—Hold on tight to him and never be ashamed of the love you’ve built with him. I’m not sure if my husband dabbled in prophecy, but I’ve not tarnished his memory. He’s given me everything I need for my future. His blessing.
Running past the moving truck, I stop them, taking a piece of paper, writing on it to give it back to the driver. He looks puzzled and shrugs, pulling out of the parking lot. With the truck gone, I see Maguire standing next to my SUV holding Scotland, Teagan is nowhere to be seen.
I walk toward them, clutching Scott’s last words near my heart.
“Teagan was getting emotional, she couldn’t say another goodbye to you. I told her I’d hang out until you were done.”
“Yeah, she’s having a hard time with this move,” I reply, standing in front of him, only feet from his space.
“So? Are you okay? I mean, I don’t want you two to get on the road too late. I need to know you’re alright to drive.”
I let a small smile peek out from the somber frown I’ve had most of the day. “Yeah, Sarge, I’m okay. As a matter of fact, I feel lighter than I have in months. Scott, he always knew what to say and when to say it.”
His face is void of emotion. “Let’s get you on the road.” He turns around to strap the baby in her car seat. Giving her one more kiss, and then he’s back in my space.
“Aren’t you curious what the letter said?” I ask.
He leans against my vehicle. “Hell, darlin’, you know the answer to this. But I’m not going to push. Pushing you has never worked.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m ready for some pushing.” I stand in front of him, pulling at his body. “Scott, he saw something in you. And in me—together.”
He doesn’t flinch or question what I’ve said. He allows me into his space, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Scott told me if he was not wrong, I should love you with all I have.”
My lips are close to his when he asks, “And?”
“I love you with every fiber I’m made of. With you, I see every morning, every night, and hope they always start and end in your arms.”
His lips find my own, and for the first time I’m giving Maguire every part of me, when he pulls away quickly.
“Ah, dammit, we need to stop the moving truck.”
I laugh. “One step ahead of you, Sarge. I gave them my new address.”
“Oh, yeah, and where is that?”
I turn to his ear, whispering, “Your house.”
Epilogue
Five years later
I rush back home, Teagan has held down the fort for the past twenty-four hours. But, I’ve been given explicit instructions not to return without her babies. The second I’m over the threshold of our house, I’m attacked by my little man.
“Where Mommy?” he asks. We’d been so worried he wasn’t talking at eighteen months, but now at three, our guy is a chatter box.
“I’m home to get you, MJ,” I reply, picking him up and tossing him in the air.
Teagan looks exhausted. Maguire Jameson Parrish surely will do this to almost anyone. With his screaming, “More, Daddy, more!” I find Scotland is cuddled up with Teagan on the couch, watching her favorite movie, The Heffalump Movie.
I know the entire dialogue but I never mind when she snuggles up next to me, “Pops, ready to watch it again?” At six, my little darlin’ is too articulate. Early on, we decided to be open I’m not her biological father, letting her know everything about Scott. I’m her dad in every way that matters. She started calling me Pops at an early age and it stuck. Plus, she taught MJ how to say Daddy since Pops is her own special name for me. I love her like she’s mine and she is mine in every way.
“Pops?” she questions. “Do we have to bring MJ with us?”
MJ has become the annoying little brother to his sister without any encouragement.
Making my way to her, I drop a kiss on her head. “Yeah, little darlin’, Mommy wants to see both of you.”
She scowls and everything about this little girl is so much like her father, it warms my heart. Looking out our large double two story windows, taking in the skyline of the mountains, I can’t get over how this is my life.
After Holland moved in with me, we made plans to convert the large garage into our new home, one we could design together. It has a better view with the huge floor-to-ceiling windows we installed overlooking the mountains. Our old house has become Holland’s design studio, working from home with MJ in tow.
Our new life has been met with obstacles and lots of opposition. When Christine was released from her treatment facility, she attempted to stir our lives up. But for the sake of Scotland, she accepts Holland and me; but it’s been hard. My wife has given Christine as much grace as she can extend. We allow her to see Scottie twice a year and I’m with Christine the entire time. But, I know she’ll never accept us—not truly.
Teagan stands, yawning, grabbing her purse. “I gotta get home. My girl has missed me.”
Who would have thought Teagan would settle down, but she has.
Kissing my little devil of a son on the top of his head and giving Scottie a fist bump, Teagan is at the door, when she calls back, “Tell the little mama I’ll be over later to see her.”
We’re behind her in the driveway when I catch a glimpse of Scott’s truck. Yeah, we still have it. We could never part from it. As I reflect on the tiffany blue, I know his spirit will always live on in us. And though I miss the yellow, the blue represents his approval of our relationship, the insight he had when it came to Holland when he chose to write his letter to her.
I run after MJ who’s sprinting to my car. Grabbing him, I pull Scotland in close to me when I ask both the kids, “Ready to go meet your new little sister?”
Is it too much to ask for a baby to look like me? Apparently it is. All three of my kids look like their fathers. But I take in her little nose and the pitch black of her hair. Maguire doesn’t have much of his dark hair left. In the past couple of years, he’s turned into quite the silver fox. Oh, he still turns heads and I want to bitch slap every woman who looks at my man.
I’m as in love with him now as I had been six years ago when our lives collided in one of the worst ways. But in our new life together, we remember Scott daily. He’ll always be a part of us and neither one of us could ever forget him or the love we both had for him.
I miss Elise every day, especially on days like today. But when we talk about grandparents, Elise and Ned are who my kids think of. I have a picture of her holding Scotland and my children will always know what she still means to me.
My parents have tried to resurface, but I don’t have time for the same kind of heartbreak they will most likely impart onto my children. No—I’m too much of a mama bear to let this happen.
We’re on the receiving end of crude comments almost every time we’re out in public. I get it, it’s taboo in the eyes of the world. Both with the twenty year age gap and the fact I didn’t have to change my last name when Maguire and I married. It’s been five years and the rumors in town have subsided, but Teagan shares with me she still sometimes hears the snide remarks of others.
Scotland at six is aware of our age difference. This is one thing she understands. She’s the take no crap kind of girl and she’s scrappy as hell. Something was said to her on the first day of kindergarten. She had never told me what it was but she knocked the girl on her ass screaming, “It’s only a number, you cow.” Her first week of school was met with suspension but I didn’t care. It only proved to me that my little girl could take care of herself.
We ignore it for the most part. Many refer to Maguire as the grandpa of our children. He proudly without shame, will announce they are his children—always holding my hand or showing me some form of affection. Yeah, Maguire loves to bestow public affection on me all the time. Maybe sometimes for the shock factor on others’ faces.
Before I became pregnant with this little lady who’s bundled in my arms, we took an anniversary trip to Hawaii. The concierge referred to Maguire as my father—asking me if I needed my own room. When Maguire’s arms encircled my waist and he peppered kisses down my neck, the poor man turned the same shade as a strawberry. Maguire never fails to make an already uncomfortable situation painful for the person and their preconceived ideas. But at the end of the day, we love one another and we’re secure in everything we’ve worked so hard to have together.
My stare doesn’t leave my little girl. This little one owns me as does her brother and sister. And staring at her eyes, I know we’ve picked the right name. Whoever says all babies are born with blue eyes, has never met my children after their birth.
From the hallway, MJ’s voice fills the silence. “Where my mommy?” I’d know his loud voice anywhere, he apparently gets it naturally.
“Get ready little one, your crazy brother is here.”
MJ comes barreling into the room. “Where my sista? I want my lil’ sista.”
Maguire has him up and in his arms when Scotland snuggles into my bed next to me.
“I’m so glad this one is a girl. I don’t think I can handle another brother,” she says with her matter of fact tone. She leans over and kisses her sister on her forehead. “Why are newborns so ugly?” she asks as both Maguire and I laugh at her honesty.
“Ah, she’s beautiful, but you looked the same way, little darlin’,” Maguire chimes in.
My husband moves to the other side of the bed with both MJ and him snuggling in close to me. “Mommy, what my sista name?”
Maguire extends his arm around me and I smile at him when he answers, “We had a feeling this baby would look like both of you and my first son.”
Scotland still processes the fact that her Pops’ son is her biological father. We’ll share more with her as she gets older, but having the foundation of knowing the difference between her pops and biological dad will be easier to take when she pieces it all together.
“You mean my father?” she asks and it’s how she refers to Scott.
“Yeah, little darlin’, your father.” With his arm around me, he affectionately squeezes her shoulder.
“Anyway, both your mommy and I love this name so much
. And we decided we’d use this for our littlest darlin’ because we figured it was appropriate.”
Scottie sits up from my arms. When Scotland May Parrish is excited, she can’t hold still. “So, don’t hold back, Pops. I’m dying here.”
Yeah, our daughter is also pretty dramatic at times.
“Scotland, MJ, meet your little sister, Hazel Elise Parrish.”
“She has Grandma’s name.” Elise is who she knows as her grandmother and for this reason, she calls her this. Scotland leans over to kiss her sister on her forehead. “Little sister, you’re gonna be my best friend.”
My eyes reach Maguire’s. In the past five years, we’ve built this life where he’s my soul mate, lover, and the father of my children. With him, I’ve been given a second chance at life.
I lean down, grabbing the emerald pendant I still wear around my neck, carrying Scott around with me everywhere I go. And like always, I know Scott is with me today as he is every day, happy I chose this life—the one I couldn’t ever have if it weren’t for him.
The End
A Note from the Author
What I’ve Learned Along the Way
My ramblings on the how, why and what of this book
We could all imagine, given a variety of situations, what our reaction would be to certain circumstances. This story was the epitome of this sentiment. Could we allow ourselves to fall for someone forbidden. Could we stop it—willing our heart to resist such temptation. It was the picture I attempted to paint with my words. Holland and Maguire’s love was meant to make the reader a bit uncomfortable. From the beginning, the immediate attraction, the age difference and of course the fact these two were connected by someone who had passed away—taboo was written all over their relationship. It was my intention at times to make it a little uncomfortable because I truly believe you can’t will yourself out of love. But the question remains throughout the book—should they resist to honor the memory of Scott?
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