by Ella Miles
I watch Kinsley sleep. Her lips are pursed, and her now short locks curl around her flushed cheeks. I watch her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. I want to kiss her, but I don’t think she would like that, not after leaving her alone and not telling her the truth of why we are here.
I didn’t plan to spend the day away from her. It just happened. To contact the FBI without them tracking me, I had to go route the call through different locations, which required a computer and Internet access that I didn’t have at the bed-and-breakfast. I had to drive an hour away to get a laptop, and then I spent most of the day in various cafes using their Internet.
I spent the whole day getting my ass chewed out by the FBI, but I think I finally convinced them that I did the only thing I could. The only problem is, they couldn’t identify any criminals in the Felton Grand casino, which means the men don’t have a record. And it means, we will be here for quite a while as they try to figure out who the men are that I overheard in Mexico and then again in the Felton Grand.
It also took me much longer to track down my cousin whom I haven’t seen in twenty years. It required me getting ahold of my father since he was the only one who knew my cousin’s address. He finally gave me the address, which I guess was progress since the last time I saw him.
Today though can’t be about the FBI or my cousin. Today has to be about fixing things with Kinsley. Since I told her in the alleyway that we had to leave the country, I have felt her slipping further and further away. I have felt the distance between us grow instead of us getting closer and closer together. And I can’t stand to be growing apart when I have nothing left in my life, except for her.
She stirs, and her mouth opens in a cute yawn as her arms stretch over her head.
“Wake up, princess. It’s a big day today.”
Her eyes pop open and immediately glare at me.
“Why? Are you planning on leaving me again today?”
I smile at her feistiness. “No. I don’t plan on leaving your sight today. Not for a second. Even when you have to go to the bathroom, I’m going to be there.”
“Ew, I think that is taking it too far.”
But she is smiling, which was the point.
“So, what are your big plans for today?” she asks.
“Well, since you explored the town, I thought I would take you to my favorite place in the world today.”
Her eyes light up. “And where is that?”
“The Cliffs of Moher.”
She firmly kisses me on the lips, but then she quickly pulls away when she realizes that she isn’t really ready to be happy with me. Or at least she’s not ready to show me she is happy with me again, but I’ll take what I can get.
“I had our clothes laundered, but if we find a place, we should pick up some new clothes tonight or tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
“Go get your cute butt dressed. I’ll get dressed and call a cab to take us. I think it’s about an hour away from here.”
“Sounds good.”
I watch her roll out of bed and walk in just a T-shirt to the bathroom. I can’t keep my eyes off her bare legs as she walks. I’m desperate to have her. I’m desperate to feel close to her again. But I guess I’ll just have to wait.
“Thanks,” I say to the cab driver.
I hand him money for the fare and then climb out of the taxi. Kinsley follows me. We haven’t spoken much today. Instead, we’ve just focused on being content with sitting next to each other. But I know her questions are coming, and I try to prepare myself for them as best as I can.
I take her hand and walk her to the edge of the cliffs. She doesn’t speak as she takes in the awe-inspiring view, but I can see the amazement on her face. Her hand goes over her mouth to cover her shocked expression. Her eyes slowly shift left and right, trying to take every drop of beauty in. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding when I see that she loves this place as much as I do.
I guide her to my favorite peaceful spot, and we sit so that our legs dangle over the edge. I wrap my arm around her waist, and we just sit. We sit in the amazement of this place, and that alone makes me feel closer to her.
“Were you born or raised in Ireland?”
“No. I was born in Kansas, but my family is from Ireland. The only person left who lives here is my cousin. Every year, up until I was in high school, we would save up money to come back here for two or three weeks.”
“It’s magical here.”
I nod. “This is my favorite place in Ireland. I could spend all day here, just sitting and looking out at the blue water and the cliffs.”
“Me, too.”
And that’s exactly what we do for an hour. We just sit in peace.
“What do you imagine for our future?” she asks.
I curiously look at her. Of all the questions that I know are burning inside her, that is what she asks. I try to answer but then stop because it’s the one question I have no idea how to answer.
“Me, too,” she says, smiling at by non-answer and turning to look back at the water. “I have no idea, and when I’m sitting in a place like this that makes me feel so small, it makes me feel like whatever I choose to do with my life, whatever we choose to do together, it’s not big enough to matter. It’s not big enough to make an impact on the world.”
I reach up and tuck her hair that is blowing gently in the breeze behind her ear. I rub my thumb across her cheek. “You are big enough to matter to me. And, as for our future together, I don’t know, but I do know my future will always involve you in some capacity or another. I can’t imagine a life without you.”
She nods, satisfied with my answer.
“What made you decide to become an FBI agent?”
I stare off into the distance. “It’s a long story.”
“I want to hear it.”
I turn to face her to show her how hard it is for me to tell her this, the worst mistake of my life. But when she looks back at me with such hope and purity in her eyes, it gives me the courage to tell her. After all, I know her worst mistake. She should know mine.
“I grew up in Marysville, Kansas. A tiny little town in the middle of nowhere. It was just the four of us living in a modest house. My mother worked as a nurse. My father ran the only hotel in the town. So, most of the time, at home, it was just me and my older brother.”
She smiles. “I didn’t know you had a brother. I always wished I had a sibling.”
I nod. “Kieran, my brother, was the best. He was seven years older than me, but he was never ashamed of me. He was always protecting me. My name was Liam up until I was six or seven. I was an awkward child who got made fun of a lot. Lame Liam was practically my nickname.
“When Kieran found out, he started calling me by my middle name Killian. He said that it sounded like kill ’em, and he thought it fit me better since I was so tough. It stuck, and that has been my name ever since.”
Kinsley looks at me with concern in her eyes. “You said your brother was the best.”
I nod. “When I was seventeen, I was a bit of a wild child. By then, Kieran had been away from Marysville for several years while I was stuck alone in the town. I was girl crazy. I was bored. I was unfocused. I started smoking marijuana and skipping school.”
She looks at me intently, listening to my every word.
“One day, me and Summer were hanging out after school, smoking marijuana and bored out of our minds in the cornfields.”
“Summer?”
“She was the girl I wanted.”
I see Kinsley grimace when I say Summer was the girl.
“I mean, I was seventeen, so I was attracted to any woman who gave me any attention.”
She smiles. “Continue your story.”
“Anyway, my dumbass was restless and trying to impress Summer. Kieran was working for the FBI. That was always his dream. He was always so focused. He always had such a clear idea of what his goals were while I was clueless and wild.
“
That night, I got the idea to go find him. So, I drove Summer in my pickup truck from Marysville, Kansas, to Chicago, where he was working undercover. We drove all night, but when we got to Chicago we had no idea where Kieran was. So, I called him. Told him we needed somewhere to stay.”
She nods while biting her lip in the cute way she does.
“Kieran came, of course, but by then, we weren’t in the best part of town. I was looking to show Summer a good time, and my stupid young self thought we could score some good party drugs while we were in Chicago. The people we were buying from just so happened to be some of the people Kieran was investigating. He showed up; I blew his cover. I joked with the drug dealers that he worked for the FBI, but not to worry he was my brother. We were cool. The men opened fire.”
Tears sting in my eyes, but I have to continue. I have to tell her. I have to show her one little part of my world that I can tell her. “The image of my brother, the person who cared about me most, getting shot in the heart is an image that haunts me every day of my life. He was shot twice in the chest because I blew his cover. The guys shot at me and Summer, but they quickly took off when sirens sounded in the distance.”
I remember running over to him and pressing my hands to his blood-soaked chest. I tried to stop the bleeding, but there was just…just so much blood. It was impossible to stop. I remember just telling him to hang on, to just hang on, but of course, he was already dead.
“I got my own brother killed.”
Kinsley wraps her arms around me and holds me while we cry together in his favorite spot that later became my favorite spot. She doesn’t try to tell me that it wasn’t my fault because it was my fault. She just shares in my pain with me as tears fall down both of our faces.
“So, that’s why you became an FBI agent? For him?” she asks when she is able to speak through her tears.
I nod when my tears run dry. And then she kisses me on the lips, so softly and so carefully, like she thinks she will break me if she kisses me harder.
“You can kiss me. I won’t break.”
She smiles. “I’m afraid if I kiss you harder, we won’t make it back to the bed-and-breakfast before things get out of hand, and we get arrested for public indecency.”
I press my lips hard against hers and slip my tongue into her mouth until she’s moaning crazily against my lips. She pushes me away though before I can get her really riled up. She bites her gorgeous lip that I want back in my mouth.
The skies open now, as it almost always does in Ireland, and little droplets of rain begin pelting down on top of us.
“Thank you,” Kinsley says through the rain.
“For what?”
“For telling me a truth.”
I smile and kiss her again until the rain is beginning to soak through our clothes. Even then, I don’t want to pull away because I’ve never felt so connected to someone in my life.
“We should head back.”
She looks at me, reluctant to get up, but she shivers. So, I put my arm around her, and we walk back to catch a cab to the bed-and-breakfast.
I’m still shivering from the wet cold rain when we make it back to our room in the bed-and-breakfast.
Killian lets go of me and walks to the bathroom. I hear him turn the water on in the shower, and I walk in.
“It should be warm soon. I laid out a towel for you as well. Are you hungry? I can go get us some food while you are showering,” Killian says.
I shake my head at this incredible man. A man who is so selfless that he chose a career based on the love he had for his brother. The guilt of thinking he’s the reason his brother is dead is overwhelming him. I understand that feeling.
“I’m not hungry.”
He nods. “I’ll let you enjoy your shower then.”
He starts to walk past me, but I place my hand against his chest, stopping him. He raises one eyebrow at me. I grab the hem of his shirt and lift it over his head. I place my hand on his bare chest to feel his heart beating rapidly, matching my own heartbeat.
“Join me.”
A wicked grin forms on his face.
He peels my shirt and then my pants off of me. His appreciative gaze travels over my body, warming me with just his look. Suddenly, I’m not cold anymore. I unhook my bra and slip out of my panties, and his gaze somehow intensifies.
I smile and then step under the warm shower. I crook my finger, indicating for him to join me. He doesn’t even wait to remove his jeans. He just steps into the shower with me, making me laugh. I quickly push his jeans down because I can’t stand not to feel completely lost in him any longer. I need our bodies connected after such an emotional day. I might not have gotten any answers about why we traveled halfway across the world, but I don’t really care anymore. I got so much more than answers. I got his feelings. I got one little piece of his soul, and that piece is more than enough to keep me sane until I find out more.
Killian reaches behind me and grabs a bar of soap. He begins running the soap over my shoulders, washing me. He moves slowly down each of my arms, sending shivers all over my body. He notices and presses his body against me as he continues to wash me. He slowly washes my breasts in circles. He moves the bar down my stomach and then between my legs.
I let out a gasp at his touch. And then he is moving down each of my legs, making sure to wash every inch of me. When he is finished washing me, he spins me around so that my back is to him. He grabs my arms and moves them until I’m holding on to the wall of the shower, and his cock is pressing against my ass.
“I need you, princess.”
His cock presses at my wet entrance.
“I’m yours.”
He finds a condom in his jeans that are still in the floor of the shower, puts it on, and then he gently pushes inside me, slowly stretching me, taking his time, like he never has before. I can feel every inch of him as he moves further and further inside me until I gasp when he stretches me fully. One of his hands grabs my breast while the other moves liquid around my clit. His touches are slow and deliberate and emotional.
I feel the water falling down my face, and I’m taken back to the cliffs we were just on. Killian thrusts into me, but each thrust isn’t about sexual need; it’s all pure emotion. Each thrust is Killian giving a little of himself to me. Each touch is him sharing his pain and love until I’m feeling everything he is feeling, the love and the pain until I’m not sure which one is a stronger emotion.
“I love you,” he whispers against my ear.
“I love you, too.”
But this, whatever we are making, is more than love. It’s trust.
Killian moves faster, and I match his rhythm until we are coming together, each screaming the other’s name, connected in a way we have never been before. We’re connected in a way that can never be broken.
Killian hesitantly turns the water off. His moves are slow, as if he’s afraid the connection will be broken, but nothing can break the connection we just had.
I step out of the shower and begin to dry off. I hand him a towel, which he wraps around his waist before wrapping his arms around me.
He stares at us in the mirror. “God, I could take you again right now.”
I laugh. “I know. I feel the same way, like I can never get enough of you.”
He nods. “We should at least try. All night if we have to.”
I bite my lip. “Okay, but first, we should eat. Then, we should do that again and again.”
I watch him walk out of the bathroom. I finish drying off and then meet him in the bedroom. He’s already dressed when I get there. I walk over to grab my clothes out of the bag, but he puts a hand on my arm, stopping me.
“Don’t get dressed.”
“How will we go get food if I don’t get dressed?”
“I want you to stay here, naked. I saw a pizza place across the street. I’ll bring back some pizzas.”
I smile.
“You stay naked. I’ll be right back.” He leans over and softly kisses m
e on the lips, and then he leaves me alone in our room.
I sigh, not sure about what I should do now. I walk back to the bathroom and gather our wet clothes. I take them back to the small closet and begin hanging them to dry. We really need to get more clothes tomorrow. I hang up Killian’s jacket, but it keeps falling off the hanger. I pick it up again, and that’s when I feel something stiff in the pocket. I reach my hand into the pocket and pull out a note and an envelope that I assume contains some cash. I read the note quickly that Granddad wrote but learn nothing new other then he was saving his own skin.
I flip the envelope over and am shocked to see my name on it. I carry the envelope with me as I take a seat on the bed. I don’t know what this envelope contains, but whatever it is, it is something that Killian was hiding from me. It’s the same feeling I got when I opened Tristan’s bag of cocaine.
I shiver and decide to climb under the covers, but the covers don’t stop my shivers. My shivers won’t stop until I open the envelope, so with shaking hands, I do. I open the envelope and pull out the thick piece of paper it contains. I unfold it until it’s a flat piece of paper.
Then, I look at the handwritten words my father wrote me. I read word after word. My eyes skim faster than my mind can even read. This is what Killian was keeping from me. In this one piece of paper, I learn everything I need to know about my grandfather, my father, and even Killian.
My body shakes, and my cheeks turn red. I was wrong when I thought the connection Killian and I shared couldn’t be broken. It was just broken with one lie and one secret.
I fold the paper back up and put it back in the envelope and I tuck the envelope with my passport for later. I turn off the lights before I climb back into bed just before I hear Killian fumbling at the door. I close my eyes and pretend to sleep as Killian walks in and flicks on the lights.
I hear him walk over to me.
“Princess,” he says, kissing my cheek.
“Mmhmm,” I moan but keep my eyes closed.
“You should eat.”
“Too sleepy,” I moan.
He sighs. I hear him take off his clothes. The lights flicker back off, and then he climbs into bed. His arms go around me, and somehow, that motion still relaxes me, even after knowing that he lied to me.