by Jill Shalvis
embarrassment. She righted the cushions, found a condom wrapper on the floor and then caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror when she went to throw it away.
Her eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed. Her nipples visibly hard. There were invisible reactions going on, too, and she rubbed her thighs together, feeling that she was damp from just thinking about Dell. You need to get a grip, she told herself sternly, and left for work.
Dell’s first appointment of the day was with Lilah, who’d brought in a new rescue, a two-week-old kitten. Dell gave the little thing the once-over and pronounced her in decent health for being undernourished and abandoned.
Lilah nodded with relief and hugged the kitten close. “She’s so little and yet so tough. It makes me want to keep her.”
Dell’s eyes drifted out the open exam room door to the front desk, where Jade sat running his world. She stopped typing to gently admonish Beans, who’d just taken a swipe at Gertie’s face, then went back to her computer. He wondered if she was making one of her spreadsheets.
And if he was on it. She’d certainly had some Things To Do to him earlier, and though they’d “hurried,” he’d still nearly been late.
But not too late for her to stop him as he was leaving and look solemnly into his face. “What just happened between us doesn’t change anything.”
Actually, it changed everything. “Like?”
“Like no preferential treatment at work from you. And in return, I won’t be looking for a ring and a white picket fence.”
“Well, that’s a relief. I don’t like white fences.”
“Dell.”
She’d been serious, and he could admit a huge relief that she felt so strongly about not getting attached. Getting attached to him was never a good idea. He hurt people that way because he didn’t get attached back.
Ever.
He was pretty sure he was missing the attachment gene. Then he realized Lilah had said something to him several times and he’d missed it all. She was now staring at him with open amusement.
“I said,” she repeated patiently, “like someone else we know.”
“Huh?”
She patted him on the shoulder. “I said Beans is coming along nicely, too. Like someone else we both know.” She paused. “She looks good today. Happy.”
“Beans?”
“Don’t be stupid, Dell.”
Right. He busied himself with the chart, knowing exactly why Jade was happy. It was called multiple orgasms.
“Probably you never even looked in a mirror this morning,” Lilah said, running her fingers through his hair fondly, then giving up when she couldn’t get it in any sort of order that pleased her. “But you’re wearing a matching expression.”
“I’m always happy.”
“Not always,” she said. “Let’s talk about it.”
“Let’s not.”
“Oh, come on! Obviously something’s up.”
“Your hormone levels. You should have them checked.”
She rolled her eyes, then her smile faded. “Seriously, Dell.”
“Oh Christ, Lilah. You have a fiancé now. Bug him with this emotional shit.”
“You know Jade’s leaving.” Lilah’s eyes held worry, for the both of them. “What’s going to happen then?”
“Nothing.”
She stared at him. “Nothing? What do you mean, nothing?”
She was the closest thing he had to a sister. Which probably explained the urge to wrap his fingers around her neck. “Does Brady realize how annoying you are?”
“Yes, and he loves me, anyway. Dell, we have to do something.”
“We?”
“Yes. Clearly you need my help.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh, for chrissake.” She clapped a hand to either side of his face and made him look at her. “You get that this isn’t just about Jade’s issues, right? That your abandonment issues are coming into play here, too?”
He stepped back from her. “What? I don’t have—”
“Hello! You were abandoned by your mother, your father, then a handful of idiotic foster care providers, Sol, and every single bonehead bimbo you’ve ever dated, and now Jade if she really leaves as planned. So yeah. You do, Dell. You have abandonment issues.”
Dell looked out the door. No one was paying them any attention but he shut it anyway. “Okay, first of all, my dad died. Sol died. They didn’t leave me on purpose.”
“It’s still abandonment.”
“Lilah,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re wrong. And I have people. I have Adam and Brady.”
“Because they’re the same as you, you’re just all so frigging stubborn, you stick together like glue.”
Okay, that might be true. “The women,” he said, continuing his defense. “I’ve always been the one to walk away from any woman in my life.”
“Yes. You’ve made sure of it. Walking the walk, talking the talk, but keeping it all deceptively shallow and casual so that you’re alone. You’ve made sure of it. Because then you aren’t going to get hurt.”
He stared at her. “If I’m so busy being alone, why are you still in my life?”
“Because I’m a bully.” She smiled and hugged him. “Oh, Dell. You’ve always been there for me, you’ve helped me so much. I love you, you know.”
He sighed. “I love you, too.”
“Then, for once, let me help you.”
It’d be easier to just bash his head in.
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “Let her in.”
He’d deny that as a possibility but there was a problem with that. Because he was pretty sure Jade was already in. All the way in.
In general, Dell was excellent at compartmentalizing, and he could reason and logic away most problems with little trouble. So it was frustrating that he found himself unable to do that with Jade, especially after Lilah’s visit earlier. His day ran long. He lost track of how many dogs, kittens, and various other creatures he saw.
Let her in . . .
Dell trusted Lilah, but he wasn’t altogether sure she knew what she was talking about this time. Both Keith and Mike had left when Jade appeared in his office doorway. “I need you a sec.”
He followed her down the hall to . . . the supply cabinets?
She touched the drug lockup. “I just checked to make sure it was locked up for the night,” she said quietly, turning her back to him to stare at the cabinet. “And it made me wonder if I’m better.” She put her hands on the locked door and bowed her head slightly. “Do it,” she whispered. “Attack me again.”
Again? “Jade.” Her name felt like it was torn from his throat. “I—”
“Do it!”
There was a terrible pause where he’d have sworn he heard her heart pounding from where he stood. With a sick feeling deep in his gut, he came up behind her just as Adam came into the room.
Jade froze. Dell felt the change in her instantly and glanced at Adam, who stopped where he was.
Jade’s breath hitched.
“It’s just me,” Dell said quietly to her. “You can do this. Remember how I showed you in my gym.” He stepped closer, into her space now. A strand of her hair stuck to the stubble on his jaw and then she trembled, killing him. “Jade—”
“Shh.” Dropping her head to the cabinet, she spoke to herself. “It’s easier in the gym. It’s less real.”
“We don’t have to do this—”
“Yes, we do. Someone’s still hitting vet clinics.”
At the realization that she didn’t feel safe here in his place, a helpless fury rushed him. “Jade—”
“Please, Dell? I want to do this here, in the real world, until I don’t want to throw up at the thought.”
No one understood that better than him. He wasn’t sure exactly what had happened to her, but he was good at guessing. She hadn’t fought back and that haunted her. She wanted to be strong. He understood that, too, the need, the passion driving her to make sure she
was strong no matter what. So he tightened his arms on her and pressed her up against the cabinet.
She stomped on his foot, plowed her elbow into his belly, and when he bent with an “oomph,” she whirled, a pen in her hand, ready to poke him in the eye.
Which, thankfully, she didn’t. She dropped it to the floor and stopped short, breathing hard. “Oh God.”
“Nice,” Adam said, nodding. “Follow up?”
“A knee to the family jewels.” She swiped her forehead with her arm. “Drop him like a stone.”
“Sounds good,” his brother said. “I wouldn’t have minded seeing that.”
Dell slid his brother a long look and received a rare but genuine laugh. Adam humor.
“I could use a pizza now,” Jade said.
Still smiling, Adam raised his hand. “My treat,” he said. “Promise to do that again tomorrow and I’ll spring for the beer, too.”
Two days later Dell was sitting in his office staring at the files on his desk. He needed to work, but he hadn’t written a word in ten minutes. For the millionth time, his gaze landed on Jade out in the front room.
He’d thought that her request and his promise to treat her the same at work was just the usual womanspeak for we are now sleeping together so I own you.
But she’d meant it. She hadn’t tried to discuss their night or, to his chagrin, repeat it.
She was closing up for the night; straightening the chairs along the wall, talking to Gertie who was padding along after her, then laughing at something the silly parrot repeated as she wiped down the front reception counter with her special antiseptic wipes.
He loved to watch her.
It wasn’t just the clothes, he decided, taking in her black pencil skirt and kick-ass heels, the ones that had little bows at her ankles. It was the way Gertie loved her. The way she’d taken on Beans. The way both of them, dog and kitten, followed her around like she was the Pied Piper.
It was . . . well, fucking adorable, for one thing. And for another, he found it hot. Her loving his animals was hot.
She moved back to the computer and sat, staring at the screen, fingers whirling on the keyboard. Her hair was carefully contained and controlled in some complicated twist up on her head, and her white blouse . . . Christ, had it been unbuttoned that far when she’d first come in this morning? Because damned if she didn’t look like every man’s secretary fantasy. In fact, just like that, it started to play in his mind.
Slowly she rose to her feet. Licked her lips as she reached up and undid her hair, shaking her head, causing the soft, silky waves to tumble to her shoulders.
Oh yeah.
Nice.
Her fingers began working the buttons on her snug white blouse, revealing a black lace bra beneath which barely covered her nipples and—
“Jesus, where the hell are you, Disneyland?”
Dell blinked at Adam, who’d come and perched a hip on the desk. He stared at Dell with a straight face, but he knew his brother better than anyone on earth.
Adam was laughing his ass off on the inside, the fucker. “Not Disneyland.”
More like Penthouse Forum . . .
Adam gave a purposeful, knowing look in the direction where Dell’s gaze had been fixated.
Jade. Not giving him a naughty secretary striptease . . .
Dell kicked his office door shut.
Adam’s mouth twitched and he leaned forward, opening the door again.
Jade glanced over, saw them, and gave a quizzical look.
Adam waved at her.
Jade paused, narrowed her eyes, then went back to her work.
Adam turned to Dell. “This is new, you doing all the mooning. Usually it’s the women showing up or calling incessantly. But now it’s you. You’re the one mooning now.” He shook his head. “Poor dumb bastard.”
Dell shoved Adam off his desk. “Don’t you have something to do to earn your keep?”
Adam smiled. He knew damn well that his business, the classes, the training, the breeding . . . all brought good money into their pockets. “You’re pissy. You know what that means? That I’m right.”
“Really? You want to go there? Maybe I should get Holly on the line for you. Then we’ll talk pissy.”
“Hey, at least I’m not changing my MO midgame,” Adam pointed out.
“Huh?”
“You let Jade come to your house,” Adam explained.
“Yeah. To train her. You’d have done the same thing.”
“No, I’d have brought her to the gym in town. But you. You took her home.”
“So?”
So they both knew that Jade was the first woman Dell had ever had out there.
“Next thing,” Adam said, “you’ll start thinking about giving her the key code.”
The guilt must have shown on Dell’s face because Adam tipped his head back and laughed. He was still laughing when Dell, not liking where this was going, turned back to his work. “Why are you here, anyway?”
“Training.”
“I mean why are you here, in my office, bugging the shit out of me?”
“Other than it’s fun to fuck with you?” Adam shrugged. “Thought we’d get something to eat.” He took another peek at Jade. “You figure you know what you’re doing? Because both Brady and I have our doubts.”
He had no clue. “You and Brady should fuck off.”
Adam took one look at his face and shook his head, still amused. “Good to see this on the other foot for a change.”
“Shut up.”
“I’d be worried about Jade, but you know what? Even with whatever’s clearly bothering her, she’s still going to eat you up and spit you out.”
Dell could get on board with the eating him up part. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Hey, if you don’t know, I can’t help you.” He tapped Dell on the head with his knuckles. “Yeah, still hard as wood. You always did have to learn the hard way.” He headed to the door. “My money’s on you, though.”
Fourteen
Late the next afternoon, Jade signed in the last patient of the day—Lulu the lamb was by turns sweet, curious, and holy hell on wheels.