by K. C. Crowne
“Do I want to? Well no, I have a lot I need to deal with,” I argued, but Lily tilted her head to the side, and I knew what she was about to say – that taking care of myself was important too. She was right, so I stopped her by holding up my hand. “But I know that as long as I’m in limbo about this, it’s just going to keep me from doing what I need to do. I really need to try and work on some commissions while I’m here, and of course spend time with Dad. I don’t know how I’m going to balance it all, but I need to find a way.”
“I think it would be best if you considered this a vacation, of sorts,” Lily advised. “Because God knows, you need some time off without thinking about your career.”
She was right, but the concept was so foreign to me. I stared out the patio at the brilliant mountain views. I’d already missed the sunrise, but I’d likely have several more. I’d set an alarm to make sure I was up early enough to see the sun rise above the mountains.
“Alright, make the appointment. I’ll be going over to Dad’s this evening, to give Matt some time off and to spend time with Dad, but any time this afternoon should be fine. I still want to try and get some work done this morning.”
Lily pursed her lips but didn’t argue with me. She’d already, at least in her mind, convinced me to see a doctor. Convincing me to take a day off wouldn’t happen. I also knew that work wouldn’t look the same as it did in Manhattan. I wouldn’t be stuck in my studio; I would actually get outside and find a nice place to work on my own stuff for a bit. It had been a long time since I’d drawn or painted for myself instead of creating art for others.
I had to admit, the thought scared me – what if I couldn’t create anything, even without the pressure and the deadlines?
I’d cross that bridge when I got there, that’s what.
Lily left to make my appointment while I showered and dressed. I stared at the dresses laid out on the bed – all of them the type of thing I’d wear in the city, but they felt too much for Utah.
I picked up the jeans I’d worn the night before – the only pair I’d brought with me – and slipped into one of the comfy cotton t-shirts I’d brought to sleep in. As soon as I was dressed, I felt a million times better. Instead of straightening my hair and applying makeup, I put my hair in a ponytail and went barefaced, only applying a little BB cream with sunscreen before leaving the hotel.
It felt good not to stress about hair and makeup just to leave the house. As I was walking down to the lobby, I remembered my phone and had to run back to my room to pick it up. Lily was supposed to text me the time for my appointment and we’d make plans to get to Sunville later, so I couldn’t leave it in the room, as tempting as it might be to unplug for a bit.
I unplugged it from the wall and the screen lit up. A missed call and a text from Declan. I checked it quickly, my heart thundering in my chest.
The media found me.
That was quick, I thought. But how could they have figured it out so quickly? I shouldn’t be surprised. I just thought I might get a little peace here in the middle of nowhere, but how wrong I was.
I sighed and contemplated changing and doing my hair and makeup, but the morning was already waning, and I really just wanted to get out and paint. I didn’t want to stress about them keeping up with my every move.
I just wanted to live.
Screw it, I thought to myself. Who cares if they get a photo of me relaxing at the park in comfortable clothes without makeup? Even though I’d made myself into a socialite, in my heart, I was still more an artist than anything else.
I headed back to the lobby of the hotel. The owner, Leah, smiled at me from behind the counter.
She was a bit younger than me, and unlike many people in Liberty, I didn’t know her that well. I knew of her family and the legacy with the hotel, but beyond that, I knew very little about her.
“Good morning, Eva,” she said cheerfully. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did, thank you. Almost too well actually.” I laughed and glanced toward the doors, my heart rate picking up. “You haven’t seen anyone hanging around the hotel, have you? They might have cameras.”
I was hoping she’d laugh off the response, but her face was serious. “My brother, Grant, chased them out of the parking lot about twenty minutes ago, and we’re keeping an eye on the situation. We’ll do everything we can to respect your privacy during your stay here, Eva. If you need anything, just let me know.”
“Thanks, Leah.”
Sometimes it was hard to know who to trust, but she had a sweet smile and seemed as perturbed at the paparazzi as I was, so there was hope that she meant what she said.
“The coast should be clear now,” she said.
I headed for the door with a renewed sense of confidence. I might not get very far without being noticed, but at least I could walk through the parking lot in peace.
I stepped out the doors and the sunshine splashed across my skin. For a second, I forgot all my worries. The clean, mountain air filled my lungs and I felt good. A lot better than when I woke up.
Maybe you’re not pregnant… Maybe the appointment is unnecessary.
No, stop it. You probably are. If not, there’s something else going on. Your period has never been this late before.
And is a baby that bad?
Not at all - I’ve always wanted children. Just… Declan complicates things.
I pushed the thoughts from my head as I trekked across the parking lot. I walked past my car, having no desire to drive. I knew exactly where I wanted to start out the day and headed for the local park not far from the hotel.
I made it pretty far before I noticed someone snapping a photo of me, but it was with a phone. Probably not the media, I thought. Even if it was, what would the headline be - Eva Stone takes a walk? She must have lost her mind because she’s not wearing makeup? Nothing that would be that controversial, so I kept walking with my head held high until I reached the park I’d often spent so much of my time in as a child.
Except for some newer benches and tables, and an updated playground, the park was exactly as I remembered it. A small pond with ducks was in the center of the park, and the table I’d often used to sit and draw at was open for me, overlooking the pond with a view of the mountains in the distance.
I headed straight for the table, surrounded by the sound of children laughing and playing. I took a seat and pulled out my sketchpad, pausing as I thought about what I should draw.
It had been so long since I could freely create, with no consideration about whether it would sell or not. I was lost for a long time and decided to do what I used to do when I needed inspiration – simply soak in my surroundings.
I stared out at the lake where a small family of ducks floated close to shore. A mother and toddler were feeding the ducks. The toddler was fascinated by the creatures, while the mom was more interested in her son’s reactions and smiles. It warmed my heart, and part of me couldn’t wait to have memories like that with my own child.
I imagined what our life might be like. In Manhattan, we’d be at Central Park more than likely, and I was very lucky to live so close to a beautiful area with lots of greenery, but I had to admit, Central Park had nothing on this place. As beautiful as it was, it still was in the center of a city, and there were lots of city problems you just didn’t have here.
The mom took her child’s hand and headed for the playground. She picked her son up and put him in a swing, and I couldn’t help but notice the look on the mother’s face. She was so carefree. Did she have a job? If so, it obviously gave her some flexibility to be in the park with her son at almost eight am on a Thursday. Maybe she was a stay-at-home mom. I kicked myself for having such outdated thoughts. Maybe she was, but just because she was able to spend time with her son didn’t mean she couldn’t strike a work-life balance and still have a career. I realized that part of me had some anxiety about having time to raise my child while also focusing on my career that I was putting onto this other woman - a woman I didn�
��t even know.
It’s not 1950 anymore, Eva. You can do both. You can have it all.
But part of me wasn’t so sure that was true, especially in such a fast-paced city like New York.
And even if it could be done, I’d never escape the paparazzi.
I sighed as I stared at my blank sketchpad, unsure what to draw.
After a moment of staring, inspiration struck.
My pencil moved over the paper as my surroundings filled my senses. I don’t know how long I’d been drawing when I heard footsteps coming toward me. I didn’t look up at first, consumed by my art and assuming it was just a passerby, but then Lily sat down next to me.
I looked up and cocked my eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”
“I decided to take a walk and the woman at the desk suggested this park, said it was the best place to get views of the mountains,” Lily informed me, taking a deep breath. “So I’m not surprised to find you here.”
She glanced down at the sketchpad and her eyes widened. “You’re drawing?”
“Yeah, but it’s not for work, I promise. It’s just for myself.”
Lily smiled. “I’m just glad to see you creating again. I know you’ve been dealing with a dry spell. May I see it?”
I handed her the sketch pad. “It’s not even close to being finished, but it’s—”
“Two faces, one of them looks like you. The other looks like a child.”
“My future child,” I murmured. “Being here, around families, I’ve decided that I really do want a family one day, Lily. Is that weird or backwards? I mean, I consider myself a feminist and—”
Lily chuckled. “Why is it backwards to want a family?”
“Well, I mean, I assume that my career might have to slip a bit…”
“Why? And even if you do decide to change your focus or slow down, no one is going to fault you,” she responded. “You’ve been going nonstop for years now, and you’re one of the most successful women I know. If you want to take time away from your career to raise a family, so be it. And if you want to do both, that’s your choice too. Don’t ever feel bad about going after what you want.”
“I know, it’s just that I don’t want to let people down.”
“The only people you have to worry about is yourself and those you love, and if they love you, they’ll want you to be happy.”
I looked down at the sketch. “Xavier,” I murmured to myself.
“What’s that?” Lily asked.
“I think I’m going to name him Xavier.”
“You’re finally accepting that you’re pregnant?” Lily asked.
“Well, yes and no. I think, if anything, I’ll be disappointed if the doctor tells me I’m not pregnant.”
Lily smiled. “And you’re sure it’s a boy too, huh?”
I shrugged. “Just a feeling, but I’ll be happy with a girl too.”
“And what about Declan?”
“I—I don’t know yet, Lily.”
He deserved to know. He had a right to be in the child’s life if he wanted to. I just wasn’t sure how we’d make it work.
“Well, one step at a time. Let’s make sure you’re actually pregnant before we get ahead of ourselves,” Lily suggested.
I nodded and checked the time, suddenly eager to get to that doctor’s appointment.
“Eva Stone?” the nurse asked as she stepped into the room, then double checked the name with a strange look on her face.
“Yes, that’s correct,” I said.
“As in—”
“Yes,” I said, stopping her before she had a chance to finish her sentence.
“Oh wow, a real-life celebrity, right here in my office,” she said with a chuckle. “It’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Stone. Please put this on, and the doctor will be in shortly to complete the exam.”
She stepped out of the room, and I slipped out of my clothes and into the gown. I situated myself on the exam table.
The nurse had taken my urine and had done a blood test as well, just to be sure. We would likely have a definitive answer today. One way or another, I would find out if I was carrying Declan’s baby.
There was a soft knock on the door, and I responded, “Come in.”
A woman stepped into the office, and I was struck by how familiar she looked to me, but I couldn’t place her. She smiled as she sat down beside me, flipping open my file. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a neat bun. She was about my age, so maybe I’d gone to high school with her?
And then it hit me, and I gasped out loud, covering my mouth with my hand.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Fisher.” She glanced at me. “Is everything okay?”
Fisher must be a married name because I knew her as Jessica Parker. Things with Carl had clearly not worked out, as I would have recognized his name – Greenberg – in an instant.
“Yes,” I stammered, trying to put the past behind us. I looked down, hoping she wouldn’t recognize me. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”
“Ahh, yes, I understand,” Dr. Fisher said, scooting closer to me with an empathetic smile.
It was hard to believe this was the same woman who had released intimate photos of me to everyone at the school. She seemed so…friendly. Her smile felt genuine and kind. She looked at me with a curious expression on her face, forcing me to glance away, hoping she wouldn’t recognize me. I wasn’t so lucky.
“You look familiar— have I seen you before?” She opened the file and frowned. “No, it says you’re a new patient. Ms. Stone, is it? Ahh yes, that makes sense,” she said as she read my name. “I’m sorry. We aren’t used to famous people as patients.”
“No problem at all. I just want to be treated like any other patient of yours.”
“Of course, Ms. Stone,” she said, closing my file again. “Do you mind if I start the exam, or do you have questions for me?”
I shook my head and laid down on the exam table, staring up at the ceiling as I set my legs in the stirrups. My pelvis had been examined many times in my life; they were always pretty awkward. However, having my high school bully – one of the women responsible for ruining my life in high school – staring into the depths of my vagina, well, that took the cake as one of the most awkward and weirdest experiences of my life.
I closed my eyes and tried to forget that Jessica was currently looking at my cervix and examining my uterus, her nurse observing complacently.
Of course she became a doctor… Both her parents were doctors and had graduated from prestigious medical schools. She’d always said she would follow in their footsteps, so no surprises there.
“All done,” Dr. Fisher announced. “I hope it didn’t hurt too much. You might have some spotting, but that’s normal. Nothing to freak out about, and as far as I can tell, everything is fine with the baby.”
“The baby?” I stared at her with wide eyes. “So the tests came back positive.”
“Oh yes, I’m sorry. I assumed the nurse had told you that already,” she said, a sweet smile on her pretty face.
She looked older, had a few more lines than she used to, but she was still a gorgeous woman. I remembered envying her long blonde hair and athletic figure back in the day, but now, she was more beautiful thanks to her friendly smile and warm persona. She almost felt like an entirely different person.
“Congratulations, by the way. Do you have any questions for me? I see that your address is listed as New York City, so I assume you’ll find an obstetrician there?”
“Uhh yes,” I said, finally sitting upright again. “I just wanted to know for sure if I was pregnant and make sure everything was going okay so far.”
Dr. Fisher cocked her head to the side with a curious look on her face. “It’s so weird – it feels like we’ve met somewhere before, but I’ve never been to New York. Did you grow up around here, by chance?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Lie? But why should I lie? Was I still not over what happened fifteen years ago or not?
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br /> Before I had a chance to decide what I wanted to do, Jessica snapped her fingers. “Oh my God, yes. I remember you. You went to school with me in Liberty, correct? Eva...No, that’s not right… Evelyn?” Jessica’s face paled and her smile fell. “Oh wow… Evelyn… I’m so sorry.”
Ah, yes, she remembered now.
“It’s okay,” I muttered, unsure what else I could say. “That was so long ago, I hardly remember it.”
“No, really. I’ve felt guilty about what we did ever since that day. I went by your place to apologize, but your dad said you weren’t home and screamed at me, so I never tried again. I know we were stupid kids and all, but it’s really no excuse for any of it.”
I stared at Jessica for a long time. I didn’t know how to respond because I didn’t know how I felt.
“I had no idea you came by to apologize,” I said. “My dad never told me that.”
“Well, he didn’t know why I stopped by,” she said softly. “Because I chickened out and ran away when he started yelling at me about how I destroyed his family. But I’ve never truly forgiven myself for the role I played in it, and I always hoped you were doing okay out there in the world. From the looks of it, you’re doing more than okay, though, and I’m happy for you, I really am.”
“Thank you,” I said, reeling from her apology. “I appreciate that, Dr. Fisher.”
“Please, call me Jessica,” she said.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest and that I could breathe freely again.
“So whatever happened to your friends? I ran into Tucker the other day.”
Jessica laughed and rolled her eyes. “Oh God, I’m sorry. Tucker is still hanging around Liberty. He works at the water treatment plant here in Sunville and lives in his parents' old place. Amy and Carl…. well, after what happened, I cut ties with her and broke up with Carl, so I don’t know everything, but I think they just had their third child last year.”
“Wait, Amy and Carl? She broke up with Tucker?”