I let my lids fall closed too, wishing we were both somewhere else, wishing that was all there was to this. I open my eyes and he’s watching me now. “And what about Frank? He saw me giving Belle a bath, and it was like he’d walked in on the evil stepmother.”
“C’mon. Frank’s a dick to everyone.” When he sees I’m not wavering, he clasps my fingers with his and brings them up between us. “I know this isn’t easy for you. And I will totally understand if you just don’t want to deal with it.” Giving me a slim grin, he sighs. Then he bends his head down and whispers close to my mouth. “But I’ve gotten used to you, Mollie. You’re my somebody…and no one ever said it would be easy.”
His breath brushing my lips has the effect of a double shot of whiskey. And his words have wrapped around my heart and taken it hostage, so how the hell can I walk out now? I take our entwined hands and press them into his chest to nudge him back. “Okay.” I smile. “But only because I need to see what this show is all about.”
Humor brightens his eyes as they grow wider. He pulls me into the living room where his grandpa, or Bud as he told me to call him, and Ryder have already taken seats, Bud in the recliner and Ryder on the floor. Colton and Belle come running in and plop down on bean bags, Belle’s hair still damp from her bath.
“Take it easy on that foot,” Bud says to Belle.
Logan and I sit on the couch, and the suspense has me bouncing my leg.
“Hey, Gramps,” Ryder says. “Would you rather put some old lady’s dentures in your mouth or have to kiss her without them?”
“How about I tan your hide, Rebel Ryder? Or would you rather go and get your brother?” Bud says.
“Justice, c’mon!” Ryder yells.
“Dude, no yelling,” Logan says.
Ryder jumps up and runs out of the room. I hear his steps thundering down the hall. Maybe he’s still amped up from jumping his bike, or whatever they were doing.
“Is everyone coming to this?” I whisper to Logan.
He shrugs. “Sometimes they do.”
Belle jumps up in her nightie and turns to us while Colton scoots over to sit against Bud’s leg.
“Cousin Logan, watch me,” Belle says and hunches over, curving her arms to her sides like she’s the hulk. “Errghh!” she says, straining her muscles.
“Wow, so strong, Belly Bean.”
Ryder comes bolting back into the room and practically slides back into his place. “He’s coming.”
Justice waltzes in and past Logan and me to take the seat on the other side of me. I sneak a quick glance at him and he mouths, “Sorry.” I nod and touch his arm.
As I sit there amongst all the mini conversations, I enjoy feeling a part of this big family, something so different from mine growing up. But what is this show they are all excited about? Everyone is so casual it seems like any other night so what am I missing? I glance over at Colton and my heart constricts. It has to be tough being the youngest boy and with Belle getting so much attention. Just when I’m about to quietly say something to Logan, he seems to notice the same thing.
“Hey, Colt,” he says. “Did Ryder tell you what we’re doing this weekend?”
Colton gives him a minimal head shake.
When Logan glares at Ryder, he shrugs. “I forgot.”
“Buddy, we’re going to the car show. To see some really awesome race cars. Won’t that be cool?”
“And someday, I’m going to race one,” Ryder says.
Colton nods but seems unaffected. But Belle jumps up and stands right in front of us, placing her hands on Logan’s knees. “Do I get to see the wace cars?”
“If you can’t say it, you don’t get to go, twerp,” Justice says right by my ear.
I lean away, closer to Logan. The loud, chaotic atmosphere can be fun, but it’s also hard to get used to when you didn’t have any brothers or sisters, and had a father who rarely spent time at home. And now the only noise in my home is when Lou comes over to talk my ear off.
Belle tries a few times to say the word, coming pretty close. Logan pats her head while shaking his. “I’m sorry, Belle, but this is only for bo—”
I pinch his thigh, digging in my nails and hoping to save Belle from a lifelong complex. Logan flips his wide-eyed gaze at me but then catches on quickly enough. “You’re just a little too young and there will be lots of walking. Your foot isn’t well enough for all that.”
She pouts and dives back into her beanbag.
I look at my phone, anxious to get this going. I text Lou and ask her to take out Rocky in case this thing keeps dragging out. I go back to my leg bouncing as Ryder and Justice argue about who will sit in the front seat when they go to the car show. My nerves finally get to me, and I blurt out, “Let’s go!”
Everyone stops and looks at me before they all fall out laughing.
“Sorry, I’m just so curious. What are we going to watch?”
“You don’t know?” Bud says. “We’re watching—”
“Did I miss it?” Logan’s dad, Ed, says walking into the room. He’s holding what looks like a pizza box, only there’s no way that’s enough for everyone.
“Awesome! Cookie chain.” Justice jumps up and runs to his dad. “I’m first!”
“No way. You’re last,” Ryder says, chasing after him.
Ed holds the box above his head as he skirts by both boys and then sets the box on the table.
“What’s going on?” I ask Logan.
“Nina used to do this game sometimes before we watched TV,” he tells me.
Ryder jumps in excitedly as he kneels down next to the table. “We pass around this giant cookie and each person takes a turn breaking off a piece for themselves.”
“The key,” Bud says, “is to break off a size that’s fair for you to eat but not so big that by the time it gets to the last person the cookie’s all gone.”
“So, what happens if it makes it all the way around and everybody gets a piece?” I ask, looking around at everyone. “Is there some sort of prize?”
Logan turns to me with his face scrunched up. “Oh no. Nina said the fact that we were able to successfully be unselfish was reward enough. Well, plus eating the cookie.” He lifts one shoulder.
“Then what happens if you get to the end and there’s none left for the last person?”
Everyone is quiet for a moment as if enjoying the same memory before Ed explains. “Well, officially there were no consequences. But my wife was not a subtle woman, and she was always trying to teach the boys lessons in different ways. So, the next night at dinner would be proof enough that she was paying attention to the results.”
“Yeah, remember that one time when Justice was like third in the chain?” Ryder says.
“Yeah, I crammed that whole sucker in my mouth in about three seconds flat,” Justice puts in.
Gramps swipes his hand over Justice’s head, messing up his hair. “And it was my turn after you!”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Next night dinner we were all having some sort of big chicken thing and Nina accidentally didn’t buy enough so Justice’s plate was filled with all of his favorites—Brussels sprouts, beets, and green beans.”
“Nina sounds like an incredible woman,” I say.
“Best mom in the whole world,” Ryder says.
Everyone grows quiet again, faces a mix of solemn nostalgia. Then a small voice says, “Hey…what about my mommy?”
We all look at Colton, who has tears in his eyes. I expect one of the older men to console him because who knows where his dad went off to, or even Logan. But the voice that pipes up belongs to Justice. “Dude,” he says and then scoots so close to me my thighs almost overlap. “Colton, come sit next to me.”
Colton hesitates only a moment before rising to meet Justice’s outstretched hand. Colton snuggles in next to him and rubs at his nose. “Your mom was the best too. And you know what, man?” Colton doesn’t respond, only listens intently. “I always thought Aunt Sheri was the coo
lest ever so she’s the best mom and the best aunt.”
The back of my eyes burn, but I blink it away and focus on Belle, who is now sitting in Bud’s lap, cuddling beneath the arm draped around her. For all the struggles and dysfunctions of this family, it certainly isn’t lacking love and compassion and that goes a long way to making a strong and healthy family.
Eventually we get everyone back to a more festive mood and begin the cookie parade. Not surprisingly, it makes its way around the whole bunch of us and there is still a big chunk sitting in the box before us. I’m so not surprised.
Chapter 13
Logan
I’m not a hero. But Ryder has always seen me as one, especially since I got back. And even though I returned missing part of my leg, he thinks I’m invincible. Thinks that’s why I survived. Because I’m a freakin’ invincible hero. But the truth is I was just another guy, doing his duty, fighting so others don’t have to. Another guy coming home messed up. Physically and mentally. Thankfully, I’ve worked hard to get past the demons—well some of them, anyway—and to overcome my physical limitations, and I plan to come out even stronger. Ryder hasn’t seen any of those struggles. He hasn’t heard me cry out in my sleep, wake in a cold sweat, panting with my heart beating wildly. He hasn’t witnessed me looking like I’m zoning out but in reality, I’m frozen with fear, watching fragments of that scene unfold behind my eyes because that’s all that is left in my memory. He still just sees his big brother. His hero. I’ll admit it does feel good sometimes, but mostly I feel like I’ll let him down. Which is why I have no idea whether or not I can go through with this.
We finally get the show going, and I glance at Mollie to see her reaction. Her brows are knitted, and she looks like she’s about to laugh.
“This is the show?” she asks.
“Yep,” I say with a head tilt.
“I’ve seen this show before. That ninja warrior thing? Where guys compete in those ridiculously hard obstacle courses?”
“Yeah, it’s badass,” Justice says.
I can’t tell if his tone is normal teenage attitude or still some lingering hostility toward Mollie but I don’t say anything.
“This…is the big mystery?” she says.
I shake my head, seeing that Ryder is about to launch into his campaign.
“First, it’s the coolest show on TV. We always watch it. And second…Logan is going to be on it, and win!”
“Really?” Mollie says with wide eyes.
“Whoa, I never said I was going to be on it,” I say to everyone just in case. Ryder has been obsessed with this idea for months, texting me updates on tryouts, stats about previous winners, and the fact that a guy with a prosthesis made the qualifier last year. He makes sure I’m hitting the weights, even giving me a list of things to do in my workouts. Part of me thought I was only humoring him or didn’t want to burst his bubble, but there’s a small spark that ignites in my chest at the prospect. The challenge of it. The chance to feel strong again—complete with official proof.
I turn to Mollie. “We’ve been watching it since Ryder was a little guy. He always used to say he was going to be on it.”
“I just know you could do it,” Ryder chimes in.
Gramps leans over and taps Ryder on the ankle. “You’re the Rebel Ryder. So, you do it…when you’re old enough.”
“Yeah, and I will, but Logan first. He’s stronger than all those guys, even if…”
“How about we all shut up and watch,” Justice says, pointing to the TV.
Mollie taps my arm and leans in. “I think you’d be great,” she whispers.
I roll my eyes and catch Justice watching us. My brother and I might butt heads way too much, but the look he’s giving me now is not his usual attitude. I tick my head up at him as if to ask what’s on his mind.
Me too, he mouths.
I blow it off like it’s nothing, but the rare times he’s like this get tucked away in my memory so I can bring them up later when he’s being a little asshole. Now I need to make sure he gives Mollie the respect she deserves. Dad’s here so he might just be playing it cool.
When the show ends, Justice is off the couch and heading down the hall, staring at his phone. Belle fell asleep at some point during the final competitor, even though my brothers kept yelling at the guy. I start to get up to take her back, but Frank, who didn’t join the whole time, appears right on cue, scoops her up and takes her back to her bedroom with Colton trailing behind him. If he really is coming around, then next on my list is getting him to accept Mollie and realize she is only trying to help.
“This old goat needs to hit the sheets,” Gramps says, rising from his chair. Seeing that Ryder is the only kid left in the room, he says, “What about you, Rebel? Did all your homework?”
“Yep.” He smiles and keeps his eyes on us as Gramps passes him to head out.
That just leaves my dad, who’s been sitting on a barstool behind us. “Bedtime, Ryder,” he says.
“I get to stay up later than the little kids,” he whines.
“Now, Ry. Want to talk to your brother.”
Mollie rises the same time Ryder does. “I should go too. Let you talk.”
“No, stay, please,” Dad tells her.
Ryder gives Mollie a hug and whispers something in her ear; I have a pretty good idea what about.
Dad comes around to the other side of the couch and perches himself on the edge of the coffee table. He has that look he gets right before he’s going to say something serious. It’s pain mixed with awkwardness. I hate to put Mollie through this, whatever it is, and I don’t understand why he’s asked her to stay. But then his grin takes form, confusing the hell out of me.
“What’s up, Dad?”
“I just wanted to tell you two…thank you. And…I’m proud of you.”
I look at Mollie and she’s beaming brighter than the TV. She reaches out and touches his hand. “No need for thanks, Ed.”
“Speak for yourself,” I say, smirking.
He rests his hands on his knees. “I know things haven’t been great around here and the lot of it has fallen on you, Logan. I just wanted you to know, I know. And it might be slow, but things will get better.”
“They already are, Dad…”
“But?”
“But I’m wondering if this is all because Gramps gave you and Uncle Frank a tongue-lashing.” I chuckle and put my arm over my face to block the pretend smack he threatens.
“He does have a way of getting through to people.” Dad stands and turns to Mollie. “And I know Frank has been giving you a hard time, but I’m going to work on that. He was struggling before all this happened, so please don’t take it personally.”
Mollie nods and blinks. “I won’t. And thank you.”
“Now, I’m going to go make rounds and make sure everyone’s settling in for the night. So why don’t you two get out for a bit. Go have a drink or talk somewhere besides this three-ring circus.”
I look at Mollie questioningly, and she shrugs so I take it as a yes. We quickly grab our stuff and sneak out before any munchkins or annoying teens stop us.
I left home before I had a chance to hit the bar scene. Probably good that I didn’t. So, I take Mollie to the only one I’m familiar with—The Brass Bell. Mason has mentioned it a few times, so I know it’s classy. But given that it’s a weeknight, I’m surprised to see my workaholic brother the second we stride in—and he’s not alone. Which makes me realize it’s been a long damn time since I’ve seen him with a woman.
When it’s just the two of us, Mason and I are almost as awkward as Dad and I. Those two are more alike than he cares to admit. And it doesn’t escape me that I’m the odd ball in the family. But no matter our differences, he will always be the big brother whom I clung to when our own mother died. Hell, I climbed into his bed like Ryder climbs into mine.
Tonight, he stands, smiling, and waves us over like we’re old friends. Who is this guy?
I put my hand to the s
mall of Mollie’s back and guide her over. She hasn’t met Mason yet, so we make introductions all around. He tells her how good it is to finally meet her, then shoots me that look of approval. I suppose I’ll have to set him straight at some point, if that look means what I think it does. His companion’s name is Megan, and she looks almost as uptight as my brother typically is. Guess he’s playing the laid back one tonight. I’m just glad he’s doing something besides work. But they’re both wearing professional attire like they came from a late-night meeting.
“You must be the nurse,” Megan says to Mollie who looks as surprised as I do.
“I am.”
I catch Mason eyeing me, and he immediately turns to Mollie to avoid my gaze. “I was just telling Megan that it’s great Logan has help.”
Mollie opens her mouth to speak but I can’t help jumping in. “Well, she’s not helping me. She’s helping the family. Helping out with Belle.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant,” he says with a side glance.
“Right. Well maybe you’d know if you came to the house more.” I regret the comment that just came out of nowhere. Old habits.
“So, we’re going to do this again?” he says and then looks apologetically at Megan.
Going down that road will only make us both look like asses, and I don’t want to ruin this for my brother, so I’ll be the lone ass. “No… I’m sorry, ladies.” Then to Megan, I say, “So how do you and Mason know each other?”
She glances at Mason. “Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Mason sips his beer and stays focused on his blonde date. “My company is commissioning Bridges Construction for a project in Solvang.”
“I love that area,” Mollie says.
Megan and Mason exchange honeymooner smiles, and I’m beginning to understand. It’s not just a date. It’s about money.
“It’s a rare gem,” she says.
I remember Mason mentioning a meeting. “Renovating cabins, right?”
“Yes, and adding a few.”
“I thought you said the developer was The Meyers Group,” I say to Mason.
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