Pain shoots through my body, and I let out a strangled scream. I can’t let my mind’s eye continue down this path to its ultimate destination. Breathe, dammit! Just when I think my heart will explode out of my chest, I feel a soft hand on mine. It gently opens my clenched fists and places something in my grasp. I work my fingers over it, feeling instantly calmer. I breathe and focus on the sound of the rain, which slowly replaces the sounds of war until all I can see behind my eyes is black.
Moments later, I open my eyes and Belle’s tiny body is nestled up against me, her hand in one of mine. My other hand is touching the soft woven bracelet she placed in my hand.
“Belle. What…”
“It’s okay. I made you better.”
I furrow my brow and try to get my brain to wrap around what happened. “Your bracelet makes me feel better?”
Belle bobs her head and beams, as if she’s just gotten the answer right in class.
I run my finger along its ridges, close my eyes and focus on what I’m feeling. Another flash of memory takes hold of me and I draw in a quick breath. “How did you know?”
She lifts one shoulder and lets it fall. I can imagine it wouldn’t be the easiest thing for her to explain at her age, but she’s right. With both her and Mollie, there’s been something about those bracelets that has calmed me when I was angry or upset, and at the same time gave me a sense of familiarity.
My head is still spinning, but I put my arm around her and give her a squeeze. “Thank you, Belly Bean. You’re a special girl.” I stand and take her hand. “I heard your dad is taking you to the luncheon today, so we better get you inside.”
Surprisingly, I find Frank in the kitchen, getting things ready for the day. I hand Belle off to him and head to my room to get cleaned up. I play our conversation over and over again in my mind. The more I think about it, the more I know something is way off. I don’t think Mollie is afraid of me. She knows I’d never hurt her, but dealing with my issues is another thing. I can’t let this go, and there’s only one way to get the confirmation I need.
I barrel out of the house and head to the hospital. Mollie’s scheduled to work today, her last day before leaving for her parents. It is the worst possible time for her to leave, but at this point, I never want her to go.
Her floor is fairly quiet when I arrive, and I don’t have the patience to wait around so I wander the halls looking for a familiar face to ask. Everyone is busy helping someone, so I head back to the station, intending to ask whoever shows up there to help me. Just as I round the corner, I stop, my jaw instantly clenching. Dr. Hall is opening the door to the office I saw him come out of with Mollie. I catch his eyes, and I can see his immediate reaction in them. He’s definitely not happy to see me again.
I head toward him and he puts up a hand. “I’ve got an important call to make. Whatever it is—”
“Five minutes, Doc.” I put my hand on the door preventing him from closing it.
He glances down the hall, his lips tight and something that resembles guilt in his eyes. “There’s nothing I can help you with,” he says in a low undertone.
I raise my brows and tick my head down. “You want to do this in the hall or in there?”
He sighs and opens the door, but I’m already pushing past him, my patience growing thinner by the second. “Where’s Mollie?” I say as he shuts the door. I stand between a desk and a sofa with my arms crossed over my chest.
“Look…” He shakes his head and eyes me questioningly for two seconds before I realize this arrogant ass doesn’t even know my name.
“Logan.”
“Sure, Logan. I’m not just her doctor and her co-worker. I also consider her a friend…”
“Really? I’m not so sure she’d say the same.”
“Maybe before… but now, it’s different.”
I run my hand over my jaw and try to decide if I want to deck this guy or attempt a conversation. Considering I’m practically in the dark, I check myself. “Hey, man, I’m sorry I powered my way in here but it’s important.” I grip the back of my neck. “I know Mollie’s been talking about me. I get it. She’s worried about me…about us, and now I know why.”
He ticks his head to the side and goes behind his desk to sit as if that will provide a safe barrier.
“At least, I think I know,” I say, turning to face him.
“I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this. I’m sure you realize, I actually can’t.” He leans back in his chair as if that ends the conversation.
His indifference, as justified as it is, only causes my pulse to quicken and some of my anger and frustration to creep back into my unsteady calm. I rest my palms on his desk. “If you’re discussing me, don’t I have a right to know?”
He raises his brows, seemingly unaffected.
“I had somewhat of a memory. A revelation really. I remembered being in the hospital, completely out of it, and a nurse was there for me. I think Mollie reminds me of her…of that time. Because ever since we’ve been together, my memories seem to be creeping back. She sees that. She knows I don’t want to remember so she’s backing off, right?”
The doc gets up and heads to the door. “I feel for your situation, Logan, but like I said, I can’t help you. It wouldn’t be right.”
Before his hand turns the knob, I’m in his face. “Oh, and you’re all about ethical, right?”
When he cringes and flattens himself back against the wall, my chest tightens. I can’t do this no matter what I think of this guy. I grab the knob and pull the door open, Dr. Hall stepping out of the way just in time. “At least tell me where I can find her.”
“I’m sorry, she left just before you got here. Said she was going early to her parents.”
Chapter 24
Mollie
My heart knocks around in my chest as I lean up against my car, watching Logan exit the hospital. He’s a commanding force even as his face becomes clear and is awash with despair. My body misses his touch—the comfort of his arms as much as his skillfully sensual mouth. He doesn’t notice me at first, but now his eyes have found mine and pin me with a cocktail of emotions.
His pace quickens until he reaches me. “I thought you’d gone already.” And then he pulls me to him, and we are both silent, taking our moment, getting our fill while we can, the unknown lurking overhead.
Finally, I pull back, wanting to speak but suddenly unsure how to begin.
“It’s okay, Mollie. I get it now.”
“What do you mean?”
His arms are still at my waist. “I thought you were worried about my stability, the PTSD, all of it.” His hands slide to my wrist where he brushes his fingers over my bracelet. My breath catches, but I fight the tears that spring to my eyes when his gaze meets mine. “But you’re worried that you being a nurse will remind me of what happened to me.” A tight smile masks his emotions. “And…your bracelets. I never realized how it takes me back there. When I was in the hospital…all that time, there was a nurse by my side. I was in and out of consciousness for days, but I knew she was there by her bracelet. I used to—”
“Logan, no,” I say, my voice quivering. I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I wanted to say something…”
He takes my face in his hands. “Look, I’ve been a coward, I know. And maybe I’m still not ready to remember, but if it’s just the bracelet, we can—”
“No.” I pull my face back, but his hands slide to my shoulders, unwilling to release me. “It’s not just the bracelet, Logan. It’s me.”
He opens his mouth, his brows furrowed. “You can’t help that you’re a nurse. It’s who you are and I—”
“I’m not just a nurse.” She sighs. “I… I was that nurse.”
His grip on me loosens and though my vision blurs over from tears, I can see the confusion, the pain spark to life in his eyes. “What did you say?”
“It was me, Logan. I’m the one who was there with you in Germany.”
“I don’t und
erstand. Why— How?” He releases me completely and moves away. His mind is spinning, I can tell, trying to piece together a story he doesn’t have all the parts for. He only gets two steps away when he turns back with recollection on his face. “You said you were a traveling nurse. The pictures at your place? Those were Germany.”
“Among other places. Logan”—I reach for his hand but he doesn’t move to take mine—“I wanted to say something. So many times…”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Should I have? Because all I heard from you was that you would do whatever it took to not remember. And I kept seeing signs… It scared me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be responsible for…”
He runs his fingers through his hair and stares at the ground as he paces in front of me. When he stops and looks up at me, he seems to be searching for what to say. “That day in the hospital, with Belle. You asked if I remembered you. You weren’t talking about high school. And you seemed…”
My lungs struggle to push air through my system. “Hurt? I was a little.” I wasn’t sure he ever really saw my face with the bandages on his, let alone been conscious enough to recognize me. All I knew was that I couldn’t leave his side. And when he didn’t remember that, it hurt but I tried to convince myself he was just another patient. “I couldn’t blame you for not knowing it was me. It’s part of my job to give a patient whatever they need.”
“How long?”
I knit my brows together.
“How long were you there…by my side?”
“Almost two weeks.”
I see pity in his eyes then. “It had to mean more to you than basic patient needs. What you did—”
I was afraid to take myself back to the emotions I felt then so I cut him off. “I was more confused than hurt, though. So, I chose not to say anything at the hospital that day. And since I’d made that decision, it just got harder and harder to know what to do.” No longer could I contain myself and I choke on a sob. “I’m sorry, Logan.” I turn away and whisk my tears away, hating to make the situation worse. I cross my arms and mentally scold myself for crying when he’s the one being ambushed.
The moment I feel the empty shell of loneliness settle over me, strong arms come around my arms and press me into Logan’s firm chest. “Hey,” he whispers softly against my hair. “Whatever you’re thinking…whatever you’re feeling, please know I’m not mad. How could I be? If anything, this is my fault.”
All I can do is shake my head. If I had words, they would come out shaky, incoherent.
His hands rub my arms and then settle at my wrists. He runs his fingers over the one thing that marks our connected pasts. “I don’t remember how long I laid there. In and out of consciousness, unable to speak, barely able to move, and bandages covering most of my face and part of my body.” His body seems to relax around me, and he rests his chin on my head. “But the one thing I do remember is the comforting touch of a nurse who stood by side, held my hand, and whispered words of encouragement to me. I knew it was her—you—every time because of this,” he said, touching my bracelet. Each time she held my hand and I felt this soft woven pattern, I didn’t feel alone because of you…and somehow I knew I was going to make it.”
He turns me to face him then, and I see his eyes glassy with liquid. “My only regret was that I never got a chance to thank her.” Logan takes my face in his hands and places a gentle kiss on my lips. I taste a hint of salt on my tongue, and I don’t know if the tears are mine or his.
“My angel,” he whispers. “Thank you for saving me.”
My heart swells and my chest heaves. The tears race down my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around Logan’s waist. “I don’t know what to say. I went there on a whim with some fellow nurses. Part of me was trying to prove something to myself but then I saw you.” I pull back and look at him again. “I didn’t know it was you at first, not until I saw your name, but I immediately felt drawn to you. And when I found out, I couldn’t leave you.”
“What happened?”
“The others went on without me. I had to stay until I knew you’d be okay. That’s when I decided I was done traveling and settled back here.”
“And you found me again.” He gives me an endearing grin that I can’t return. Not when I’m dreading my next words.
“I have to go, Logan.”
He takes in a deep breath and sighs it out. “God, I hate leaving you like this. I don’t know how we’ll get through these next couple of weeks but when you get back— What is it?”
“I’m sorry…”
“Mollie…”
I lower my eyes and turn away toward my car door. “I’m not just going for the holiday. I’ve applied for a position near my parents. I have an interview next week.” I pull my keys out of my pocket, but he grabs my wrist before I can open the door.
“Wait, please…” His voice is desperate, pleading. “Why are you doing this? The truth is out now. How can you think we won’t get past this?”
I want nothing more than to fall back into his arms and wait for the storm to pass, but I know life is not that simple. I pull my lips tight and look into his eyes so he knows what I’m about to say is something I’ve thought and fought over. “Logan, don’t you see, your peace, your happiness, has slowly deteriorated since we’ve been together.” He’s already shaking his head but I push through. “The very thing you’ve been running from, will catch up to you because of me. If I’m not in your life—”
“I will likely still remember any way.” He tightens his hold on me and pulls me to his side.
“Maybe. But I don’t want to be the one who pushes you there before you’re ready.”
“What if I’m ready now?”
“I don’t think you are.” I touch his face, and the familiar feel of his beard brings another flood of tears to my eyes. “You started out as my somebody and somehow ended up my everything. But that doesn’t mean this is the time for us. Or that we’re both ready to fight the good fight.”
Logan holds my gaze but doesn’t speak. My heart breaks in two in that small span of time. Part of me thought he’d fight. Hoped he would. Try harder to convince me we could do this together. His hesitation tells me what I need to do. I kiss him gently on the lips, slide my hand down his chest and to his hand.
Logan brings our hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles, my palm, and then my wrist. “I’m sorry I did this to us.”
“None of this is your fault.”
When he leans down and places a soft kiss on my dimple—claiming me just when I’ve gained the strength to leave—I almost lose it. But instead of asking him to fight for us I pull my hand away and open my door. My heart still feels nestled in his strong hands.
“No matter what, I’m still here for you, Mollie.”
Words that should bring me comfort go down like poison. I nod and put on the brave face. “My somebody.” Then I close the door and feel half my heart return to my hollow chest, aching to be whole again.
Chapter 25
Logan
I swipe a hand across my forehead, surprised to find it damp.
“It’s cool if you’re nervous, bro,” Justice says, sitting across from me at a small corner café in Los Angeles. We are the only ones out on the patio right now, everyone else preferring the cool air inside.
“Shut it. I’m not nervous. It’s freaking hot out here. Winter in LA!”
Justice just shakes his head and laughs.
My tongue feels like sandpaper, but I refuse to admit this qualifier has me rattled. Where’s that server? They haven’t even come to the table or brought water, and we’ve been sitting here for at least five minutes. Mason and Ryder are parking the car and still not here.
“What’s taking them so long?” Justice says, looking over his shoulder. “I could never live in L.A.”
“I bet that Mercedes lot caught Ryder’s eye.”
“You’re right. I’m going to text ’em and tell ’em to hurry the fuck up.”
&
nbsp; Though I know he’s already tuned me out as he types, I still make the comment for my own sake. “Dude, language.”
When he looks up, he rolls his eyes.
“What?”
“Bro, nothing. Stop. Save all that aggression for the course.”
I turn my head to the side and can’t help but laugh. “My aggression? What about yours?”
“Hey, I’ve learned to channel mine?”
“Since when?”
“Since my brother taught me.”
Working on Justice’s fear of being hit has helped us both and allowed us something we can do together. And his last game proved we really made progress.
Justice stands and shoves his phone into his pocket. “I’m going to take a piss and they’d better be here when I get back.”
My brothers bug the hell out of me—most days, but not today. I’ll admit—to myself—I might be a little nervous, but having my three brothers with me today gives me confidence and peace of mind. Mollie leaving gutted me. Especially when somewhere deep inside I know I could have stopped her. She said she left for me. I get that. At least I do now. So, I’m not going to fight to win her back until I can face her a whole man. And right now, I can’t think of how to do that. It’s been more than three weeks with little communication. It’s like we rewound the clock to when we first became friends, probably because neither of us could stand to have a complete break.
Christmas was the toughest. I’d already bought her a gift, but it just didn’t seem right to send it to her. We texted right before midnight Christmas night. She said she took a leave of absence from the hospital and would be taking a temporary position at a hospital near her parents. That prompted me to pick up the phone. I felt powerless on the other end of her explanation where she kept saying the word temporary as if that made it all right. Like we were college sweethearts trying to make a long-distance relationship work. She told me she’d always be my somebody but without seeing her beautiful lips say the words in person, they rolled to the pit of my stomach and sat there, a heavy reminder of what we lost.
Building Bridges (Bridges Brothers Book 1) Page 20