“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to do it,” he said, and I believed him. Silas seemed completely at ease with himself. There wasn’t one disingenuous bone in his body and I couldn’t help but admire that about him.
We returned to find Ezra bickering with Abel about some changes he wanted to make to the drum track. As soon as Cole saw us, he rolled his eyes and came over to help unpack the food. “This is what happens when you leave us on our own, Adeline,” he said, tearing into his sandwich.
Soon, Ezra and Abel joined us, and we proceeded to eat in heavy silence.
“Any plans for the weekend?” I asked, trying to lighten the surly mood in the room.
“I’m going up to LA to see my sister,” Cole said. “She’s pregnant, due in a few months.”
Abel watched him carefully. “You finally going to make up with her fiancé now that they’re having a kid together?”
Cole sniffed. “I’m going to try, although that asshole better be on his best behavior.”
“What’s the story?” I asked.
“Well, when we first met him on tour, years before him and my sister officially began dating, he was a strung-out man-whore. We’re a pretty open-minded bunch, but he took it to the next level.”
“He’s a musician?”
“Yeah. He used to play with Ritual Disruption. Despite being a musician myself, I’m still biased against my little sister dating one.”
I stopped chewing my turkey sandwich for a moment. Ritual Disruption used to be super famous before they broke up a few years ago. Yeah, I could see Cole’s point. I’m not sure I’d be too thrilled if Molly brought home a rocker boyfriend.
“Anyways, he’s reformed now,” Cole said with air quotes, “but I’m still not sure I can stand the thought of that piss stain being with my little sister.”
“Cole might have given him a bloody nose at one point,” Ezra added.
I grimaced, finding it hard to imagine Cole in a fight. He seemed so laidback most of the time. He must’ve been absolutely furious. “Well, best of luck with that. What about you, Ezra? Sticking around town?” I asked before taking another bite.
“Yeah, I’m going to chill around here. Maybe go pay a visit to my mom. What about you, Adeline?”
“I’ll be at the bar both evenings. I managed to convince the owner to give me the weekend shifts while I work with you guys,” I explained.
“You’re still working there? I thought you’d quit now that you have this gig. Aren’t we paying you enough?” Silas asked, neatly folding his sandwich wrapper before putting it back in the takeout bag.
“You do,” I rushed to answer. I didn’t want them thinking I was unhappy with the more-than-generous salary they were paying. “But I’ll need to find work when we finish the album, so I didn’t want to quit only to have to look for another job in a month. Plus, I don’t mind it there. The regulars tip well, and the college crowd generally stays away.”
Abel put his half-eaten sandwich down on the desk and leaned back against the wall. “So you really don’t want to work in music?” he asked, surprising me. “That’s what your sister said last night.”
I sucked on my top lip before meeting his gaze. “I just don’t want to have unrealistic expectations. How many people want to be musicians? How many people actually succeed? I’m supporting myself and my sister, and I can’t risk our livelihood for a pipe dream.”
Abel’s eyebrows pinched together. “Don’t your parents help support Molly?”
Oh fuck. I’d walked right into that one. I’d been so taken aback by Abel speaking to me without any obvious snark in his voice, I hadn’t fully processed what I was saying.
Four pairs of eyes fixed on me, waiting for the answer I could no longer avoid giving.
“They passed away.”
Despite my efforts to stay neutral, my throat tightened as I uttered the words. I watched as their expressions shifted through varying degrees of shock. I let out a breath and looked down at my feet.
The typical reaction of someone finding out that Molly and I were orphans was a recalculation. A re-indexing of all our earlier interactions to label the tells they didn’t pick up on before. Maybe that’s why we always seemed a little sad when we thought no one was looking. Maybe that’s why Molly seemed a bit mature for her age or why I hadn’t had a boyfriend in years.
When the process was complete, their faces would become a mask meant to convey sympathy. But I saw it for what it was. Pity.
“I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything?” Silas asked, forcing me to look back up. He was slouched on a rickety chair that seemed like it was made for a child when contrasted with his size. The strange thing was that his face hadn’t become a mask of pity. None of the others had, either. Instead, they were looking at me with something that seemed a lot like respect.
I shrugged, letting my hair fall into my face from behind the ears. “Not a topic for casual conversation, really.”
“How long ago?” Abel stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“About two years. They got T-boned by a drunk driver.”
“And you didn’t send Molly to live with some relatives?”
I narrowed my eyes at Abel. “Are you kidding me? She’s my sister. I wouldn’t let anyone else take care of her. She’s my blood.”
What I didn’t say is that for a moment I’d considered doing exactly that. The shame made my cheeks prickle.
Abel was looking at me with a thoughtful expression I’d never seen on his face before. It halted my own turbulent emotions like someone had pressed pause on a remote control. I gazed into his green eyes, seeing the real Abel for the first time, and in that moment, I suspected we had a lot more in common than I’d initially thought.
“Fuck,” Cole swore, interrupting the connection between the singer and I.
“Exactly. Fuck,” I said. “But hey, life goes on. Molly and I are fine now. Our parents worked in insurance, so we’ve been living well enough on the money that they left us, but it’s not going to last forever. That’s why I gotta find something solid in the next few months. Something that pays decently, has benefits, security. You know, all that boring crap that music isn’t going to give me.”
“You think that’s what your parents would have wanted for you?” Silas asked in a low voice, and I clamped my mouth shut.
My parents… Well, they probably would’ve told me I was an idiot for giving up on music, but they weren’t here, were they? After the Julliard fiasco, they’d kept trying to get me to pick up my guitar, and when I did, they constantly told me I was meant to be a musician, despite the failure that had brought me to my knees. They’d died before they managed to convince me.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I told Silas while looking down at my food.
It was Abel who ultimately changed the topic. “Let’s wrap up. Cole, Ezra, I hope lunch is going to inspire a better performance out of you two. The rest of you can go practice in the room next door. We’ll meet back here to rehearse all together for an hour before we go.”
SILAS
I was thirty-one years old, and by now I should have been able to squash the thing that was building up inside of me as I watched Adeline rehearse the fourth song on the album.
We were sitting in the small rehearsal room down the hall, just the two of us, after Abel had instructed us to leave the studio. Adeline’s earlier admission about her parents was still at the forefront of my mind, illuminating parts of her that up until now had been hidden.
Life had dealt her a crappy hand, but she was clearly more than capable of handling her business. She was a fighter, and I didn’t want to insult her with pity. No, instead, I wanted to worship her, for her strength, her beauty, her talent, and most of all, her heart. Because it took a fuck load of heart to do what she was doing for her sister. Putting two and two together was easy now. She loved Molly and would work her ass off to give her a good life, even if that meant sacrificing her own dreams in
the process. My reverent intent wasn’t unique. I had seen it in the eyes of my bandmates, too.
I was pretending to listen to her playing for the purposes of providing feedback, but instead, I was noticing things like the way her wrists moved when she changed between chords and the soft movements of her lips as she hummed the melody.
A few thick curls hung over her forehead, casting shadows into her eyes, and my hand itched to move them behind her ears and feel the smooth skin of her face. This growing infatuation was becoming a problem. I thought she might be aware of my intense study when she lifted her gaze to mine, but instead, she simply asked, “How was that?”
“Perfect,” I replied. She narrowed her eyes slightly, as if she didn’t quite know if to believe me.
I wasn’t lying. I also wasn’t just talking about the song.
“Can we play it again together?”
She was a hard worker, and I could tell she was rehearsing at home whenever she wasn’t in the studio. That was the only way she could’ve gotten this good in the span of four days. As long as I could help her with the one song giving her trouble when we practiced tomorrow, we’d be able to start recording next week—a fact that might actually put a smile on Abel’s face.
“Of course.”
She smiled at me, and I picked up my guitar without tearing my eyes away from her face, carefully cataloguing the curve of her cheeks and the way her cool-gray eyes seemed to grow warmer when she wore this expression.
I really had to stop staring.
Why hadn’t she done more with music prior to her parent’s death? She had mentioned to me a few days earlier that she’d been playing since she was ten years old, which explained her level of skill with the instrument, and also that Through Azure Skies had been together for four years. Why settle on playing in a cover band? Was it ambition she lacked?
A thrill ran through me when I noticed her eyes flicker across my form before a light-rosy color appeared on her cheeks. This was one of the benefits of being observant. I picked up on people’s thoughts and emotions by studying their body language.
Did she find me attractive?
The possibility emboldened me, and I allowed my eyes to slowly drift over her body, before meeting her gaze once again.
She swallowed and looked back down, beginning to play the intro of the song.
Maybe I should’ve been able to squash whatever this was, but the simple truth was that I didn’t really want to.
When I got home from the studio later, I dropped my keys on the kitchen island and pulled out my smartphone. There was a message from Katya, one I’d gotten earlier today but hadn’t yet opened.
“Hang out tonight?”
I ran my hand over my beard, noting absently that it was time for a trim.
Did I want to see her? I rarely turned down her invitations when I was in town, but something about the prospect of another mindless fuck made my chest grow heavy. I’d wanted something more for a long time now, but my track record seemed to land only on the two extremes—casual hook ups that had no future, or infatuations so intense that people were scared away.
At least, I hadn’t attempted to propose since that one time years ago.
Sending a response I knew would disappoint Katya, I shoved the phone in my pocket and grabbed a beer from the fridge, the ritual of popping the cap off and tossing it into the bin providing a small comfort.
My feelings for Adeline landed firmly in the intense infatuation category, despite only knowing her for about a week. To add to the problem, I could tell the rest of the guys were into her, too. The past few months had been the most difficult we’d ever experienced as a band, and I didn’t want to introduce another point of tension, but I’d never been good at keeping my feelings buried. This was already off to a great start.
The phone buzzed along my thigh, and I saw it was a call from Cole.
“What’s up?”
“Hey, man. I need to kill a few hours before my red-eye to LA. Can I come over?”
Oh, right. I had nearly forgotten that Cole was about to have a showdown with his future brother-in-law across the country.
“Sure, but I’m only offering beers, not sharp weapons. I’m not going to aid and abet your vendetta.”
Cole snorted. “Fine. I’ll have to drop by Ezra’s for that. Anyways, see you in ten.”
A knock sounded fifteen minutes later, and I pulled open the door to reveal a surly looking Cole with a small suitcase at his side. He strode in, dropped the bag on the floor, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and collapsed onto the couch.
“Make yourself at home,” I said, earning a glare.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill that motherfucker.”
I walked over to the armchair and sat across from him. “I’ll give you three. Your sister loves him. He’s been clean for years. You’re really more of a lover than a fighter.”
Cole let out a drawn-out breath. “I’m not saying any of those things are false, but—”
“Oh, and they’re having a kid,” I interrupted. “One that probably wants to have a father.”
The bassist ran a hand over his face. “Fuck. I’m going there to make peace with him, aren’t I?”
“Get that sentiment tattooed somewhere on you at the airport so you won’t forget it.”
He gulped down his beer. “Well, at least my parents will be happy if I come back to them with news of a truce. They’ve been too careful with me these past few weeks, treating me like I’m fragile or something. This fucking place, man… I love it because it made me who I am, but I also hate it. There are too many memories I don’t want to be thinking about. Being here puts me on edge.”
I nodded in agreement, knowing exactly what he meant. We’d all lost things here.
“The rehearsals have been going really well, don’t you think?” he continued. “Three more weeks, and then we’ll be out.”
Shifting in my seat, I gave Cole a look.
“What?”
“I’m not really rushing to leave,” I said.
He looked confused for a quick moment before a grin settled on his face. “You, too, huh?”
I shrugged.
“There’s something about her that I can’t quite figure out, but I’ve never felt an energy like this before,” Cole said, scrubbing at his chin. “I feel it, man. I know Ezra does, too.”
“Even Abel,” I added, which made the bassist frowned.
“You think so? I can’t really tell if he’s warming up to her.”
“It’s because you don’t pay attention. He looks at her like she’s something he wants to devour.”
Cole’s expression turned thoughtful. “We’ve never had a woman we’re all interested in.”
“Well, I’m not stepping aside for anyone. Let the best man win.”
He met my words with a contemplative look. “Or we could all win if you stopped being so greedy.”
I scoffed. “Dude, I’m not like you and Ezra.” I knew they shared women and enjoyed it, but I’d never understood the appeal. Thankfully, over the past ten years, we’d gravitated toward different kinds of people.
Until Adeline. To her, we were drawn like moths to a flame.
“Why do you guys enjoy it so much?” I asked Cole, suddenly curious.
He rubbed at his chest. “It’s hard to explain. Why do certain things turn us on more than others? There’s something incredibly hot about pleasuring a woman together in ways she may not have experienced before. It also takes the pressure off. I think for Ezra, that’s a big thing. He’s spent his whole life taking care of people. When we’re both with a woman, it gives him permission to get out of his head and just enjoy it. Does that make any sense?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it does.” Hearing him describe the experience was stirring something new in me. We’d never talked about it in detail before. “Don’t you ever get jealous, though?”
“Not with Ezra,” Cole said definitively. “I’d never do it with some random guy, b
ut I trust Ezra. I know he’s got my back, and we can talk through whatever we need to. Just like with you and Abel, when he’s not being an asshole, that is.”
“But what if the woman decides she likes one of you more than the other?”
Cole chuckled. “You’re really thinking it through now, aren’t you? When we’ve done it before, it’s mostly been on tour, so it’s never gotten that far. It’s never turned into a steady thing, you know? But look, I don’t like to spend time thinking about what-ifs or trying to talk myself out of doing something that excites me. All I’m saying is that with you guys, I know that whatever happens, we can figure it out together. Don’t get me wrong, the past few weeks have tested that belief, but I remain an optimist. And I think this thing with Adeline and us could be…intriguing,” Cole concluded with a smile.
Did I want to compete with my best friends for her attention? Or was I willing to push myself outside of my comfort zone? Cole’s point about taking the pressure off resonated with me. During moments of self-reflection, I sometimes thought the intensity I brought to my romantic relationships was because I felt compelled to give my partner everything. If I didn’t, I was afraid they’d leave and find it somewhere else. But what if we were all focused on meeting her needs? Wouldn’t that work out better for everyone?
Cole was studying me with an amused expression. “I should be leaving, but watching you question your beliefs is too entertaining,” he said. “I wish you could see your face right now.”
I stroked my beard, ignoring his chirping. “The thought of doing something like that with anyone but you guys feels completely wrong, but you’re right. We’re brothers in everything but blood. Maybe it could work if it was just us. Do you think she would be…” I trailed off, thinking back to how she’d looked at me earlier today.
“Interested in something unconventional? I’m not sure. The smiles, the lingering looks, the absolutely insane chemistry we all have with her in the studio? She’s hard to read, but I’d like to think all those things mean something. Still, we have to tread carefully. Can’t forget about the power dynamic, either. I definitely wouldn’t want her to feel like there’s some fucked-up pressure for there to be more.”
Taut Strings: A Rock Star Romance (River Valley Rebels) Page 11