by Donna Jay
Simon braced his foot on the ground and brought his swing to a halt. “Fuck, I don’t want to hurt you, sis. I’m a dude. I don’t have all the flowery words. It’s like you’ve put up a wall and don’t give a fuck about your appearance anymore, and that’s not you. We never had a lot, but you could make a ten-dollar dress look like it cost fifty bucks from your smile alone.”
His words were so damn heartfelt she resisted the urge to correct him. He was perfectly capable of uttering flowery words.
Simon lowered his voice. “What are you afraid of, sis? Who hurt you?”
Shame washed over Katie. How had she been so gullible? Unable to look her brother in the eye, she stared at a daisy until the petals blurred.
“I was attacked.” She choked on a sob. “Almost raped.”
Chain links rattled as Simon jumped from his swing, face blazing with anger. “Are you fucking kidding me? Why am I only hearing about this now?” He paced back and forth.
Not knowing what to say, Katie waited for him to calm down.
“Give me his name.” He ground his fist into his palm. “He’s fuckin’ dead.”
“She,” Katie said, her voice barely more than a squeak.
“Pardon?” Simon came to an abrupt stop, confusion written all over his face.
“Three girls.”
He crouched down, putting them at eye level. His gaze was murderous yet caring. “How does that work?” He sucked in a breath. “You know? A chick violating another?”
Katie’s cheeks burned. “They had a dildo.” A shudder tore through her when an image of Cherie holding the monstrosity in the air, brandishing it like a weapon of destruction, skittered through her mind.
“Why you?” He tilted his head.
Katie shrugged, hoping he wouldn’t press for more.
A long, painful silence dragged out between them.
When the silence became unbearable, Simon placed a hand on her knee. “Why did they attack you, Katie?”
“They think I’m…I’m gay.”
“Are you?” There was no judgement in his voice.
“I might be. I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet. I mean, I hope I’m not.” The thought of telling her parents she was a lesbian filled her with dread.
What if Simon beat her to it? She pushed back on the swing and jumped to her feet. “You can’t tell Mum and Dad.’ Her lip quivered. “You have to promise me you won’t.”
“I won’t.”
She grabbed a fistful of Simon’s T-shirt. “Promise.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” He chucked her under the chin. “I’d never betray a secret. They still don’t know I paid you fifty cents a week to make my bed and clean my room.”
Katie snorted. “That was your secret.”
“It was our secret.”
“True.” Katie smiled.
“You need to report those girls to the police,” Simon said.
She stomped her foot in frustration. “I can’t!”
“The olds don’t have to know why you were attacked, but those girls need to pay.” Looking as frustrated as she felt, Simon dragged his hand through his hair.
In Katie’s mind, she knew, one way or another they’d pay, but the police wouldn’t be any help.
A little boy came running over to the swings, mother following closely behind.
“Come on. Let’s go back to the car.”
Simon fell into step beside her, and Katie hoped that was the last of it. The mere fact she was no longer carrying the burden alone was enough for her.
“Who’s driving?” She gave Simon a hopeful look.
“No one.” He leaned against the car. “Not until you tell me why I shouldn’t drive you straight to the cop shop to file a complaint.”
“Fine.” Katie huffed out a breath.
Simon folded his arms across his chest, waiting her out.
Hopelessness made Katie sick to her stomach. Other than the emotional trauma she’d suffered, she had no visible injuries to back up an attack. Unlike her assailants. How would that look to the cops?
Deciding to show rather than tell, Katie acted out the scenario.
“Officer, three girls attacked me.” She stepped to the left of Simon and lowered her voice. “Did they hurt you?” She asked in as deep a voice as she could muster.
“No, not physically. I got away.”
Back in officer mode, she scratched her chin. “There were three of them?”
A nod.
“And you beat them off all by yourself.”
“Yes. I punched one in the face, kicked the second in the chest, and stomped on the thirds foot.”
A look of admiration lit up Simon’s face. He nodded for her to continue.
“So, let me see if I got this straight,” she said in a deep voice. “Three women attacked you, you’re unharmed, and they all suffered injuries?”
“Correct.” She gave the invisible cop a sharp nod.
“Are you sure you want the three women who allegedly attacked you dragged in here and risk you yourself being accused of assault? Because from where I’m standing, you’re the one who got off lightly.”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” Simon pushed off the bonnet of the car.
Smiling, he sliced his hand through the air in a classic karate chop. “Did you really go all ninja on them?”
Grinning, Katie clasped her hands together and bowed. “Yes, Mr Miyagi.”
His expression once again serious, Simon held her gaze. “I’m proud of you for fighting them off, sis, but now what? As much as I’d love to scare the crap out of them for daring to fuck with my sister, I can hardly go and rough up three women.” He gave her an evil smile. “There’s a thought. Want me to go dump a pile of cow shit on their front lawn?”
“That’d be a pretty shitty thing to do,” Katie deadpanned.
Simon burst out laughing, and for the first time since the attack, Katie felt the world right itself.
Simon put a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me what I can do, sis.”
Like waking up from a coma, Katie saw the beauty surrounding her. Green grass, white daisies, kids giggling on swings and seesaws, and it hit her, life didn’t end that day.
She breathed in the fresh morning air, drinking in the peace she’d always associated with being outdoors.
Counting her blessings, she flung her arms around Simon. She squeezed him tight then stepped away before she made him uncomfortable. He was too old to be seen hugging his little sister in a public carpark.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“For?”
“Bringing me here, getting me out of the house, reminding me I’m a strong woman.” She slugged him in the arm. “Thanks to you being a bully.”
He looked affronted. “Hey, I was not.”
“Oh yeah?” She smirked. “Pinning me down and playing typewriter was supposed to be fun?”
He looked heavenward as if searching his memory bank. At the same time, images of him stabbing his fingers into her chest, then hitting her around the head like a return bar ran through her mind.
“You got your own back.” His grin matched hers, and she couldn’t deny the truth of it. Perhaps their play fighting had served her well on that day.
“I’m going to be okay, bro.”
“Mum’s really worried…and Dad.”
“I know, but that’s about to change.” She gave Simon a sad smile. “I’ll never trust so easily, but I’m not going to let them ruin my life.”
“That a girl.” He looked both proud and relieved. “Come on, we better get home. Mum will want to know all about life on the farm and I have to be back in time for milking.”
She handed over his car keys. “I’m going to walk.”
“You sure?”
“Positive,” Katie said with conviction, even though her heart was pounding in her chest.
What if she encountered one of her tormentors as she strolled home? “Then you kick their arse,”
a voice, unlike her own, piped up in her head.
That wasn’t entirely true. She’d heard it before when she’d laid in bed at night imagining all the ways she could make each of them pay for what they’d done, to make them feel the fear she had felt at their hands.
“Ever thought about joining a gym or taking a self-defence course?” Simon asked. “It might make you feel safer and it would definitely make me feel better.”
“Can you read my mind?” She narrowed her eyes, glad he had no idea of the dark thoughts lingering there.
Chapter 4
One look at the calendar on the back of the bathroom door made Katie’s stomach twist into painful knots. Swallowing the bile burning the back of her throat, she flushed the toilet and climbed to her feet. Maybe today would be the day she received good news.
After reading the note her mum had left tucked under the telephone, ‘Working until two, please do the breakfast dishes and hang out the towels,’ Katie ignored the chores and rushed out to the mailbox.
She flipped through the envelopes; power bill, phone bill, something from the bank, and at the bottom, a letter addressed to Katie Parker.
Excitement zinged through her veins. She raced inside, dumped her parent’s mail on the table, and tore open the letter addressed to her.
‘Dear Katie,
Thank you for your application, however due to the large volume of applicants, we regret to inform you...’
Damn, damn, damn. Biting back tears, she screwed up the letter, suffocating the words in her hand.
Over the last two weeks, she’d applied for every office job imaginable. Not to have one single interview was soul destroying, but not as terrifying as the prospect of returning to school. That wasn’t an option.
Wallowing in self-pity, Katie made a steaming cup of Milo, grabbed a packet of chocolate chip biscuits and sat at the table. The aroma of chocolate infused her nostrils and soothed her worries. Before she knew it, her cup and the packet of biscuits were empty.
A depressing combination of helplessness and self-loathing made her feel sick. Katie bolted from the table to the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach.
Once she’d rinsed her mouth out, she grabbed a dollar from her money jar and biked to the corner dairy as fast as she could pedal. How many biscuits were missing from the packet before she binged on the rest? A handful? Two or three?
Lost in thought, she barely registered the white car with a green stripe speeding in her direction.
The driver swerved onto her side of the road, blasted the horn and flipped her the bird. Laughing like the bitch she was, Cherie sped off.
With her heart hammering in her chest, Katie biked home as fast as she could. The entire way, she felt like she had a target on her back and Cherie would run her off the road any second.
Once safely inside, she flushed three biscuits down the toilet and put the packet back in the pantry. There! No one would be any the wiser to her craptacular morning.
Doing what she should’ve done rather than pig-out and have a close encounter with Cherie, she scrubbed the dishes, hung out the washing, dusted and vacuumed, mopped the kitchen floor, then got some chicken out and made a salad for dinner.
***
“Hey, sweetie. I’m home.”
Glad to have some company, Katie bounded off the couch. On the way to the kitchen, she pushed the off button and Happy Days disappeared from the TV screen.
“Hi.” She kissed her mum on the cheek, catching a whiff of bleach. “You smell like I did an hour ago.”
Her mum looked at the sparkling linoleum floor. “Someone’s been busy. I’m impressed.”
Loving that such a small thing meant so much to her mother, Katie turned on the electric jug. “Tea or coffee?”
“Tea sounds wonderful. I won’t be a minute, I’ll just change out of my smock.”
While her mother was out of the room, Katie sent up a silent prayer she wouldn’t fight her on her decision not to return to school. It wasn’t like she was going to university anyway, they couldn’t afford it.
If her mother did object, Katie had an arsenal of replies. All of them plausible, none of them the real reason. That was a secret she’d tell her mother when she was out and proud and no longer had anything to fear. In other words, never.
After placing her mum’s cup of tea on the yellow and white Formica tabletop, Katie poured a glass of water for herself and placed the opened packet of biscuits beside her mother’s teacup.
“What’s gotten into you? Wait.” Her mum’s hand flew to her mouth. “You’ve heard back from one of the jobs you applied for?”
And there went Katie’s happy mood.
“Here.” Her mum offered a chocolate biscuit to Katie.
“No, thanks. I’m on a diet.” Heat shot up her cheeks. She couldn’t diet to save herself.
“If you want to lose some weight, I’ll support you.” Her mum pushed the packet of biscuits aside.
“Not too much, mind you. I don’t want to see you end up as sinewy as your brother.”
“Yeah, that guy’s like a racehorse.”
Lucky bastard.
Simon could literally eat until the cows came home and never gain an ounce. Why didn’t she inherit that gene? Wait, was everything genetic?
“Do we have any gay relatives?”
Her mum’s eyes went wide. “Where did that come from?”
She had no clue. Her brain felt like mush. “Never mind.”
Her mum reached for her hand. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“No.” Katie leapt to her feet. Geez, talk about over-reacting. “I mean, no.” She sat back down. “I just wondered. There was like one girl at school who was gay, but she can’t be the only lesbi…gay person in the world.”
“You always did have a colourful imagination.” Her mum chuckled.
Katie exhaled a relieved breath at the same time as she gave herself a mental kick for almost outing herself.
“Speaking of school, are you looking forward to going back next week?”
About as much as a visit to the dentist. She took a breath and blurted out, “I’m not.”
Her mum frowned. “Not looking forward to going back?”
“Not going back.”
“Pardon?”
Feeling like she was five, Katie lowered her head and mumbled, “I’m done with school.”
“Is that right.” Her mother’s voice held an edge. “And tell me, Old Wise One, what’re you going to do? Be a bum? Or have you got a job?”
“No.”
“Then you’re going back to school, you’re only sixteen and you’re not dropping out.”
Anxiety niggled at Katie’s insides. “Simon was sixteen when he left school.”
“He had a job.” Her mother stated.
Katie couldn’t argue with that.
“Sunbeam’s hiring. I’ll fill in an application tomorrow and have a job by Monday. I’ll also put one in at Cobblestone Pies. They’re advertising for shift workers. If I apply for a 2-10pm shift, I can help around the house during the day.”
Win-win.
Her mother’s eyes drilled into Katie, “What’s this really about?”
“Nothing.” Katie looked away. She’d never been able to lie to her mother’s face. “I just want to work so I can help you and Dad out.”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s a lovely thought, but you’ve worked so hard to get good grades, you’re not dropping out of school to work in a factory.”
“You did.” Katie cringed at the low blow, relieved when her mother let it slide.
“It was a different time, honey.” Her mum gave her a sad smile. “If I’d had the opportunities you have, I would’ve stayed in school.”
“Really?” Katie asked, curiosity rising to the surface.
“Every day I wished I could give you kids the latest in fashion. Instead, we barely scraped by. I think we were the last family in the street to get a colour television.” Her mum’s ey
es lit up. “Do you remember that?”
“Of course.” Katie beamed, the memory was so vivid excitement pumped through her veins as if it was only yesterday. “I was ten and Simon was eleven.”
A pang of nostalgia hit Katie. It wasn’t a lot different to any other Christmas she could remember, until after all the presents had been opened and they were gathering up the wrapping paper. Simon was first to spot it.
Eyes wide, he’d pointed, “Is that a colour television?”
The ding-a-ling of the telephone interrupted their trip down memory lane.
Her mum held up a finger. “One minute.”
“Hello.” A pause. “Oh, hi.” A longer pause. “That would be lovely. Okay. Sure, see you then.”
Her mother dropped the phone back in the cradle. “That was Nana. She’s coming to stay. Next week.”
Good Nana or grumpy Nana flicked through Katie’s mind. “Nana Parker or Nana Douglas?”
“Parker.”
Dread churned in Katie’s belly. The last thing she needed was her nana telling her how much weight she’d gained. She was painfully aware of that all by herself.
If she tried hard, could she lose eight pounds in a week? Probably not, considering it had taken her four times that long to gain them.
“So…” Her mum’s voice broke into Katie’s thoughts. “Are you going back to school until you find an office job, or do we need to have this discussion with your father?”
Weighing up her options—hanging out with her overbearing grandmother for a week or refusing to cower from her tormentors—Katie chose the braver option.
“I just needed to talk it out, and you’re right, there’s no point moping around home.”
The paperboy whizzing by caught her eye. Hope flared. Katie had another option, a week to secure a job. Perhaps his timing was a good omen.
In her room, Katie sat at her study desk, pulled out a lined refill and pen, and applied for three jobs. One as an office junior, another at the post office, and a third as part of a typing pool. The last one didn’t appeal to her, but she was clutching at straws.
Besides, her first job didn’t have to be her forever job.
Like the sun snubbed out by a dark cloud, despair overshadowed her optimism from moments before.