by Donna Jay
Her mum shook her head as if to clear it. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have had too much wine.”
Gillian bounded off the bed. “I could do with something to drink.”
“Oh, I have wine.” Her mum’s eyes lit up.
“Mum.” Katie nailed her with a look she hoped said ‘behave.’
“I’m just having some fun.” She linked arms with Gillian. “Come and meet Howard, he’s nowhere near as uptight as his daughter.”
Grinning, her mum hooked an arm through Gillian’s. She was acting like an excited child with her first kitten, dragging it all over the house to show off.
Katie doubted Gillian would forget this day anytime soon. She knew she never would. She touched her lips, remembering the way Gillian had kissed her; at the beach, at Simon’s, and in her bedroom. Each kiss was different but no less meaningful.
She had fallen and fallen hard.
Chapter 24
Crazy about Gillian, Katie spent every minute she could with her. The closer they became, the harder it got to keep their relationship a secret.
Sick of hiding what they had, Katie sought out her parents before her resolve to come out shrivelled up and died.
She wasn’t a coward. She’d shown that to Cherie and Anita. The time had come to be true to herself.
Sucking in a breath, Katie made the longest trek of her life from her bedroom to the living room. Each step was like wading through quicksand. Her movements were as heavy as her heart.
“Mum, Dad, there’s something I need to tell you.” Hoping she didn’t have to say it twice, Katie waited until she had their undivided attention.
It seemed to take forever for them to drag their gazes off the television. She wanted to sit, but if things turned to shit, it would be easier to bolt if she stayed on her feet.
“What’s happened?” Her mother’s worried gaze raked over Katie.
The anxiety she felt must’ve been written all over her face.
“Gillian…” Katie swallowed hard, trying to get the words out around the lump in her throat.
Her mum tilted her head. “Yes?”
Her dad frowned. “Your friend?”
Anxiety swirled in Katie’s veins. Her heart was beating so fast she felt faint.
“What about her?” Her mother frowned.
“She…she’s…”
“Has something happened to her?” Her father asked.
“No.” Katie wrung her hands together.
Damn it, just spit it out.
“She’s...”
“What?” her father snapped.
Shit. Why did this have to be so hard?
“She’s…we’re dating.”
Her mother shook her head. “What do you mean dating? Have you two met some nice boys?”
A bead of sweat trickled down Katie’s back. “No. We’re dating each other. She’s my girlfriend.”
Her mum looked at her as though she’d lost her mind.
As tempting as it was to laugh and say ‘just kidding,’ Katie owed it to herself not to back out. It was now or never. “I’m a les…”
Her dad held up a hand. “Don’t say it.”
The pain Katie felt was so powerful, he might as well have slapped her across the face.
“Tell me one thing,” his voice was deathly quiet.
“What?” Katie asked feeling like she was on trial.
“The name of the boy who hurt you. The one who made you afraid of men.”
Disappointment and anger slammed into Katie. Did her father really believe one guy had the power to turn her off all men? Apparently so.
“A boy didn’t do this to me.”
Her mother looked from one to the other as if she wasn’t sure who to side with, then her eyes went wide. “The river?”
“Right.” Her dad nodded and turned back to Katie. “I didn’t want to push you for details. I thought with time you’d get over whatever happened. First times can be rough, Katie. I hoped that was all it was, but it’s clear now I should’ve pushed for more information. I want the name of the boy who did this to you.”
Frustrated, Katie gritted her teeth. “No one did this to me, Dad.”
“Watch your tone,” her father warned.
Despite the warning, Katie erupted like a volcano spewing red hot lava.
“You wanna know what happened at the river? Three girls attacked me. They almost raped me.” The words exploded from her throat, bouncing off the ceiling. “They thought if they shoved a dildo inside me, it would show me how great sex with a guy could be.”
A gasp escaped her mother, but Katie kept her gaze locked on her father.
“I ran for my life, scared out of my mind. It took everything I had in me not to fall apart while you and Mum told me off for being late home. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of but falling for a woman isn’t one of them.”
Crippling pain sliced Katie in two. “I thought the betrayal I felt that day was the worst thing I’d ever experience. I was wrong.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “You’re my father. You’re supposed to love me.” She hiccupped on a sob. “Unconditionally.”
“I do love you, Katie.” Her dad stared at the floor.
She wanted to scream, “Look at me and tell me you love me.”
Her mother sat on the edge of her seat, stiff and pale as a wax figure. After what felt like an eternity, she finally found her voice. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Hello.” Katie swept her arm in a circle. “Look around us.” The tension in the room was so thick, it was suffocating.
“I don’t mean that you’re gay, I meant what those girls did to you.” Her mum looked shell-shocked.
“Because those things go hand in hand. If I’d told you I’d been attacked, you would’ve wanted to know why.”
Her dad’s face was red with anger. “I would’ve marched you down to the cop shop to press charges.”
Katie clenched her fists as memories of that day flooded her mind. “That’s another reason I didn’t tell you. They all had marks on them from when I fought to get away. All I had to show for the attack was a broken sandal.”
Her mum shook her head sadly. “And the scars we couldn’t see. No wonder you were terrified of going back to school.”
Her dad huffed out a breath. “Remember when we had that discussion about it not being normal to be gay?” Katie bristled, and he held up a hand. “You realise you’re going to have a hard road ahead of you?”
Katie nodded. She knew she’d have to pick and choose who she told, but she didn’t care. Not everyone needed to know. If she had her family’s blessings, that was enough for her.
“Is she worth it?” her mum asked. “Gillian?”
The question was a no-brainer. “Totally. She said she’d wait till I’m ready to come out. I could’ve kept pretending we were nothing more than friends, but I can’t hide who I am any longer.”
“Then we’ll support you,” her mum said with conviction. “Remember when I asked you what happened that day at the river, and you said you weren’t ready to tell me?”
Although that day seemed so long ago, Katie remembered the conversation as clearly as if it was yesterday. “You told me your love doesn’t come with conditions.”
“And I meant it.” Her mum stood, and Katie rushed into her arms.
“I never meant to hurt you.” Katie’s heart ached for her parents. She had no doubt they would face judgement too. “We don’t have to tell Nana, or the neighbours, or your friends. I’ll be very discrete and—”
Her mum put a finger across her lips. “We’ll deal with each day as it comes.” She looked beyond Katie. “Won’t we, Howard?”
When her dad didn’t reply, Katie turned to face him. He gave her a sad smile. “I need some time to process. I do love you, Katie. But right now, I feel very sad.”
You and me both.
He swiped at a tear. Fuck, she’d never seen her father cry. Unable to bear it, Katie looked away.
Her mother hiccupped a sob, and in the next instant they were all crying. Katie spun in her mother’s arms and clung to her for dear life. Her eyes stung, and her throat burned.
Footfalls sounded behind her just before her father’s arms encompassed them both.
He kissed the top of Katie’s head. “But worse than all of those things, would be not having you at all. We’ll get through this…together. Because that’s what we do as a family. Love each other warts and all.”
A laugh hiccupped out of Katie. “Like Nana?”
Her dad huffed out a breath, and her mum pulled out of the embrace. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks red.
“Count yourself lucky you’ll never have a mother-in-law.”
Recalling all the wonderful things she’d heard about Gillian’s mother, how she’d bolstered Gillian since she was a wee girl, Katie smiled. “Gillian’s mother sounds pretty great, actually.”
“I take it her parents know about you two?”
Katie nodded. “They know, but I haven’t met them yet. I wanted you to know first.”
Her father scrubbed at his face. “I wish you could’ve come to us sooner. A lot of things make sense now. Why you barely left the house. Why you bolted from David and lashed out at me.”
The memory made Katie divert her gaze. It wasn’t a proud moment.
“David’s comments weren’t only an insult to the chap you work with,” her father continued, “They were insulting to you.” He shook his head, whether at her or himself, Katie didn’t know. But she desperately wanted to lift the heavy atmosphere hanging over them like a storm cloud.
“Imagine the surprise Nana will get when she finds out being a fatty had nothing to do with me not having a boyfriend.”
Her mum’s eyes went wide.
Way to go, Katie. Why don’t you put your other foot in it?
“You heard that?”
“It was hard not to.”
“Your grandmother might not show it, but she loves you and Simon as if you were her own.”
“I know.” Katie nodded.
The few times she’d visited over the past year, she’d told Katie how proud of her she was.
“I’m going to mow the lawns.” Her dad turned off the television and exited the room. Although she knew he needed time, his abrupt departure was like a punch to the gut.
Her mum nudged her in the side. “Wanna do some baking?”
“Sure.” Katie forced herself to smile, glad her mother seemed to be a little more accepting.
***
Later that night, Katie pulled off her headphones when her bedroom door crept open.
Her mum peeked through the gap. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
Pleased it was her mother standing there and not her father, Katie tossed her Walkman on the bedside table and scooted over. Her dad had said he loved her, but the sadness he said he felt hadn’t left his eyes since she’d dropped the gay-bomb.
Her mum settled on the bed beside Katie and draped an arm across her shoulders. Feeling like a little girl, Katie burrowed into the comfort that was her mother. Warm, soft, familiar. She inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of lemon dishwash.
“You know I could’ve helped clean up?”
“I know.” Her mum stroked Katie’s hair, and her eyes drifted closed. “But doing the dishes together gave your father and I time to talk.”
Shit, here it comes.
Her eyes popped open, but she didn’t lift her head. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in her mother’s eyes.
“Relax.” She continued to stroke Katie’s hair. “I feel like I let you down. And for that, I’m so very, very sorry.”
This time, Katie did look up. She knew how it felt to let someone down, but it was the last thing she expected to hear from her mother. “Why would you say that?”
A sad smile pulled at her mother’s mouth and tugged at Katie’s heart. If her parents felt half the pain she felt when one of them was in distress, then they must be hurting something bad.
“It’s my job as a parent to protect you.”
Katie bolted upright, anger flaring in her chest. “Don’t you dare feel bad for what those girls did to me. It’s not your fault.”
“Logically, I know that. But I can’t deny I’m worried about you. You’ll always be a target to bullies and harassment. And that scares the crap out of your father and I.”
“I get that, Mum, truly I do. But I’m not the naïve girl I was back then. If nothing else, the attack taught me to be wary of others and to protect myself.” She didn’t bother telling her mother she’d got her own back on two of her attackers.
“You know what the funny thing is, Mum?”
“What’s that, sweetie.” Her mum stroked her cheek, her eyes shining with affection.
“I was attacked while I was in the closet. I could’ve stayed there, stuck, scared, and lonely. But I didn’t, and I finally feel free.” As she said it, she realized she meant it. “I’m only sorry I hurt you and Dad in the process.”
“I won’t lie to you—” Her mum gave her a small smile. “—But it’s going to take time for us to get our heads around the fact you’ll be dating girls, not boys.”
“Is that so bad?” Katie asked.
“No, it just came as a surprise. And that’s another reason I feel bad. I should’ve seen the signs.”
Finally able to laugh, Katie snorted. “What? Like my short hair and butch clothes?” Her words were laced with sarcasm. Her hair hung around her shoulders and she wore a skirt five days out of seven. “Not every lesbian looks masculine.”
Her mum slapped her arm playfully. “I didn’t mean that. When you had Gillian over after you’d been to the beach, I told you to leave your door open. I shook it off to the fact I’d had a few drinks, but perhaps my gut had been telling me something more was going on.”
“Maybe.” Katie held on to her mother’s every word.
“Oh, and then there was the time you came home from the neighbours ranting and raving when Thomas tried to kiss you?”
“Oh, shoot. I forgot about that.” Katie chuckled. “I must’ve been what? Eight or nine?”
“Something like that. I put it down to you being at the ‘boys are icky’ stage, but the more I think about it, you never got past that stage.”
Perhaps her mother was more astute than Katie gave her credit for.
“Does Simon know?” Her mother nudged her in the side.
“What?” Katie played dumb, unsure how her parents would feel if they knew she’d confided in him long ago.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Katie. You and your brother are like twins, sharing everything.”
Grinning, she held her fingers millimetres apart. “He might have a teeny-tiny idea.”
A door banged and water rattled through the pipes.
“Is Dad going to be alright?”
“You’re his little girl, Katie, and that hasn’t changed. That man would die for you. Just give him time.”
“I wish he didn’t need it,” she said lamely.
Her mother held Katie by the chin. “You listen to me. Tonight came as a shock, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love you.” She spoke with venom as if she wanted Katie to absorb the words and never forget them. “As your father said, he needs time to process.”
“That he won’t have grandkids,” Katie mumbled.
“There’s a thing called adoption, Katie. And I’m sure your brother will have a kid or two. Not anytime soon, God forbid.”
For some reason, those words hit home. If by chance Simon came home and said he’d knocked up Jodie, his father would probably rip him a new one. Be shocked, disappointed, maybe even say something along the lines of Simon’s life being ruined, but he wouldn’t love his son any less.
“It’s going to be ok
ay, isn’t it, Mum?”
She gave Katie a side-on hug. “It is, sweetie. It really is.”
After giving her a peck on the cheek, her mum bounded off the bed. “I better go wash your father’s back.”
“Ew, gross.” Grinning, Katie plucked up her Walkman.
Chapter 25
Shortly after ten, Katie turned into Hereford Street. As much as she hated hospitals, when Gillian had asked if she wanted to go with her to visit her little brother, she couldn’t refuse.
Easing off the gas, she slowed until she spotted the letterbox with 44 embossed on it. She was here. At Gillian’s. She closed her eyes, trying to calm the butterflies swirling in her belly.
By the time she opened her eyes again, Gillian was halfway down the driveway. She looked as gorgeous as ever dressed in a knee-length demin skirt and a tight pink T-shirt.
Smiling, Katie climbed out of the car. “Hey. You ready to go?”
“Nope.” Gillian gave her a killer smile. “Come meet Mum. I promise she won’t bite.”
She grabbed Katie by the hand and as wonderful as it felt, Katie had a mental fight with herself not to pull out of her grip.
“Are you sure your parents are okay with this?” She looked at their hands.
“Yeah, but Cujo might have something to say about it.”
Right at that moment, a gorgeous tan and black dog bounded down the porch steps. He wove around their legs, yapping excitedly.
“What kind of dog is it?” Katie asked.
“You’re a King Charles Spaniel, aren’t you, boy?” Gillian bent down and petted Cujo.
He was nothing like the feral animal of Stephen King’s making.
“You miss Mitchell, don’t you?”
He barked as if he understood what she’d said.
Katie held out her hand and let him sniff her before she scratched behind his ears. His fur was soft and silky, and his tongue lolled out as if her touch was heavenly.
“Come on.” Gillian towed Katie toward the house again, Cujo hot on their heels.
The aroma of home baking filled Katie’s nostrils as they stepped inside. “Gingerbread?”
“Ginger crunch, my favourite.” Gillian inhaled deeply.
Katie nudged her in the side. “You got a thing for ginger?”