by Donna Jay
“A few months ago,” Tracy continued, “I ended up in hospital—this hospital—having my stomach pumped. While recovering from alcohol poisoning, a counsellor spent a lot of time talking to me. She helped me come to terms with things I tried to drown with booze.” A small smile tilted her thin lips. “She gave me a sense of purpose. After that, I decided I wanted to help others like she helped me. I’m working in admissions while I complete a degree in counselling.”
“That’s mighty charitable of you,” Katie couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “And let me guess, you have a gorgeous boyfriend who treats you just right, supports you, your parents are oh so proud, and would never guess what you played a part in.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Katie. After I nearly died, I told them everything. I came out at the same time.”
You could’ve knocked Katie over with a feather. When she found her voice, she stammered, “You…you’re gay?”
“Yeah, and it took putting my life on the line to be able to admit it. I know what it’s like to be haunted, Katie. The look in your eyes that day is one I’ll never forget. I see it every time I close my eyes. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I want you to know how terribly sorry I am. I had no idea Cherie could be so cruel. If it makes any difference, I haven’t spoken to her or Anita since that day.”
Katie lowered her defences. “So they never found out you let me go?”
“No.”
“And you let me go because you were a closeted lesbian?”
“I let you go because what they were doing was wrong. I knew Cherie had a nasty streak, but I never thought she’d go that far.”
Baffled, Katie shook her head. “Why were you even friends with them?”
Without missing a beat, Tracy fired the question right back at her. “Why did you come with us to the river?”
“I wanted to fit in.” The minute the words left Katie’s mouth, she got it. “So did you.”
Tracy nodded. “I hated school. I hated being in the closet. I hated pretending to be someone I wasn’t.” She sounded so sad, it was hard not to feel sorry for her.
“I think they were only friends with me because I had easy access to my parent’s alcohol stash.”
An orderly bustled into the room. “There you are, Trace. We need Samuel’s admission papers.”
Tracy flicked through the mess of files, located one and handed it over. As soon as he exited the room, Tracy turned back to Katie. “I have to go. Again, I’m sorry.”
Before she was out the door, Katie grabbed her by the arm. A smile spread across her face as she felt the last of the weight from that day finally lift off her shoulders. “I forgive you.”
A tear slid down Tracy’s cheek. She swiped it away and mouthed, “Thank you.” And then she was gone.
Epilogue
December 1987
For the first time in two years, Katie was looking forward to Christmas. Having her nana staying with them couldn’t even dampen her spirits.
The house was alive with activity as everyone played their part in preparing a pre-Christmas dinner. Jodie, Gillian, and Katie were on kitchen duty.
Simon was outside helping his father. Katie’s mum was doing her best to keep Nana Parker happy.
After a lengthy chat with her parents, they decided it was up to Katie whether or not she came out to her nana.
She didn’t want to keep Gillian a secret, but she knew how cutting her grandmother could be, and she never wanted Gillian to be on the receiving end of that.
“You okay?” Gillian’s warm breath on Katie’s neck brought an instant smile to her face.
“I am.” Katie wanted to kiss her, but it probably wasn’t a good idea to lock lips with her nana lurking in the background.
Jodie handed over the peas she’d been removing from their pods. “Here you go.”
“Yum, I love fresh peas.” Gillian popped one into her mouth.
The net curtain moved aside, and Katie’s dad appeared in the doorway. “Here. Fresh out of the garden.” He held out a handful of potatoes.
“Thanks.” Katie took them and dumped them in the sink. “My favourite. You can’t get fresher than home-grown.”
Smiling, Jodie leaned against the bench. “The chicken’s fresh, too. I plucked it this morning.”
“Oh my God.” Katie covered her mouth with the back of her hand. “That’s not Henrietta in the oven, is it?” She peered through the glass.
Gillian snickered. “You’re so gullible.”
Looking smug, Jodie tipped the empty pods into the rubbish bin. “We don’t eat our chickens, only their eggs.” She put the bowl down and headed for the door. “I’m going to see how Simon’s getting on. See you outside, city girl.”
Once she left the room, Gillian turned to Katie. “I’m glad it worked out for them.”
“Me too.”
According to Jodie, her father hadn’t been happy when she’d first told him she was dating Simon. But as it turned out, he was more concerned about losing a good worker if they broke up than the fact they were dating.
Pleased to finally have a minute alone with Gillian, Katie reached for her hand. Eyes wide, Gillian shook her head.
Realising they were no longer alone, Katie turned. “Hi, Nana. Can I get you something?”
“A glass of cold water. It’s too hot out there for this old girl.” She dabbed at her forehead with a handkerchief.
Before Katie had a chance to move, Gillian pulled open an overhead cupboard and retrieved a tall glass. “Gosh, you’re not that old, are you? What, you must be all of fifty?”
Her nana narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t that ancient to you young ones?”
“Not at all. My dad’s forty-nine,” Gillian said.
“Really?” her nana sounded doubtful.
“Yep.” Gillian chuckled. “I’m nineteen. He was thirty before I came along. Nine years later Tyler was born, and two years after that Mitchell joined the family.”
With a twinkle in her eye, her nana picked up the glass of water. “You’re very sweet, and for the record, I’m sixty-two.” She exited the room, leaving Katie wondering who had kidnapped her grandmother.
“Did you spike Nana’s water?” Katie poked Gillian in the side.
“Ow.” She giggled. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I haven’t heard a snide comment out of her since everyone got here. She’s asked about Simon’s job, talked to Jodie, joked with you.” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s only me she hates.”
Smiling, Gillian picked up a paper party hat and handed it to Katie. “Here you go.”
“Don’t.” Katie tried not to smile.
“Naw, is the pity-party over already?” Gillian pouted. “I didn’t even get cake.”
“Whatever.” Katie chuckled. “You had plenty last week.” It had been one of the most memorable birthdays of Katie’s life.
“I made it.” Gillian grinned.
She had, too, a delicious chocolate cake complete with eighteen candles. Katie took Gillian’s hands in her own. “You made my day.”
Out of nowhere, Katie’s mum came rushing into the kitchen. She turned off the oven and rescued the chicken.
“It’s not Henrietta,” Katie said.
“What?” Her mother looked at her like she’d grown a second head.
“Never mind. What else needs to be done?”
“If you can set the table, that’d be great. Your nana’s happy instructing your father how to care for his vegetable garden, the same one that thrives all year without her. Simon and Jodie are helping put netting over the strawberries. So, if you two are okay, I’ll leave you to it.”
“We’re fine,” Katie said.
The minute her mother left the kitchen, Katie stole a kiss. Gillian’s lips were warm and soft. She tasted like orange juice.
“Thanks for being here.” Katie took a sip of her drink.
“It’s no big deal. I’m here half the week, anyway.”
&n
bsp; That was true. If they weren’t hanging out at Gillian’s, they were hanging out at Katie’s. If everything went according to plan, come the New Year they’d be living together. Anyone who didn’t know better would assume they were nothing more than flatmates.
***
“Grub’s up,” Katie called out as she placed a tray of chicken and bowl of coleslaw on the table. Gillian set down boiled potatoes with fresh mint and melted butter, along with a bowl of freshly picked, cooked peas.
The combination of aromas made Katie’s mouth water.
“Come on, Mum.” Her dad guided his mother into a seat next to him at the head of the table. Katie sat opposite her grandmother, with Gillian by her side. Her mum sat next to her nana, across from Gillian. Jodie took the seat at the foot of the table, and with all six seats taken, Simon pulled up a stool and parked himself between Gillian and Jodie.
Conversation was sparse as bowls of food were handed around and everyone loaded up their plates.
“Do you have a big family Christmas, Jodie?” Her dad asked.
“Yeah. Mum and Dad both come from large families. There’s plenty of room on the farm, so aunts, uncles, and cousins all descend on us. It’s no trouble, though. Dad fires up the barbeque and I help Mum toss together some salads.”
“Are you a farm girl?” her nana asked, and Katie hoped she wasn’t going to judge her. Unlike her nana who was always perfectly made up, Jodie looked more at home in gumboots.
“I sure am. Me and this guy make a great team.” The look of love she shot Simon warmed Katie’s heart.
“I do the hard work while she tends to the calves.”
Jodie gave him a playful nudge. “You don’t know what hard work is until the day you have to stick your hand in and pull one out.”
“Hello, I’m eating over here,” Katie said around a smile.
“How about you, Gillian?” her mum asked as she speared a potato.
Gillian placed her hands in her lap. “My relatives are spread out, some as far away as Australia. I saw them all recently…when my grandpa passed away. Christmas this year will be a quiet one for us.”
The sadness in Gillian’s voice made Katie want to hug her. Since she couldn’t, she did the next best thing. She slipped her hand under the table and squeezed Gillian’s fingers.
Gillian squeezed back and Katie never wanted to let go. She mouthed, ‘you okay?’ and received a smile and nod in return.
Dragging her gaze off Gillian, she turned just in time to see her nana’s head pop-up from under the table.
Crap.
Talk about shitty timing. The look on her nana’s face as good as said, “I saw that.”
“You okay, Mum?” Her dad asked as her nana straightened.
“I thought I peed on the floor.”
A snort huffed out of Jodie. “Sorry.” She covered her mouth.
Simon smirked. “Want me to help you to the bathroom, Nana?”
“Oh, hush your mouth. I thought I dropped a pea, but I can’t find it.”
Everyone except for Katie was smiling. She wasn’t in a laughing mood. She was waiting for the axe to fall.
Her nana narrowed her eyes at Simon. “I hope your girlfriend doesn’t put up with your nonsense.”
“Never.” He clutched his chest. “She won’t even do my laundry.”
“Good girl. Don’t go making a rod for your own back.”
“I won’t.” Jodie grinned. “I refuse to make his bed, too.”
“Even when she’s the one who messed it up.” Simon shot back.
Turning her attention from Simon and Jodie to Katie, her nana nailed Katie with a look that made her heart beat double time. “What about you, Katie? Are you dating anyone?”
The silence that ensued was deafening. Jodie watched with rapt attention. Her mother and father glanced at each other but held their tongues.
Simon looked ready to pounce if her nana put a foot out of line, respect your elders be damned.
Gillian’s hand snaked into Katie’s and that was all the encouragement she needed to be honest. “No, Nana, no boyfriend.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Her mother’s eyes darted left and right, but her head didn’t move. She had a better view of Gillian than Katie did.
“What was the question?” Katie shook her head trying to clear it.
“Are you dating anyone,” Simon piped up.
The cocky tone of his voice made Katie smile. Well, if he wanted to put her under the spotlight, she would shine.
“Yes, I’m dating.”
“You’re dating, but you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Her dad gave Katie a nod as if to say, ‘It’s okay to tell her.’
“Correct,” Katie said, “I’m dating Gillian.” She put their joined hands on the table, feeling like she was serving her heart on a platter.
Would her nana accept the offering or stomp all over it? The warmth in Gillian’s eyes bolstered Katie.
Her Nana leaned back and folded her arms across her chest, concealing her dragonfly broach.
Everyone held their breath, and Katie felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Her heart pounded in her chest. She hoped her news didn’t spoil a relaxing dinner.
“That’s wonderful.” Her grandmother’s face lit up.
Say what?
Gobsmacked, Katie’s mouth fell open.
“Oh, my God.” Grinning like an idiot, Simon slapped his thigh. “You’ve been shitting yourself…”
“Simon,” her mother warned.
“Sorry. I mean you’ve been worried sick about what Nana would think. And, boom, she’s like, that’s wonderful.” He almost fell off his seat laughing.
“Please don’t speak about me in the third person.” The small smile on her nana’s face further confused Katie. “Are you finished?”
Looking sheepish, Simon lowered his head. “Sorry.”
Stunned, Katie faced her nana head-on. “You judged me for being overweight, but you’re fine with me being gay?”
In the blink of an eye, Simon went from jovial to angry. “She what?”
Her father shot him a look that silenced him.
Unperturbed by the father-son standoff, her nana held Katie’s gaze. “The heart knows what the heart wants. And it’s clear to me, your heart wants Gillian. I might be old, but I’m not stupid…or blind. You two have been making eyes at each other all afternoon.”
Looking as dazed as Katie felt, her father stood. “Sherry, Mum?”
“That would be lovely.” Her nana turned to her mum. “Will you join me, Vivian?”
“Sure.” Katie’s mum smiled. “Wine, please. Pour one for each of the girls as well, and get Simon a beer. I have a feeling we’re all going to need a drink.” She smiled at her mother-in-law. “No offense, Mum.”
“None taken.” Her nana patted her mouth with a napkin. “This is a story I’ve never told, so listen up and listen good.”
Anxiety swirled in Katie’s veins. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear this or not. Once everyone had a drink in hand, all eyes and ears were on her nana.
“For a long time, people couldn’t understand why I never remarried. But you can’t force love. When your grandfather died, he took my heart with him.”
If the situation hadn’t been so serious, Katie might’ve made a joke about finally understanding why her nana didn’t have a heart, but in that moment, she realised she actually did.
“As much as everyone said I should find someone else, I refused to pretend to love another man just to placate them. Instead, I embraced the persona put on me. I became known as an uptight, old spinster. I believe the word frigid was tossed around a few times.”
Probably a relative of David’s. Katie kept the thought to herself.
“Although pretending to be standoffish and aloof became tiresome, it got everyone off my back.” Her smile softened. “The worst thing is, I’ve acted a certain way for so long, I fear I’ve become that person.”
She held Katie’s gaze, and Katie felt like they were the only two people in the room. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I passed comment about your weight. However, I knew you were listening outside the door. I saw your reflection in the window.”
Busted.
Katie’s eyes went wide, but she refused to apologise for eavesdropping.
“I’d hoped it would shock you into doing something about your weight, not because it bothered me—you were a chubby baby and the apple of my eye—but because you looked so sad, self-conscious, like you wanted to hide from the world.”
Katie had been sad, but not for reasons her nana thought. That was a part of her life she never intended to share with her grandmother.
“I see now what I intended to be helpful was hurtful.” Her nana gave her a sad smile. “Can you ever forgive me?”
What a bizarre situation to be in. Here Katie was expecting to ask for acceptance, and here her nana was asking for forgiveness.
Overcome with emotion, she rounded the table and hugged her nana from behind. “I love you, Nana. And I’m sorry for your loss.”
“There’s no need to be. They were the best years of my life. And they resulted in this guy.” Her nana held out her hand, and her dad took it. “I’m only sorry your dad didn’t grow up with a father figure, but I don’t think it did him any harm.”
Her dad gave her a watery smile. “I had a full life, Mum. And when you took the belt to me, I felt like I had a father.”
“I bet you were a shit.” Simon laughed.
“Simon!” Katie’s mother bellowed.
“Geez, it wasn’t even a swear word. Ow.” He scowled at Jodie. “What was that for?”
“Behave,” Jodie said around a smile.
“Your father wasn’t an angel.” Her Nana’s eyes crinkled. “But he made me proud.”
Her dad looked at his mother for a long time, like he was weighing up his words. After what felt like forever, he finally spoke. “I have to say, I’m surprised you’ve taken the news so well.”
Pausing with her fork mid-air, her mother turned in her seat. “Me too. Have you been expecting it?”
“No. Not before today. But the way they look at each other is a dead giveaway.”
“Are we that transparent?” Katie asked, dreading the answer. She didn’t want everyone to see right through them.