Oh, Fergus. You could make me do things I’d never dream of doing, things that would go against my own moral compass. She didn’t say it out loud; it was bad enough admitting it to herself.
‘You’re right. We’ll go outside, I will give you some space, but I want answers.’
Which she’d been trying to give him.
* * *
He led the way to a side door into a conservatory furnished with white cane furniture and dozens of lush green potted plants. In another time and place she would have loved this room. The windows were full-length French doors and he opened one to allow her to precede him onto the tiled balcony.
She drew a deep breath at the fresh air – and the space she quickly made between them – and headed for the stone steps that connected the balcony to the lawn.
Fergus caught up with her on the grass, but stayed hands off. As promised. ‘I think I had it right the first time. We did connect. Yet when you left like that, I assumed you didn’t care. Was I wrong? If you tell me you didn’t feel the same, I’ll leave you alone and never speak of it again.’ His eyes bored into hers, dark and compelling, daring her to give him the truth. They narrowed as she hesitated. ‘Don’t lie to me, Ailee.’
It would be so easy. Just lie and say he meant nothing to her. Ailee opened her mouth and then closed it again. She couldn’t. Had to be honest with him.
‘Yes. You’re right. There is something between us.’ She paused. ‘But...’
She felt him stiffen beside her, but she raised a hand in case he was thinking of interrupting. ‘The time of our meeting couldn’t have been worse,’ she went on. ‘What I see in you is something I’ve waited a long time to find, but Singapore wasn’t the time.’
Fergus shook his head. ‘What about now? I know I’m moving fast. Hell, we both move faster than light when we’re together, but I can’t let you get away now that I’ve found you.’
He was right beside her now and slid his hand possessively over the curve of her shoulder until her skin glowed with heat from his hand.
‘For goodness sake, if you’re not going to listen I’m leaving.’ His hand fell to his side and she lifted her chin.
‘You tremble when I touch you.’ His face twisted into a cynical smile. ‘What do you think that means?’
He went on. ‘I’ve seen too much of life not to know my mind. I thought about how complicated you were going to make my world the first time I saw you.’
She felt the tears stinging at the backs of her eyes and she blinked them away. This was too important. Yes, she could destroy this beautiful man if something unexpected happened during her operation or afterwards.
‘That’s exactly why this is such poor timing. I don’t need this pressure. There is so much going on in my life at this moment that you don’t know about. You and your daughter don’t need someone you can’t trust not to be there in your life.’
He looked at her and for the first time she felt he really listened. Thank goodness.
‘Not be there in what way?’ His words glided between them like a cool breeze, zephyr-like yet sharp. ‘And we’ll leave my daughter out of this.’
‘Your daughter is part of the reason.’
And then Simone was there. The dark-haired young girl dressed in a martial arts kit ran across the lawn to meet them. ‘Hello. I’m home. Who’s your friend?’
Simone McVicker was a miniature of the woman in the portrait and obviously another determined lady.
Fergus turned slowly and faced his daughter. ‘Hello, Simone. What happened to martial arts?’
‘Chrissy Smythe fell and broke her wrist and Mr Ting had to go with her to the hospital so we finished early.’
Fergus nodded. ‘Poor Chrissy.’ He turned to Ailee. ‘Dr Ailee Green, meet my daughter, Simone.’
Ailee held out her hand and shook the girl’s fingers, which flopped like a wilted flower. Ailee tried to contain the twitch of her lips. Simone was playing droopy princess, and suppressing her amusement was a struggle.
Simone looked Ailee up and down as they held hands. ‘You’re very tall, aren’t you? I’m going to be tall like my father and grandmother.’
Ailee smiled. ‘Yes, I can see that. But you shake hands like a fish.’
The young girl blinked, stared, tightened her grip and shook hands properly.
Slowly they smiled at each other.
‘Do you work with my dad at the new hospital?’
Ailee nodded. ‘I’m one of the transplant co-ordinators at the moment.’
‘Can you do operations?’
Ailee nodded. ‘I’ve just finished three months in Scotland with a professor in renal surgery.’
She saw his eyes widen as Fergus stared at her. ‘Professor Giles? At the Edinburgh Infirmary?’
‘And Ian Forrest. But enough of me. I’d really like a cup of tea and one of those gorgeous-looking cakes that Martha has waiting in the library.’
Simone clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘I was supposed to remind you of that. We’d better go in.’
They all turned and headed for the house and Ailee felt surprised by how far they’d walked. Probably because she’d been walking quickly to escape the impending disclosures that she still hadn’t made. As if the universe was conspiring – or Simone’s friend’s wrist.
Now his daughter was involved. Had met her. Would make it harder not to upset them.
Fergus stayed silent and she wondered if he regretted taking her upstairs to kiss her instead of hearing her reasons for fobbing him off. Served him right.
* * *
For the next half hour there was no chance for Fergus to ask anything because his daughter monopolised Ailee’s attention as if she were starved of female conversation.
Simone could talk while she poured, though, and Ailee couldn’t help being impressed with her hostess skills.
‘So, who do you think has the best dress sense?’ Simone pointed to a magazine with two glamorous young women on the cover as a plate of dainty cakes changed hands.
Ailee looked at Fergus for help and he shook his head with a small smile on his face. ‘Um... they’re singers,’ he clarified, obviously trying hard to stay up to scratch with his daughter’s favourites.
‘Definitely her. I like the paisley dress and the boots.’ Ailee didn’t know the other one but she’d look out for her. She took a bite and the morsel melted in her mouth.
Simone was too busy talking to eat. ‘Do you ski? My father promised me a holiday skiing but then chose to work during his holidays.’ She pouted.
Ailee glanced at Fergus, who said nothing in his own defence. ‘Not quite a choice. I know three young people whose lives have been drastically changed because your dad came when our hospital needed him. One of them could have died if we hadn’t found a replacement surgeon.’ She softened her words with a smile. ‘It is disappointing for you, though.’
Simone looked at her father and she narrowed her gaze thoughtfully. ‘Okay. But I have compensation coming my way and I’d really like to go to New Zealand in the winter. Except he hates planes.’
Ailee remembered that Fergus had said she’d helped his phobia. Those memories made her remember other things. Luckily Simone prattled on. ‘They say New Zealand’s even better than Thredbo.’
Ailee was having trouble keeping up because every subject seemed to bring back more memories that she’d locked away from that time with Fergus. ‘Sorry. Haven’t tried skiing but I have been to New Zealand and it is lovely.’
‘I had a friend from New Zealand in my dorm. I was a boarder at school but Dad said he missed me too much, so I came home. I don’t believe him—’ a glance at her dad, ‘—but I like being a day student better.’
Fergus met Ailee’s amused glance and tilted his head in acknowledgment.
Well, well. She was glad he’d decided to bring his daughter home. Simone seemed a bright young woman, if a little hard on Fergus, but they’d had a tough couple of years.
Simone tilted her head at Ailee after refilling he
r father’s tea. ‘Are you staying for dinner?’
‘No.’ Ailee put down her empty plate. ‘I promised my mother I’d be home for a family dinner, which I hope I can still eat after all those cakes. I should go; it’s getting late.’
They all stood. Simone hadn’t taken her eyes off Ailee. ‘Will you come and visit again?’
‘We’ll see. But it has been lovely to meet you, Simone.’ Ailee held out her hand, sure that this time the grip would be a normal one.
Simone ignored her hand, hugged Ailee, and then kissed her cheek.
‘I liked meeting you, too. Dad never brings women home.’
‘I’m honoured.’ Ailee looked at Fergus and dreaded the trip in the car. Suddenly she couldn’t face the whole explanation scene and her nerves felt shattered. ‘Would you like me to order a taxi, Fergus? It would save you going out again.’
‘I’ll drive you home.’ There was no doubt that Fergus had earmarked the return journey for some information-sharing and Ailee felt even more like a moth in a web.
‘Can I come?’ Simone’s request hung in the air and Ailee avoided Fergus as she looked at his daughter. ‘I don’t mind, but it’s up to your father.’
Simone didn’t look at Fergus either. ‘The only problem is I get sick in the back.’
Even better. Ailee was quick to offer. ‘I’ll sit in the back, and you can sit with your father in the front.’
‘No, you won’t.’ Fergus said it mildly enough but there was an implacable note that both women knew meant not negotiable.
Simone studied her father. ‘I could probably sit in the back for a short trip,’ she suggested, and as they moved towards the door she whispered to Ailee, ‘You wanted me to come, didn’t you?’
‘Thanks,’ Ailee said and Simone gave a satisfied nod.
* * *
The car journey passed with strain, the whole afternoon to explain had been a fiasco and exercise in frustration and when Fergus opened her door back at the hospital, his words brushed her neck as she climbed out.
‘My fault. We should have talked first. I’ll ring you.’ Then he helped his daughter into the front and walked back to his own door.
‘Thank you for the tea and cakes,’ Ailee said politely.
There was humour in the look Fergus gave her. ‘It was an interesting afternoon. I’ll speak to you soon.’
Chapter 14
Fergus
* * *
Fergus watched Ailee in the rear-view mirror as he drove away, noting she didn’t turn around to wave. Serve him right. He’d blown that.
She’d told him, in actual words, that he was the man she was looking for but “the timing was off”. What did that mean?
As he drove, he mulled over what could possibly be Ailee’s reasons for holding back?
He decided it could be she had a tortured past and had been hurt by some man. He could deal with that. These were all things he’d never thought to have to consider again, since he’d never intended re-entering the awkward mating game after his wife had died.
He admitted to himself that he was back where he’d been in Singapore after they’d shared the day together. Thinking long term, beyond to life and marriage, with Ailee as Simone’s step-mother.
To his intense surprise he wasn’t fazed by any of those long-term concepts, only that the plan could fail if Ailee continued to oppose his suit for her “reasons”. Would a time come when the reasons would go away? He’d almost found out today. Except Simone had intervened.
And met Ailee. And was drawn to her. Which he’d been hoping to avoid in case it all came to nothing, now there would be some personal cost. But he was willing to take that risk. He had to be careful, though, for Simone’s sake.
‘You like her, don’t you, Dad?’
He’d thought Simone had been listening to her earpods, which travelled everywhere with her. He glanced across at his daughter. The expression on her face reminded him of her mother when she’d been indulgent of his “man’s” ways.
The usual pain from his loss of Stella didn’t come as viciously these days — had moved to wonderful memories and reminiscences – and for this he was thankful.
He smiled at the tiny warming from his daughter. It was unusual for Simone to initiate a conversation except today with Ailee, he thought wryly. ‘Yes, I do, Simone. I think you like her, too.’ He slowed the car as he looked across at his daughter again.
‘I think she’s neat and I think she’s kind, too. Elizabeth Arrow’s stepmother is a witch.’
He suppressed a laugh. Just. ‘I don’t think Ailee would be a witch.’
‘Nope. And she’s a surgeon like you.’
One of the issues.
Simone said conversationally, ‘It would be good for you to have another woman around for a change. You might stay home more... especially if she has a baby.’
Fergus nearly ran into the gate as he drove into his driveway. His daughter was way ahead of him.
‘I might need to get to know Ailee better before we start contemplating babies,’ he said dryly. ‘And I’d really prefer if you didn’t mention this conversation to anyone at school. Okay?’ Or to Ailee if his daughter met her again. Which she would if he had anything to say about it.
‘Sure, Dad. And you should take it slowly. You don’t want to scare her off.’
His daughter was twelve going on twenty and it was darned scary.
Chapter 15
Ailee
* * *
Ailee heard the car pull away and forced herself not to turn around. She wanted to stamp her foot. Looked up at the sky and felt like shaking her fist. ‘Darn it. He should’ve known by now.’ It should all have been out and sorted. The longer she left it the bigger her secret loomed, which was ridiculous. Of all the people in the world to understand, Fergus should.
But there was his daughter. Whom she’d now met. And liked.
Still, she needed to think through the implications of the last hour, of Fergus at least knowing it was the timing of their “connection” not him she was fighting.
She had the weekend to get it right before Monday. Ailee glanced at her watch and her eyes widened. She had only enough time to jump in her car and make it home before her mother’s roast was ruined.
* * *
‘So how was work?’ William appeared quite chirpy at the dinner table. He’d only just come in from being out with some friends and looked different to his usual solemn self.
‘Work was fine.’ Ailee glanced at his plate. ‘And since when do you eat bananas?’
Ailee raised her eyebrows at the tiny half-banana William had tucked under his plate and, caught out, her brother shrugged.
‘It’s my once-a-month treat, and I’m having dialysis tomorrow.’
William knew he had to be careful of foods that contained “dangerous salts” like potassium, and his fluid restrictions were the part he hated the most. When he was well enough, he went out with his friends on Friday nights. He couldn’t drink alcohol, mainly because of the fluid amounts involved and the chemicals his body couldn’t get rid of.
Like most dialysis patients, William had established a good rapport with the staff and the mostly older patients who came into the dialysis clinic at the hospital on the same days as he did. Unlike less fortunate end-stage kidney-disease sufferers, William knew it was ending soon. He was guaranteed a kidney. Hers.
Ailee smiled across at her brother. ‘You’re looking stronger.’
‘I’m getting there. The next assessment clinic will be the big test and it’s not far off. I’m pretty nervous about that.’
Ailee put down her knife and fork. Showed her hands. ‘I’ve got my fingers crossed.’
Helen looked across at her son because she knew how much depended on it. ‘William said the man standing in for Mr Harry seems very good. Do you think he’ll be the one who does the surgery if it all goes ahead quickly?’
Ailee hadn’t considered that. It was a disquieting thought and she wasn’t so sure Fer
gus would be happy either when he found out who the donor was. But she’d get there before then. Though, the way it was going he’d find out in theatre. She almost laughed at that. Because that would not happen!
She concentrated on her mother’s question to avoid thinking about Fergus operating on William. ‘Fergus McVicker has been seconded from Sydney East. It all depends on Mrs Harry and how quickly she recovers from her stroke whether Mr McVicker stays on for two or four weeks.’
Her mother still looked worried at the change of surgeon at this late stage, so Ailee went on, when the last thing she wanted to do – which was talk about Fergus. ‘He’s dedicated and a whiz in theatre. It seems that he’s the best laparoscopic surgeon in Australia.’
‘Then William can’t lose, whoever the surgeon is. We need the best when my only two children depend on the team.’ Helen put her napkin to her lips and closed her eyes. Then she smiled tremulously and stood up. ‘I’ll just get some more vegetables,’ she said brightly, and left the table.
William and Ailee looked at each other and Ailee stood. They both knew their mother would be crying in the kitchen and Ailee touched her brother’s shoulder as she followed her mother.
Helen wiped her eyes as her daughter came in. ‘We’ll be fine,’ Ailee said.
‘I know. I’m being a drama queen.’
Ailee smiled and dropped a kiss on her mother’s cheek. ‘No, you’re not. You’re being a wonderful, caring mother and we wouldn’t have you any other way.’
* * *
Later that evening, Ailee searched out William after her mother had gone to bed. She leaned over his chair and ruffled his hair. ‘Hey, Will. How’s it going?’
William smiled crookedly up at her and shrugged. ‘The usual.’
Ailee sat down next to him. ‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’
‘Shoot.’
‘How are you coping with dialysis? I know you hate it and I know you don’t have much choice, but it must be hard, especially when you’re going through a rough patch like the last couple of weeks.’
The Doctor's Gift Page 10