by Candy Paull
Text copyright © Candy Paull 2013
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
Published by Grand Harbor Press
1704 Eaton Drive
Grand Haven, MI 49417
ISBN-13: 9781477848111
ISBN-10: 1477848118
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013940848
Dedicated to my readers: We meet in the Secret Place of the Most High
Contents
Start Reading
With an eye…
Introduction
Part One The Heart of Serenity
Chapter One Serenity Is a Choice
Chapter Two Coming Home to Serenity
Chapter Three Serene Healing: The Wisdom of the Body
Chapter Four Serene Spirit: Meditation and Mindfulness
Part Two Serene Relationships
Chapter Five Love, Honor, and Cherish: Serenity Begins with You
Chapter Six Playful Serenity: Enjoying Life Together
Chapter Seven Joyful Service: The Beloved Community
Chapter Eight Bringing Your Best to Work: Serenity on the Job
Part Three Serenity in the Storm
Chapter Nine Serenity through Crisis and Change
Chapter Ten Saying Good-Bye: Loss, Death, and Rebirth
Chapter Eleven Peace, Be Still: Serene Faith and Grace
Part Four Serenity through the Seasons of Life
Chapter Twelve Celebrating Serenity All Year Round: A Collection of Practical Tips
Conclusion Serene Presence
That exquisite poise…
Bibliography and Resources
About the Author
From listening to your body to hearing the still, small intuitive voice in your heart, it is my prayer that Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress will help you find both spiritual and practical inspiration that will not only make your day better, but introduce you to the deepest part of yourself—the true heart that is sacred, serene, and beautiful at all times.
—Candy Paull
With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things.
—William Wordsworth
Stress is the perception that we are separated from our divine source.
—Brian Luke Seaward
The serene, silent beauty of a holy life is the most powerful influence in the world, next to the might of the Spirit of God.
—Blaise Pascal
Serenity. You hear it in the music of Debussy, Mozart, Bach, and Brahms—a smooth flow of melody and harmony that soothes your heart and calms your mind. Or you might find it in the achingly beautiful Quiet City by Aaron Copland, or in the sound of a flute played in the abstract beauty of a Japanese garden. Serenity is a picture of a beautiful meadow with horses grazing and grass as green as a four-leaf clover, or a tranquil lake mirroring a cloudless azure sky. You sense it in the old masters’ paintings of Mary, with her sweet smile and tranquil expression, or in the mysterious smile of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa. Serenity is the sigh of relief as you sink into bed after a long busy day, or the feeling of release in the aftermath of a storm of tears.
Yet in our frazzled society, serenity is hard to find. You look in the mirror, but instead of a serene, smiling face, you see your own worried countenance. How do you achieve serenity in this ever-accelerating modern age? How can you find the stillness and tranquility that brings a higher perspective on life and your place in it?
The solution doesn’t have to be complex, and you don’t have to rearrange your entire life. Cultivating inner serenity can begin with small adjustments that will shift your attention and move you into a calmer place. Serenity is a gift that comes moment by moment, choice by choice. It grows from within and expands outwardly. Serenity can exist in the midst of a storm, as well as when the sun shines in a cloudless sky. Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress offers thoughts that help you tap into that higher, more spiritual viewpoint; yet it attends to the earthy details and simple choices that enable you to create the life of your dreams instead of the drama of your nightmares.
Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress offers a combination of practical help and spiritual insight to help you bridge the gap between the way things are and the way you wish they could be. There are no guarantees or promises of nirvana, just simple suggestions for coping with the stress of daily life and thoughts that might inspire you to find a higher perspective during troublesome times. You’ll find practical ideas for body, mind, and spirit that will help you cope with unavoidable stress and inspire you to eliminate that which no longer serves you. With small adjustments to seemingly minor stress points, you can learn to simplify your life and make room for more beauty, meaning, and joy. You’ll be reminded of things you already know but often forget when the pressures of life become overwhelming.
From commonsense advice you’ve heard for years from mothers, mentors, and teachers to heartfelt thoughts about what it means to make the choices that soften the hard blows life can deliver, Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress was written to help you discover reminders of hope and encouragement for the soul in any season of life. Created to inspire you in the midst of a busy life, this book not only addresses the outward symptoms of stress and tension, but also encourages you to examine the root causes, which are spiritual in nature.
Filled with simple suggestions for making life just a bit calmer and more ordered, Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress offers an antidote to the frustration and stress of everyday living. Let these pages be an oasis in the middle of a busy day—a reminder of your own capacity for healing and beauty, and an exploration of new possibilities for leading a more tranquil and spiritually expansive existence.
This collection of ideas is a gentle reminder of the wisdom you already carry within. It is a reminder that there is Something wiser and more benevolent at work in the circumstances and conditions of your life, and Someone who loves you without judgment or condemnation—no matter how you may feel you have failed to live up to your God-given potential. You are not bound by the history of your past, the limits of your understanding. There is a core of serenity—an inner guidance system that resides in your heart and expresses in your soul. This is the place where love begins, and it is your true nature, your authentic self beneath all the masks of personality, ego, and the small self that clings and clutches.
May you make a simple choice to become more aware and to cultivate a serene spirit. This is the starting place for an inner revolution that can color your entire life with light, joy, love, and a sense of peace and plenitude. Open your heart to accept the sweet serenity that is always at the center of your being.
If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.
—Chinese proverb
Man ordinarily goes no further than his own experience (and that includes the experience of the race) for help in an emergency. But those who go still further within themselves for the answer will find a timeless wisdom and inspiration to be translated into the human need of the moment.
—Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood
We have to make peace and reduce the suffering in ourselves f
irst, because we represent the world. Peace, love, and happiness must always begin here, with ourselves. There is suffering, fear, and anger inside of us, and when we take care of it, we are taking care of the world.… So first you have to focus on the practice of being. Being fresh. Being peaceful. Being attentive. Being generous. Being compassionate.
—Thich Nhat Hanh
It was a cold November night, and my birthday. I knew I would be alone that evening, and my usual choice would have been to sink into a funk or watch television. But for once, I decided to do something special, a little different. I decided to attend a meditation at Nashville Mindfulness Center. I had gone to two meditation services with a friend, both special occasions with singing bowl ceremonies that had left me feeling peaceful and my whole body vibrating with calm energy. Tonight I would be going by myself, and it would be a regular meditation night with no special ceremonies or larger-than-usual crowds.
I walked up the steps that led to a massive wooden door and entered shyly. It was quiet with candles burning and a serene atmosphere. The director welcomed me warmly. He offered simple instructions in how to sit on the meditation cushion, what to expect during the meditation time, and a brief story about how he had studied with Thich Nhat Hanh—the Vietnamese monk who is one of the most beloved Buddhist teachers in the West. The meditation leader, who had converted the solarium of his home into a meditation center, had been ordained in Thich Nhat Hanh’s order and led meditation every week. That night, I was introduced to mindfulness meditation, and it began a two-year journey into the power and healing of meditative practice.
Week after week I would return to the meditation and find peace and release. I learned to let go of my jumbled thoughts, to breathe in and to breathe out, to be totally focused in the moment. I released the difficulties and stresses of my life, which were the most challenging I had ever experienced. I was fighting to keep my home, struggling with a financial meltdown, watching my career disintegrate, and feeling frightened and bewildered most of the time. This time of meditation became more and more important, as essential as food and air. I breathed in serenity and breathed out all the fear. Those two hours every Wednesday night became a lifeline as I faced bill collectors, foreclosure notices, health issues, and the end of life as I had known it.
The habit of meditation became an important part of my day, helping me stop the cold sweat of fear at two in the morning and go back to sleep, or calm down when yet another unexpected crisis arose. I learned to cultivate serenity not only by choosing my thoughts, but also by training my body to release fear and tension. Though the meditation center has closed and my meditation teacher has moved away, I still practice the lessons I learned and meditate to continue cultivating serenity in all the seasons of my life. Meditation has helped me reinvent my life, enhancing my ability to cope with stress and helping me integrate spiritual practice and practical living in a deeper and more satisfying way. It has taught me that serenity is available to us on a moment-by-moment basis. It is the essence of life, beating as steadily as my heart, hidden beneath all the changing circumstances I experience. I have learned how practicing serenity in times of stress can help me sense a deep, intuitive wisdom that has helped me survive—and even thrive—in the midst of turbulent times.
Think of a moment when you felt exquisitely alive—the kind of moment you wished would last forever: standing by a magnificent waterfall, trembling on the edge of a first kiss, sleeping under the stars, being immersed in a project or sport, gazing out on an expansive horizon from a mountaintop, soaking in the glory of a red and purple and gold sunset. Contrast that to moments when you’re caught in the insanity of rush hour traffic, a workday morning when you’re running late, a hurried lunch so you can get a dozen papers off your desk, and a frazzled evening doing laundry and paying bills. Serenity comes when you stop and give undivided attention to what is, allowing you to experience an exquisite deep peace that helps you relax inside and move into harmony with your heart.
The Difference between Stress and Serenity
When you are relaxed and serene, your energy is focused, you can think more clearly, and you are able to organize your thoughts more effectively. You live harmoniously in body, mind, and spirit. Like a cloudless sky reflected in a limpid pool, even the very air you breathe imparts a soothing atmosphere. But most days feel more like stormy seas, with stress and emotional upheaval, swinging moods, and clamoring deadlines. Financial issues, upsetting headlines, and stress at work or school can rob you of serenity, leaving you exhausted and drained. Relationships get tangled, nerves get jangled, and the serene clarity you experienced in a morning’s meditation gets overwhelmed by an afternoon of crisis and calamity. And this may be on a good day!
Here’s an illustration of what stress can do—and how making a simple, subtle change can relieve stress and make life easier. Place a small rock in the open palm of your hand. Now clench your fist around that rock, holding it tightly, keeping your muscles rigid and tense. How long can you hold this position comfortably? Notice how quickly your hand tires. If you hold this position for too long, your hand becomes stiff and painful, and that rigidity spreads to your entire body. Now open your hand again, allowing the rock to lie comfortably in the center of your open palm. Hold it softly, open, still, and quiet. Do you think you could hold the rock more comfortably for a longer period of time in this open position?
How often have you clutched your life in a clenched fist, fighting the natural forces, trying to control and confine life within the small boundaries of your fears and expectations? It is as uncomfortable for the human heart to be clenched and closed as it is for the human hand. Stress is a hand grasping and clutching. Serenity is an open hand ready to receive the gifts life has to offer and to release that which no longer serves. Serenity is choosing to believe in Something Greater than the limits that our life conditions would indicate. Finding serenity is less about keeping your outer life under control and more about anchoring your reality in the unseen of the spiritual realm. There is a Higher Power and an inner wisdom that can offer you peace in the midst of a storm. Cultivating that interior life can transform you from the inside out.
Cultivating serenity allows you to experience the life force moving through you and to tap into the essence of your own being. When you are in a place of stillness and serenity, everything becomes clear and you gain a more detached and higher perspective of whatever situation you are experiencing. As muddy water in a glass settles and clears with patient waiting, so do your mind and emotions settle and clarify when you choose to practice inner stillness. Choosing to focus on each moment with quiet awareness, you are more able to respond appropriately and make fully conscious choices instead of allowing yourself to be driven by unconscious forces.
Choose Your Attitude
How you think about your life can make a difference in how you experience life. If you always focus on what you don’t have and what is wrong, you will create more stress through your frustration and negativity. Instead, choose to focus on what’s right and good in your life. A positive mind-set helps you develop a lighter, happier attitude that cushions the bumps in the road.
So often we are frazzled because we have overextended ourselves. We are out of temper because we try to do too much, set unrealistic standards of performance for ourselves and others, try to control and predict every outcome, and generally try to stuff too much into our lives. We then beat ourselves up for not having instant peace and wisdom and wonder why we are so tired, angry, and frustrated. God wants to give us the gift of serenity, stillness, and quiet wisdom if we would only stop long enough to allow him to do so.
It is only a question of whether you will allow yourself to be ordinary, and to do what comes naturally to you, and what seems most sensible, to your heart, always to your heart, not to the images which false learning has coated on your mind.
—Christopher Alexander
You can find inner serenity no matter what your circumstances are, for serenity is
tied to what is happening within you, not what is going on all around you. You may find serenity by gazing at a lighted candle, opening the door of a newly ordered closet, or by making a clear commitment to honoring your own truth. Simple ideas for a practical spirituality—or a spiritual practicality—help you create an island of serenity in a sea of chaos. As you anchor yourself to a serenity that begins within, it eventually affects the outer conditions of your life.
Making More Conscious Choices
Our lives reflect who we are and what we have allowed ourselves to become. We do not become more serene by chance but by choice. The only difference between those who have control of their destiny and those who feel controlled by events is how conscious they are of the choices they make. If we make choices unconsciously, moved by a reaction to outer circumstances or driven by our own random and chaotic thoughts, we have habituated ourselves to being constrained in a mental prison created by our own lack of understanding.
We have often chosen without knowing we had a choice. We assume that life controls us, that we are victims of circumstance. But it is our choices that lead us step by step into the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We sometimes drift with the tide and run aground on the rocks, choosing by not choosing. We must consciously steer the vessels of our lives in another and more fulfilling direction. We constantly make choices, and each choice has its consequence, which leads to more choices and more consequences. Most people are so unaware of their own choices that they never realize they had made a decision and never recognize that the chain of causation was set in motion by their own unconscious assumptions.
For instance, it’s easy to react automatically to a negative situation and replay old victim stories with a new cast of characters, even when the new situation has nothing to do with the situations of the past. Perhaps someone betrayed us in the past, and when confronted with a new hurtful situation, we assume that we have been betrayed again. What has happened before seems to be happening again, and so we fall into the same patterns of behavior without thinking.