by SR Jones
“I think you have the strength in you to be there for her. In the true way that she needs. I truly believe you have the strength to admit to yourself, and her, your feelings are way deeper than you ever expected. You went and faced down foreign armies, and yet this is probably the biggest challenge you’ve faced in your life. And I wouldn’t be risking talking to you like this, when I can see you’re one step away from throttling the life out of me, if I didn’t think you could do it.”
She lets go of me, steps back, and I’m shocked to see her blink tears away. “I know what it’s like to come from hell, and to always be running from it, whether you’re aware of it or not. And I saw it destroy my brother because he couldn’t face it, couldn’t talk about it, and couldn’t let anyone in. So here’s the thing, Damen. The thing you really have to think about. If you decide to let Maya go, she will recover. She’ll be brokenhearted, and it will take her a long time, but she’ll recover because she’s got a big heart, and she’s open. Eventually, she’ll meet someone new. They’ll love her, probably marry her, have babies with her. Long term, she’ll come through. You, though? I’m not so sure. I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to find what’s right in front of you again.”
She smiles. “I think I’ll finish there today. No need for me to see Maya before I leave. I’ll come back in a couple of days to talk to her.”
Then she’s gone. The door closing softly behind her as if she hasn’t just decimated my whole world.
Those last words of hers. They’re true. I know, deep down, if I fuck this up, Maya will eventually move on. She’ll heal, and she’ll find someone else to love, who can love her back. And me? I’ll stay as I am. Alone, closed off. People around me will find love. Hell, at some point probably even Markos will settle down and find himself a wife. I’ll be alone. Or the sad single guy invited to the big family gatherings because he has no one. What will that feel like in my fifties, sixties even?
Not too bad, not much different from the last thirty plus years of my life, except for one thing … there’s a huge hole where Maya should be.
Shit.
I once more yank the collar of my t-shirt loose and take a deep breath in.
I’m drowning on dry land, and it’s all Ms. Ramos’ fault.
The damn woman has taken a hand grenade, thrown it into my life, and exploded it.
Or, more accurately, Maya has, and Ms. Ramos has simply made me face the wreckage.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Maya
He comes at me like a whirlwind.
Damen, tight, controlled, Damen is walking toward me at a furious pace, jaw set, fists bunched.
His body language must be off the charts because Alesso pushes his chair back and comes to stand in front of me.
“What’s going on?” he asks Damen.
“Move out of the fucking way,” Damen growls, looking around Alesso and spearing me with his darker than midnight gaze.
“Not sure that’s a good idea. Why don’t you go walk off whatever it is you’ve got going on?”
“Out. Of. My. Way.”
“No.”
We are on the patio, only a couple of feet from the pool, where we’ve been drinking coffee with Andrius. He went inside to make a phone call a while ago, and I was relieved then. He still makes me uncomfortable, despite making a concerted effort to talk to him more. After all, it’s not his fault he terrifies me.
I wish he were here now because I don’t want Damen and Alesso fighting.
I stand, walk around Alesso, and stomp right up to the wall of fury and muscle staring me down.
He blinks once, and my feet leave the ground. I give a small squeal as the world tilts, and I’m thrown over his back.
The absolute arrogant bastard.
I will not beat on his back like some heroine in an old movie; instead, I try to kick at him, but he doesn’t react.
“Damen.” Alesso’s tone is a warning. One Damen ignores as he heads into the house with me.
He marches me up the stairs, into his bedroom, the one we’ve been sharing, and throws me on the bed. He turns to the door, slams it shut, and uses the old-fashioned turnkey to lock it.
“What did you tell your therapist?” he demands.
I jut my chin at him. “Nothing but the truth.”
“Which is?”
“I can’t stay here if there’s no future in it.”
“You said you’d give me time.”
He’s pacing at the bottom of the bed.
A loud bang on the door disturbs the moment’s peace, and Alesso shouts. “Are you okay, Maya?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I shout back, because I don’t think Damen will hurt me. Not physically at any rate.
“I did say I’d give you time,” I say to Damen. “I meant it, but when my mouth ran away with me a little, for which I am sorry, but … your reaction. Wow. It told me you’ve not moved an inch and aren’t likely to.”
“Or.” He swings to face me. “I was just pissed at you pushing again, when you said you’d give me time, but you didn’t. And now you go running to your therapist like a fucking child, airing our dirty laundry.”
“Oh my God.” I explode off the bed. “How dare you? You ordered the therapy for me. Told me I needed to talk about it all, and now what? I can talk about anything but us?”
He scowls. “I got you a therapist, not me.”
“Oh, dear. Touch a nerve, did she?”
I go to the door, unlock it, and pull it open. “Get back here,” he commands me.
“Go fuck yourself.”
“You can’t exactly leave; it’s not safe.” His satisfaction is so damned annoying, I lose the last bit of sanity.
“Watch me, fuck face.”
I walk out the door, down the stairs, and heavy footsteps tell me he’s following, so I start to run down the stairs. I reach the front door and fumble as I input the code, but miraculously get it right, and then the door opens, and I am down the steps, onto the long driveway.
I won’t leave the grounds, but I need air.
Of course, it hits me that the last time I did this, I got taken, but I know my minder is right behind.
“Come back here, Maya.”
He is livid, and I try to ignore the fury in his deep voice.
I don’t turn as I flip him the bird and carry on walking. His footsteps speed up, so I do too.
And then I’m running, and he’s chasing me. He reaches me and tackles me.
All two hundred and fifty plus pounds of him hits me. I brace for pain and an impact that never comes. He wraps me in his arms and lands on the ground, cushioning me from the fall as we roll. We stop with him on top.
“Oh my God, you crazy person. Get off me,” I scream.
“No.”
He’s panting in my ear, and I’m suddenly feeling something other than pure rage.
It’s white hot, and it’s desperate. One moment I’m pushing him away, the next I’m pulling him in and we’re kissing, and grinding against one another as my legs find their way around his waist as if it is their natural home.
We’re humping one another on the grass, like animals, and part of my brain is screaming at me to stop, but the rest of me is simply greedy for more.
“As hot as this little show is, and trust me, I’d pay to see where this goes, it’s not safe, so back inside, you two freaks.” I turn in shock at the voice to see Andrius watching us, smirking.
I was so wrapped up in our world, our moment, I had forgotten anyone else existed.
We part, and I look away from Andrius, sheepish and ashamed now.
Damen stands, hauls me to my feet, and ignoring Andrius, pulls me through the house. Once more, he takes me into his bedroom, but this time talking isn’t on the menu.
He pushes me onto the bed. “You’re impossible,” he growls. “I should walk the hell away from you and leave you to fend for yourself. Nothing but a pain in my ass.”
As he’s whispering such sweet nothings in my ear, he’s
simultaneously ripping my clothes off. And I mean ripping. My top simply tears when he gets sick of trying to undo the buttons on it. Marvelous, it was a Pucci silk blouse. Then he tackles my bra, and it gets similar treatment until I reach around and undo it myself, freeing Damen’s fingers to work on my jeans.
“And you’re an arrogant wanker who thinks he’s God’s gift to everyone around him and doesn’t need anyone because he’s sooooo amazing,” I snap back as I haul his t-shirt off.
“You’re spoiled,” he says as he cages me under his big body.
“You’re an emotional mess,” I shoot back as I push his pants down thick thighs, freeing his impressive cock because Mr. Hot-body is going commando.
“You think you know more about life than you do,” he grouses before kissing me so hard it takes my breath away.
“Ditto,” I say as he pushes his way inside me, and I throw my head back on a moan.
“Fucking pushy.” He thrusts in me so hard I see stars, and I claw at his shoulders, only needing more.
“Fucking delusional,” I snarl as his thrusts get harder, pushing me up the bed, and banging the headboard against the wall.
“Bratty.” He slams against me.
“I should hate you,” I yell, as an orgasm starts to build far too quickly. He’s barely touched me. No foreplay, nothing but his anger, and his lust, and his brutal taking.
“I wish you did,” he says as he bites at my neck.
“I don’t… I love you.”
“Oh fuck,” he groans against my neck as his rhythm goes jerky, out of control, and he’s coming in me, hot and needy. “I love you too, Maya.”
“Oh my God, Damen.” I fall over the edge, clinging to him.
He’s all I feel, hear, and smell, my world, boiled down to one angry, mixed up man.
He said it.
He said the words I wanted to hear so much, but he said them as he filled me with his cum. Did he mean it?
I shuffle out from under him as he moves to his side, but he rolls me into him, pulling me right up against his chest. “I mean it,” he rumbles as if he read my mind. “In so many ways, I wish I didn’t, but those issues are on me. I can’t let you go, and I can’t stand the thought of you with someone else, and when I tried to think of myself alone at fifty or sixty it killed me. Not the being alone, but being without you.”
A tear slides out of my right eye, and I wipe it away quickly.
“Hearing that makes me so happy.” I let him know my truth. “It also makes me so sad. Sad it is so hard for you. It makes me selfishly happy for myself, though.”
“It shouldn’t.” His words confuse me. “It should scare you to death, Maya. I’m not good. I’m not soft or kind. I want this life, the life you hate. I want to avenge anyone who has ever hurt you, or me, or anyone I love. I want people to fucking tremble with fear when they hear my name, if they’ve even considered for one moment doing me or mine wrong. I want power, and I will take it. You want out of this. To live a simpler life. You said as much when we came here. You were dismayed I chose this life.”
I sit up so I can look at him. “I used to want out of this life,” I tell him. “Now, I don’t. I want people to fear you too. I want them to fear me. I don’t want a kind man, or a nice man. I want you to be my avenging angel, Damen. I want Costas to scream for mercy as you look him in the eyes and tell him: this is for Maya and Marina.”
Oh no. I start to cry, unable to stop, and it’s not pretty crying; it’s ugly wracking sobs. I bend over and he puts his arms around me, holding me tight against him, rocking me as my grief pours out.
“I want my mother’s treatment at the hands of those men avenged. I’d die doing it myself if I could, and it would be worth it,” I gasp out between sobs.
“They made me sit there, listen, as they defiled her, hurt her in a way no human being should do to another. They took her life with their actions, but worse, they took her dignity. And they made me a witness to her ultimate degradation. I want them dead. All of them. And then I want you to take the power you want, and wield it to keep me and our future family safe.”
“Wow.” He’s staring at me, and I can’t decipher his expression.
“What?” I sniff and wipe my eyes.
“You’re kind of scary right now, but even more beautiful.”
“You like psycho-Maya?” I force a small laugh out, but it doesn’t feel real. The grief does. The grief I’ve somehow been avoiding. I think it needs to come out. It feels so huge, though, that I don’t know if my body can survive purging it.
Damen’s phone beeps and he reaches out lazily to grab it from the nightstand. Upon reading the message, his face darkens, and he looks to me.
“Baby.”
“Yeah?”
He puts his arm around me and pulls me in again, soothing me by circling his warm palm on my back. “It’s your mother’s funeral in two days.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Damen
I’m scared.
For the first time in my life, since I lost my mother, I feel as if I hold responsibility for someone who matters to me. Maya would cut my bollocks off for saying that. She’d say she’s responsible for herself, and she’s right, but I’ve admitted, to myself, as much as to her, that I love her. And it’s not a comfortable place for me.
I said it in the heat of passion, but it was the truth. I could have taken the coward’s way out and denied it, or simply not said it again, but I’ve never been a coward…until Maya. Doesn’t mean I’m not scared shitless though. If I could go back to the heat of the moment and stuff the words back in I would. I still feel like I need more time.
Ms. Ramos had me bang to rights. I was refusing to face what was right in front of me, and in doing so, I risked losing it all. Knowing though, understanding it intellectually, and accepting it are two very different things. Ms. Ramos may be right, but she doesn’t know it all. She doesn’t know the evil that lurks in my veins, and the fact by not telling Maya I loved her, I was protecting her. Now, I’ve gone and blown all that out of the water.
What if I fail her?
In two days, my wife must say goodbye to her mother, and then we’re both orphans for all intents and purposes. Stamatis may want to take her in, but their relationship is going to take time to build. It won’t be immediate, and it probably won’t ever be as close as his relationship with Mikhalis, his eldest son.
We are both adrift in this world, fighting to make our way through it. I suppose that is the good side of what I blurted out. We love one another, and in being afraid to admit it, I’m denying us the chance to fight together. So yeah, my saying it has opened up a hornet’s nest of shitty emotions for me personally, but maybe, just maybe, if I look at this calmly, strategically, I can see it makes us stronger as a unit.
I have a small army, what with Alesso, Markos, Andrius, and the guys, and now they will belong to Maya too.
She’ll fit into this pseudo family I realize I am building. And she wants me as I am. Power hungry, some might say evil for what I do. I’ll take the world and give it to her. I jokingly call her Princess, but now she’ll be my queen.
“Do you want a bite to eat?” I ask her.
She gives a subdued nod of her head. I know she’s messed up about the idea of her mother’s funeral and how she’ll get through it. Her grandparents, her mother’s parents, can’t make it as her grandmother has been sick since the shock of losing her daughter so violently hit.
Spiros won’t be there, unless he has a death wish, and I’ve been trying to get ahold of Rita, Maya’s housekeeper, but to no avail. She’ll say goodbye to her mother without her support network. I tip her face so she’s looking at me.
“The funeral will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to face in your life, but I’ll be right there by your side. You won’t be alone. Not for one moment of it. I’m going to be here for you. I might have taken a long enough time to get my head together, but I swear I won’t let you down.”
I pr
ay to a God I’ve always believed in, despite all I have seen, to make it true. Please, Lord, don’t let me fuck this up.
She gives me a soft smile, and brushes her lips over mine.
“Food,” I say. “What do you want?”
“Something light. A bit of toast maybe.”
“Okay, I’ll be two minutes.”
I turn to get out of the bed and knock my phone off it between the bed and the nightstand. I reach down to grab it, cursing when my fingers push it farther out of reach. Finally, I have half my arm on the damned floor when I grab it.
A sharp pain sears me by my elbow, and I swear again.
“Mouth like a sailor,” Maya teases.
“Got a splinter in my arm or something,” I tell her as I haul myself back onto the bed. I stand and inspect my elbow, but I can’t see it clearly.
“Let me look,” Maya says. She kneels up, grabs my arm, and begins angling it about as she peers at it, her expression comical. She’s got her mouth open, the same way she does when she puts mascara on, and her tongue is poking out a little.
“I think something bit you,” she says.
I shrug. “Oh well, it will clear up in a day or two.”
“Give it a wipe with antibiotic gel,” she orders. “Before you get the food.”
I nod and head out the door, taking my phone with me.
I need to call Spiros and tell him if he dares to come to the funeral and even looks at Maya the wrong way, I’ll kill him, but it rings as I am about to dial.
Stamatis’ number pops up on the screen.
“Yeah, boss,” I greet him.
“I want you and the boys to come in and see me. We need to talk. I’ve made some big decisions, and there are going to be changes around here.”
“Oh?” I put some worry into my tone, despite knowing exactly what those changes are. Doesn’t pay to let the big boss know I’ve been spying on him!
“Yes, can you come in tomorrow?”
“Sure. Can I bring Maya?” I ask. “It’s her mother’s funeral in two days, and I don’t want to leave her alone.”