by Kat Mizera
“I know. But the new baby is getting all the attention and the rest of us are just kind of existing.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Can’t we go on vacation like a normal family?”
“The baby’s only a week old and he can’t be around that many germs yet.”
“For like six weeks, which means school will have started and then we won’t be able to do anything.”
“You should be talking to your mom and dad about this.”
“I just told you—they’re busy.”
“I can take you out with a friend or two or three, but other than that, I’m not sure how to help. You want to play air hockey or something?”
His eyes lit up. “Do you have time?”
“I can take half an hour. Let’s go.” I got to my feet and we went down to the basement. I was going to have to find a way to mention this to Erik and Casey. They didn’t have a lot of time, but they’d made a conscious decision to live this life, which meant they had to make sacrifices. And Luke wasn’t supposed to be one of the sacrifices.
The next morning, I was up early and stopped by Lennox’s room to see if she wanted to go to the gym with me. It was only five thirty, so we’d be back before the rest of the house was stirring, though I knew Erik was already up and on the phone to Europe. We could probably get in a good hour of hardcore training if she was ready to go.
She opened her bedroom door in surprise, though she was wearing workout clothes, so she was probably planning to go for a run. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“I wondered if you were up for a workout. We have the time.”
“Oh.” She glanced at her watch. “Sure. Give me five minutes to brush my teeth and get socks on.”
“I’ll meet you at the car.”
Fifteen minutes later we were warming up at the gym. I watched her out of the corner of my eye, trying to be a little more respectful of her as a colleague and trying to stop critically assessing every move she made. She was damn good, her body strong and sure as she did a few tai chi moves that were part of her warmup routine.
We started sparring, a few jabs here and there to get into it. She then followed with a kick to my shin that made me wince. She was stronger than I gave her credit for.
“You kick like a girl.” I said it with a grin on my face, to let her know I was kidding.
She raised her eyebrows and then smirked. “And if you train a little harder, you probably could too.”
I snorted out a laugh; she was a pain in my ass, but I was warming up to her. “I’ll keep that in mind,” was all I said as I braced for another blow. She hit hard, I’d give her that much, and she was fast. She moved like a panther, sleek and sneaky and with purpose, eyeing me as if I was her prey. And with catlike precision no less. I loved watching her move and I allowed her to get in an extra kick as my thoughts moved to a place they shouldn’t, imagining her naked. Damn, she was probably fucking fantastic without clothes on.
Now why had I gone there? She kicked me twice more before I snapped out of my lusty thoughts and got back into the session. I wasn’t the kind of man who sexualized women in my life just because I could. Twelve fucking years living with and protecting Casey and I’d never gone there, even though my heart had eventually begun to betray me. Falling in love with my best friend’s girl had been a huge failure on my part, but I’d never let it show, never let her know, and god knows, never acted on it. We’d come close once, one night when loneliness, betrayal, and vulnerability had morphed into an emotional intimacy that could have gone in a very bad direction. Luckily, we’d managed to keep it platonic, and now she was back with Erik and I was sparring with a sexy bodyguard who’d almost knocked me unconscious last week.
“Tell me the truth,” she said, coming at me with a cross that would’ve hurt had it connected.
“Shoot.”
“Could you have broken free last week?”
I shook my head. “No way to know. Had it been life or death? Had Luke been five feet away from me with a gun to his head? Maybe. Probably. I’d like to think I would’ve found the strength to break free before I passed out, but hindsight is twenty-twenty.”
She nodded. “That’s fair. I can’t imagine how it would feel to be protecting someone I truly loved, the way you obviously feel about Luke, in a situation like that.”
“I worry about it every day,” I admitted. “And that’s a big part of the reason why I’ve been so hard on you. One slip-up, and he, or any of them, could be gone. We’ve fought through so much, worked so hard to get our country back, and to find our way back to each other, I can’t let anything happen to them.” I dropped my hands, meeting her eyes. “It’s also why I’ll always bust your balls. Why I’ll always push you—and the others—to be better, stronger, faster.”
“I understand.” She stopped moving and looked at me intently. “And I give you my word I’m up for the task.”
We got back to the house to hear yelling coming from the family room. Erik and Casey were arguing in a way I’d never heard them fight before and it was a little disconcerting.
“This isn’t what you promised!” she was saying.
“I can’t help what’s going on in Limaj,” he countered.
“You’ve been so upset over how much of Luke’s life you missed, and now that he’s here with you, you barely spend any time with him. You didn’t see him as a newborn and now that we have another one, you pick him up, like, once a day. Why are you even here if you’re not going to actually be here?”
“That’s not fair.”
“I asked you for two goddamn weeks! Two weeks to bond with our baby and be a couple, a family, new parents…and you can’t even give me one. We lie in bed at night and you don’t talk about our family, you talk about the education bill. I get it. I want to get to work too, but we missed out on eleven years together as a couple. The people aren’t going to fall over and die if you only devote two hours a day to work instead of twelve for a week or two. If this is how it’s going to be, I’ll stay here and you might as well go back to Hiskale.”
“Casey.” Erik sounded hurt, which wasn’t like him, and I struggled with whether or not to intervene.
“What do we do?” Lennox whispered.
“Nothing. I’ve literally never heard them fight, so it’s new for me too.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. I’m just under so much pressure…” Erik’s voice dropped.
“And I’m not?” Casey’s voice rose again. “New country, new marriage, new baby, four fucking kids, and I’m a queen now, something I was never trained to be. You think I’m not under pressure?”
“I know, but—”
“But what? Push something that weighs nine pounds out of your ass, after carrying it around in your belly for nine months, while taking care of your family, your business and learning about a whole new culture, and then come tell me how hard it is for you.”
“Okay, stop. I know you’re upset, but I don’t want the kids to hear us fight.”
“Why not? It’s normal. What you and I had twelve years ago was a stolen interlude. This is real. This is what forever is and, so far, I’m not liking it all that much.” There were footsteps and then a slammed door.
Lennox and I looked at each other warily.
“I’ll go talk to Erik, and you get in the shower. Casey needs a little time to cool off and it’ll be okay.”
“Got it.” She disappeared and I went into the family room where Erik was standing with his hands on his hips, staring off at nothing.
“Rough morning?” I asked him.
“You have no idea,” he muttered.
“Give her a break,” I said gently. “You’re both right, but she did just go through pregnancy and labor, and all the hormones are going wild as her body readjusts.”
He turned to stare at me. “You always take her side. You ever notice that?”
“I didn’t at the hospital when she wanted Lennox to stay in the room.”
“
Okay, you always take her side unless it’s safety-related.”
“She’s my friend,” I said gently.
“You’re in love with her.”
And there it was. I’d wondered how long it would be before he threw that in my face. He knew me better than almost anyone, so hiding it from him hadn’t worked. But it wasn’t true anymore, either.
“Was,” I corrected him. “Not anymore. And it was never tangible, never something I articulated, not even in my head. You left me alone with this gorgeous, talented, strong, amazing woman. I’m only human, and I won’t apologize for that. But I never touched her and never let her know. It’s also ancient history. All of that dissipated when you came back.”
He sighed, looking away. “I’m sorry. For everything. For putting you in an untenable situation. For tasking you to do something I should have done.”
“You did what you had to do, as did I.”
“But you still take her side.” His green eyes twinkled with a combination of mirth and resignation.
“I take her side when she’s right. She’s probably got a touch of postpartum depression going on, but you wouldn’t know that because you weren’t here the last two times. She’s exhausted because even though Marisol gets up with Levi at night, she wakes up every time he makes a sound. She’s been like that with all the kids. And she’s probably lonely because you’re here but you’re not. You’re on the phone five, six hours a day, maybe more. You’re on your computer almost all day. Log off, man. Engage with your family. You won’t get these weeks back. Before you know it, you’ll be back in Hiskale and lucky to see them an hour a day. Luke complained about it to me too, so fix this before it’s too late.”
“Shit.” He blew out a breath. “Thank you. As always. For being my sounding board.”
“We good?” I asked him carefully. And I wasn’t talking about his fight with Casey anymore.
“You thought I didn’t know how you felt about her?”
“It came up once before but we didn’t address it much, and I’d like this to be the last time. It’s different now that you’re back. Before, we were alone, and it was hard to watch her suffer. Now you’re back and I know she’s happy—this morning’s episode notwithstanding—so it doesn’t hurt me to see her because she has what she needs.”
“I get that. And yes, of course we’re good. Always.” He drew me into a brief hug, a rare show of emotion for us, and then he looked toward the stairs. “So, since you’re the Casey whisperer, how do I fix this?”
“You go up there and say ‘I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll do better.’ And then hold her.”
“Got it.” He gave me a wry smile before taking the steps two at a time.
I hadn’t lied about my feelings for Casey lessening since they’d gotten married, but it didn’t completely negate a decade of unrequited love either. At some point, I was going to have to move past all that, even though I had zero idea where I’d find someone to get involved with or even go out on a few dates with. How did you do that in my line of work? I didn’t think I had the time or energy to find out.
10
Lennox
The next couple of days were quieter than usual. Casey didn’t come downstairs much and Erik stayed with her. There hadn’t been any more fighting but I’d heard her crying earlier this morning and I did my best to stay invisible. It was my job to know everything going on around her, but I didn’t want to be intrusive. We were fairly safe sequestered here in the house, so I didn’t need to be nosey. Mostly, I kept an eye on the house, the grounds, and the family, worked out, and slept. Late at night I usually watched TV or read for an hour before falling asleep, but there wasn’t much in the way of free time and I wondered if this was how other people lived.
Today was Sunday and I was supposed to have half the day off, but I had nowhere to go and no one to do anything with, which was kind of weird. I could call Dax, see if he wanted to watch a football game somewhere, but that might give him the wrong idea and I really wasn’t interested in dating him. I had a handful of friends, but everyone was married or lived somewhere else, and I so rarely did anything for fun that I’d almost forgotten how.
I wandered into the kitchen to get something to eat, my hair down instead of the usual ponytail and my feet bare. I was dressed for a day off and thinking about binge-watching something after a swim. I was waffling between a spy show called Jack Ryan and a miniseries featuring Tom Hiddleston called The Night Manager. I hummed to myself as I put a pod in the Keurig machine and brewed myself a cup of coffee, thinking I should call my friend Sabrina. We’d served together overseas but she’d left the military right after I did and was now working as a physician’s assistant in New York.
“Morning.” Sandor’s deep voice made me jump and I turned, shaking my head.
“Morning.”
“What are you up to on your day off?”
“It’s only half a day since I have to be on duty after dinner,” I said, “but not much. I have a handful of friends here in Vegas, but there’s not much to do unless we’ve made plans ahead of time. I’m going to swim and then maybe watch some movies.”
He arched one golden brow. “You get half a day off a week and you’re going to watch movies?”
I took a sip of coffee. “What do you suggest? Shopping? Spa day? Lunch with the girls?”
“Maybe. That’s what most women do.”
“I’m not most women.” Our eyes locked and for a moment I had the strangest pull, tugging me to him. It was so real I practically felt it, and I quickly looked away, in search of food. I normally ate a protein bar in the morning, but I’d have eaten a piece of cheesecake if it meant getting away from that smoldering gaze. Why couldn’t I ever tell what the man was thinking?
“So what’s fun for you?” he asked, apparently not willing to let this go.
“Lots of stuff I rarely have time for. I only have part of today and I want to swim, so reading and watching a movie or two will relax me and that’s plenty.”
“But if you had time off,” he pressed.
I gave him an exasperated look. “I like to hike, and snorkel if I’m near a beach. I also like fast cars and motorcycles, and will rent one if I have the time. And I love hockey.”
“Why am I not surprised?” He gave me a lazy smile that made my insides do a weird jiggly little thing. “You date that guy from the Sidewinders?”
“Dax?” I shook my head. “We’re just friends. I don’t have time to date and, honestly, between his schedule and mine, when would we see each other?”
“I know the feeling. My sister asks me every time I talk to her if I’ve met anyone.”
“Well, you’re good-looking, rich, and are actually a prince, even if you don’t use the title. I’d think women would be crawling out of the woodwork to get to you.”
There was an awkward pause as our eyes met once again, and he finally shrugged. “Not the kind of women I’d want to get involved with.”
“No?” Now I was the one pressing. “What kind of women do you get involved with?”
He put his coffee mug down and added water to the Keurig machine. “The kind who aren’t after my money or my title. The kind who might understand how many hours I work and how important my job is to me. The kind who’d be willing to make huge sacrifices so we could be together.” He pressed the button to brew a cup. “So essentially, the nonexistent kind.”
“You don’t know that,” I said softly. If there was such a thing as vulnerability in Sandor, this was probably as close as I’d get to seeing it.
“I haven’t been out on a date, like dinner and dancing or a movie or even a hand-holding thing, in thirteen years.”
“I… What?” I gaped at him. “Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong, there’s been sex, but an actual date? I’m beginning to think it’s impossible for a guy like me.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re probably older than me, but I haven’t been out on a date in five years.”
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br /> “I’m thirty-nine,” he said. “So seven years older, and seven and five is twelve, which makes us almost even. What’s your excuse?”
“Well, since I moved to the private sector, all I do is work. And frankly, sex is so disappointing most of the time, I don’t even want to bother with the dinner and movie that goes with it.”
He’d been taking his first sip of coffee and sputtered over the top as his eyes snapped to mine for the third time.
“What?” I asked with a laugh. “Guys can be selfish in that department.”
“Then you’re sleeping with the wrong ones,” he said quietly.
“Are your eyes blue?” I blurted out.
He paused and then a small smile crossed his handsome face. “They are.”
“Then why…” I squinted and leaned closer, something I’d been wanting to do since the first time we met. “You’re wearing hazel contacts?”
He nodded. “My eyes are incredibly blue and very striking, something my enemies would notice, so when I was training to be a bodyguard, they suggested hazel contacts to help me be less conspicuous, and I’ve been wearing them ever since. I don’t need them to see, so in a pinch I can take them out and toss them, but I’ve never had to.”
“And you wear them at home too?”
“I never know where I’m going or what I need to do, so I buy dailies and make it a habit to put them in first thing every morning.”
“Interesting.” I nodded. “I couldn’t figure out why your eye color was so different.”
“Now you know.” He leaned against the counter and I had the strangest urge to lean against him, feel that rock-hard body against mine.
Oh boy. Nope. Bad Lennox. Bad, bad Lennox.
“Well.” I cleared my throat. “I’m going to go sit outside and read the newspaper on my laptop while I enjoy my coffee.”
“Have a good half-day off,” he called after me.
When I got outside, I was surprised to see Casey already sitting there. She had a coffee mug in her hands and she was staring off into the distance. Her face was a little red, telling me she’d been crying again, and I wasn’t sure what to do.