by Kira Adams
“So what do you have planned for your big day?” I ask Parker later that day when he stops by.
“I don’t know—what do you want to do?” He looks at me expectantly.
“Parker, it’s not my birthday. If there was one thing you wanted to do on your birthday, anything at all, what would it be?” I push, crossing my arms in front of my body.
“I just want to spend time with you,” he answers simply, grabbing at my hips.
I giggle, pulling away from him. “You’re already going to be with me, that’s a given. What about a birthday dinner?” I hint, hoping he takes the bait.
“A birthday dinner it is. Whatever your highness wants, she gets.”
“Oh, shut up!” I smack him across the shoulder, causing him to crack up.
“Kiss me,” he requests, stepping closer.
“And why would I ever do such a thing?” I tease, sticking my tongue out playfully.
“Wow, I can’t believe you just turned the birthday boy down…you’re going to have some serious explaining to do later, missy.”
A smile plays upon my lips. “It’s not your birthday yet.” God, I miss him; I miss us.
“It’s my birthday week—a weeklong celebration of everything me…now kiss me,” he orders yet again. Only this time I comply, basically colliding with him as our lips press together. I forgot how magical his kisses are. His hand caresses my face as our lips continue to find one another’s.
I pull away, gasping for air. “Damn, where have you been hiding that?” I joke, referring to our mind-blowing kiss.
“I didn’t hide it, just stored it away for the right time.” He smirks from ear to ear, obviously proud of himself.
“You want to go swimming?” I change the subject finally. “Everyone is headed up to Northfork for the day.”
“Yeah, that sounds awesome. Let me run home real quick and grab some clothes and stuff, and I’ll meet you back here in an hour. Sound good?” He wastes no time. Parker loves the water. He has an unhealthy fascination with it. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the invite.
It is his birthday, but Parker insists on picking me up and taking me out to dinner at my restaurant of choice. It’s the perfect setup for the surprise party I planned for him.
More than fifty people RSVPed, but I received a text message from Kendall warning me it is more like double. They have basically taken over every inch of Venti’s, a popular restaurant, bar, and live music venue we all like to frequent.
As we pull up to the restaurant, Parker looks around suspiciously. “I wonder why it looks so packed. It’s only Thursday.”
I keep quiet until we reach the front doors and begin to enter, the lights dimmer than usual at my request.
“Surprise!” More than half of the restaurant shouts in unison.
Parker looks back at me as if to ask how. “Dylan and Kendall helped a lot. Now go, enjoy yourself. I have a few other surprises up my sleeve for you tonight.”
He kisses me sweetly on the top of my head then begins greeting his friends, family, and acquaintances.
I quickly spot Kendall and join her at her table. “Not too shabby.”
“I’d say we did a hell of a job, mate.” She pats me on the back lightly.
“Where’s Dylan?” I ask.
Kendall tips her chin up toward Parker; sure enough, Dylan is right beside him.
“You guys seem better,” Kendall states after a few moments of silently staring.
“We are better.” We’re the best we’ve been in months.
“Good,” she replies—always a big fan of Parker’s. Hell, I am his biggest fan.
Dylan shows up out of nowhere. “The band is set up downstairs and ready to go whenever you say.”
I nod, glancing out into the restaurant, attempting to locate my boyfriend.
I slide out of the table and begin walking toward Parker. He is in conversation with another boy in our grade. They both turn to look at me as I approach.
“Do you mind if I steal him for just a bit?” I address the unfamiliar stranger.
“No, go right ahead.” He motions forward with his hand.
“What’s going on?” Parker whispers into my ear, sending chills down my spine.
“It’s surprise number two.” I lead him down the stairs and to the dimly lit basement. There is a light shining directly on the stage, and as soon as the band catches sight of us, they begin playing their latest single.
Parker looks stunned, glancing back and forth between me and the stage. “How did you pull this off?”
“It doesn’t matter. Happy birthday.” He kisses me quickly then before I can continue.
He grabs my hand and pulls me closer to the stage. It is like our own little concert, just for the two of us.
My arms wrap around his neck and we sway back and forth. I lay my head on his shoulder, enjoying the comfort.
“It’s good to see you smile,” Parker whispers into my ear.
“Thank you for giving me a reason to smile.”
Things are beginning to fall back into place…it feels good, and it feels right.
“Are you almost ready to go?” Mason’s voice carries from the hall under my door.
“Yeah, just a minute,” I shout back, pulling a sweatshirt over my head.
He’s already annoyed at how long it took me to get ready. I’m sure I won’t hear the end of it. I race downstairs, my speed slowing when I see a blond standing next to Mason.
“Mads, this is Cora. Cora, this is my sister, Maddy.”
“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many stories!” Cora extends her hand for me to shake. Her green eyes are piercingly beautiful, and her wavy blond hair is effortless.
“Okay.” We shake. I don’t want to be a bitch, but today was supposed to be just Mason and me. What made him think it was okay to just invite someone along without asking first?
“I hope you don’t mind me tagging along!” she says, as if reading my mind.
“Yeah, I figured we could use the help, right?” Picking blackberries is Mason’s and my thing, not a competitive sport. Arguing seems pointless, though.
Shrugging, I drag my feet all the way to the car. My feelings are hurt. He knows Tuesdays are our days. Including someone else feels foreign and strange.
“So, Maddy, tell me more about you. I’m sure any stories from you will top the ones I’ve heard from Mason.”
My eyes fixate on my brother, imagining my hands around his neck. How dare he.
“I’m sure Mason has already told you everything,” I reply in the nicest tone manageable.
She laughs, and even that is perfect, annoyingly so. Some people have it so easy. “Don’t be silly! Tell me the stuff you don’t tell him.”
With each roadblock put up, she maneuvers around them with grace. After two hours, it’s apparent she is genuine, and I can understand why my brother likes her. Unfortunately for him, now that I know how amazing she is, he won’t be able to pull his old antics. He can’t hurt her. I won’t allow it.
9
It’s obvious after my birthday just how hard Madalynne is working to get things back to normal.
The celebration was a smashing success, a fusion of all things and people I care about.
Seeing my favorite band play and having a private little concert to ourselves really solidified just how well Madalynne knows me.
Toy Bombs has been my favorite band since I saw them live in concert when I was eleven with Maddy’s brother, Mason.
Mason actually introduced me to the band. They were all the guys who had served in his unit then left with honorable discharges. Their music reflected their experiences with an intense depth.
Paired with Mason, they were what made me contemplate joining the military. But after he passed, even the thought of a soldier in uniform made my stomach churn a bit. It’s not that I stopped wanting to be a part of something bigger…I just put it on hold. I knew how badly losing Mason had affected Madalynne. Hell, I knew how ba
dly it had affected me, and it was a feeling I never wanted anyone to have to experience; it was gut-wrenching.
Now that summer is here, I managed to pick up a part-time job at my Uncle Jack’s hardware store. He isn’t the best role model, but I love him nonetheless. He’s the family member I was caught sneaking into double features with, the first person to introduce me to a strip club, and also the first person to slip me a taste of beer.
I was only ten years old and I may have puked, but I admired Jack for always being an individual. He’s my mother’s brother and definitely the black sheep amongst his siblings.
I’ve experienced a lot of my firsts with Jack: first sip of alcohol, first Chinese fire drill, and first lap dance. When Bo took his life, Jack stepped in and really took over where my parents couldn’t.
He came over for months afterward, attempting to coax me out of my room, out of my depression. Eventually, one day it just stopped hurting so much, and every day after that was easier. I owe a lot to Jack.
“Parker, just the man I was expecting.” He greets me as I enter his hardware store, Nuts N Bolts.
“What’s up, Uncle Jack?” My arms pull him in for a hug.
“How would you feel playing a little hooky today?” His evil grin convinces me I may regret going along with his crazy plan.
“What did you have in mind?” I ask out of habit.
“I don’t know about you, but I’ve been itching to get back on the pavement—do a little racing.”
Racing, one of Jack’s new fascinations. I’ve gone with him to the race track a few times before, but I’ve never gotten behind the wheel. Madalynne always threatens she will castrate me—the idea of how dangerous it is has become is her fascination.
Of course I want to race. I’m a guy. Going 90+ mph in a car? Yes, please. But I don’t want to unnecessarily worry Madalynne if there isn’t a reason.
“I was thinking we could finally get you on the track this time!” Jack’s enthusiasm is difficult not to share. Just imagining the excitement and adrenaline makes my heart beating irregularly.
“Seriously?” I ask, contemplating all aspects of his suggestion.
“Yeah buddy! It’s time to see how well you stack up to Jumping Jack Flash.” His corny nickname for himself is something I will never tire of. It’s his MO, something he’s been doing since I was kid. “What’s your racer name going to be?” His brown eyes twinkle with excitement as he lets his mind run wild with options.
“Are we really doing this?” I ask, finally digesting the thought of me behind the wheel of a race car.
“Hell ya! But first, we need to build our strength up. What do you think about stopping at Mod Pizza?”
Mod Pizza was always Jack’s, Bo’s, and my place. After Bo passed, Jack and I tried to still go there, but it wasn’t the same. “I don’t know, I was feeling more like a burger. What about Burger Out?”
“Okay, nephew’s choice,” he says, giving in. He’s always been a sucker for me.
We decide to eat in versus making a mess in his car, which is where I run into Topher Carlson, one of the jocks from my school. He’s graduated now and was crowned prom king last year along with his ex, Sophia Carlson.
“Dude, what are you doing here?” he asks, slapping me on the shoulder. He looks almost the same as the last time I saw him months ago, minus his eerily thin frame and gaunt cheeks.
“Just getting some grub before we hit the track. What about you?” Topher is a year older than me but has always been someone I genuinely respect. Although he isn’t always the most stand-up dude, he’s never wronged me. His girlfriend passed away in February, and things have not been easy for him since. They weren’t easy on Maddy either. Losing Ciera rattled her world right before Mason’s passing.
“Just heading home to spend some time with my dad.” It’s public knowledge that Topher and his father haven’t always had the best relationship, so hearing this makes me happy.
“That’s great, dude. How have you been? I know that’s probably the last question you want to hear right now, but I am genuinely concerned about you.”
His eyes show the sadness I’m sure is inside of him. “Thanks, man. That means a lot. Maddy came and visited a few times after the funeral, and that was also so kind. Please tell her.”
I nod. “We miss you, buddy. Come hang out with us sometime, will ya?”
He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. “Appreciate you, dude. More than you know.” And then he’s gone. It really is a shame. Before Ciera, Topher was a complete douche. Now that she’s gone, it’s hard to imagine what he will be like. In a perfect world, it would be a mix of the old Topher and the new one.
It’s obvious he hasn’t moved on since she passed away, which is unfortunate. He had a really bright future ahead of him with football scholarships. Hopefully he has deferred those.
An hour later, I am being readied for my first loop around the track.
After all the prep, I’m finally ready to go. Pressing the gas pedal down, I speed up to 50 mph in seconds. I guess I didn’t realize how roughly I pressed down. In another blink of an eye, the car jumps 25 mph to 75.
This is awesome.
I underestimate just how quickly the car accelerates, and when I round the next corner, I overcorrect due to speed, causing the car to spin out.
This was the exact reason Madalynne asked me to refrain from racing.
She was right.
It’s the last thought I have the chance to register before the car collides with the concrete wall.
I glance at the screen of my phone for the umpteenth time tonight. Maddy has not stopped calling. It was nice being around her the first week after he left this world, but the more time I spend with my best friend, the more she reminds me of Bo.
Mason, Maddy’s brother, also reached out in my dark time. He grew up alongside Bo and me, and I keep him at arm’s length as well, the memories haunting me daily.
Against my better judgment, I decide to read a few of the text messages Maddy sent.
Let me be there for you.
I scroll down the list to the next one.
Come on, Parker…you can’t avoid me forever.
The third one is the hardest for me to digest, the truth in her words like a paper cut across my cheek.
I loved him too you know. You weren’t the only one who lost him.
She’s right, but in a way, it doesn’t make any difference. I’m too far gone.
10
Anxiety is a funny thing. It creeps up on you when it’s least expected, gripping you by the collar until it makes you sick. I knew the minute my phone rang that something wasn’t right.
“Jack?” Parker’s uncle is calling me. Even though we’ve always been close, he’s never called me.
“Madalynne, there’s been an accident.” You would think I would be more prepared for that statement given how many people I have lost in my lifetime, but I’m not. My stomach is in knots, wringing out every emotion inside me.
“Parker?” I gasp, already frantically racing through my house to gather my jacket and purse.
The possibilities are endless, and my mind is not helping the situation whatsoever, coming up with a million different possibilities of what happened.
“How bad is it?” I can’t help it—I need to know what I’m walking into.
“It’s pretty bad. How quickly can you get here?”
His statement makes my stomach churn.
“Is he…?”
“Oh, God no, but it’s not a pretty sight. Listen darling, I need you to meet me at St. Emmanuel’s.”
Parker is hurt.
Suddenly I can’t think straight. Parker is in the hospital, and all I can think about is how terrible of a girlfriend I’ve been the past couple of months.
I’m a shitty person.
I’m not prepared to see him like that, in such a vulnerable state.
The doctor briefs me beforehand on all his injuries: he has a concussion,
a broken knee, a broken hand, and a few broken ribs.
“It could have been much worse,” he says, attempting to soothe me. It doesn’t work.
Maybe if I had been more attentive, I would have seen Parker reaching out to me, and perhaps he wouldn’t have taken his uncle up on the reckless offer.
He’s asleep when I enter his hospital room. His face is twisted in pain, and I want nothing more than to take it all away. Seeing a loved one wounded and helpless is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
I grab his safe hand and gently squeeze it. “You really gave me a scare you ass,” I whisper. The tears began to burn the edges of my eyes, threatening to pour down. “I don’t know what I would have done without you. Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” I continue whispering even though it’s clear we are the only two in the room. Seeing him like this, so weak and delicate, is not easy.
Parker remains dead asleep as I continue my one-sided conversation. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch lately. I’m sorry I made you doubt me…” The tears slip down my cheeks silently. “If you wake up, I promise I will be better for you.” I know he will eventually wake up, but I want to see his chocolaty brown eyes look up at me now.
When there isn’t even a slight stir, I turn to go, releasing his hand. The grip that takes hold of my arm is weak, but real. I look back at him just in time to see his eyes fluttering open.
“Are you here to yell at me?” He smirks lightly through his obvious pain.
“That was a really stupid thing you did,” I reply calmly.
Parker’s eyes flutter to meet mine. “That’s it? No punishment?”
“What am I—a slave driver?” I joke lightly.
He laughs, cringing in pain. “Damn ribs hurt like a bitch.”
“Parker, if anything had happened to you, I don’t know what I would have done…”
“Shhh, they are just minor injuries. I was lucky. I’m here, you’re here, and we’re both breathing the same air.”
“What I’m trying to say is I love you and would be lost without you.” Cheesy, but to the point.