by Kira Adams
After our incredible dinner, Parker walks me to my doorstep.
“I had an amazing time tonight,” I say softly, rubbing Parker’s fingers, which are linked with mine.
“Ditto.”
“Thank you.” I’m not entirely sure why I say it…but I know Parker has been there for me through everything and I want to show my appreciation somehow.
“For what?” So adorably clueless.
“For everything. I don’t say it enough. I mean it.”
“Come here.” Parker reaches for me, pulling me into his body. He tilts my chin upward so I am staring into his eyes. “Thank you for wearing this dress!” He chuckles then nestles his lips into the crook of my neck. “Thank you for everything.” He lowers his lips to mine in the most incredible, mind-blowing kiss. It doesn’t end there. The kiss lingers, passion growing with each touch of our lips. Parker presses me gently against the garage, pulling me into him and his kisses.
He’s not usually so aggressive…but I like it.
“Good night.” He pulls away breathlessly.
“Night.” I grin back at my boyfriend then make my way to the front door. Once I’m inside, I lean against it, smiling and giggling to myself like I know the world’s best secret.
I’ve always been in love with Parker, but I am finally falling back in love with him. It feels good, and it feels right.
“Uh oh,” Cora says, a grin plastered on her face.
“Don’t.” Pushing her away, I stand, pacing.
“Oh my God.” Her mouth is fully open now as she gapes at me.
“Don’t say it.” My words come out in a threatening way.
Her hand flies up, covering her mouth. “I knew it, but didn’t know it. Mason is going to die.”
“You can’t tell Mason!”
She stares back at me like I’m insane. “Can’t tell Mason? He’s been predicting this for years. We have a bet going.”
“What?” There have been more shocking things…
“Oh, come on. Just say it out loud already. You love Parker. You are in love with Parker Grant.”
“Shhh!” My finger shoots up in front of my lips.
Cora giggles like an uncontrollable schoolgirl, her green eyes twinkling. “Wait, why are you telling me this? Have you told Kendall?” Cora knows me all too well. Normally she hears my gossip secondhand from Mason, but this time it’s direct.
“I don’t know who to talk to. Everything is so messed up.” My stomach has been in knots for days since the realization hit me.
Parker and I have been friends for our entire lives, but we’ve only been dating for a few short months. I don’t want to scare him away.
“Your boyfriend would be a start,” Cora jokes, lightening the mood.
Masons slams the garage door, signaling his arrival.
“What’s up?” he asks, his back turned as he pours himself a glass of milk.
“Maddy is in love with Parker.”
My eyes dart to Cora. “Seriously? What the heck?”
“Hey, one thing you know about me: I don’t lie.” She holds her palms up in surrender, backing away.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Mason responds, bored.
“Parker is on his way over. I texted him that something was going down.” Even as the words leave her mouth, she avoids eye contact with me.
“Are you shitting me?” I scream, hysterical. “You’re all traitors! I can’t trust any of you.”
“We’re also all team Maddy and Parker, and it would make all of our lives easier if you just got married already.” That’s Mason, always cracking more jokes.
Parker isn’t like me. Everything is a slow burn for him. I’ve known I’ve been in falling in love with him since before we began dating. Telling him before he’s ready could send him running the other way. I’m absolutely terrified.
He forgoes the knock, letting himself in. The suspense rises.
Mason and Cora have made themselves scarce, leaving me alone at the dining table.
“Hey.” Parker greets me with a warm smile. “Where are Cora and Mason?”
“They had to run out real quick. They’ll be back soon.”
Parker eyes me suspiciously. “Why did they ask me to come over and hang out then?”
Anxiety fills the air, fills my bones.
“Parker, we need to talk…” The seriousness in my tone wipes the smile straight off his face.
He’s by my side in an instant. “What is it?”
Tears begin stinging the backs of my eyes. “I’m scared if I tell you, I’ll lose you.”
“Not possible,” he says gently, rubbing my back.
Pretty soon sobs are racking through my body. The idea that this may make him run the other way is debilitating and scary. “I think I’m in love with you.”
This catches him off guard. He backs up to get a better view of my face. “Okay…”
“So, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” It’s not really the way I feel, but it’s for the best, especially since I know he probably doesn’t feel the same.
“What? Where is this coming from?” He stands, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Fear.
What if he doesn’t feel the same way or can’t? Then what?
“Maddy, I want to be with you. There isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with. You know that, right?”
I didn’t, but I do now. It’s difficult to look him in the eyes. He steps closer, reaching out toward me, tipping my chin up. The tears are sliding down my neck.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I like you a lot, Maddy. We have a good thing here. Please don’t push me away.”
He doesn’t feel the same way…
The realization is like a punch to the gut. “How can you ask me that when we obviously aren’t in the same place?”
Parker sighs, gently tucking a stray hair behind my ear. “I’m falling…I’ve been falling since we were kids. I don’t take those three words lightly and don’t want to just throw them around without knowing if I mean it.”
His words hurt me and my body shoots upward. My feet are already carrying me out of the room and away from him. Unfortunately, he’s faster. He blocks my path, his eyes burning into mine. “Don’t do this. I’ll get there, I promise. Just give me a little time. Please, Maddy.”
13
Things have never been so easy, so seamless between us—I almost need to pinch myself to believe it all. We’ve been doing better than good the past few months, and with a little more than four weeks until Christmas, I am anxious to be able to spend the holidays with Madalynne, anxious for the normalcy to completely return.
Thanksgiving will be here in a week and a half, a bittersweet holiday for both of our families. Maddy and I have been spending it together for the better part of five years. It was only in the last few years that I finally roped my parents into coming over to Madalynne’s for dinner, and it’s been that way ever since.
Knowing we won’t have much alone time with the holidays coming up, I plan a night out on the town for Maddy and me. I take her to the Oregon Zoo, and coincidentally it is also Zoo Lights, an annual program where they illuminate the entire zoo with Christmas lights. It’s beautiful. I’ve taken her once before and watched the way her eyes lit up with wonder and amazement at all the beauty. I’m excited to be able to experience her joy again.
Her eyes bulge the moment we walk in. “Zoo lights?” she asks, her voice rising with excitement.
I nod.
“You remembered…” She trails off, glancing around.
“How could I forget?” I grab her hand and lead her into the illuminated park.
We have a great time, laughing and smiling the entire night away. I forgot how nice it feels to be with her, to be important to her. I never imagined I could feel any closer to her—fall any deeper—but it’s happening, and it feels amazing.
While everything is finally going smooth with Madalynne, I am having the complete opposite e
xperience with Jacqueline, whom I’ve been trying to reach out to as a friend on Facebook—but she’s keeping me at arm’s length.
After close to two weeks of attempted conversation, I finally get a one-sentence answer out of her.
I got my GED.
I’ve always known Jacqueline had a rough upbringing and had the burden of working since she was fourteen, but I always assumed she would finish out high school.
No more school?
I need money, Parker…I need to work more. Unfortunately, that’s my priority right now.
I feel sorry for her. She just barely turned sixteen…it doesn’t seem fair.
Well I can’t say I’m not surprised…but you know I will always support you in whatever makes you happy. I’m just happy she is letting me in, confiding in me regarding anything. It’s one small step in the right direction.
“Hey, wait up! We’re not in a race or anything are we?” Dylan hollers after me.
I forgot how much I enjoy nature and hiking. Being out here where the air is so fresh and crisp really puts things into perspective, just you and the great outdoors. When Dylan invited me to hike one of his favorite mountains, I wasted no time agreeing. It’s a cold, brisk November morning, and I am enjoying every second.
“Have you taken the recruitment PT test for the army yet?” Dylan asks as he sips on his cold water bottle.
I shake my head no. “I thought I told you I wasn’t going to be joining the army anymore.”
“Yeah, you might have said something along those lines…but I can see how much you want it. What is stopping you?”
“Nothing,” I reply quickly, attempting to avoid the conversation altogether.
“I think that’s a bald-faced lie. I think that a 5’6” brunette we both know very well is a big factor here.” Dylan knows me all too well.
“She wouldn’t agree with it, and you know it,” I snap back.
“Well, maybe that’s a problem, dude. You need to start thinking about yourself and your well-being over others if you want to get anywhere in life.”
“I love her,” I reply, not able to form another answer.
“This isn’t about whether you love her—there’s no question about that. It’s about if she can love you after you tell her, and if she can, then she is the one.” Dylan is full of wisdom tonight. “Don’t settle, man. I’m speaking from experience.”
I furrow my brows. “Kendall?”
He glances back at me, a guilty expression running its course across his face.
“Dammit.” I throw my palm against my forehead, angry with myself. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy, man…is this what you’ve been trying to talk to me about the past few weeks?”
“Try past few months…” Dylan mutters.
“Wait, what’s going on with you and Kendall?”
“Oh, nothing, we are perfect. It’s more like what’s not going on between us.” His facial expression has turned sour.
“What does that mean?” I push.
“We’re just headed in different directions in our lives, and I don’t know if they are supposed to intertwine.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Dylan continues. “I don’t even know who I am anymore, man.” He pauses, sighing loudly. “Every day I’m with her feels like a lie.”
“Do you love her?”
“Of course, but I’m not in love with her.” He says the famous words that have ended some of the most iconic relationships.
I sigh. “Then you take your own advice and stop settling. You owe it to her to end it and not string her along anymore.”
I feel conflicted giving Dylan such advice, but he is my best friend and I care about Kendall…if Dylan continues to date her out of pity, she will only be more broken in the end.
Knowing how big of a hole it is going to leave inside Dylan makes me sick. After our all-day hike and intense conversation, we finally say our goodbyes, and I take it upon myself to call Maddy.
The wind is unforgiving tonight, and to top it all off, it has begun to sprinkle.
Even though Dylan said what I needed to hear, I can’t stand the idea of losing Madalynne, so I plan to ease into the entire conversation over time.
“Come outside,” I say after she answers.
After waiting for less than five minutes, I hear the wiggling of the door handle. “Parker, what are you doing here?” Madalynne asks quietly, exiting her house and closing the front door behind her.
Her hood is up, shielding her from the droplets, and she is wearing short shorts. She must be freezing.
“What are you wearing? Are you aware of the temperature outside?” I ask, throwing my arms tightly around her body.
She is shivering, and I respond by rubbing my hands up and down her arms quickly.
“Well I wasn’t expecting you—not that I’m not happy about it though.” She inches closer to me, pressing her lips softly against mine. Pulling away, she smiles through closed eyes. “So, tell me again: why you are here?”
“I never told you in the first place.” I tuck her hair behind her ear, chuckling.
“Stop playing.” She pouts.
“I just wanted to remind you that I love you and wanted to be able to kiss you like this.” I kiss her aggressively, taking her breath away. I run my fingers through her long hair as our tongues wrestle on the battlefield.
Her breathing intensifies, and by the time I pull away, she’s gasping for air.
“What? Where are you going?”
“I’m going home, and you are going to bed…to be continued.” I peck her lightly on the lips.
“Hey, no fair! You’re the one who showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night.”
“You know I can’t resist you,” I say softly, my hands at her hips. “But I don’t think it’s smart for either one of us to get worked up any more than we already are.”
Her shoulders drop instantly in defeat. “They sure broke the mold when they made you, Parker…”
I grin widely, kissing her on the top of her head. “Love you.”
“I love you too.” She snakes her arms underneath mine and around my body tightly. “Thank you.”
I smile to myself before pulling away and heading back to my car.
Mission accomplished.
“Come on, admit it—you like her.” Bo raises his eyebrows suggestively at me.
“Maybe you like her,” I respond in a sarcastic tone.
Madalynne is the girl next door, the one who you’ve known your entire life, the kind of friendship where it’s inevitable one person will develop feelings. But I don’t see her that way.
“No, seriously,” I continue. “You’re always bringing her up…why don’t you ask her out?”
Bo looks shocked that I would suggest such a thing. “It’s not like that, Parker. I see the way she looks at you.”
“Well I wonder if she’s noticed you stalking her,” I joke, attempting to avoid the conversation altogether.
Madalynne is my best friend, has been my entire life; I never want to endanger our friendship, but I can’t help feeling intrigued after my brother’s comment.
“Do you really think she likes me?” I ask, attempting to sound as disinterested as possible.
“Maddy is one of a kind. Girls like her don’t come around every day, and if you haven’t figured that out yet, then I worry about your romantic future,” he answers before heading to his room.
I ponder this for a long time after leaves. Is there something he sees that I can’t? What does he know?
14
“Kendall, you’re going to have to come out at some point. You can’t live your life from under those covers,” I say lightly to the big lump underneath the blankets.
An audible groan comes from inside the hideout.
To be fair, I can’t really blame her—her boyfriend of three years blindsided her with the breakup. From the small bit of information Parker shared, it sounds like Dylan doesn’t know what he wants.
It�
��s a sad time for all of us because our group now has a ripple in it. We won’t be able to go on group outings or group dates anymore, at least not until the awkwardness and tension dissipates.
Dylan pulled the plug on Wednesday, it’s now Sunday, and unfortunately Kendall is in no better state. My heart hurts for her. She’s always been a great pillar of support for me, so I’ve been stopping by her house every day after school to attempt to coax her out of her safe zone with no such luck.
“Fine, I’ll be back tomorrow after school. Hopefully you will be in a better mood.” I sigh before heading toward her door.
“Don’t bother,” I hear faintly muffled from the covers.
“She speaks.” I whip around, heading back toward her bed.
“Leave me alone.”
“I’ll take it.” I smile to myself. She hasn’t spoken more than a few sentences in between sobs in days. I know she is still in there somewhere.
“I mean it—get out of here, Maddy!” she growls from underneath her safety net.
“I know exactly what you’re doing,” I reply in a soft, calm tone. “You forget I was the master at bitchiness. But you’re pushing away the wrong person. I just want to be there for you—to hold your hand through this pain.”
A sob escapes from underneath the pile of blankets.
I reach under her comforter and grab her hand firmly. Surprisingly, she squeezes back.
“I thought I had lost you,” I say honestly. “Your parents are worried sick about you. You need to let them in. Your mom will take away some of the pain…that’s what mothers are here for.”
I swear my eyes are deceiving me when I see her stir abruptly, pulling the covers from her face.
Her blond hair is a mess, obstructing her view and shielding her face. “How do I look?” she asks in a serious tone.
“Best friends don’t lie to each other, right?” I think I’m trying to convince myself more than anyone else. “You could use a shower, and a brush of your hair and teeth…I don’t even want to know what might be growing under there.” I lift her arm slightly to act as if I’m searching for a forest growing from her armpits.