by Kira Adams
“So, this is your unfinished business,” Madalynne’s extremely athletic friend exclaims angrily.
“What?” I growl, my eyes darting between Madalynne and the stranger.
“He has a name, Lee. Parker, can we please go somewhere and talk?”
“Yeah, I think we’re going to need to do a lot more than talking to erase that image from my head,” I answer honestly.
“Lee, I’ll call you later. Parker and I need to talk this all through. Please understand. I know you can.” Madalynne exchanges a longing glance with the lip-locker.
“Yeah, call me later, if you’re not too busy with your boyfriend,” Lee calls after us as we walk away.
We retreat back to Madalynne’s aunt’s house. “So, what now? Are you going to choose him?” I ask, nervous thoughts consuming me.
“Parker…I don’t know,” Madalynne responds. “It’s been awhile. He’s been here…and you have been…” She trails off.
“I have been training with the military, thinking of you every goddamn second, writing countless letters only to be let down, calling multiple times only to get your voicemail.” I can’t stand still any longer and begin pacing anxiously.
“Parker.” Madalynne closes the distance between us and then whispers, “I don’t know what to say.”
I caress her face with my hand and lose myself in her beautiful hazel eyes. “Madalynne, I can’t lose you.” I kiss her gently on the forehead; time feels like it’s standing still. All I want is to take her in my arms and show her how much I care for her, how much I love every inch of her, how I never stopped loving her.
I feel the magic but can’t read her. The love that lingers behind those hazel captivators is not easily noticeable like normal, but I know something she doesn’t this time: Madalynne is my soul mate, without a shadow of a doubt. So, without any more hesitation, I lean in to kiss her.
I’m not surprised, however, when Madalynne pushes me away. “Parker, this is wrong. I can’t do this, not when I’m this confused…”
Just hearing that she is confused about being with me or not is like a knife to the heart; unconsciously, I back up, hurt.
“What happened, love?” I ask, trying not to let my emotions show through. “I thought you were my forever. What happened to us?” I can’t help it—tears snake their way down my face, and I swat them away quickly.
Madalynne comes rushing to me the minute she sees the tears, vulnerability not my strong suit. “I’m sorry,” she says, tears streaming down her face as well. “I never meant to hurt you.”
I take a couple more steps back, far enough that I can see straight into her eyes. “Is this goodbye?” My lip quivers.
She surprises me by kissing my tears away. “I love you, Parker Grant. I may be confused, but that much I know.”
There was a mixed signal if there ever was one. “So where do we go from here?” I look down at her.
She closes her lips on mine one more time, savoring the delicate touch. “I need some time. Not space—time. To figure out what I want.”
“How much time are we talking here?” I asked her to wait for me to go off for training with the military; the least I can do is hear her out…
“Give me a month. One month and I will make my decision. I promise you. But there is one thing I ask of you.” She shifts forward slightly, looking into my eyes.
“Anything for you, baby.” I wipe away my salty tears.
“Please don’t go home. Please stay here. For me to be as clear-minded as I can and to be able to make the best decision possible, I need to know what it’s like to have you around again. I need to fall in love with you again.” She caresses my face with her hand, gently.
“I will make you remember. I promise I will stay. I will make you fall in love with me again. I will remind you why I am your soul mate.” Not wanting to miss a beat, I leave her with that, staring at me as I walk out the front door.
30
After the confrontation with Parker, I tread lightly. He wants me to choose, him or Lee. I’m not ready for such a decision. I feel like they are ripping me in half, and I’ve never been more confused in my life. I’m terrified that one wrong move will cost me either or both of my incredibly important relationships.
All I know is that I need Parker in my life if I want to be able to make a clear decision. It’s not fair of me to spend time solely with Lee, getting wrapped up in our time together, when I know Parker is home, back from basic.
The two guys are polar opposites: Parker, this gentle, caring, loving individual, and Lee, the passionate, feisty, exciting lover. Weighing my future with Parker shows me love and support but the tough situation of accepting him as an infantryman. If I end up with Lee, the future is unpredictable; he travels the world, and it excites me, but his unpredictability is also his downfall. I wish I could mesh the two guys together into one person, because that person would captivate me for the rest of my life…but it’s never that easy.
The situation with my parents back at home has escalated, so much so that my father has moved out yet again. They aren’t talking divorce, as far as they led me to believe, however they are on another separation. Guilt consumes me being so far away from them. I wonder how my mother spends her nights now that I am not there to comfort her.
I try to call and speak with her a few times, but I can never track her down, and we end up playing phone tag far too often. Her phone messages sound sad, which is to be expected, but I notice something else in her voice. I can’t put my finger on it, but it sounds like hope.
My father moved into a motel, and we can locate him much easier now. He assures me it is only a temporary residence and that when I return home from Hawaii, he will have a place to call his own. The idea makes me want to stay in Kauai for the long haul…not wanting to ever face the reality of my father living somewhere else.
I know I’ll eventually have to return home, whether I like it or not. Before that happens, I really need to assess my relationship with Parker and if it is what I want or even need anymore. We’ve been together so long, so maybe our fire is gone? In any case, I want Parker to come into this month with a clean slate, so I put our troubled past behind me and attempt to start fresh.
I need to address the situation with Lee after the way we left things the other night. I’ve been calling to no avail. I’m not willing to lose him, not after all our time spent together.
I throw my purse over my shoulder and run out of the house, not wanting to waste another minute. After a short walk, my fist pounds on Lee’s door. Anxiety rushes over me. The thought of finding him with another girl again is soul-crushing. I don’t know that I could handle that right now.
It’s only a few quick moments before a shirtless Lee is standing in front of me. It’s hard to focus on anything else with his six-pack staring me in the face. My cheeks heat up. It’s not like this is the first time he’s had his shirt off around me, but I shouldn’t feel tempted at a time like this.
“Let me guess, you’re here to break up with me?” There is anger and pain in his voice, but I also notice something else—his eyes are watery. We haven’t known each other long, but this is a side of him I’ve never seen before. So, he does care.
“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I had no idea Parker was going to come all the way to Hawaii,” I reply, shielding my eyes from the sun glaring down on us. “Can I please come in?”
Without responding, Lee shifts his body slightly so that I can barely squeeze through the doorway. The touch of his bare skin to my arm sends shivers up and down my spine. He closes the door behind us. “Have a seat.”
I sit on one end of the couch, and he sits on the complete opposite side. He can barely look me in the eye. I scoot a little closer, trying to be discreet as to not scare him completely away.
“I asked Parker to stay in Hawaii for a month.”
“Great,” Lee replies sarcastically. “Look, we don’t have to make this messy. We had a good thing while it lasted, but now
it’s over, right? That’s what you came to tell me—am I wrong?” He stands up, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jean shorts. “Look, I have things to do here. If we’re done, can you see—”
I cut him off mid-sentence. He doesn’t see it coming, but my arms wrap around his torso. He seems startled but doesn’t push me away. We stay like that, me forcing my hug onto him, until slowly, his arms envelop my body.
“I asked him to stay because I don’t want to take this decision lightly. I just don’t want to lose you in the process. I don’t want to be rushed into making the biggest decision of my life. I don’t want to make a mistake.”
His body softens against mine, and he looks down into my eyes, a tear sliding down his cheek. “I didn’t expect this, you and me. You know that. I pushed you away and you continued to pull me back in. You’re only the second girl I’ve ever loved, Maddy, and if you know me, that’s a huge deal. I just want you to be happy. If you need one month, so be it. No matter the outcome, even if it kills me.” He lowers his mouth onto mine gently before pulling me closer.
“Why does everything cool always happen to you?” Kendall whines on the other end of the phone.
“Cool? Are you insane? This is like the worst-case scenario. I wouldn’t even wish this on my worst enemy.”
Kendall laughs. “Okay, okay, drama queen. It must be really tough having two separate guys fighting over you.”
“Shut up! You don’t even know.” I roll my eyes. “What about you? Have you been hanging out with anyone lately?” My attempt to change the subject fails miserably.
“Uh-uh. You’re not getting off the hook that easy. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Sometimes I hate that she knows me so well. “Kenny, I feel so torn. It’s like every other minute my mind changes.
She clears her throat loudly. “Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m not trying to be a bitch, I promise…but Parker doesn’t deserve this.”
Kendall taking Parker’s side is nothing new. She’s always been his biggest supporter. “Tell me something I don’t know…”
“If you don’t get your shit together soon, you’re going to lose him, and you and I both know Parker is your forever, your endgame.”
Her warning comes from the heart, and it scares the absolute shit out of me. The thought of losing Parker makes me feel sick to my stomach, depressed out of my mind. He’s been such a big part of my life since we were kids, and losing his friendship would kill me.
“Kenny, you’re my best friend, so I need you to be supportive of me in this time, no matter what decision I end up making. Can you do that for me?”
She sighs loudly. “Of course. You know I’ll always be there for you.” There are a few moments of silence before she gasps. “I almost forgot to tell you, but you just reminded me…”
“What?” My heart is beating aggressively.
“Guess who I ran into at the mall last night?”
“Who?” We could play the guessing game to waste time, or she could just tell me.
“Cora Dunst.”
The last time I saw Cora was a few months after Mason’s funeral. We were both at a local pizza shop and exchanged pleasantries. Even though she and Mason split before he got deployed, we remained close until he died. We wanted to be better, wanted to be there for one another, but everything changed.
“Where did you see her?”
Kendall moves around with the phone, the background noise loud. “She was at Kohl’s.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Yeah. I was polite, but Maddy…she wasn’t alone.”
It’s unrealistic to think Cora wouldn’t date anyone after Mason, but hearing about it doesn’t make it any easier. “Oh yeah?”
Kendall pauses for a few moments before continuing. “She was with Tanner Layman.”
Hearing his name surprises me. “What?” Tanner was one of Mason’s closest grade school friends. How could he?
“I’m sorry, Maddy.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” I lie. “You know what? My aunt is calling for me to help her with dinner. I have to go.” Suddenly hanging up is extremely attractive.
“Oh, alright. Are you sure you’re okay?” Best friend powers.
“I’m fine, I promise. I’ll text you later.” As I hang up the phone, my stomach churns. My day just went from bad to worse.
31
I’m not entirely sure what will come of me staying in Kauai, but Madalynne is worth every bit of it.
She asks me to meet her at a local state park for a hiking adventure. I’m unsure of what to expect, my anxiety through the roof. Madalynne looks beautiful wearing a peach tank and dark grey shorts. Her long, dark hair is pulled up into a loose ponytail, and her brown eyes glimmer beneath her enormously long lashes. She doesn’t have a stitch of makeup on, but that is what makes her attractive to me.
“Parker!” she calls out.
I jog over to her and wrap my arms around her, kissing the top of her head, lingering to smell her shampoo before letting go. “What are we doing here, baby?” I point to the beautiful park in front of us.
“I asked you for a month, didn’t I?”
I nod hesitantly, unsure where she is going with this.
“Hello, my name is Madalynne.” She reaches out her hand for me to shake.
A laugh escapes my lips. So, we’re going to role-play now? “Are you serious?” Without an answer, I shake her hand slowly. “Parker.”
“Well, Parker, ever been hiking on a first date?” She looks up at me, gleaming, looking stunning in the sunlight.
“Can’t say that I have.”
“Well it’s your lucky day. This should give us plenty of time to get to know each other.” She takes off unexpectedly, leaving me staring at her, confused. “Well, aren’t ya coming?”
We utilize our time together wisely, spending the entire day really digging deep. Most, if not everything, we discovered long ago, but there are a few new things we learn about each other. It’s the most fun I’ve had since Maddy and I were in high school.
The sun begins to set as we head back to our cars. Madalynne’s hand brushes up against mine lightly, sending goose bumps all over my body. I had almost forgotten how right and real we feel. Without hesitation, I slide my fingers between hers. She doesn’t flinch or pull away, which surprises me. This day just keeps getting better and better.
When we approach her car, I try to be chivalrous by opening Madalynne’s door for her.
She climbs in but pauses, before exclaiming, “I had a really great time getting to know you.”
I cradle her face in my hands, thankful for the closeness. “You’ve always known me. You always will know me.” As I lower my mouth to hers, butterflies consume my whole body, bringing the eagerness out with each parting of our lips. She bites the bottom of my lip ever so gently, which throws me off. “Whoa, where did that come from?” I ask, not able to stop smiling.
Maddy shrugs, smiling slightly, her cheeks growing brighter with each passing moment.
I glance back at her with a devilish grin. “Wherever that came from, don’t change. I like it.” I kiss her quickly and then close the door. “Drive safe, love.” My eyes never leave her car as my soul mate drives away from me.
A week has passed since Maddy asked me to stay. Over the course of those seven days, we’ve spent almost every other day together. The alone time is what kills me most on my worst days; I spend too much time torturing myself wondering if she is with Lee when she isn’t with me…if his lips are on hers, or worse…the possibilities driving me nuts.
I always thought it would be so easy once I showed up; Maddy would remember our connection and leave Lee in the dust. Unfortunately, things aren’t working out that way.
Thankfully everything has blown over enough with Jacqueline that we are now back on speaking terms, and she has been helping to distract me from my descent into depression.
We had the longest conversation of my life a few days ago
and were able to clear the air and move forward as friends. I was honest about everything with her, and in a way, I think it brought us closer.
It was Jacqueline who convinced me to stay after I slept on my decision the first night. I was going to go back on my word and leave, because the thought of Madalynne with someone else tore me apart. Being on such a small island with him didn’t help either. I want to beat the crap out of him…but I want Madalynne more.
It was also Jacqueline who urged me to take advantage of every opportunity I have to spend time with Madalynne. So, she’s to thank tonight when I show up at Maddy’s aunt’s house unexpectedly and she doesn’t turn me away! I’m happy to see things take a turn for the better.
Madalynne and I sit on her bed, just staring into each other’s eyes, for seconds, minutes. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The clock strikes as the hands go round.
Tonight, I’m determined to crush my competition for good. Tonight, I’ll remind Madalynne just who I am, just who we are. My plan is to win her back tonight. Before the night is over, I will have her eating out of the palm of my hand.
With the room still eerily silent, I slowly shift myself behind Madalynne on the bed. She tenses up when my breath touches her neck, her shoulder blades. Gently, I trace my fingers across her back and down her shoulders, to her arms, her hands, and then I circle back again. I am fascinated by the appearance of goose bumps following my tracing pattern on her skin. She shivers against my touch. I press my lips lightly against the barely noticeable key-shaped birthmark on her shoulder. I move my mouth to her ear, hovering over her neck for the slightest second to see her squirm.
“I love you, Madalynne Johnson,” I whisper slowly. “I’ve loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you in kindergarten.”
“What?” she asks in a bewildered tone, turning around to face me.
“You heard me,” I whisper again. “It was love at first sight.” It’s like I say the magical words because her lips come flying at me faster than I can blink. Inside I’m jumping for joy, knowing I’m that much closer to winning her back for good. I decide to have a little fun with it, so I don’t kiss her back, at least not right away. But it doesn’t deter her; she’s on me like white on rice. After a minute or so of making her work hard for a kiss back, I finally close my lips upon hers eagerly. With each brush of our lips, her body melts into mine. She moans in my mouth.