by S. J. West
“I want to be your friend, but it’s true, I would also like to be more.”
“It’s the more part that I can’t give you.” She looks sad for having to say all of this to me, and considering Lora’s penchant for constantly telling the truth, I think the emotion is sincere. “You need to understand that Silas is the man I’ve given my heart to. I wish you knew him better. I wish you understood everything he’s gone through during his life, both this one and his first one. He’s overcome so much to finally find happiness, and I want to give him as much joy as I can before . . . before it all ends.”
“You’ve never sounded so hopeless before about defeating Levi. Why now?” I don’t like seeing her so sad. I would much rather see her fiery spirit than this broken one.
“I feel like you’re playing games with me. You keep making these stipulations about helping us, and I honestly don’t know where you stand. I mean,” she throws her hands up in the air, “how in the world are we supposed to compete with Levi when he’s willing to give you everything you’ve ever wanted? You gain a universe worth of souls to reap and you get to knock God off His pedestal as a bonus. What more could you possibly ask for? You say you’ll think about helping us, but I don’t see why you would want to. You wouldn’t get anything in return except my friendship. That doesn’t seem like enough for a person like you. Or am I wrong?”
I’m at a loss for words because she’s absolutely right. Levi is offering me everything I could want and more. Why would I help Lora and her friends? I gain nothing in return, and if there is one thing I know about myself, it’s the fact that I’m a selfish bastard when it comes right down to it. I can’t deny it. I won’t even try. She would see straight through a lie, and at the moment, I don’t feel like putting on a show.
“I should get you back to the academy.” I hold out my hand to her. She doesn’t readily take it.
“Can you promise me something?”
I let my hand drop back down to my side. “What type of promise would you want from me?”
“Before it all ends, will you try to let me speak to Caleb? I never got to say a real goodbye to him.”
“He can hear you now if you want to say it.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not the same. I want to look into Caleb’s eyes, not yours.”
I laugh. “I have his eyes.”
“No. You don’t. Have you ever heard the saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“When I look into your eyes, I see your soul. You’re selfish, obnoxious, and borderline psychotic. Those aren’t Caleb’s eyes. He’s troubled, sweet, and I know he cared about me deeply.”
“I care about you.”
“You don’t know me. Not really. Like I’ve said before, you see me through Caleb’s memories and emotions. I do believe you care about me to some extent, but I don’t think it’s as much as you believe you do.” She reaches out and touches my arm. “Please, Az. I just want to speak to him one more time. That’s all I’m asking for. Please.”
Stop making her beg to speak to me. Just say you’ll do it. I can’t stand seeing her this way.
Why would you give me back control of this body? If you were in control, you could do everything she wants and more. You could end Levi as a threat forever.
You may not be someone who keeps his word, but I am. You know that. Do you sense any duplicity in my intentions?
No, but that doesn’t mean when the time comes that you won’t take advantage of my powers to help your friends.
True. I would be tempted, but I’m still holding out hope that you’ll honor our original deal. My body for your help against Levi. Or have you conveniently forgotten about that?
I haven’t forgotten, but things are a lot more complicated now that I know what Levi has to offer me.
That’s what I figured. Give Lora at least a little hope to hold onto. She needs it and so do I.
“I will let you talk to the boy if things appear hopeless,” I tell her. “Can I let you in on a secret?”
She looks surprised. “I’m all ears.”
“I haven’t decided if I’m going to help either one of you in this war. I may simply let it play out to its natural conclusion. You see, I’ve never been much of a team player. My job never made me very popular with my angelic brethren. I never had someone I could call my friend.”
“I’m sorry. I can imagine how lonely you were. I’ve felt that loneliness too. Lux was my only friend for the longest time. I wish Helena would have given her the ability to talk, but I guess that would have been asking too much from the Queen of Hell. She was anything but nice in those days.”
I hold out my hand to her again. “We should go. This place stinks to high heaven. I don’t want to smell like it for the rest of the day.”
Despite herself, Lora laughs and accepts my hand.
“Oh, one other thing,” she says. “I don’t suppose you would let me tell Silas who you really are.”
“Absolutely not! That isn’t part of our deal, as you very well know.”
“I need someone to tell, Az. This secret is literally burning a hole in my soul.”
“Well, it can’t be Silas. Choose someone else.”
“I know you won’t let me tell Lilith or Jered,” she says, even though she seems to be talking to herself more than me. “How about Emi? I trust her. She won’t tell anyone if I ask her not to.”
Give her this at least. She needs someone to confide to. Emi won’t betray her.
“Fine. You can tell her.” I don’t like the feeling of giving in to her request, but then again, maybe it will earn some points in my favor with her.
“Thank you!” Lora throws her arms around me in gratitude. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”
I don’t need words of gratitude as long as she physically shows me her gratitude. I wrap my arms around her, feeling her soft body close to mine. She smells like fresh strawberries covered in morning dewdrops. When she pulls back, a smile as bright as the sun lights up her face and her red ruby lips beckon me to pluck them with a kiss.
Don’t do it! You’ve just earned her trust. Don’t blow it by giving in to your baser urges.
Sometimes, boy, your little interruptions are ill timed.
I know he’s right, so I let Lora go and take her hand.
I’ll let this opportunity slip away, but next time, I won’t listen to the boy even if he’s screaming inside my head.
12
(Lora’s Point of View)
Az decides to ditch training in Warrior Hall. I can’t say I blame him. I would too if it wasn’t for my friends, especially Emi. If she’s going to go up against Levi’s army, she needs more training and someone to fight by her side that she trusts unconditionally. That someone is me.
When I walk into the Hall, I see her standing with Silas, Keelan, and Sariah with her hellhound, Storm. Most everyone else is divided into their designated fighting teams. An unexpected sadness overwhelms me at the sight of our diminished numbers. We’re all that’s left of Team Drakonus, and now I’ll have to explain why Caleb won’t be joining us either.
“I was getting worried about you,” Silas says as I join them. “What took so long?”
“He needed to talk, so I listened.” Not a lie, but not the complete truth. I seem to be mastering the art of half-truths lately. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of but it is what it is. “Did I miss anything?”
Looking around the room, I don’t notice many students missing from our ranks. Even after Jered told them what is happening, it seems like almost everyone has decided to stay and fight. A sense of pride surges in my heart, and I wish Az was here to see our unity.
“We’ll be training next as soon as a holo-room becomes available.” Emi’s nerves are showing as she rubs her palms together.
I reach out and hold her hands still. “You’ll do fine. We’ve got your back.”
Emi nods and lets her hands d
rift back down by her sides.
“Team Drakonus!” Malcolm shouts. “You’re up!”
“Here we go.” Silas takes my hand as we walk to the door of the holo-room.
“No Caleb?” Malcolm asks, noticing the absence of our team member.
“He’s still in mourning,” I explain. Technically, it’s true. Caleb is still mourning the death of his sister even if Az is in control of his actions.
Malcolm nods in understanding. “Like I did for the other teams who have already been through this holo-program, I’ll warn you about what you’ll encounter during this simulation.” He pauses to make sure he has all of our attention. “I’ve made this scenario practically unwinnable, but there’s a good reason for that. We have no idea what Levi plans to do when he gets here. He could drop a million hellhounds on our heads, or unleash a herd of Leviathans before he even brings in one member of his army. We have to be prepared for anything.”
“What do we do if we see a Leviathan?” Emi asks. She’s heard tales of the creatures from me, but seeing one, even if it’s a hologram, will be an eye-opening experience for her.
“You run,” Malcolm says. “You can’t kill them, but they will most certainly swallow you whole. That isn’t a fate I would wish on my worst enemy.”
“I wouldn’t mind seeing Levi being eaten by one,” I say. “He helped create them after all. It seems like a poetic end to his miserable life.”
“I suppose we could make an exception for him.” Malcolm grins at me, and a moment of mutual understanding passes between us.
“The one thing I don’t want you to feel is defeated when you come out of the program,” he tells us. “Winning in there isn’t important. Practicing how to stay alive is. Understand?”
“Yes, Commander,” we say in unison.
“Good. I wish you the best of luck.”
An hour later, we walk out of the holo-room sweating and tired. Malcolm’s simulation didn’t let up for one second. After we fought off a pack of twelve hellhounds, he threw a whole battalion of trained soldiers at us. When Emi saw her first Leviathan, I thought she was going to pass out. I can’t blame her. They give me the creeps too.
The whole day ended up being one hour in the holo-room and one hour of recovery. It wasn’t until almost three o’clock in the afternoon that Malcolm finally let us go for the day.
“Enjoy your time together,” he called out to us as we left the hall. His sentiment was uncommonly kind for him, but considering the circumstances, I suppose he was encouraging us not to waste a moment.
Silas and I agree to meet up in an hour for our first date.
“After I shower, I need to find my dad,” he tells me. “After that, I’ll come to your room and pick you up.”
“It’s about time you two hooked up,” Keelan says as we walk back to the main building. “All it took was the end of the world coming for you to finally build up the nerve to ask her out.”
“Don’t pick on them.” Emi playfully slaps Keelan on the arm. “Besides, it’s not the end of the world. We’ll come out victorious. We have to.”
“You’re right,” he says. “I’m really more of an optimist. In fact, how about you and I go get something to eat in Halo Harbor while these two go on their date? I’m dying to get some ice cream from Sakura’s.”
“Sounds good to me. I could use something sweet to eat.”
“I’m always available.” Keelan’s subtle innuendo isn’t lost on Emi.
She laughs and playfully slaps his arm again. “You are incorrigible.”
Keelan smiles, but doesn’t deny her claim.
After we split off from the boys in the front rotunda, I feel impatient to get Emi alone so I can tell her all about Az. I can’t believe he finally broke down and agreed to let me tell someone my secret so I can unburden my heart and have someone to confide in.
Emi remains silent while I tell her about finding Azrael with Caleb. She gasps in surprise, and perhaps horror when I tell her what Caleb did to let Az out of his prison. When she learns that Az is still thinking about what side of the war he will fight on, she gets mad.
“After all Caleb did, Az decided to double-cross him?” This is the second time today I’ve seen Emi so mad her cheeks turn red.
“I don’t think he sees it that way.”
“How else can he see it?” Emi practically leaps from her seat on the side of her bed and begins to pace back and forth in front of me.
“Az doesn’t seem to feel like he owes anyone anything. In fact, he told me he isn’t certain if he’ll intervene in this war at all. He may just stand back and watch.”
“Coward.” Emi stops pacing and stands with her fists on her hips. “Anyone who decides doing nothing is the best option is just weak.”
I get the feeling she’s talking more about Bryce than she is Azrael, but I don’t say that to her. Breaking up with someone you’ve been with for years is probably hard. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that ever happening with Silas. We’ll never leave each other, and there’s a great deal of peace in that knowledge.
I stand up from my bed. “Do you mind if I take a shower first? I don’t want Silas to have to wait on me.”
“Uh huh.” Emi’s look is a knowing one. “I think the real reason you don’t want to be late is because tonight’s the night the two of you will finally kiss.”
“That too,” I admit. My cheeks begin to feel unnaturally warm under her stare.
“Go on.” She tilts her head toward our bathroom. “Keelan can wait for me if he has to.”
“You know he’s had a crush on you since school started, right?” Both of them are my friends, and I would hate for Emi to use Keelan as her rebound guy. He deserves better than that, and she ought to know the truth.
“I sort of had a feeling he did.” Emi is just as astute as I thought. “If you’re worried I’ll use him to get over Bryce, don’t. I wouldn’t do that to someone so funny and sweet, but it doesn’t hurt to go out with Keelan as friends, does it?”
“No. Just make sure he understands that. Boys can be really dense sometimes.”
Emi laughs like I was making a joke when I was being completely serious.
After I’m through with my shower, Emi takes hers. By the time she comes back out, I’m still looking inside my wardrobe trying to figure out what to wear.
“What’s the dilemma?” she asks while towel drying her hair.
“I don’t know if I should wear a dress or jeans. I totally forgot to ask if he was taking me somewhere fancy or casual.”
“Ahh, I see. Well, what if you wear a pair of slacks and a nice shirt? That’s an outfit that can go either way.”
“You’re absolutely brilliant,” I say before grabbing a pair of black slacks and an off-white blouse that has a flat collar and drapes in the front. After I slip on a pair of black leather flats, I feel prepared for anything.
Practically on the dot an hour later, I hear a knock on the door. Emi is in the bathroom getting dressed, so I open the door to our visitors. Both Silas and Keelan are in the hallway. When I see how Silas is dressed, I second guess the brilliance of my choice of apparel.
Silas is wearing a pair of jeans, a black and gray parka, black beanie, and matching gloves. He’s also wearing a pair of insulated waterproof boots.
“Why do you look like you’re about to go search for Yetis in a frozen wasteland?” I ask.
Silas smiles. “I won’t be looking for Yetis, even though that kind of sounds like fun.” His eyes travel the length of me. “You look beautiful.”
“I thought I always looked beautiful,” I tease.
“You do, and tonight is no exception.” Silas smiles at me and my heart skips a beat at how handsome it makes him look.
I’m nervous and excited. I can’t remember ever feeling so jittery before. I want tonight to be perfect but does making such a wish doom our evening together before it’s even started?
“Do I need to change clothes?” I ask since we’re obvious
ly going somewhere cold.
“Nope. I’ve got your clothes handled.”
Keelan snickers. Silas gives him a reproachful look and shakes his head at our friend.
“Grow up.” Silas elbows Keelan in the side, making him grunt.
“I can’t help where my mind goes sometimes, dude,” Keelan says in his own defense.
“You better help it while you’re with Emi tonight, or you’ll have to answer to me tomorrow.” My threat seems to have a sobering effect on Keelan. His expression turns serious which isn’t a look he sports very often.
“I would never do anything to make Emi feel uncomfortable,” he vows. “I know she just broke up with Bryce, and I don’t intend to screw things up with her. I’ve waited this long. I can wait until she’s ready to move on.”
“I think that’s the most adult thing I’ve ever heard you say.” I’m proud of Keelan. He’s always been the jokester of the group, but when it really counts, he can be as steady as a rock.
“Heard who say what?” Emi asks as she steps out of the bathroom dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
“Nothing important,” I tell her. “We’re off! I’m sure I’ll be back before lights out.”
“Have fun!” Emi winks at me and puckers her lips in an awkward imitation of a kiss.
I grab Silas’s arm and start to lead him back to the stairs in the front rotunda.
“My dad is waiting for us downstairs,” Silas tells me. “He’ll be phasing us to the location of our date.”
“He isn’t chaperoning us, is he?” I love Jered dearly, but not enough for him to be a third wheel on my first date with his son.
“No.” Silas chuckles. “He basically planned this date for us, so I can’t take any of the credit for the setup. After our talk last night, he seemed desperate to do something to prove what a good guy he is now.”
“He is a good guy.”
“I know.” Silas falls silent as we start to make our way down the spiral staircase. “I’m doing my best to separate the man I know now from the one I saw in my memory. It’s just hard.”