by Willow Aster
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“No,” I scoff.
“No? I do. Why don’t you?”
His face is completely guileless as he smiles at me.
My teeth pull at my lower lip as I think about it. “Well, I just know that I’m too much of a control freak to ever fall for someone just by looks alone.”
“What if it isn’t just looks that you fall for? What if it’s a cosmic aligning of spirits … or maybe even simply pheromones? Or kindred souls that finally connect … whatever it is that makes someone know that they’ve found the half of themselves that’s been missing.”
“You’ve had that before?” I ask, my brows crinkled.
“Yes—whenever I see you. I actually know when you’ve walked in the room before I ever see you.” He holds up a strawberry covered with chocolate and Baileys and feeds it to me.
It’s good timing because I’m at a loss for words.
COEN INVITES ME to his apartment after the restaurant. I’m a little nervous by what he might expect and not ready to confront that issue yet, so I decline.
“I have something to show you. I promise I won’t clip off pieces of your hair to put in a glass vial … or … anything.” He tries to give me an evil look.
“Well, when you put it that way…” I laugh.
He pulls a doe-eyed sad face.
“Oh, okay, I’ll come by. You have the most trustworthy face. You can’t even pull off a scowl. Nothing fazes you, does it?”
“If you mean, am I laid-back? Yes. If you mean that I don’t take anything seriously … no. I do. I just don’t let the inconsequential become significant and vice versa.” He shrugs. “I think it works well for me. However, whatever I love, I love hard.”
We both blush when he says that.
“You’ll see what I mean,” he says softly.
I like him so much in that second that I’d probably stay the night if he asked, but inside I secretly hope he won’t. I want to just enjoy this beginning rush of feelings.
A few minutes later, the cab pulls up to his place and I’m surprised. “You didn’t tell me how close you live to my house!”
“Again … not wanting to scare you off,” he says with a wink, “but it’s only a five-minute walk. And that’s counting after I scale your wall to get in your window.”
“Okay, Spidey. I’d like to see that.” I crinkle my nose at him. He’s slaying me with his cuteness.
He hugs me into his side. “Next date.”
He’s on the second floor and it only takes 30 steps from the front entrance to get to his door. As he’s about to open the door, he looks at me and whispers, “Are you ready?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” I whisper back.
He grins and unlocks the door.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was most definitely not expecting this. There’s the bachelor’s leather couch—only in brown, instead of the typical black. A red leather chair with a huge stack of books sits next to it. But it’s everything else that catches my eye. On shelves are little seedlings growing under lamps and on every table surface are the most incredible things I’ve ever seen.
Terrariums in every size and shape are filled with a variety of beautiful little plants. I stand, stunned, taking it all in, and then eventually move to look at each one. Finally I turn to him.
“I’ve never seen anything like this. You have 33 terrariums!”
He laughs and nods. “Yeah. Actually I have 34.” He points to one in his kitchen. “Still working on that. This one needed a mate.” He motions toward the lone terrarium on his coffee table. “Too weird?”
“So weird! I freakin’ love it. Each one is so unique! I can’t get over them. How do you take care of all of this?” I stop in front of one that has colorful rocks surrounding the plant and sits under a glass dome.
“Most of them are succulents and only need watering once a month. This is a favorite.” He walks over to one that looks like an inch tall hobbit is going to crawl out at any moment. “I get them started and then sell them at my parents’ store. Tomorrow, actually … they’ll all be gone and I’ll have to start over. But come here—this is what I’m passionate about.” He walks over to the small green plants on the shelves. “Do you know what this is?”
I shake my head.
“Coffee.” He grins excitedly. “I start it here and then once it reaches a certain maturity, I take it to our land and plant it there. I’m starting to roast the beans there too.”
“I-wow. This is unbelievable.”
He grabs my hand. “There’s one more thing, but you have to go in my bathroom to see it.”
“Lead the way.”
He kisses my hand. “That’s my most favorite thing you’ve ever said so far.”
I roll my eyes but can’t stop the smile that takes over my face.
On a shelf sit gardenias at different stages. “I have a weakness for gardenias.” He smiles. “You’ll see you got the best one. There’s hope for this one yet, though.” He holds up a tiny potted gardenia.
“They’re so beautiful—why are you hiding them in here?”
“They like the humidity…”
I nod. “Do you ever put them in the terrariums?”
He looks at me with mock alarm. “Never! That would not go well.”
I laugh. “I think you might be as loony as me. In a far healthier way, but … still. I do see some madness here.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “I should take that as a compliment then?” he asks.
“Most definitely.”
We walk into the cramped hall and he pulls me to him. At first it’s a hug and then he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. It’s like our lips were just made to be connected. If he’d kissed me the first time we ever saw each other, it would have instantly sealed the deal.
He lifts me up and wraps my legs around him. My short dress rides up and he keeps it where it just barely covers me. Walking slowly and never taking his mouth off mine, he carries me to the couch and lays me back. He looks at me then and the vulnerability in his eyes makes my heart hitch. There’s something about him that cuts through my hardened heart and makes me believe in more—something more than shattered fragments of a life and the endless emptiness.
He leans down about an inch from my face. “Do you feel this, Maby? I could almost swear that you feel it too.”
I stare at him and slowly nod. I don’t trust myself to speak without crying, so I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him like my last breath is depending on it.
I can’t say how long we stay right there, simply doing just that. Of course, every cell in my body wants more of him, but it’s so good, so sweet to just do this that neither of us makes a move to do more.
Eventually my phone vibrates on the counter and Coen leans back. “Do you need to get that?”
I shake my head. “I should probably get going though.”
He kisses my forehead. “I hate to see you go. Are you sure you can’t stay a while longer?”
“You make it hard to resist, but yeah, I should get home.”
He stands up and grabs both of my hands. “I’ll walk you home.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I say, pulling down my dress.
“I do.” He kisses each knuckle on one of my hands. “Hey, before we go … pick out 2 terrariums to take with you.”
“Really? But you need to sell them, right?”
“I’ve sold plenty.”
“I could just take one … I do love them so much.” I can’t hide my excitement.
“It has to be 2,” he says.
“Why?” I ask, my eyebrows crinkled together.
“They need to be together,” he answers. “Just a little condition I have.”
“Hmm. Interesting. But something I will not argue with … I actually kind of get it.”
His dimple deepens as he looks at me. “This has been the best 30 hours of my life.”
He doesn’t say a word as
I look at each terrarium again.
“Aren’t there some that should be for the store? Like this big one? Or this one?” I point to one that, to me, is the most magical one of them all. The container looks like a small glass house with an open roof and inside is full of tiny colorful plants.
“Nope. I want to see what you pick.”
I pick up my favorite and another one that is stark in comparison. The round dish has a small hole in the top and inside is sand, a couple of pebbles and a tiny tree that is all branches, no leaves or flowers.
Coen nods, his face completely serious. “Fascinating choices. I completely see your reasoning.”
And with that, we leave his apartment. Two odd individuals who have plowed into each other and are still standing.
I SORT OF float into my apartment, still riding high on the kisses from Coen. I set the terrariums on my table and think about the possibilities. They’ll need the perfect spot. I look at them for a long time, intrigued by their beauty.
Finally I get around to checking my messages. The one I missed is from Dalton.
Dalton: I miss you. Sorry things have been weird.
I feel nothing when I read his text and don’t even bother texting back. Someone who doesn’t even know his own mind doesn’t warrant a response from me right now. I’ve decided that wusses are not worth my time. I look at Saul’s text again and don’t text him back either. I haven’t decided yet if he’s a wuss or just slow on the draw.
When I go to work on Monday morning, my mind is occupied with more than just counting the steps. I’m reliving Coen’s kisses. They feel just as magical in my mind as they did in real time.
I’ve barely counted the steps inside when I have a rude awakening. There, behind the counter and on my stool, sits Saul.
“What the hell?” is my response.
He quirks an eyebrow at me, daring me to say anything else. “I’m tired of you avoiding me. I have a meeting with Anna today and I’d really like it if we could go to lunch and talk about things.”
“What is there to talk about? And a simple invitation to lunch would have done the trick.”
“Would you have gotten out of it?” he asks, frowning at me.
“Number one: you ask me to do things at the last minute and think when I say no it’s because I’m avoiding you. Maybe I am, but, number two: I do have a life.”
His face flushes slightly and he stands up from my chair. “Sorry. I do realize you have a life and maybe I’m used to the days when you just always said yes to me.”
I nod. “You sort of lost that privilege, so give me a little warning the next time you get a whim.”
I look at my schedule and wish that I had something at lunchtime so I could tell him no, but my schedule is pretty open. Instead of saying that, I say, “I might be able to switch some things around, I’ll let you know. How long are you going to be around?”
“I’m always around, Maby,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Right. Okay. Can I get to work, please?”
He moves closer and looms over me. “I’m ready to move forward in my life, Maby. I hope you are too.”
I cross my arms. “Good for you,” I say with an edge of sarcasm. “Good for you.”
I can tell my response aggravates him, but I don’t really care.
“I’ll come back by around 11:45 and see if your schedule has opened up,” he says.
I nod but turn away and effectively dismiss him.
WHEN 11:40 ROLLS around, I’m no more prepared to answer Saul than I was in the hours previous. At 11:44, I decide to just say yes. I don’t want to, but maybe it would be good to hear him out. He comes up to the counter at promptly 11:45 and I sit up on my stool a little straighter.
“Got time for a bite?” he asks.
“Yep,” I answer.
“Good, let’s do this,” he says.
We go to a deli on the corner by my office and after we order our sandwiches, the conversation gets a little awkward.
“So how did your date go?”
I can tell he’s trying not to sneer when he says ‘date’ but it’s not working out so well.
My insides are gushing, “Wonderful. Best date ever.” But I only say, “Good.”
“So you’re gonna see him again then?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say.
He nods and we both look away. When we look at each other again, his eyes are dark. “I’ve never gotten over that you went back to Dalton after that night we were together. I thought you’d leave and be with me and when you didn’t, it shook up my whole world.”
“Really.” I chew the inside of my mouth, staring at him. “I didn’t know you even wanted to be with me. It seemed like you immediately regretted what we did and wanted me out of there.” I’m shocked that he’s saying any of this outright.
“I did regret that we did that while you were still with Dalton, but I still hoped you’d end it with him and be with me.”
“So why didn’t you tell me this when I did end it with him?” I stare him down without blinking.
“Everything was so messed up … your mom. I was … confused. But I’m not anymore. I know that I want to be with you.” He reaches out and takes my hand.
I hold it for a moment and then pull away. “If you’d said this a year ago or even a month ago, it would have been a different story, but now … I don’t know. I used to think we were easy, Saul. Our friendship didn’t take work, it seemed effortless. But the truth of the matter is, the moment any sign of feelings came into the picture, you got cold feet. Since then it’s felt like work every time we’re together.”
“It doesn’t have to. Now that I’m being honest with you and myself … it doesn’t have to be difficult. We can be us again, only better.” His eyes light up as he smiles. “We’ve had some good times, right?”
The way he looks at me, my face heats up. “Yes, lots of good times,” I admit. “It also hurt more than anything when you disappeared.”
“I won’t disappear on you again, Maby. I promise.”
“I have to get back to work.” I look at my watch and jump up. “Thanks for lunch.”
“I’ll walk you back.”
WORK IS CHAOTIC during the afternoon. Every employee is in the shop, so I work in the back at my desk, trying to secure advertising for the shop in a few new venues. I can’t seem to get anyone to agree to it. My paperwork doesn’t get done. I still have a huge stack to finish as everyone is going home. Overwhelmed, I do something I never do: I leave it there for the next day.
My discussion with Saul plays over and over in my head. It sits in my gut and churns there. How could something I wanted for so long feel like such a lump now? I can’t even define this feeling. I’m ticked at him for putting my euphoria about Coen on the back burner for even a minute. I would rather still be basking in that, but instead, I’m pondering what Saul said. He does know me, after all. This thing with Coen is new and he doesn’t have a clue about all my weirdness. He’d probably run if he did. Saul knows it all and still says he wants me.
I have to recount my steps right before I get home and instead of it alarming me, I find comfort in it. I put it on like an old sweater and keep it on the rest of the night, organizing until I’m too sore to stand up.
I STOP BY La Colombe the next morning. Coen is the only person I see, even though the coffee shop is full. His smile makes my heart pound.
“I was hoping you’d stop in today,” he says. “I’ve been missing you.”
“Miss you too,” I tell him. And when I say it, I realize how true it really is. I went two days without seeing him or talking to him, but just seeing his smile makes me feel a thousand pounds lighter.
“I’ve wanted to call,” he says.
“So, why haven’t you?” I lean against the counter and watch him work.
“I get the feeling you could run if I go too quickly,” he says, looking up for a minute to read my reaction.
I nod and shrug. “You could be right.” I m
ove in closer to him. “But I could also run if you don’t have the balls to just do what you feel.”
His eyes grow wide and he stands up tall. “Okay!” He starts nodding. “Okay! Message received.” He comes around the counter and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “I’ve definitely got the balls,” he whispers.
I laugh. “All right then.”
“How are my babies?” he asks.
“You need to come visit them,” I say with a grin.
“I get off at 4.”
“I’ll try to leave work by 5,” I tell him. “Probably can’t get off any earlier than that.”
“How ‘bout I bring takeout over at 6? Does that give you enough time to get home and hide any skeletons you might have?”
“Ha-ha. Yes, it does.” I can’t even do sarcasm with him. As much as I try to hide it, he gets to me, and I end up smiling like a five-year-old.
“My balls and I will be there then.” He gives me a longer kiss this time and then steps back, biting his lip as he smiles.
I RUSH OUT of work. When I get inside my building, I pull off my jacket and cardigan as I run up the stairs. I quickly run bath water and take the fastest bath ever, getting rid of every hair I have ever owned. I know better than to shave when I’m having a guy over that I’m so attracted to—being overgrown is my best method of putting off sex. But I’m feeling a little reckless.
Fricken-frack!
I nick my knee. Crap. It’s deep too. After I get out of the bath, I jump on one foot until I can get to a Band-Aid. When I finally have my knee covered with a cute mustache Band-Aid, I try to figure out what to wear. It’s still chilly, so I go for a cozy long shirt and leggings. It’s just a few minutes before 6, when I hear the buzzer to the outside door of my building go off. I say, “Hi!” and buzz him up before he even says a word.
Two minutes later there’s a rap on my door. I open it and see Saul standing there. The buzzer goes off again and in a daze, I push to let Coen up too.
“What are you doing here?” I lean against the door.