I look into the stands to see my dad and mom shaking their heads, disappointed in my actions. What can I do except shrug and skate off to the penalty box?
“You little bitch,” Grady says as he gets up.
I make sure to skate around him, creating a show for the student body he’d landed in front of, and poke him discreetly in the back, so the refs can’t see.
The last thirty seconds of the game, I spend in the box. My knee bounces up and down as I wait for the last second to tick down. The crowd goes wild with the Eagle win, and I get out to celebrate with my teammates.
“What the hell was that all about?” Kellan asks. Being stuck in the goal means he misses some of the trash talk out on the ice.
“He ran his mouth,” I tell him.
The team holds our sticks in the air, chanting the school song.
“What did he say?”
This isn’t a good idea to tell him, but since I’m all out of good ideas, I do.
“He called Mia a whore and said everyone at his school took a ride on her,” I say bluntly.
“And you kept your shit together?” Kellan’s eyebrows raise.
“This was the first time I wasn’t thinking about her. I didn’t want to waste it on him.” I take off my gloves, shrugging because I heard the words I’d spoken. It’s honest with a sting. “I wasn’t going to get thrown out of the game. He’ll get what’s coming to him.”
“Next time, Kovac,” Grady says as he passes our team.
“How about he gets what’s coming to him now?” Kellan smirks.
It’s too enticing, and he knows it.
I drop my gloves and yell Grady’s name. He loops around, and just as he does, my bare knuckles smash him square in the jaw. In slow motion, his head flies back and he falls to the ice with me on top of him. One of his teammates pulls me off, and as soon as my body is clear of his, I gain balance on my skates and hit his defender in the face.
It doesn’t take long to get both teams brawling. The crowd hasn’t dispersed, and most of the student section is down on the glass, egging us on from both sides.
“Knock it off, boys, now!” Coach Barnes yells, pulling on my jersey to get me off this poor excuse for a guy underneath me. He covers his face as I flinch, pretending to land another blow to his head. “Nick, stop!”
It takes the refs and a few dads to break up the fight.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I will not tolerate fighting in my arena. Do I make myself clear?” Coach is angry, and an angry Coach Barnes isn’t someone I want to mess with.
“It was your boy who started it,” the Panthers’ coach says.
“Pussy,” I whisper, earning an eye roll from Coach Barnes.
“That may be so, but let’s not even begin to talk about what provoked him.” I go to move forward, but Coach puts a firm hand on my chest. “Get out of my house.”
Coach pulls me off the ice, with the rest of the team following us. The student section claps as we exit, thrilled that they got not only dinner, but a show, too. I’m pushed down onto the bench with my team surrounding me. We are a united front. Coach knows that. One of us fucks up, we all do.
“Let me guess, you little shit heads don’t feel a sliver of regret for what just happened out there?” Coach rips off his ball cap and throws it at the lockers. “I heard what that douchebag Sanderson was saying, Nick. At some point, you’re going to have to let those things slide off of you. He knows she’s your Achilles heel, and he’ll use it and abuse it until he can’t anymore. Be a bigger man and grow up.”
Grow up? Who the fuck does this guy think he is? This has nothing to do with growing up.
And instantly, that high I was riding tonight has vanished. It felt good not to think about Mia, and I hate to admit that, but sometimes it’s consuming. It eats away at me all times of the day. In my skates, I’m free from it, and when Grady brought her up, he demolished the zone only hockey can create.
“Do you understand me, Nick? I will not tolerate it. You will be benched if you can’t get your emotions under control.” Coach goes into his office, slamming the door behind him.
“He’s right. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Kellan pipes in.
“What the hell are you talking about? You’re the one who pushed me into that fight.” I throw my gloves and slam my locker.
“That asshole got what he deserved, but still.” Kellan laughs, knowing damn well I’m right. “No one is saying to forget her, because that’s not possible, but there are healthier ways to live, Nick, and it doesn’t involve flying off the damn handle and hooking up with random girls.”
“Just give it a fucking break.” I tug off my jersey, looking to Kellan. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Well, you better figure it out, because the world’s not stopping to let you grieve on your own terms.” Kellan slaps me on the back. “I miss her, too. We all do. Remember that.”
I head to the shower. The beat of the water pressure on my knuckles stings, reminding me what I’ve done. They’re right. I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t know how to stop or control this anger inside me. My emotions are all-consuming, and sometimes it’s hard to put them into a box. I’m angry and frustrated one minute, and then the next, I’m sad and unsure.
I step out of the locker room, my bag slung over my shoulder. My parents are waiting for me.
“Good game, baby,” my mom says, kissing my wet hair.
“You can’t be behaving that way. No one wants a hot head on their team,” my dad lectures. Like everyone else, he’s right.
“I know, Dad. I’ll be home soon, okay?” I say, cutting across the parking lot.
They don’t argue with me anymore, giving me a free pass for some bad behavior. I’m wearing that privilege down, though.
Kellan and Nicole sit on the bed of his truck. Hannah pulls up next to them, and parks, getting out to join them.
“Your old man give you a lecture?” Kellan asks.
“Sure did.” I shrug, pulling my keys from the front of my bag and unlocking my truck to throw my bag in.
Hannah steps up beside me. “Let me see the damage, since I did just fix you up not even a week ago.” Her hand reaches for mine, and she holds it, looking over the open cuts and bruises. I jerk it away, but she manages to pull it back.
“Will you quit it?” I shout, stepping out of her reach. “I’m okay.”
“You aren’t okay, Nick. You have open wounds on your hands.” She points to the evidence of tonight’s altercation.
“You aren’t her, so stop trying to be.” I step back, tucking my hands into my pockets.
Hannah is the last person I need right now. The one thing I need is six feet under. I’m still confused as hell after what happened in my truck on Sunday. Touching Hannah, my hand running up her leg, it’s all fucking with my head.
“Real nice, Nick.” Nicole moves in front of Hannah.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Hannah covers her chest like I’ve just ripped out her heart, and she’s trying to keep everything inside safe.
“It means, you keep mothering me. You keep making sure I’m okay. I’m not okay. Is that what you needed to hear, that I’m literally losing my mind?” I grip my hair and tug on the ends, angry and confused. “This is what your dad was talking about. I can’t keep my emotions in check, so I lash out and fight.”
“That doesn’t sound like much of an apology,” Nicole says.
“He doesn’t need to apologize.” Hannah’s head hangs low. “I’m going to head home, guys.”
“Don’t go!” Kellan yells, making me feel even worse. He sneers at me, his way of telling me I fucked up. “He’s just having a bad night.”
Before I can move or say anything, she’s behind the wheel of her car and gone. Fuck, I screwed up.
“You bet your ass you did.” Nicole shoves me in the chest and steps next to Kellan. Dammit, I said that out loud. “Again, we get it, Nick, but don’t tak
e that shit out on someone like Hannah. I think if you dug deep enough, under all that harsh exterior you’re so hell bent on showing us lately, you’d see that girl you just hurt gets you more than anyone.”
Nicole is right, which only pisses me off more. Hannah gets me, and that’s the frustrating part about it. I don’t want to be gotten. I want to be left alone, and Hannah is so hell bent on picking up all of my pieces.
Mia was the girl who took care of everyone. She never let me go without some sort of pampering after hockey, forcing me into ice baths when I needed them, or checking over my bruises. She would have made one hell of a nurse.
That was her plan after high school, since there are nursing programs all over the United States, making it possible we could be together.
“I’m going to head out, guys.” I wave, getting behind the wheel, ready to enjoy the silent drive through town.
When I get home, I eat the dinner my mom left on the stove and head up to bed. I fall asleep thinking about everything that has happened. It’s a restless night. Mia visits me in my dreams, like usual, but this time, her eyes aren’t as vibrant as they usually are.
I’m losing her here, too.
Chapter Five
Hannah
It’s Saturday night, and instead of studying like I should be, I let Nicole drag me out to this seedy billiards bar. They don’t card, which doesn’t really matter when you are with half of the starting line-up from the hockey team. Certain bar owners turn their cheeks and shuffle pitchers of beer over to the guys.
There’s a half decent country band playing in the back corner, and Nicole is out on the dance floor, doing the electric slide with some skeevy biker dude. Kellan’s eyes haven’t left hers since she walked away from him. He’s reeled her in, playing the part of the jealous boyfriend most days, so this is shocking to see him allow her to entertain this guy without raising hell.
Once the song finishes, she hugs the old guy, his hands falling low on her hips. He grins like the Cheshire cat as she walks away. Kellan buzzes beside me. If he knew how to throw knives, he’d pick one up off the table and peg this guy in the skull.
“Calm down, killer.” I jab him in the stomach.
“I like her.” He punches the table lightly. “Dammit.”
“And you thought that wouldn’t happen at some point? That it wouldn’t stop being just a hook-up and become something more?” I ask.
“We were never just a hook-up. I just never thought she’d...”
“Knock you on your ass?” I laugh, eyeing Nicole as she walks up. “Did we have a good time out there?”
“We did. You should try it sometime.” Nicole wraps Kellan in her arms, kissing along his jaw.
Two junior hockey players by the pool tables look awkward, unsure what to do. There’s my fun waiting for me.
“Do you boys play?” I grab the triangle and load the balls, dropping the black ball in the middle. They nod while their eyes skate down to my chest.
Nick walks in the door, bringing in a breeze with him. He stops beside his younger teammates and notices me. We haven’t spoken since he lashed out on me after the game.
“Pick your jaws up, boys.” He smacks the taller one on the chest and walks by me, not acknowledging the fact I’m standing here.
Why would he anyway? It’s been a week since he basically told me to fuck off and leave him be. He doesn’t need me. Promises, be damned. I’m not going to keep putting myself through this. I’m no one’s punching bag.
“How about we put some stakes on this friendly game?” I lift the triangle, returning it to the peg on the wall. “What do you say?”
“What’d you have in mind?” the shorter one says, stepping into my space. He reeks of cologne and desperation, but like Nicole said, maybe I should have some fun.
“Loser streaks down the street and back.” I place my wager.
When I lean on the stick, crossing one foot behind the other, he grins. He actually believes he can beat me.
“Deal.”
We shake hands, and I playfully shove him out of the way, so I can break. With my eyes set on the front ball, I line up my shot, shifting the stick over my finger until I get enough momentum to knock the white ball into the cluster. They scatter, one falling into the far-left pocket.
I lean over the table, seeing which one dropped. “Looks like I’m stripes, boys.”
“It’s not really fair that it’s you versus us two.” It’s cute that the tall drink of water is worried about me, but he has no idea what he just walked into.
“Ohhh, are we afraid we’ll lose to a girl?” I bite down on my tongue. Offended is what I should be, but I can’t stop the amusement coursing through me that these guys actually believe they live in a world that they can’t be beaten by a girl.
“No, not at all. I’m Henry, by the way.” The shorter one offers his hand, and I shake it. “He’s Beckett.”
“Henry. Beckett.” I lean down to take another clean shot and miss on purpose. “It’s nice to meet you. Go right ahead.”
They hit their next two shots and miss on the third. I look around the large room, and my eyes lock on Nick. He knows I’m hustling these boys. He grins as he pulls some girl I’ve never seen onto his lap. He whispers into her hair, and I almost throw up in my mouth. It’s borderline unbearable to see him with someone else. What pisses me off most is he has to know what he’s doing, but still, there he sits with his hand snaking down the front of this chick’s jeans.
I land my next two shots. Behind me, Henry groans, and I skirt around the table looking for another, grazing my ass against Beckett’s jeans. He inhales a tight breath, and I chuckle, missing the eleven ball.
Beckett, all flustered, lines up his shot and misses by a mile. Henry jumps him for screwing up, while I laugh to myself, sinking the last two stripes.
“Far left pocket, boys.” Bink! Eight ball, right into the pocket, no trouble at all. I wave my hands in the air and spin around, doing my own victory dance. “Ante up!” I wiggle a finger at both of them, ghosting it over their bodies.
“You hustled us, didn’t you?” Beckett says, dropping the stick onto the felt. He’s not pissed like I’d thought he would be. His smirk says he’s amused, maybe even a little intrigued.
I shrug, trying not to make them feel too bad.
“She sure did!” Nicole yells across the bar, holding her drink up in the air.
“This is bullshit, and you know it.” Henry stomps his feet like a toddler.
“Oh, I have to see this!” Nicole walks by us and out the front door. I point after her, looking expectantly at the wide-eyed juniors in front of me.
“It’s freezing.” Beckett gives me the sweetest puppy dog eyes, but I push him and Henry out the front door. Nicole stands close, shivering until Kellan wraps her in his coat.
“You really going to make these boys do this?” Nick’s voice startles me, causing me to jump.
I eye the girl attached to his hip like a barnacle on a cruise ship. There’s no way to hide my disgust, and better yet, he can’t be bothered to realize it’s directed right at him.
“You can’t be the only one who has fun, now, can you?” I turn towards Henry and Beckett who shiver. “Drop ‘em, boys.”
“Let the record show that it’s cold out here, so any disappointment can be corrected in a warmer temperature.” Beckett steps forward, pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his bare torso. His body is lean, but well defined, and damn, he smells good. “Like in my bedroom.” He steps forward, handing me his shirt and quickly dropping his pants. Junior is bold, going commando.
He takes off running, covering all the parts. Henry rushes to drop his own, chasing after Beckett and making us all laugh.
“Maybe it’s you who should pick their jaw off the floor, Barnes.” Nick taps his finger under my chin. “You’re drooling a little bit, Hannah.” With that, he steps back inside, holding hands like this girl actually matters.
Are Nick and I in some sort of m
orbid competition I’m not aware of, to show who is less sad? He’s so hell bent on proving he’s doing fine, and I’m finding myself leveling up with him. Grieving isn’t a race.
His hands gripping his dick, Beckett runs up to me and leans down to whisper something, his mouth warm against my ear. “After this, do you want to go and hang out or something?”
“We’ll see.” I toss him his shirt and head back inside.
Nicole’s eyebrow lifts, questioning me with zero words. She saw the entire interaction, and nothing gets past her.
We join Kellan at the furthest booth. She leans into him, and a pinch of jealousy courses through me.
I’ve dated before, but never once have I been the girl to hook up with somebody random. I’m not a virgin. That ship sailed sophomore year to a senior after a damn football game. Regrettable, yes. Was I ashamed? Hell no. I made a choice, and since then I’ve been a little bit pickier with who I lay down with.
“Who’s the chick on Nick’s arm?” Kellan looks just beyond Nicole, and we follow his eyeline. There he is, making out with a stranger, not having a care in the world. “Get a room!” he yells, earning a middle finger behind the mystery girl’s back.
I don’t know how long we sit here, shifting our attention between the band and Nick’s escapades, but around ten, Beckett walks up to our booth and grins like a shy boy. I know he’s everything but, though.
“Hannah, do you want a ride home?” Beckett holds his hand out to me, awfully sure of himself. The confidence is kind of hot.
Nick shows up out of nowhere. “Hey, guys! You want to come over and watch a movie?”
I look down and see his hand still in hers.
Beckett moves until he’s chest to chest with Nick. Beckett is tall, but he has nothing on Nick, who has a solid two, three inches on him. Where Beckett is skinny muscular, Nick is chiseled like a statue.
“I was actually just going to take Hannah home.” Beckett faces me, his brown eyes begging me not to say no.
I slip out of the booth, taking his offered hand. “Yeah, you guys go right ahead. I’m going to let him give me a ride home.”
Under a Different Sky Page 5