by Logan Jacobs
I made a new savepoint before I started to spar with the hunter, and I pulled out my feather sword to counter his.
“We’ll catch you up to speed.” I grinned as I twirled my blade over the back of my hand, and then I caught it in my fist once more.
I only needed to reset twice while I sparred with the hunter, and Jorgen quickly learned some of my techniques while we did our mock battle. I started to grow more aggressive in my attacks, and soon my loyal follower was holding up his hands in surrender.
“You have bested me, Great One,” Jorgen laughed. “Although, I am not surprised.”
“You were learning well,” I complimented. “With a little more practice, you will be as good as I am.”
“That would take me a thousand lifetimes to accomplish,” Jorgen countered.
“You are more correct than you’ll ever guess,” I chuckled to myself.
Next was Corvis, and the quiet equestrian brought a warhammer to the sparring circle. I wasn’t sure what to counter his weapon with, so I went with the biggest one I had for close combat, Lucian’s sword. I swung the deadly blade, and the image of Loser Lord dead on the ground flashed before my mind’s eye. Then I flipped my shield off my back, and I lashed it to my left arm.
“I’m ready,” I said to the horse master as I made a new savepoint. “Bring it on.”
Corvis certainly did bring it, and I was shocked by how much force was behind each of his blows. He swung hard and heavy, and it was all I could do to keep my shield up to block his attacks. I reset after only a few moments, and I started on the offensive the second time around.
I swung Lucian’s sword with all I was worth, and the guardsmen brought up his warhammer to block my attacks. I took the opportunity to bash him with my shield, and the impact staggered him. He scrambled backward, and then he twirled his weapon over his head like it was light as a feather before he brought it down hard against my shield. The vibrations shook my entire arm, and if the shield hadn’t been strapped on, I would have dropped it.
Chime.
I went through the motions with Corvis a few more times, and then I started to get better at predicting his movements. Soon, I was able to sidestep his swings as if they happened in slow motion. The horse master grew more and more frustrated as I got better at playing with him during each new attempt, and his messy brown hair was soon soaked with sweat. Finally, he admitted defeat, and he rested his weapon on the ground.
“Thank you for the workout, Great One,” Corvis said with a grateful smile.
“Any time.” I grinned. “You gave me quite the workout as well.”
“There isn’t a drop of sweat on you, Great One,” the horse master declared in an awed tone.
“Not this time,” I replied in a cryptic manner.
Everyone switched partners again, and I was pitted against Bryn and his large, two-handed sword. I made a new save point, and then we sparred several times before he gave up. Thanor was next, and then Ian, Kylor, Isak, and finally Asher. Each man had his own individual strengths and weaknesses, and it was a full-body workout to defeat them all.
When they’d all gone a round with me individually, I let them catch their breath for a short while, but then I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention. Even the girls paused their lessons from Mahini to come to listen, and once all eyes were focused on my face, I made my announcement.
“Alright, I want to play a game,” I said with a dramatic flourish of my hands, and I looked everyone in the eye one at a time. “I have bested you all individually, but now I’d like to take you on as a group. Whoever lands the flat of their blade against my skin wins. If you get tapped with the flat of my blade, then you are out. The last man standing is the ultimate champion.”
“Just to be clear,” Eva said in a curious tone, “does that mean me, too?”
“All of you,” I replied with a nod.
“Oh, you’re going down!” Elissa giggled, and she tapped her mace in the flat of her hand menacingly. “Watch out, you might end up with a dented shield.”
“You can’t possibly want to take us all on at once,” Riondale argued with a shake of his head. “We don’t want to hurt you, Great One.”
“Did anyone manage to hurt me during our individual sparring?” I asked, and I scanned the faces before me in search of the answer I already knew. They all shook their heads, but I wasn’t surprised. I’d beaten every single one of them without getting a scratch on me.
“Alright, so you didn’t get hurt in the one-on-one sessions,” Riondale allowed. “But this is madness, sir.”
“You forget,” I chuckled. “I am the God of Time. You cannot hurt me.”
“Very well,” the young lieutenant said, and he nodded to the rest of the men. “You asked for it.”
“Don’t go easy on me, either,” I requested as I backed away from the group and repositioned my sword in my fist. “Give me all you got.”
I made a new savepoint as Jorgen yelled out a battle cry and lunged toward me.
“Arrgh!” the hunter cried out as he swung his sword in a predictable overhead motion.
I sidestepped it easily, and then I smacked the flat of my blade against his back, and the hunter was out. Next came Riondale, and the young man held a sword in one hand and a dagger in the other. He swiveled when he came within reach and tried to attempt an undercut to my back, but I managed to turn with him, and I tapped him on the shoulder with the smooth edge of my feather sword.
He was out, so I turned my attention to the next opponent, and I spun just in time to see Mahini, Eva, and Elissa all attacking me at once. I had to duck to avoid the wild swing of my wife’s mace, and I held my shield up over my head to protect my skull.
Chime.
This time, I managed to get past Jorgen and Riondale even faster, and I spun around to face the three women just in time to avoid the overhead swing of my wife’s mace. Mahini came in toward my side, and I knocked her sword away with mine before I circled behind her. I smacked her on her perky ass cheeks with the flat of my blade, and she sighed in defeat.
I didn’t take any time to savor my small victory, though, because Eva was coming at me with a throwing star in her hand and a look of deadly intent in her smoky-gray eyes. I knew she wanted to be the one to beat me more than any of the others, and therefore it would give me immense satisfaction to knock her on her ass. I dodged one projectile, and then another as I crossed the distance to the duke’s daughter.
“Your aim needs some work,” I informed her as I smacked the flat of my blade against her thigh. “But you certainly looked sexy while you tried.”
“Y-Y-Yes, Great One,” Eva stuttered, and her rosy cheeks were dark with more than just adrenaline.
“Arrrrrgh!” a feminine voice roared from behind me, and I turned to see Elissa charge toward me with the other men at her back.
I dodged my wife’s mace, and it was incredibly satisfying to hear the sound of my sword smacking against her ass as I swiveled around behind her.
“You’re out,” I informed her as I turned to block a blow from Thanor’s two axes.
“Oh, fuck!” my wife giggled. “I came so close, though.”
“I’m proud of youuuu!” I called over my shoulder while I ducked below Ian’s broad sword.
I tapped the two men out after I dodged their attacks, and then I spun through the rest of the men in a blur of motion while I quickly hit them all with the harmless flat of my feather sword. By the time I’d gotten the last man out, my crew was all breathing heavily and leaning on their knees.
I laughed out loud when I took in their sorry state, and I shook my head in amazement at how hard they had tried to best me.
“I’ve got the best damn warriors in Sorreyal at my back,” I informed them in a proud voice. “I’m glad you guys are on my side and not the other way around.”
“I am honored to serve you, Great One,” Riondale assured me with a small bow of his head.
“Aye, aye,” the rest of the me
n chirped in unison, and even though they all looked exhausted, they all gave me happy smiles.
“Alright, you guys go get cleaned up.” I raked a hand through my hair and yawned. “I’m going to stay and do some range shooting.”
I’d noticed the targets off to the side of the room during my sparring sessions with my men, and I’d been aching to practice with my obsidian bow ever since. I knew the men were tired, though, and I wanted to give them a chance to rest before dinner with the king.
“A bath sounds lovely after all that sweat,” Eva noted as she walked with Mahini and Elissa toward the exit.
“Ooh, did you see the sweet-smelling soap they put out next to the tub?” Elissa asked in an excited voice.
“All the soaps were ridiculously floral,” Mahini said in an annoyed tone. “Why couldn’t they just make regular soap?”
“Because we don’t want to smell like men,” Elissa countered, and she shot me a smile over her shoulder. “See you soon, my love.”
“Yes, see you later, Great One,” Mahini added.
“Don’t take too long,” Eva said with a wink.
Where was that flirtiness when we were alone?
I chuckled to myself as I waved goodbye to the three beautiful women, and then I turned my attention to getting my target range set up. I placed three targets up equal distance from each other at the end of the practice arena, and then I crossed over to the open space on the other side of the humongous room.
My targets were roughly three hundred feet away from me, which was perfect for practicing my dragon killing shots. I got to work with my obsidian bow, and I quickly lost track of time while I released arrow after arrow toward my marks and then chimed so I wouldn’t have to retrieve the arrows.
Eventually, I was putting every arrow within a few inches of each other at three-hundred yards, so I figured I’d gotten as close to as god-like as I could without more instruction, so I practiced doing a few shots while my body was twisted in various positions, and then I did a few running shots with the bow, but those took a lot longer to practice.
Suddenly, as I was contemplating learning how to do a handstand and pull on my bow with my toes like that gymnast girl in the Youtube video, someone behind me cleared their throat, and I spun with a surprised look on my face with an arrow still nocked and drawn in my bowstring. I pointed the arrow tip directly in the face of a servant, and I released my breath in a relieved sigh as I turned my weapon toward the ground.
The man standing before me wore the green tunic trimmed in gold common for all the king’s servants, and he had a curled mustache over his thin lips. The thing I noticed the most, however, was the massive lance he carried.
The long weapon looked uncomfortable in the servant’s arms, so I took it eagerly from him and moved it around experimentally. It was probably around eight feet long, and since it was a war lance, it didn’t have the flared handguard of jousting lances. It was made out of some kind of heavy wood, but it was easy enough for me to maneuver.
I would look fucking awesome charging into battle on Goliath’s back with my new lance in hand.
Did it have stats?
It would be super cool if it had some sort of magical ability that would help me in the fight against the dragon, so I touched my pointer finger to the metal above the handle, and the holographic text box appeared in the air.
Durability - 100%
Weight - 15lbs
Quality - Epic
Magical Aspect - None
Magical Ability - Return to hand.
Whoa. My first epic weapon was pretty badass, but I wanted to figure out what the magical ability meant. So, I let go of the handle with my left hand, and the lance dropped, bounced off the dirt, and then returned to my hand.
The king’s servant was looking at me expectantly, but he didn’t say anything while I played with the lance.
“Was there anything else you needed?” I asked.
“No, sir,” the servant replied. “But if I may offer, if you would like to practice with the lance, I can hand it up to you after you’ve mounted your horse.”
I thought about this for a moment. I wondered if it was possible for me to mount Goliath while still holding the lance, but since it usually took two hands to mount, I didn’t think it would be smart or efficient.
“Alright.” I nodded. “Thanks for the assistance.”
“Of course, sir.” The servant bowed his head.
So, I made a new save point before I crossed the room to where I’d tied Goliath, and then I mounted him quickly. Once I was settled, the servant handed me the lance, and I tested the weight of the weapon in my hand.
“Will you be requiring anything else, sir?” the servant asked.
“No,” I said. “Thank you. You’re dismissed.”
The man nodded before he turned and left.
Now that I was alone, I was ready to play with my new weapon, so I channeled my inner Heath Ledger and charged toward the targets.
“William!” I screamed out into the empty stadium-like space as I reenacted one of my favorite scenes from A Knight’s Tale.
It was fitting I’d get a lance shortly after being knighted by the king, and I whooped with joy as Goliath barreled toward the targets. The tip of the lance bounced off the straw marker, though, so I reset to try again.
Chime.
I mounted Goliath much more gracefully, and then I clicked my tongue to urge my steed into motion. It didn’t take much encouragement to get him to charge toward the targets, and this time my lance penetrated the straw a couple of inches. I’d have to do much better than that to defeat the dragon, though, so I ran through the drill a few more times and chimed so I made the most efficient use of my day.
After a while, I called it quits, and I led Goliath back through the military headquarters and out to the streets of Vallenwood. I dropped my horse off with a stableboy, and then I made my way up the hill to the palace.
The palace was lit up with lamps and torches in alcoves when I arrived, and the hallways were a flurry of activity. People in fine clothes scurried about, and they all bowed or curtsied to me when I passed. The aroma of roasting meat filled the air, and my stomach grumbled with hunger. Word of my presence had spread throughout Vallenwood, and it seemed like my party wasn’t the only people invited to dinner with the king.
I found my crew in the west wing’s living room, and they all greeted me with happy faces.
“The king is throwing you a feast!” Elissa exclaimed in an excited voice. “There’s going to be so much food. Can you smell it, Bash? Doesn’t it smell amazing?”
“I can smell it,” I chuckled. “And I’m getting hungry just sniffing the air.”
“Me, too,” Mahini said with a sideways smile.
“I could eat an entire duck all by myself,” Eva declared as she wrapped her hands around her stomach. “The weapons training gave me an appetite!”
“It was kind of you to include us in your feast,” Riondale said in a pleased tone. “I’ve never been to a fancy noble’s dinner before.”
“Well, I need to take a quick bath before we join the king for dinner,” I announced, and I raked a hand through my greasy hair. The luxurious bath of the previous day seemed like ages ago, and I was eager to return to the sudsy water in the clawfoot tub.
“Take your time.” Jorgen grinned. “You are the guest of honor, after all.”
“Alright,” I chuckled. “I’ll be back.”
Then I went to my room, I stripped off my sweat-drenched clothes and armor, stashed my new lance with the rest of my weapons and armor, and hopped into the ridiculously hot soapy water. After I was all clean, I got dressed in my nicest clothes but kept my daggers on hand just in case, and I returned to the living room. The sun had begun to set by that time, and my stomach growled angrily at me every few minutes.
I took a moment to look over my sharply dressed crew since everyone had put on their finest outfits. The men had all combed their hair and put on clean unifor
ms, and the three women looked radiant in their colorful dresses. Elissa wore the emerald-green dress she’d worn during my dinner with her father, Mahini had put on a tight busted gray outfit with a long flowy skirt, and Eva looked stunning in a golden gown and a ruby necklace.
Everyone looked great, and I was proud to lead them toward the throne room. They followed behind me at a quick pace, but the king met us in the foyer with the sculpture of him in it.
“Ah, there you are, Great One,” King Frederick greeted in a friendly voice.
“Hello, Your Highness,” I replied with a small bow of my head.
“You are fashionably late to your own party,” the king chuckled. “In fact, it is time for the parade.”
“Parade?” I blinked at the king in surprise. No one had said anything about a parade, and my thoughts snapped to mardi gras in my old world. Candy, beads, and titties flashed through my mind’s eye, but I had a feeling the king’s parade would look a tad different.
“Yes, the parade to honor you,” the king explained in a patient voice. “I have a chariot prepared to carry you through the city to wave at all the citizens, and then you will have a place of honor at my side during the performances.”
The first of hopefully many parades thrown in my honor was about to start, and my smile split my face in two.
Sometimes, being a god was prettying fucking awesome, and this was one of those times.
Chapter Eleven
King Frederick led us out of the palace and down the stone steps to the streets of Vallenwood. Several chariots stood ready on the street, and each was decorated to look like fire. Red and orange streamers hung behind the wheels, and the sides were painted with flames. Soldiers in gold-trimmed green tunics stood at each horse’s head, but it looked like only a few people would fit on each chariot. The chariots were all pulled by black horses with flowing obsidian manes, and the entire display screamed royalty.
“How should we divide our ranks?” I asked as I eyed the three-person horse-drawn carts.
“You and I will take the lead together,” the king informed me. “You can divide the rest of your people however you see fit, but one soldier will remain with each chariot in order to steer it unless your men know how. The carts can be quite tricky.”