“I…I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry, Max.”
“You didn’t want to hurt me? What the hell did you think you were doing? I fucking hate you!”
I stormed off and headed toward the back of the basement. There was nothing she could say to me, nothing that would make this right. She’d thrown my life away for a pathetic, backstabbing coward.
“I’m sorry, Max, I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over.
“Fuck you,” I grumbled.
Steaming, I found a chair crammed between two shelves and I sat down. I laid my face into my hands and closed my eyes, wishing it was all a dream. Maybe I’d bumped my head at work and none of this ever happened. Maybe the world was as it should be and Cindy was sitting at my side waiting for me to wake up. But I knew none of that was true, I was facing the biggest crisis of my life and it had nothing to do with the weather.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I felt completely drained, like I didn’t have enough energy to care anymore. I just wanted to sleep, to escape my life even if it was only for an hour.
“Fuck,” I groaned silently.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. Nothing made sense, nothing was how it was supposed to be. But here I was, alone, realizing that the life I’d build had been one elaborate façade and I’d laid my trust in the hands of someone who’d never done the same with me.
Minutes, hours melted away in silence. I tried to sleep, but I was restless, tormented by the thought of them together. My mind tortured me and I found myself staring at the wall in some kind of zombie-like trance.
Cindy cried through the night. Jake tried to console her, but she pushed him away. I watched from the corner, stewing in my own hate like softened potatoes. I just wanted both of them gone, I never wanted to see them again.
Once the rain and wind stopped we were left with a silence that felt like a brick wall. I was trapped, stuck in a basement with the two people I hated most in the world. It was odd how quickly reality changed directions.
“We should check outside,” Jake said suddenly, as if everything was normal. “If it’s clear we need to get moving.”
I didn’t reply. Jake looked at me then headed up the steps toward the doors. Grunting, he unlatched the bolt and heaved. The doors flopped open and a shower of light shot down into the basement. I squinted and shrieked away, the darkness and shadows were my friends now.
“It’s clear,” he shouted back optimistically.
I blocked the rays with my hand and turned my face away. I wasn't going anywhere, I was perfectly fine where I was.
“We should leave," Cindy whispered to me.
I glowered at her then looked away, her face was too painful to see. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do that would make me forgive her. As far as I was concerned we were strangers.
Sighing, she reached out and put her hand on my shoulder. Her touch felt like ice, like death and I jumped away without saying a word.
The wooden steps creaked as Jake returned downstairs. His clumsy footsteps clunked on each plank like he could only be that loud purposefully. With a deep breath, he scanned the basement then his eyes stopped on me with an arrogant look on his face.
"The weather looks fine, it's sunny. If we go now we might make it all the way before we have to stop," he said, sounding as smug as ever.
Cindy clenched her jaw then turned back to me. She tried to look me in the eyes, but I avoided her glance. Seeing her was just too hard.
"Max,” she started. “I know you hate me right now, but this is stupid. Let's just get out of here, let's get somewhere safe. We can't stay here."
"I'm not going anywhere with you, either of you. Just, just leave me here."
"What?"
"You heard me. Why do you think I’d want to leave with you?”
"Max, we have to go. You said you’d take us, you said you knew somewhere safe."
I glared at her and if I could kill with looks, she'd be dead already. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. But every bit of love I’d ever felt for her had turned to hate.
I stood up and she staggered backwards like she thought I was going to hit her or something. I laughed, then turned around and started rummaging through the shelf behind me.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
I didn't reply. I found a cardboard box and ripped a piece off. Then I grabbed a screwdriver from the shelf and started to meticulously carve into it. Every line I drew felt the tear that had been ripped through my heart. It was a painful exercise, but some things had to be done.
“Here,” I said and offered her the awkward square.
"What is this?" she asked and took the jagged piece from my hand. “Dubois?”
"It’s where you need to go to be safe and now you know as much as I do."
Narrowing her eyes, she sighed. She fumbled with the cardboard between her fingers. Her eyes flickered from the address to my stoic face over and over. Like a boa, her hand coiled around the lifeline I’d given her as she took a deep breath and frowned.
“Don't do this," she mumbled.
"You did this. You and that asshole I called my friend."
"I'm sorry, Max. Please, please come with me, I don’t want to do this without you."
"You already did this without me."
"What can I do? How can I fix this? Please, I’ll do anything."
"You can die for all I care! Or at least get the fuck out of here!”
"Hey!" Jake snapped.
"What are you gonna do? You can die right along with her, hell you can die first and if you say another fucking word I’m gonna beat your head into the floor."
Cindy started to cry. She covered her face with her hands and almost collapsed. Jake wrapped his arm around her and started to whisper into her ear, but she shoved him away.
“Leave me alone!” she shouted and stormed off toward the stairs.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jake turned to me and asked.
"Me?! Are you serious?”
“Yes you, you fucking asshole!”
I couldn’t hold back any longer, I took a swing and my fist found his nose, which squished under the impact. Jake stumbled backward in shock and grabbed his face. Blood trickled down his lips and he gawked in disbelief.
“Just go!” I roared. “Take her and get the hell out of here! You got what you wanted. You can make it there on your own. You don’t need me, so just leave!”
Jake stared at me for a long time. His look was unreadable, but I stared back with death in my eyes. There was nothing else to be said, no bonds to be repaired, no friendships to be mended. Jake was dead to me.
“Max,” Cindy cried out in a shaky voice.
“I said leave!” I shouted then shoved the shelf beside me.
It toppled over and fell into the next shelf, sending an assortment of tools crashing to the ground. Glasses shattered into millions of pieces and it felt like I’d finally found a home for my rage.
“Get out of here! Leave me alone!”
I pushed the next shelf and swatted at anything I could reach. Boxes of tools and old pictures flipped onto their sides and slid across the floor. I kicked at them and spun around looking for something else to attack.
The basement had come to life. It sounded like the tornado had spun its way downstairs to finish the job. Everything I destroyed was a burden, a pain lifted from my chest.
Cindy screeched as she jumped to avoid a box of dusty picture frames. Jake stood off to the side in shock, probably taking joy in my temper tantrum he orchestrated. He was lucky I didn’t continue to take my anger out on him. I just wanted them to leave, I didn’t want to see their faces.
“Max!” Cindy shouted so loudly it made me pause.
I turned toward her and the face she made nearly shattered my heart. For a moment she was my best friend again, she was the love of my life and the only person that mattered. For a moment she was heartbroken and looking to me for help. But it was only a mo
ment.
The rage that had temporarily subsided started to boil again. I clenched my fists and swallowed. She was never who I thought she was.
“Just leave…please.” I took a deep breath and leaned my back against the wall. “Leave me alone.”
Cindy started toward me, but Jake grabbed her arm.
“Come on,” he said lowly. “We’ve gotta go.”
Cindy resisted and Jake pulled harder. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and walked her up the stairs. She looked back the entire time, crying and heaving in big, dramatic gasps.
I watched as they moved higher, step by step. They paused at the top of the stairs and took one last look at me. I scowled and turned away.
“Bye, Max. I love you,” Cindy said.
Jake pulled her up the last step and they disappeared into the light. The doors slammed behind them and I was finally alone.
For the next couple of hours, I didn’t move. My eyes were glued to the top of the stairs. I expected her to come back, to burst into the basement and tell me how she’d never leave, no matter what. I expected her to always be there, I thought we were soulmates.
How pathetic was I? I still couldn’t let her go, I still needed her to want me, to choose me. And that ship had sailed. She’d chosen Jake and I’d chosen exile.
I had no plan, no clue what I was going to do. I just didn’t care anymore. My race with time had ended, I’d surrendered my life to fate and whatever lay around the corner.
At some point, I fell asleep, but it was short-lived. My dreams were haunted with visions of Jake laying on top of Cindy, sweating and grunting. Her moans grabbed my like a pair of hands and snatched me back to reality. There would be no peace for me.
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. My stomach voiced its protest and my dry throat ached when I breathed. Life was calling to me, telling me to get off of my ass and move.
I needed to find something to eat, no matter how much I hated Cindy I wasn’t gonna starve to death. But I didn’t know what I was going to do. I’d thought the world falling apart was rock bottom, I was wrong.
Groaning, I stood and looked up to the stairs. I took a deep breath and slowly let the air out as I fought off the depression that had kept me down there so long. “Just keep moving,” I mumbled.
Sulking, I headed up the old, wooden steps and pushed the barn doors open. A wave of fresh air hit me and it was like life was being breathed into my lungs. I felt energized, I felt alive again, despite all that had happened.
Something came over me, or more like something had been lifted off. That basement, it represented death, it was a hopeless void where I’d been overwhelmed with depression and failure. Stepping out of that hole was a resurrection.
I wasn’t going to die, I wanted to live. Screw sitting in some lonely basement and withering away. I was going to Wyoming, I was going to survive whatever the hell this was.
The sky outside was dark and the moon was barely visible through the thick, clouds. The air was cool and crisp, biting at my skin like tiny flies with ice daggers for teeth. Winter was finally awake.
I shivered and thought about the jacket I’d lost. It would’ve been nice to have. I could probably find another one along the way, but I was pissed at myself for being so unprepared.
Something just out of sight stirred in the abyss and the grass rustled causing me to jump. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashed, illuminating the sky and I caught a glimpse of a man, charging toward me from a few yards away.
He was wide and bulky with a thick gray beard and hands like bear paws. His broad frame was cloaked in a cumbersome long coat that looked like it had been ripped from the back of a buffalo and he had an old shotgun dangling from a sling at his side.
My arms and legs became rigged and I lost my breath. I wanted to run, but my brain couldn’t seem to get the message out to the other parties involved.
Another strike of lightning hit just as the man lunged forward with the butt of his rifle. It caught me in the face and sent me reeling backward. I hit the stairs and rolled, cracking my head on each step on the way down. I could hear feet thundering after me, stampeding down the steps to finish the job. With a crunch, I hit the bottom and everything turned off.
CHAPTER 23
WE ARE WHO WE ARE
I slowly lifted my face from the cold, hard floor. Blood leaked from my lips and my head throbbed like someone was inside, scratching their way out. I squinted from the bright light that burned above as I tried to figure out where I was.
I remembered falling, being hit and falling back into the basement. But this wasn’t the basement. It was someone’s house. The carpet had been ripped up and only the concrete slab remained. Four green painted walls surrounded me and a yellowing, door stood resolutely a few feet away. Thick, dark blankets covered what I assumed were two windows and aside from a metal chair in the corner, the room was empty.
I needed to escape. I didn’t know what was going on, or how I’d come to be in that house, but I knew I had to get out. That was the only thought that repeated in my boggled mind.
I pushed myself onto my knees and took a deep breath. With a heave, I stood up and tried to walk, but something yanked on me and I fell forward. A sharp pain shot up my leg and I let out a groan.
Reaching down, I felt my leg where a thick, metal band dug into my ankle. It was attached to a heavy, rusted chain that was bolted into the floor. I wasn’t going anywhere and thoughts of cannibals and toothless men in overalls came to mind.
Panic should’ve been my first reaction, but for some reason I’d become numb to danger. I felt jaded by it all. If this was the end I just wanted it to be over already.
I laid back onto the floor in defeat, avoiding the puddle of my own blood. As I stared up at the ceiling and the browning water stains I thought of Cindy. I wondered where they were and if she was even thinking about me.
I hated how I felt because for some reason I missed her. In my anger, I thought I could just forget about her. That the hole in my heart could be filled with rage and anger, but as hard as I tried to push her out, she was always there.
“I know what you’re thinking,” a soft, male voice called out.
I rolled over and looked toward the door. There he was, the bearded man, holding his hunting rifle, smiling down at me. His voice didn’t match, he looked like a grizzly bear, but sounded like a second-year accountant. I was more confused by that than anything else.
“You’re thinking what the hell am I doing here?” he continued. “But you’re asking the wrong question. I’m gonna save you the trouble of the others. You need to be thinking, how can I stay alive.”
He’d done this before, whatever this was. But unlike anyone else, I’d lost the ability to care about my life. At least I thought I did.
“I was actually thinking, why do you sound like a twelve-year old girl?” I asked with an arrogant simper.
He didn’t immediately reply. He gazed at me with an unreadable look. Most of his face was covered with thick, knotted hair, but his beady eyes jittered back and forth. They were dark and cold like a frozen lake in the middle of a forest no one ever visited. The piercing stare was unnerving, but I glared back at him in spite.
He smiled. “They all start that way. The weak ones you know? Crack a joke, make a threat, do anything to show how tough they are. But you aren’t tough, are you?”
He took one step toward me and stopped. I clenched my teeth, expecting to meet the casual end of his shotgun one more time. But it never came.
“What do you want?’ I asked.
“That might be a better question. If you expected to get out of here. But let’s talk about what you want.”
He propped his gun against the wall and crouched down. With a deep grunt, he plopped onto the floor and crossed his legs. I lurched forward, fighting the urge to laugh.
“Something funny?” he asked.
“No,” I chuckled. “Just…how the hell are you gonna get back up.”
He swa
llowed and twisted his lips. “Nope, not tough at all, just stupid. But that’s good, we don’t have to worry about you trying to be a hero. We just have to break you.”
With that, the man pushed himself back to his feet and left the room without another word. I breathed a sigh of relief and turned my attention to trying to break free.
My shoes had been removed, but they were near the wall not that far from me. If I could get the band off of my ankle without breaking it, I’d be all set.
“Come on you piece of shit,” I grunted as I tried to slip my foot through the loop.
The door opened again and I froze. Two men walked in and stopped in front of me. One was shorter, wearing a baseball cap and a green army jacket. The other was tall and skinny with dirty blonde hair and a red flannel shirt.
“Where you trying to go?” the shorter one asked.
I let go of the chain and sat up.
“I’m Shriver and this is Dale,” he said and nodded toward the taller man. “Theo sent us.”
“Great, maybe one of you can help me out here,” I said and pointed at the chain around my leg.
“He did say you were funny.”
“This is gonna be fun,” Dale rumbled in a raspy voice.
I started to ask what, but Dale swung his boot into the side of my head and for the second time that day I was taking an unwanted nap.
When I woke up I was in a different room. I’d been tied to a metal chair with my ankles tied to the legs and my hands bound behind my back. There were a number of other people on the floor around me in different states of pain and consciousness, but they all were hog tied and gagged.
“Looks like sleepyhead is ready for round two,” Shriver said with a wild grin.
“Try not to tap out so early this time,” Dale added.
“Yeah. Why’s it always the funny guys that are so soft?”
My head was fuzzy and I was still trying to clear the cobwebs, but that didn’t stop Dale. He stormed toward me and stomped his foot into my chest. It felt like my ribcage imploded as I tumbled backward and slammed my head into the concrete.
Deconstruction- The Complete series Box Set Page 30