“What’s going on?” I asked Toby.
“Not sure. Your buddy Tim came out shouting to that army guy and they all started running off in different directions. What did the doctor say?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. Healthy as a horse…or however that saying goes.”
“Let’s go people!” Tim suddenly shouted. “Grab your things, everyone to the gate.”
“We’re leaving?” I asked as he walked by.
“Yes. This is the best weather we are going to get. It’s going to get a lot worse and I don’t need to remind you…we’re on a clock.”
Swallowing, I looked back to the windows. One of the soldiers had fallen and the wind blew him several feet before he could regain his footing. My heart quickened its pace and I tried to shake off my fear. “This is suicide,” I mumbled.
“What?” Tim asked.
“We could drive Tim. It can’t be more than ten hours from here.”
“It’s twenty hours MJ…if the roads were drivable and we didn’t have to take any detours. It’s less than five hours if we fly.”
“Doesn’t matter how quick the flight is if we crash and die.”
“MJ, everything Neilman said, everything…has come true. Parts of the country are just gone. Imploded and fallen into craters, whole cities. If we don’t get in the air now, nothing matters because we all die. We take our chances with this storm.”
He didn’t wait for a reply. He tore off, screaming orders and shouting at people. I hoped he was wrong, but part of me knew that death was coming. Part of me knew all those years back when Neilman first gave his presentation, but hope does funny things to people.
I grabbed my bag from the floor and turned back to Toby. “Let’s go.”
Sulking, he shrugged then tapped Grayson on the arm. We walked to the door that led to the apron and waited with everyone else. Abraham and Jack were talking with Bill and Tim as Cynthia stood to the side. She glanced back at me then looked away and I felt my heart flitter. In the back of my mind, I hadn’t entirely ruled out killing her, just to keep my secret.
“Alright guys, it’s pretty windy out there,” Abraham said. “Once you get to the boarding steps keep your head low and hurry. As soon as you’re in get buckled up cause we’re gonna put this bird in the air with some vengeance.”
He had a way of making everything sound like a scene from an action movie. He probably wasn’t that far off, but I was already nervous enough. I did have faith in Abraham though, if anyone was gonna fly through the end of the world it should be him.
“It’s only a plane,” someone said from behind me.
I turned around as Craig slowly made his way to the door. His head was still bandaged, but he looked like he was ready to return to the front line.
“I could say the same to you,” I replied.
He smiled and tilted his head. “Fair enough.”
“Sir, we moved all the debris. Clear path,” one of the soldiers called out.
“Secretary, we’re ready,” Craig shouted.
Tim nodded and patted Abraham on the arm. “Keep this thing in the sky this time.”
“Yes sir,” Abraham replied then pushed the doors open.
I could feel the rush of wind sweep through the opening and nearly push me off my feet. I looked back at Toby and he grabbed Grayson’s hand and nodded.
“Hurry, hurry!” Jack and Abraham shouted in unison as they raced outside.
The crowd surged forward. We tried to run for the plane, but the wind was too strong. Leaning into it, I walked with slow, deliberate steps. It felt like I was pushing against an invisible wall. There was no way the plane was going to get off the ground, no way we could make it through the howling gusts.
I reached the boarding ladder and grabbed the side to steady myself. I pushed Grayson in front of me then started up the stairs behind him. Toby was behind me, pushing me forward when I lost my footing, keeping me from tumbling back to the ground.
The wind shrieked in high pitch squeals as it collided with the walls of the ladder. The plane rocked back and forth, and sheets of ice-like sand scraped through the air, stinging every bit of bare skin.
The sound of debris hitting the metal was terrifying. Wind blasted us in ferocious punches, dying for only seconds before ripping again with more power. Something was trying to make damn sure we didn’t get off the ground.
The ladder wobbled with every gust, moving slightly from the door. I finally reached the top and dove into the cabin. Grayson helped me up then as Toby climbed on board behind me. Squeezing down the aisle, we hurried to find our seats.
“I’m scared,” Grayson said in an emotionless tone.
I wanted to tell him I was too, but I knew that wouldn’t help. He always looked at me like I was a superhero. I couldn’t afford to start letting him down now.
I grabbed his hand and smiled. “We’re gonna be fine. You saw the pilot, Abraham? The big bald guy?”
Grayson nodded.
“He used to fly planes during the war. Big planes like this one, while people tried to shoot him out of the sky.”
“So, did he crash?”
“Nope, not once. He blew up everybody that tried to hurt him. He knows what he’s doing.”
Grayson let out a little laugh and I rubbed my hand in his hair. Toby smirked and shot me a glance. I nudged him with my elbow and he turned to look out of the window.
“What?” I leaned in his ear and asked.
“We’re flying through a tornado and you tell him the pilot likes to blow people up.”
“He liked it and he’s not worrying about the plane crashing anymore.”
“Someone needs to be,” he growled in a muffled voice.
“Toby, I hate being on this plane…more than you’ll ever know. But what’s coming, nobody is gonna survive what’s coming.”
The intercom squeaked to life and I turned back to face the front. “The winds are dying down. We’ll have a small window to get off the ground and make altitude. Stay seated and keep your seatbelts buckled,” Jack finished.
The plane pushed off from the apron and we started to taxi toward the runway. It was mid-afternoon, but looked closer to late evening. The sky was a dull, gray, covered in smears of clouds waiting to burst. We’d been lucky though, it hadn’t rained yet and the lightning we saw last night hadn’t reappeared.
I felt a nervous tingling in my fingertips as we stopped in front of the long stretch of concrete. The windsocks had been torn off along with the poles they were attached to. Luggage trains and other random debris had been moved into the grass by the soldiers earlier that morning. The only indication that the wind hadn’t given up was the tall grass that kept ripping to the side with each gust.
“Abraham can fly,” I said to no one. “We’re gonna be fine.”
Grayson had his eyes slammed shut. He squeezed my hand every time the turbines spun up. The gurgling whoosh rose like a wave crashing onto the beach then settling. It was torture waiting for the plane to take off.
The engines growled again and I grabbed Toby with my free hand. He turned and looked at me and I stared into his eyes like it was the last moment I’d ever see him.
“Toby…I love you so much. There’s something…something.”
“What?” he leaned toward me and asked. “What is it?”
“Today, Cynthia…she told me…”
Suddenly the plane jolted forward and we started barreling down the runway. I slammed back into my seat as I felt the air rush from my lungs. Fear and gravity kept my head from moving.
We rumbled back and forth like we’d run off the road. The plane bounced and lurched from side to side then I felt the feeling of weightlessness.
As soon as we took flight the plane veered to the left. A loud roar erupted as the engines begged for more power and the nose rose higher. I felt like we were going straight up and at any minute the plane would invert.
Toby moaned and mumbled empty prayers under his breath. People seated behind u
s screeched like they were on a roller coaster then cried out in fear. I tried to bury my terror, my dread of the unknown and uncontrollable. But it was there, right there beating against the door, begging to come inside.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture something else, anything else. But all I could see was the river full of burning debris and dead people. It was the image that replayed itself every time over and over like a broken movie reel.
Each minute that ticked by felt like a lifetime, a lifetime of despair and pain. It felt like a nightmare that I’d never wake up from. There was so much going on, so many terrible noises, so many people screaming and crying for help. I just wanted it all to stop.
Grayson had my hand gripped like a vice, but he was silent. I looked over to make sure he was still conscious. His eyes were still closed and the grimace on his face hurt me to look at.
“It’s almost over,” I mumbled through clenched teeth.
The engines roared louder and the vibrations sounded like the plane was falling apart. But slowly we started to level out. The higher we went the more the smoother the air was and it started to feel like a normal flight.
“The worst is behind us,” Jack called over the speakers. “It’s gonna be a rough ride for the next five hours, but we’re gonna make it.”
A few people in the back cheered, but most of us were too exhausted to have any reaction. I felt like I’d run a marathon and performed brain surgery at the same time. I just wanted sleep, I wanted a reprieve from the constant stress of impending doom.
Tim and Bill opened several tiny bottles of liquor and began their quest for self-medication. Craig didn’t seem phased at all, he made a pillow out of his bag and laid down.
Grayson giggled and turned to me. “He’s good, Mom…really good.”
I smiled and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “I told you.”
Toby was staring out of the window in silence. I knew this had to be draining on him. Not just the fear that we all felt, but being thrown into something that he knew nothing about. He wasn’t a child, he deserved to know what was going on and I’d kept it from him. Now I was holding onto another, bigger secret.
I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told him immediately. I was afraid of how he would take it, I wasn’t even sure he wanted another kid. But I knew he deserved to know.
“Toby,” I called.
“Yeah, what’s up?” he turned to me with a stoic face.
“You okay?”
“Yeah…just, just thinking about life.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know this is a lot. I should’ve told you sooner, I just didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how to deal with it myself.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I frowned. “You did say you wanted a vacation,” I tried to joke.
Toby shook his head at me. “Mars? We have a hard-enough time getting to the moon. I swear this country loses a shuttle every other launch.”
“A lot of thinking went into this.”
“I bet. That’s why everyone is scrambling around, and we’ve nearly died ten times. A lot of planning…I’d hate to see what it looks like when you don’t plan.”
I lowered my head and pulled my hair back into a sloppy bun. “Nothing is perfect Toby. This is doing the best with what we have. The alternative was nothing. I didn’t want Grayson to die here, I didn’t want us to die here. This gives us a chance. Please try and understand that.”
He nodded and bit his lip, cutting his eyes to the side. “What were you gonna tell me?” he asked.
“What?”
“When we took off, you said you wanted to tell me something. What was it?”
I did want to tell him I was pregnant, but it wasn’t the right time. It would only make things worse. I needed to make sure we were safe first.
“Oh, it was nothing. I don’t even remember,” I replied.
He looked at me with a blank face, but I knew he didn’t believe me. However mad he may have been about me avoiding the question, the truth would be worse. So, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek then turned back to Grayson.
His head was slumped back and his seat was reclined. His eyes were closed and the gentle rumbled of each breath made me jealous of how easily he found sleep. He’d always been that way, since he was little. He could be holding a conversation with you and seconds later be sound asleep.
“I love you,” I whispered to him and ran my fingers through the strands of his brown hair.
I worried about him more than anyone. He was just twelve and now his life was changed forever. Every kid he’d ever known was probably dead and he was going to live on another planet for the rest of his life.
The ridiculousness of it all wasn’t lost on me. The idea of visiting Mars was a pipe dream, let alone establishing a colony there. But when faced with our own demise, mankind was capable of some truly great things.
The site on Mars was the culmination of the efforts of nearly every nation’s best and brightest. It was a highly secretive, but highly collaborative mission that spanned years and still wasn’t complete.
There were so many particulars that it made my head spin and I was glad I wasn’t a scientist. I had a hard-enough time just understanding what I needed to do.
The Neilman paper first surfaced in 2010. That gave NASA enough time to make the first launch window for Mars in 2011. But it was close and sloppy, and they wouldn’t be able to even send a resupply mission for another two years.
We’d been sending unmanned drones and satellites to Mars way before that, but in 2011 we had to send a crew, a large crew that wouldn’t be returning home. They’d be living there, breaking ground on what would become our new home.
That meant we had to forgo a lot of safety precautions. Certain health screenings and prep work were ignored. We didn’t have the time for caution, the future of our species was on the line.
Now, as we raced across the sky it hit me for the first time. All the years before this had just been work, something I did almost autonomously, never appreciating the gravity of it all. All those years it wasn’t real, but now it was.
Humans were leaving Earth and never returning. We were leaving our home forever. I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I wasn’t sure how Grayson would ever make sense of the truth.
I turned my head back toward the window and found Toby staring at me. He had an odd look on his face, something between love and depression.
“He’ll be alright,” he whispered. “Kids can make it through anything.”
He was right, but as I stared at him, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d failed Grayson, I’d failed them both. I took a deep breath and sniffled then burst into tears.
“It’s all gone. Everyone, everything he’s ever known,” I cried.
Toby leaned over and pulled me into his chest. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead. “It’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be alright,” he said over and over.
I wrapped my hands around him and cried harder in silent, long sobs. I was out of words and full of regret. I knew we had no choice. I knew if we wanted to live this was the only way, but that didn’t make it any easier.
I’d lived for decades on Earth. I knew the joys and pains but had a lifetime of memories to take with me. Grayson would never feel wind blow on his face again or the touch of the ocean at his feet. He was only twelve years old and saying goodbye to a world he never got to appreciate.
It broke my heart and for those few minutes I couldn’t keep up the mask I’d been wearing. For those few minutes, I was a terrified mother just trying to do right by her son.
I sat with my head against Toby’s chest until I fell asleep. And when I did, for the first time in a long time I didn’t dream. There was only darkness, a deep well of nothing that swallowed me whole.
And I was happy, happy to finally find peace as I drifted into the nebulous void. I found a quiet that I had longed for and didn’t want to leave. I wished the world could stop and I could stay there.
I wasn’t sure how long I laid there with him. It felt like days and when I finally awoke Toby was still rubbing his hand across my back and whispering in my ear.
“How long have I been asleep?” I asked.
“A while,” Toby replied. “I think we’re almost there.”
“Huh?”
“The plane…we’ve been getting lower and lower.” He nodded to the window.
I looked outside and found the sky was a brilliant blue with snowcapped mountains below. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
The air was so clear, I could see for miles out across the massive range. The snow had just begun and only the peaks gleamed with a brilliant white powder. Below was still covered in a lazy green pelt that hadn’t quite given in to winter’s grip.
“Grayson,” I called out. “Grayson wake up.”
He groaned and slowly sat up. Wiping drool from his cheek, he turned to me and blinked his eyes until he could focus.
“Look,” I said and pointed to the window.
He leaned across me and stared outside. He rubbed his eyes then leaned closer. “Wow!” he exclaimed. “Where are we?”
“I’m not sure. Somewhere near Wyoming I’d guess.”
“That looks so cool. Is that where we are going?”
I frowned. How could I tell him that he was leaving this place and that he’d never see this landscape again? How could I tell him that Earth wasn’t his home any longer?
“Yeah, we’re headed there,” I replied.
“Cool. It’s cold.”
“Your jacket is in the bin.”
He unlatched his seatbelt and stood up. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a thick, red jacket that we’d picked up during a ski trip a year ago. It was two sizes too big then, but now it fit him perfectly.
Zipping the jacket, he smiled and stretched his arms. “Much better.”
Suddenly, there was a loud boom and the plane dropped and tilted to the right. Grayson was slung across the aisle and landed in a row of empty seats on the other side of the plane. I tried to stand, to run over to him, but the plane groaned again and the nose dipped towards the mountains.
Deconstruction- The Complete series Box Set Page 46